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JakeParticipantIt sounds like you are judging yourself…
Seems like all four items are tied to each other – depression.
What kind of therapy are you seeing?
JakeParticipantI know it might not help for me to say this, but first relationships are always the most emotional and difficult, especially the breakup. Time will heal things. Don’t feel guilty. Relationships are about finding compatibility, if you know it’s not meant to be, then there is no guilt in respectfully being honest with the other person.
JakeParticipantAre there any unresolved issues that hasn’t been addressed between you and your family? Were you guys really close 10 years ago and they feel like you left them? How communicative were you guys before the 10 yrs? How many siblings do you have?
JakeParticipantThat’s great Therlie! I’m glad you are in a good place. Sometimes our expectations get the best of us. I just read an article about how bronze medal winners in the Olympics are much happier than the silver medal winners. Seems counterintuitive but it makes total sense – silver medal winners are depressed because they just missed out on a gold medal, while bronze medal winners are happy and relieved because they have a medal!
I think going about life not bounded by our expectations of the future, and not baggaged by our past is the best approach in living in the present.
Best of luck in your new ventures!
JakeParticipantI was in a previous relationship like this too. She told me boyfriends come and go, but friends are her universe. I was flabbergasted. Everything we did was centered around her, and after 1 yr she had basically sucked all my optimism or energy I had in life. I was so glad to get out of that relationship. I learned so much about myself and the warning signs to look out for. Healthy balanced relationships are a must.
JakeParticipantDon’t feel guilty. You did the right thing in telling her the truth the instant you realized your situation had changed. You did not continue to lead her on or lie to her. If the roles are reversed, you would want her to tell you right away as well. Else, it would be even tougher for the truth to come out.
Dating is always gonna be wrought with extreme emotions, but this is the contract we signed when we agreed to be seek someone for love. It is about finding compatibility, and as long as you are honest with everyone and treat everyone with respect, there is no need to feel guilt.
February 24, 2018 at 10:21 pm in reply to: Should I be proud of my achievements if they were obtained through luck? #194327JakeParticipantLuck is subjective – a word that simply defines something highly improbable happening in the eyes of the person using the word. You mention ‘hard work’ as the sole variable that determines ‘success’. But we just don’t know all the variables that determines our outcomes. And if you believe in past lives, maybe you worked really hard in your past lives, and it’s not luck at all, but you reaping the benefits of past lives.
As VJ said, don’t get complacent — stay humble, give back to others, enjoy your life, and don’t feel guilty!
JakeParticipantYou might want to look into Enneagrams, which is a theory on personality types. I’m not condoning it as science or anything like that, but I remember reading about them and how I fit one of the types so closely. It was like an awakening for me, and the way I viewed myself and how I wanted to change in the future was totally different. A weight came off my shoulders, and realized there’s nothing wrong with me, and in fact 1/9 of people in the world have similar traits as me.
You seem to have elements of Type 4 and Type 1, which go hand in hand.
At the minimum, it’s a fun read.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 