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HelcatParticipantHi Tee
Regarding motherhood, I’m glad that you made the decision that was right for you.
What an incredible insight you had to be able to reflect on how you were contributing to the pain. That level of self-reflection takes a lot of guts and strength.
I’m glad to hear that you worked through the difficulties with your faith caused by pain. That is no easy feat.
My perspective on these things is that God works on a different time frame and inspires us to have the strength to help ourselves. I also think that we are put on this earth to learn and in times of hardship we learn very special things.
Yes, definitely. Understanding and forgiving don’t mean condoning. This is something that I worry about with my own son. Children take on so much and words have a lot of impact. I have PTSD and it’s going to be important to manage my condition well and not speak too much about it around my son. Of course, the balance there is to teach him that it is okay to have feelings and how to manage them at the same time.
I’m sorry to hear that your mother was negative, critical and unable to give you love. It is difficult when you have a parent who isn’t ready to be a parent. You are such a special person, I know that you were a special child too and you deserved to be loved and told how special you were every day.
Well done on forgiving your parents. It is not an easy thing to do. That is very true, I feel like the healing journey lasts a lifetime.
That’s very kind of you to say Tee! I will try my hardest to live up to that. I just want him to grow up happily and have a good life. It would be a blessing to give him that opportunity.
Wishing you all the best! 🙏❤️
HelcatParticipantHi Tommy
Happy Easter! It’s lovely to read your message. Thank you for sharing. How are you doing?
I totally agree. I’m trying to get back into meditation again. My concentration is bad at the moment and my mind is wriggling and writhing like a fish brought out of the water. It will take time to settle it once more.
Wishing you all the best! 🙏❤️
March 31, 2024 at 11:40 pm in reply to: Stuck between stay or go… advice and personal experiences needed, #430407HelcatParticipantHi Katherine
It sounds like he has a very good reason for why he must leave. Long distance while doing medical studies would be near impossible. It’s a very difficult course that takes a lot of focus. I don’t think it means that he doesn’t care about you. It is just his circumstances that are difficult. It is true that he is choosing his studies and moving country over you but it is actually a healthy thing for him to be doing that. This was probably a dream that he has worked towards for his whole life. It would be wrong for him to give it up.
You care for him, so try to understand his circumstances and support his dreams even though it hurts and is difficult. You never know what may happen in the future and he will remember your understanding and supportive behaviour.
I know that this situation hurts and I’m sorry for that pain that you’re going through. None of it reflects poorly on you or his feelings towards you. Sometimes life is just hard and difficult. It is up to you whether you want to stay and treasure the memories with him before he leaves, or save yourself the pain of that since it is already painful.
Wishing you all the best! 🙏❤️
HelcatParticipantHi Tee
Some people don’t find their way out of depression and despair. It really is a battle. I think you did an amazing job fighting through that. I wish everyone could!
know when I first got ill, I was in denial about the impact mental health can have on our bodies. It is a hard lesson to learn. I think society doesn’t fully understand it. Because of the experiences you’ve had and all of your knowledge and tenacity you were able to address it fairly quickly. It took me much longer.
I’m sorry to hear that you felt like that. I can empathise, I did too for a long time and then I stopped worrying about it with my health because I thought that I couldn’t have children. I won’t pry because I know that these things can be very painful for people. But you are welcome to share anything you choose and also welcome not to. For what it’s worth, I think you’re an incredible person. Your empathy and kindness are out of this world!
Being a new parent has changed my perspective on things because I’ve definitely found it to be incredibly challenging at times, especially when he was younger. It’s probably one of the hardest things I’ve done. The screaming early on was very hard for me, and the sleep disturbances and the sheer amount of work. But it is getting easier now thankfully. No more evening screaming, only waking a couple of times a night and now I’ve recovered from the surgery my husband is able to help out and give me a break. Now, the difficulties are more practical. Finding the time to study, teaching him to take a bottle.
I have more empathy for the mistakes that my parents made raising me. I was lucky in that I’ve had a lot of therapy over the years. I’m a lot older than my biological mother was when she had us. And I was lucky enough to have a husband and medical care and additional therapy to help with the trauma that emerged related to the birthing process and childhood trauma that reared it’s head being a new parent. And these are newer things that help. They didn’t exist before. And not everyone can access help for various reasons. And even the time off work to deal with this isn’t an option for some people depending on the country. Even if some of the circumstances had only been slightly different for me. I don’t know how I would have managed.
