Dear helleia,

You’re welcome!

It’s harder for me to give you a list of documentaries. I’ve seen a lot of good ones, and it’s difficult to narrow them down to ones that fit squarely into the category of “inspiring.” Nonetheless, here are a few that you might like:

Waste Land (2010) – This is a film about people who live on the outskirts of Rio de Janeiro, who make a living by scavenging the largest trash dump (landfill) in the world, ironically called Jardim Gramacho, “Gramacho Garden.” (The landfill closed in 2012.) Imagine how differently people would perceive their world, what kind of hopes they would have for their lives and futures (or the hopes that they would not even be able to consider), if the best option for them to support themselves was scavenging the discarded trash of society.

Zeitgeist (2007), Zeitgeist: Addendum (2008), Zeitgeist: Moving Forward (2011) – This a documentary film series by Peter Joseph that takes an epistemologically skeptical look at some of the established beliefs of western society, and also examines ways in which western society, and the world on the whole, could be a better place. He also has two or three other documentaries out as well.

In a similar vein to the Zeitgeist series:

Who Killed the Electric Car? (2006) – Now, with the ready availability of electric cars, this documentary may seem a bit dated, but the behaviors of the auto manufacturers and the oil companies to forestall the availability of the electric car are still relevant.

Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room (2005) – Again, it’s a bit dated, but considering that human nature hasn’t changed in the relatively few years since then, particularly considering what happened to facilitate the economic downturn, this is still relevant.

Inside Job (2010) – This film examines what facilitated the economic downturn. It’s a real eye-opener about how far people and companies will go to find and exploit ways to cheat the system, regardless of how devastating those things may be to society. It also shows just how weak government regulations and laws were—and probably still are—when it comes to closing loop-holes and prosecuting wrong-doers.

Regarding favorite directors, my list may seem trite, but I have to go with what I have experienced. In the order in which I learned about them, and/or in which they became one of my favorites, the directors with whose films I have been the most impressed (beyond just entertainment value) are:

– Stanley Kubrick (U.S.)
– Akira Kurosawa (Japan)
– Fritz Lang (Austria-Germany)
– Yimou Zhang (China)
– Ingmar Bergman (Sweden)
– Victor Sjöström (Sweden)
– Satyajit Ray (India)

Just because a director is on my list doesn’t mean that I like all of his films. It does mean, however, that he has made several films that I think are excellent in one way or another, or in many ways, and that his films have helped me to understand humanity, and/or life, a little better.

However, you may not like any of them. Favorites are subjective.

There are also other directors about whom I am still learning, who have made films that have either inspired me or helped me to think more broadly about the human condition. They are:

– Henri-Georges Clouzot (France) – Le salaire de la peur, a.k.a. “The Wages of Fear” (1953); Les diaboliques, a.k.a. “Diabolique” (1943); Le corbeau, a.k.a. “The Raven” (1943)
– Federico Fellini (Italy) — Le notti di Cabiria, a.k.a. “Nights of Cabiria” (1957); La Strada (1954)
– Mikhail Kalatozov (U.S.S.R.) – Letyat zhuravli, a.k.a. “The Cranes are Flying” (1957); Neotpravlennoe pismo, a.k.a. “Letter Never Sent” (1960)
– Larisa Shepitko (U.S.S.R.) – Krylya, a.k.a. “Wings” (1966); Voskhozhdenie, a.k.a.”The Ascent” (1977)
– Jean Renoir (France) – La Grande Illusion (1937); La Bête Humaine (1938)
– Marcel Carné (France) — Le Jour se Lève (1939);
– François Truffaut (France) — Les quatre cents coups, a.k.a. “The 400 Blows” (1959)

For general entertainment value and an extremely high level of moviemaking, I am also very fond of Martin Scorsese. I’m also very fond of Woody Allen.

An honorable mention, particularly for The Grapes of Wrath (1940), is John Ford. Yes, he was an extremely influential director, but many of the stories he told were too fluffy for me.

Of course, there are many, many films and directors I like that I am leaving out. You’ve already suggested a penny for my thoughts, and I’ve probably already bored you to death by putting far more than my two-cents worth in.

