Hi @anita

Thank you for taking the time to come back to this post and providing new insight.

It is so interesting what you wrote, I’m going to need to read it a few more times. It makes perfect sense, and thank you for taking the time to dig out all my previous posts to fit the puzzle together.

Indeed, I use the same phrase over and over again, and it certainly is a cycle that keeps appearing and manifesting in a different, but very similar form each time. I can see it all stems from perhaps some childhood mental trauma. Perhaps it wasn’t even trauma, but enough to leave a lasting memory in my head.

I think being able to see that pattern, is definitely a leap forward. Not saying that it won’t happen again, but perhaps I can now recognise what is happening below the surface.

As I said, I’m definitely going to have to read your post a few more times to really let it sink in. But I’m so grateful for you making this possible for me to see.

T

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Tony.

Hi Anita,

It is interesting that you dug up my past posts, I recall them, however, cannot believe the similarity in words I used to describe myself. It seems this insecure overthinking habit hasn’t changed too much at all.

Certainly the signs for Separation Anxiety is relatable. I think there are a few that I exhibit. And when I think back right to my childhood I can recall times as a child where I exhibited them.

Like when my mother would go out grocery shopping without me, I’d often wait in the lounge looking outside waiting for her to come home. I also recall thoughts where I’d wonder what if something bad had happened, like an accident?

My parents and I immigrated to another country when I was 4. I remember when my grandpa was sick with cancer, I would often travel back home with my mother. Except one time, when my dad picked me up after school and I realised my mother had secretly flown back without me. She was gone for a month, and being a mummy’s boy, that certainly was extremely challenging.

So certainly reading what you wrote about separation anxiety, I do feel relatable to some of the points.

T

Hey @anita

Yes that is a good idea, like what @peggy mentioned too.

I think for the time being, I need to practice inner acceptance. Perhaps this is one of life’s challenge to try help me grow in some way. Forcing me to practice being patience and accept even those things that I do not want to accept.

@anita Grant me the serenity to accept the injustice I cannot change, to change the injustices I can change, and the wisdom to know the difference. Thank you, I will say that to myself. And I’m grateful are still here helping so many people.

Thank you @Peggy for your reply. Yes, many teachers feel this way also, but I think they have better EQ and self control than me, to not let it creep into their personal lives – just at school.

That is one ‘relief’ I have, knowing that karma, or whatever people want to call it, will come back around. I’ve even caught myself thinking how his wife and kids will too suffer when it eventually does catch up to him, and I didn’t even feel bad. Which is horrible, because I’m not naturally like this.

But I guess you are right, just have to make the best of a temporary bad situation. It is just hard watching other innocent hard working people suffer and bullied by an asshole.

@Peter

Thank you for sharing your story. It really helps me realise why am I doing the things I am.
I am doing my job, my work to my ability and sense of responsibility, but perhaps deep down, the source of my frustration is coming from searching for other validation.

Thanks for the provoking insights.

thanks for your insightful comments @Inky @Peter and @anita

I kind of see how the outside world is reflection of my inner self.

You are absolutely right, a lot of the times I do let stories in my head carry me away. I will do some self reflecting and trace the origins. I will also try to communicate the problem.

Thanks, I’ll try give it all a go.