I don’t understand how single parents or people with multiple children manage. I really was very very lucky.
Wishing you all the best! 🙏❤️
HelcatParticipantHi Tee
As someone who also has habits of catastrophising, I know how difficult it can be at times to catch yourself in that moment and calm down. That’s really amazing that you’re able to do that. It’s good to hear that you don’t feel helpless with your pain anymore. It is a horrible feeling to have, I have been there too in the past. You’re a very intelligent, resilient and resourceful person Tee, you should be very proud of yourself for figuring these things out!
The pregnancy made my health issues worse and caused some backsliding with my mental health and emotional regulation. I’m trying to get back into the relaxation techniques which I found to be very helpful in the past. And I’m learning how to better manage my posture. Picking up a heavy child with really bad posture is an easy way to get injured. I also learned that the pelvic floor is very much related to lower back pain in women. It was really helpful to learn this during pregnancy as preparation for birth.
HelcatParticipantHi Tee!
You read my mind. I was just wondering how your health was. I’m sorry to hear that you are still experiencing back pain, but I’m glad that you are getting better at managing it. Well done on conquering your health anxiety and good luck with figuring out the psychological impacts on your health.
I’ve also dealt with my own health anxiety in the past. It is quite scary getting to grips with these things. With my own health I’ve learned that there are a ton of different factors that influence pain sensitivity. I found it affirming to learn that very physical physiological changes occur in the body due to stress. The mind body connection is very unique! It doesn’t help that stress is an inherent part of life. It would be nice to just magic away sometimes. Unfortunately, there is only so much we have control over.
Wishing you all the best! 🙏
HelcatParticipantOops it’s getting late. I forgot to add, wishing you a Happy Easter if you celebrate it. 🐣🌷🐰
HelcatParticipantHi Tee!
Thank you very much! That’s very kind of you to say. How are you doing?
HelcatParticipantHi Roberta!
Thank you, it’s lovely to see you too. How are you doing? I’m not sure if you celebrate, but if you do I wish you have a happy Easter. 🐣 🐰 🌷
HelcatParticipantHi Andromeda
I’m so sorry to hear that you are struggling after a mental breakdown and your nephew’s suicide. It still hasn’t been very long since he passed. Grieving can be a lengthy process. I remember when my step father passed suddenly, it took me at least 6 months to even begin to start processing the experience.
Taking a break from the outside world when you need it isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can be hard to deal with everyone else when you ate struggling.
Your dog is a good reason to keep fighting. The love of a dog is unconditional and very healing. I love seeing the joy they experience.
If you would like to share anymore about your feelings I’m sure there are many caring people who would love to listen. I know I would.
Wishing you all the best! Love and prayers ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantHi Stacy
It’s good to see you still around! I’m sorry to hear about your recent struggles with your health. I’m sorry for my abrupt absence. I had a baby and it is a lot more work than I realised. I won’t be able to post as often for that reason. I’m trying to check in every now and then. My thoughts are with you!
If it helps, my son and I were on anti-biotics for a while recently. Something to do with the wrong antibiotic for the strain of bacteria. It did eventually clear up. I’m glad that you eventually got better too.
I had a cancer scare a few years ago because a technician was incompetent. I had a fibroid, a benign tumor. It really is scary when these things happen. It is hard not to worry about. Over the years of various health issues, I have learned that the calmer you are the better for your health.
That’s distressing to learn that your ex may have given you HPV. How are you feeling about that whole situation 7 months later?
50 hours of work is a lot! I hope that you are taking time to rest outside of work. It must be hard to do in a tense house. That’s really awful to hear that your sister was a victim of identity theft and credit card fraud and the bank sued her.
I’m wishing you lots of luck with your remaining biopsy. It is surely a journey figuring out how to manage health as we get older. I hope that you figure things out.
Wishing you all the best! 🙏
HelcatParticipantHi Everyone!
I learned about intrusive thoughts recently.
It turns out that you can have intrusive thoughts and suicidal ideation when you aren’t suicidal.
I feel like this is what I’ve been experiencing for most of my life. It turns out that one thing that makes intrusive thoughts worse is believing they are bad or unpleasant. This is what these intrusive thoughts have been like for me.
