Hi Lala,

Thank you for posting your negative work experiences here, I am sure that this is something people will be able to relate to as unfortunately it goes on in a lot of office environments. I had a similar experience a few years back and went through a tough time with a co-worker and can only imagine how difficult it must seen coming from a manager.

The good things about your situation is that you dealt with it and got transferred, and let me say that from experience, it is usually rare that you are the only one that sees how negative and unpleasant this bully is and trust me, other people notice this behaviour though they’re too scared to jeapordise their position and cause a fuss especially since they need to face this person daily.

In my experience, I noticed that I was focusing on the negative once the bully left, and wasn’t around. I asked the same question why me, and the truth was that I was friendly and seen as a prerson they could stroke their ego with, a punching bag. To someone sensitive as me, I had to learn to let go of the experience. I meditate and try and understand the nature of people like that and see why they may be compelled to act how they do. This helped me get over the negativity and move forward, and also influence how I deal with work colleagues in the future. Basically these type of people rarely do things out of a need to help others but more have egos that keep them stuck in that way amd giving them the satisfaction of reacting to their antagonism feeds them. Ask yourself if a person constantly behaves a certain way, do you expect anything different? Probably not so you know what to expect. Bullies exist everywhere and are usually always making up for some shortcomings so all you can do is not respond to their attacks but instead progress on town path and embrace your work whilst garnering the respective ct of people who value your strengths. This might seem difficult but there is strength in moving forward regardless of a bully’s actions, I know, i have done it before.

Forgive the long response and also if it sounds like a ramble but hope it helps bring some peace of mind and a helpful view on something that many people go through.

best wishes,

Jahrin

Hi Felix,

First off i’m truly sorry to hear that you’re going through s hard time and for the way you are feeling.

You seem to have had bad experiences near each other which is making you perceive your situation to be critical. Loosing a job and family cold to towards you. You say you don’t want to work in corporate anymore and although you stopped smoking you are swapping that for eating, but you also acknowledge that you need to getting healthy and developing yourself which to me says you know the way to get out of this temporary slump is by getting out of the physical habits. But I feel that more importantly the initial change comes from getting out of the way you’re thinking or the way your problems have conditioned you to think, i.e. your mind is jumping to conclusions and as a result getting you to give up, though from the outside looking in this is far from the truth.

You know there is a way forwards but you’re lacking the motivation which is not allowing you to progress.  The negativity you have faced has pretty much told you that it is all over and suppressed your motivation, though I can tell you that this is because you are dwelling to much on the past and also where you would like to be in the future. Please see that once you motivate yourself and realise that you have something to offer and that the negativity that surrounds can still be there to motivate you just as much as it hasn’t.

There is a really good app called insight timer (app store i’m sure there’s equivalents for other platforms) which may help and has guided exercises which have helped me greatly overcome confidence and negativity issues when practising various forms of mediation and this has helped me not to dwell too much on the negative and focus on how I may be helpful to others. When . you’re in the situation that seems bad that is exactly what it is, it only seems bad but there is always a way to change your thinking and this is the start, don’t attempt to solve all your problems in once go, start with small steps and tackle your thinking and strengthening that aspect then move on and you will find you can progress.

Remember that the mind is fickle and training it to calm down and not jump around is a great way forward.

I’m keen to know what you think and I hope to hear from you soon.

best wishes,

Jahrin.

Hi Moulib,

from reading your posts, I can see that your ex seemed to be able to spend more time (more than once a week) with this other girl, and if his other friend still has negative feelings towards you then your ex might be being persuaded to be with the other girl.
There also seemed to be a clash of egos between your ex’s friend that wrote you a hate letter and yourself, the issue seemed to stem from a mere lack of not having a proper introduction which doesn’t seem to warrant a hate letter.

Either way, your ex doesn’t seem to know what is best for him but rather the friends he is close to seem to know what is best for him, unfortunately. From the outside looking in you seem to be out of a relationship that brought you problems or ill feelings and if you ex has made up his mind then you moving on and embracing your own life and not chasing after him would be the best action. Leave your ex to find out if his new relationship is actually what he desired, as he and not his friends will need to be involved in it from day to day.
Relationships can be difficult and bad things like this happen to people everywhere, but it is important for you to remember that as bad as it seems now and losing someone you thought you could trust, is only bad because of all the negative and sorrowful feelings that a situation like this brings about, you will get past this once the shock of the situation passes. You need to look after yourself, motivate yourself to move forward as that is what you want, when you have moved on and the negativity that clouds your mind reduces you will have realized that situation and learned from it. Give it time but let go of the feelings of sorrow and loss.

NJ

Hi Supercao,

It is good that you have opened up about what happened at the party and it is clear to anyone that reads your post that you deeply regret your actions.
From reading your post it seems that the way you acted was out of character and not how you would normally behave, either way the only thing you can do now is move forward and move on. You mentioned you are married and have a family, hence it seems like nothing happened at the party that would pose a risk to any of these. Alcohol can make monsters out of decent people and can test relationships which might otherwise be stable.
In your case, it is important to recognise a. the fact that this could have been worse to your marriage and b. potentially lead to breaking up what can be cultivated as a good family but it seems like this was avoided.

Making amends is what you can focus on. You have to motivate yourself to see how the situation could have played out and what you can still do to save your image as a public figure and gain back the trust of people around you that may depend on you. This isn’t going to be an overnight process so it is important for you to bear with time and let your future actions speak for you.

Your ego is telling you that you should feel horrible, you should think about taking your life but you have to believe that this is all a result of your mind over analysing and causing paranoia. This is all the result of your ego clinging on to the image projected in your mind. People around you will quickly move on and look to focus on the next problem or point of interest to talk about and what seems like an impossible situation will pass and lose its effect as times passes, remember it is not permanent.

If you decide to publicly denounce your actions, which I think is a strong suggestion, then you have to act on making a positive change and after forgiving yourself, move forward and prove you willingness to change, so if your weakness is alcohol and ‘chasing’ other women then you have to tackle these issues individually and realise how they may cause your downfall and also the consequences may force on your loved ones. There is so much motivation to be learnt and your experiences can teach you and others valuable lessons.
I know of several stories where people have fallen to tragic circumstances and have not had the chance to realise their actions, you have realised this and just need to make that step in the right direction which you are capable of.

I hope this helps you see things from a different opinion and from the outside looking in what I can say is that human beings make mistakes, it is our nature, but we also have the ability to think outside the box and change and this should be your focus.

Happy Birthday Dee – N J

Hi Dee,

Reading your story, it seems you are gifted and most people can only wish they had the chances or the ability to keep bouncing back like you have.

Please, please know that what you have experienced is powerful and if you were to give it all up, then your position to harness it and to help others who are dealing with an addiction whilst being ‘judged’, those helpless human beings who have strayed down the wrong path, like you have, will have another light extinguished, someone who has made it out of the cycle and been clean for a period.

You have greatness waiting to get out, just take it by the minute, long as you have and in breath and an out breath you have a light that people need. – N J