Generally speaking, though, I also highly recommend the The Criterion Collection to you. Many, if not all, of the films I have mentioned are part of this collection. I suggest that anyone who would like to have an ever-growing and comprehensive list of films, directors, cinematographers, score composers, editors, etc., with which to learn more about the art of film, need look no further than this collection.

As my lists suggest, and as The Criterion Collection will demonstrate, I think you will find that exploring world cinema is absolutely essential (particularly if you do not have the luxury of being able to travel and experience many other cultures for yourself) to having a better, broader, and more in-depth understanding of humanity. I contend that the same holds true for world music.

I am interested to know the name of the YouTube site you mentioned. I’d like to check it out!

What are some of your favorite directors and films, particularly the ones who/that have inspired you?

CMI

Hi, Dreaming715.

Regarding your original post, except for recalling what didn’t work with you and your ex-fiancé (the problems you two had, what you learned from that, and seeing potential red flags for similar problems in your current relationship), I suggest that comparing your current boyfriend to your ex-fiancé is probably not very productive or beneficial for the relationship. They are two different people, and your current boyfriend doesn’t have the benefit of knowing everything you know about your ex-fiancé (everything you liked about him and didn’t like about him, etc.). It also sounds like he doesn’t have the benefit of knowing everything about you (what you like in a partner, in a relationship, etc.), either. For him to be able to have any real chance of living up to all of the good things you liked about your ex-fiancé, and to avoid all of the things you didn’t like, he would: 1) Have to know those things, 2) Be all but identical to your ex-fiancé in the ways you liked, i.e. the same genetic proclivities, same up-bringing, same interests, etc., and 3) Be dissimilar to your ex-fiancé in all the ways you didn’t like.

The last one is particularly tricky because some of the proclivities of your ex-fiancé that facilitated things you liked about him may have also facilitated things you didn’t like about him. As a made up example, maybe he had the proclivity to be detail oriented, which made him remember little things about you that you liked, but also made him notice little things that you didn’t do the way he thought they should be done. You would also have to like the ways in which your current boyfriend was dissimilar to your ex-fiancé (while still maintaining all of the similarities that you liked), which is just as unlikely as him being all the good things you liked about your ex-fiancé.

Does that make sense?

I went on about that much longer than I intended.

I agree with you about the Disney movie expectations. But I also think many, many people have those thoughts as well. Maybe everyone does to a certain degree. I think the fact that you realize that such expectations are unrealistic is extremely beneficial for you and the relationship. Great insight!

Regarding the French-fries and potato wedges, rather than hoping he will intuitively understand what you are thinking, and being disappointed when he doesn’t, you might say something like, “These fries are terrible! It tastes like they were cooked in last year’s grease! Do you mind if I have a few of your potato wedges?” That way he knows that you don’t like your fries, why you don’t like your fries, that you are still hungry, that you would like a few of his potato wedges, and why. Being straight forward, clear, and communicative gives him a chance to understand what you are thinking and what you want, and then respond.

Also please consider that saying things obliquely, and hoping that he will understand what you mean and do what you want, can also come across as being passive-aggressively manipulative.

Regarding the goodnight kiss, why not take the initiative? Before you go to sleep, say something like, “Come here. I want a kiss to help me sleep!” Then look deep into his eyes and say, “Goodnight, sweetheart,” and lay a sweet, gentle, loving kiss on him. (Hell, after that, if it were me, I’d be lookin’ forward to saying goodnight all day.) But don’t stop with only one time; establish the pattern, and when you kiss him, let him feel your caring for him. After a while, if he is the kind of guy you’d like for him to be, he will make damned sure that his sweet dreams start with kissing you, even if you don’t initiate the kiss. The same thing goes for a goodbye kiss.

Give it a try.

Regarding your question, “Is it unrealistic of me to expect more from him?” I suggest the answer is yes, and no. Yes, because you framed what you want in terms of “expect” rather than “hope.” To expect implies an obligation on his part. To hope, on the other hand, still allows him his freedom. For you to hope for more from him, as long as you are openly communicative with him, I suggest is very realistic.

CMI

I hope all works out well for you, Butterfly.

Stay strong.

CMI