The importance I have given these thoughts. Wanting to be rid of them, feeling like if I have them I’m not doing better. It’s like an alarm bell in my brain. Oh no! This is really bad! It’s so important! Let’s flag this thought and pay a lot of attention to it every time it comes up.
The more attention you give to a thought, the more it pops up.
After all this time and everything I’ve been through, a small thought every now and then is a pretty good outcome. I’m being unrealistic expecting perfection. I should be kinder to myself, I expect too much.
In addition, I learned that with chronic pain and neurodivergence intrusive thoughts are a given. It happens! Infact, intrusive thoughts happen to most people every now again.
I know that my triggers for intrusive thoughts are pain, stress and fatigue.
I’m doing my best to make peace with these thoughts and let them drift on by.
HelcatParticipantHi Everyone!
It’s been a tough time but things are getting easier! My son is healthy, constantly growing and learning.
Pregnancy was challenging, as was the newborn stage. I was wholly unprepared to have a child! 😂 I honestly didn’t know what to expect.
I have been working on practices from this book. Let the radiant yang shine forth, lectures on virtue.
I wanted to deeply apologise to a friend. Trauma is never easy and I haven’t been a good friend. Communication is messy and I haven’t communicated well. I’m sorry for hurting her. I’m sorry for everything.
She is kind and patient, always there for others and more resilient than she knows. I thank her for her kindness and everything she has done. She tried to help even when things were hard and I think that shows the love and care she has for people. I wish her happiness, peace and good health. ❤️🙏
October 24, 2023 at 4:33 pm in reply to: Telling the difference between gut and fear in relationships #423707HelcatParticipantHi Seaturtle
This is your thread. You’re welcome to talk about whatever you wish. 😊 I’ve watched crazy ex girlfriend, it has been a while though. If you tell me what episode has that scene in it I will look it up.
I looked up the term meatball since my guess was different to your conclusion. So there seem to be a few different definitions in urban dictionary. Idiot (my guess was this because meatball reminded me of the word goofball). Short with big boobs and butt. Or fat.
Did you ask your partner what he meant by the word meatball? Since there are so many different definitions, it could just be a misunderstanding?
I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling a bit insecure about your body. Do you worry about your partner being attracted to you?
I’m afraid that I’m a bit scattered at the moment. Apologies for keeping you waiting, but I’m going to have to get back to you properly later. My baby has to go for an emergency scan. I’m not sure what is going to happen.
Love and best wishes! ❤️ 🙏
October 23, 2023 at 4:23 pm in reply to: Telling the difference between gut and fear in relationships #423671HelcatParticipantHi Seaturtle
I’m glad that you found me sharing the difficulties that I’ve had with PTSD in my relationship helpful. 😊
I’m sorry to hear about your difficulties with finances and losing your job (even though it felt like a relief because of the difficulties you were having with mental health).
It’s good to hear that you are finding living apart helpful. It sounds like you went through a lot while you were living together. No doubt that difficult roommate made the whole experience that much more challenging.
I’m glad that as you have been discussing the trauma invalidation your partner has been understanding and supportive even if he doesn’t understand all of your triggers.
I can see why you feel hurt by the insensitive joke your boyfriend told. I mentioned that I like sarcasm before, so I think I understand your partner’s sense of humour. The problem is that not everyone appreciates sarcasm especially at their own expense. It was insensitive, he definitely misjudged how you might feel about a joke like that and it’s understandable to feel hurt by it.
Something that really helped me to understand my feelings regarding disagreements with my partner was reflecting on my experience with him. So outside of disagreements I felt like I had a very good relationship with with my partner, I felt safe, loved etc. But during disagreements I felt that I didn’t trust him. I would worry that he didn’t care about me and all of these kinds of dark thoughts.
I had to practice recalling who he was outside of disagreements and comparing this truth of what I knew about my partner being loving against the almost dark thoughts I experienced during a trigger. Is it likely that this person who loves and cares for me so much is intentionally trying to hurt me? No. Does my perception of what is happening right now match with his usual behaviour? No. This would help me to change my perspective and refocus on reality, as opposed to my fears.
I would write down little notes for myself to read when I was having difficulties.
“This is 2023, I am safe with my partner who loves me. I’m not a child anymore being bullied by my mother. I am an adult now and I can protect myself. These feelings are memories of a painful past, they will pass in time.”
I have more to add but I’m getting sleepy! I will have to finish tomorrow.
Love and best wishes! ❤️ 🙏
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