Dearest Liberty:

I totally relate to your pain as I am going through it myself. You are not alone and not the first or last person to feel this terrible anguish. One of the things I’m finding is that people are sympathetic initially but eventually they don’t really want to hear about it any longer, it’s old news to them and they can’t understand why you just can’t suck it up, move on, or deal with it internally without boring them with yet another teary, whine session. Not everyone reacts that way but many do. I understand it, but when your pain is still so vivid you still need to talk and get those emotions out. That’s why forums like this can be helpful and I’m glad you found us. Many people here are, or have recently been, where you and I are right now — and I find it incredibly comforting. Much of the advice here is excellent, and I personally have found Matt’s posts to be very insightful and inspiring.

Don’t ever feel weak because of your difficulty dealing with the pain (I understand that feeling as well). I work with med students and residents and every last one of them is human with their own struggles. This experience will make you a better person and better physician. When you start coming out the other side of this you will notice signs of the new level of understanding and empathy you have for others, notably your patients.

I am struggling just as you are, and some days it’s hard to find he strength and keep the faith that it will get better. I know from dealing with this in the past that it does, indeed, get better so I’m holding onto that for dear life. My heart goes out to you and I send you healing energy. Employ every tactic recommended to you and never give up.

Blessings,

Catherine