Forum Replies Created
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DanParticipantI really donât want to mention them, but I have a therapist and is on medication and all that. For the longest time, my dad didnât want me on meds.
DanParticipantIâm trying to figure out why I stayed for as long as I did. I thought maybe I felt lonely or something, but I donât have an answer really…
DanParticipantHe didnât believe it was real or that bad or whatever. He wasnât supportive.
DanParticipantHe canceled his lease with his roommates and his roommates werenât happy with him moving out so he burned some bridges there. He canât move in with his parents because of his abusive brother. I fucked him up big time…
My mother was just never there and my dad didnât understand my mental illness.
DanParticipantOk so hereâs the problem… my boyfriend would have no where to go if I broke up with him… heâs basically living with me now after I gave him the ok to multiple times… this is all my fault… I made this situation so much worse for him but I donât know, I just thought maybe I had some relationship anxiety and I needed to ignore or fight it…
DanParticipantSorry about all of this. My feelings are just confusing me.
DanParticipantAnd well… he moved in actually… and I was excited. I was happy about him moving in and the thought still excites me. If I didnât like him, I wouldnât have been happy about him moving in right? But I donât know anymore… maybe I really am kidding myself.
DanParticipantIâm sorry, Iâm just confused because what I want to do now doesnât seem to align with what I have been doing in the relationship…
DanParticipantIf I really didnât like him though, wouldnât I not have that inner voice telling me that I love him? Or have I been lying to myself? I couldnât sworn I felt the sparks too at times… but maybe Iâm just kidding myself?
DanParticipantBut I kinda donât know why I want to break up with him… I think itâs because of fear but… does it matter why?
DanParticipantThank you. Iâm sorry about what has happened to you though… I hope you can come at peace with your past…
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The first thing that I think about though… isnât that how I truly feel? Like sometimes the first thing I want to do is break up and tell him I donât like him. Itâs the first thing that comes to mind whenever I ask relationship questions. So I should go with that right? It doesnât really explain any other feelings Iâve been experiencing though, like how I think the relationship is the beat ever. nd then this morning I was thinking about breaking up and i was like hes the one for me?
DanParticipantTalking with him makes me sad now but… I got to get a grip on my anxiety I guess.
DanParticipantI see… yeah, I was talking with my grandmother and I did say that if I break up with him Iâll probably actually regret it later down the line…
It all makes sense now.
DanParticipantI guess your right. But I also remember asking myself âwhy do I love my boyfriendâ and I responded that I didnât. But then again, the inner voice and all that so…. hm… maybe my anxiety is really clouding my judgement or something… It seems like the more I push him away, the closer I want to be, and the closer I want to be, the more I want to push away. Itâs all very confusing… but I guess I can see how past relationships that affect how I think now…
DanParticipantAnd my dad wasnât emotionally available, but like, I thought I was over what my parents have done? I donât really think about my mom anymore and my dad is better now.
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