Anita,

I think you misunderstood me when I said I also made mistakes. I did not have an affair nor did I hit my wife. What I meant was the mistake that instigates my wife a behavior last year in Canada which I’ve mentioned in my earlier posts.

She he told me the main problem that started everything was how back in Canada, my parents were saying how my wife wouldn’t always greet them and how she is always on her phone like she is waiting for someone. I confronted my wife and she got upset because she felt I immediately sided with my parents and didn’t care to listen to her side of the story. She felt like I wasn’t there to support her and that is also her reason for having the affair. She thought the other guy was very understanding and she felt he was the only person at that time she can confide to.

I did not side with my wife, instead, I just took my parents words at face value and when they ask why my wife doesn’t greet them or why is she always on her phone, I immediately confronted her about it and never asked to hear her side of the story which I should’ve done.

Valora,

I think your words were what I needed to hear. Although my past behaviors doesn’t justify for her actions, I do have to take some responsibility, own up to my mistakes, and learn from it. These days I’m putting my focus on being a better version of myself, for myself and my daughter, and not have any expectations from my wife. I do ask feel I should give it some time before having another relationship talk with my wife.

Anita,

Thank you for sharing my problem with your friend. I am very happy to find such a caring community here. As for leaving her and going back to Canada, I do not have solid proof that she did indeed cheat again after the first affair. She has mentioned to me before that she will never have another affair again, and if she falls for another man, she will end our marriage first before having sexual relations with the new guy. Since I don’t have solid proof she is cheating, I don’t feel it’s wise to jump the gun and reveal everything to my in-laws.  By doing so, if my wife really wasn’t cheating then it would ruin her relationship with her family and she would forever resent me.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 5 months ago by Darren. Reason: Spelling error

Hi Mark,

I have spoken to her about our situation and she says that she hasn’t love me in over a year. The way she puts it, she asks me if I was with my ex, could I fall back in love with my ex by just being around her? I told her, no, but that eventually the spark may return.

My wife tells me that some days she’ll be able to stand being around me, and its those moments I feel like our marriage can be saved. But then I confront her about her suspicious behaviors, and we get into arguments. All the positive that I’ve done resets to zero in her mind. It’s like taking one step forward and two steps back.

My wife hates talking about our situation. Every time I bring it up, it seems to make things worse than make things better. It was in our last talk that she expressed her desire to really commit to the divorce and she was going to consult her mother about it thinking her mother would understand.

On a a side note, I want to thank everyone for taking time to give your inputs on my situation. My close friends are all in Canada and the one difference makes it hard for me to get in touch with them. Thank you.

Thank you Anita,

I got her pregnant and we decided to get married. We didn’t have any fights or anything in the beginning. Also, the first two years of her motherhood was great. She was very caring and attentive to both our daughter and myself. She wanted to come with me to Canada because she didn’t like how her mother interferes with our parenting methods. The one thing she liked about me was that I was honest. But after the affair, I had tracked her with gps and when she asked me about it, i denied it. She soon found out. She also tells me she hates people that look into her phone. I told her I’d stop, but some days my curiosity gets the best of me and I would look at her phone again. I found out she would delete any messages she has with guys because she doesn’t want me to read those messages. I confronted her about this, and that’s when she brought up my promise of not looking into her phone again and how I couldn’t keep the promise. I told her I can’t trust her with all these suspicious behaviors, and she tells me she couldn’t trust me either.

She he told me the main problem that started everything was how back in Canada, my parents were saying how my wife wouldn’t always greet them and how she is always on her phone like she is waiting for someone. I confronted my wife and she got upset because she felt I immediately sided with my parents and didn’t care to listen to her side of the story. She felt like I wasn’t there to support her and that is also her reason for having the affair. She thought the other guy was very understanding and she felt he was the only person at that time she can confide to.

Hi Anita,

Is there absolutely no hope left in my marriage? My daughter loves both of us very much and I’d like to try any way possible to keep the family together.

We’re currently living in Japan so taking my daughter to Canada would involve me sneaking her out of the country. My wife has expressed that she wants to keep our daughter.

Hi Anita,

When I confronted her, she says that she sits in the car at the parking lot most of the times and talk on the phone with her friends. She says staying out late is better than being in the same room as me.

At at that time I allowed for her to go with him to the casino twice, I didn’t want my wife to feel trapped at home feeling bored. The other guy I thought had a solid relationship with his own partner. I also trusted my wife to be loyal.

I’ve learned from my mistakes now.