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Viewing 15 posts - 1,066 through 1,080 (of 1,111 total)
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  • January 24, 2018 at 11:49 am in reply to: Tired and Confused #188731
    Mark
    Participant

    Ash,

    I don’t know what kind of insight you are looking for.

    Look at yourself on what you are doing and why.

    You wrote he is irresponsible and not working on being self sufficient.

    Why are you continuing to enable him down this path?  Why do you want to stay in his life?

    I would invite you to read what you wrote here as if a friend wrote this post and what would you tell her?

    January 24, 2018 at 11:41 am in reply to: Should I keep fighting? #188727
    Mark
    Participant

    Hi Jen,

    In my experience, I am not allowing a true romantic relationship into my life if I am hanging onto someone else.  If you want to be with him then I suspect you won’t have the emotional space and attention for someone who is willing to commit romantically.

    I have seen when people truly walk away from their  relationship then that allows both parties to grow.

    Mark

    January 24, 2018 at 11:14 am in reply to: When is Giving Too Much? #188679
    Mark
    Participant

    Lucas,

    What you should is up to you.  That is figuring out how to live your life according to what is right for you.

    I find that it is good to be aware of what is your hierarchy of values you live by in order to guide how you live.

    I know for myself is that I need to love myself first and foremost in order to bring that out into the world.

    I believe that most of us who are caregivers have a real hard time taking care ourselves.

    There is religion and life philosophies that help guide as well.

    Mark

     

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Mark.
    January 24, 2018 at 10:54 am in reply to: When is Giving Too Much? #188673
    Mark
    Participant

    Lucas,

    When I suggested about trying to do fun things it is because that may help shift you out of not feeling like doing anything to get energized.

    Living your truth and being authentic is hard.  Telling your friend that you don’t have the energy to be there for him is authentic for the time being.

    Medically you may need an antidepressant or that you may have low thyroid or something else that could be serious.

    Mark

    January 24, 2018 at 10:19 am in reply to: When is Giving Too Much? #188633
    Mark
    Participant

    Hi Lucas.

    If there is something you are doing in your life that is more life depleting rather than life enhancing then you probably don’t want to continue that.

    Great that you want to make a positive difference.  Good for you!

    You should know you can do that in many ways so you should not feel stuck with your group home job.

    Perpetual fatigue may be sign of depression or a number of other things, physical as well as psychological.   You may want to get a workup/physical to help determine that.

    You may also want to consider doing something just for yourself that is fun.  In order to help others, you need to take care of yourself first.  You may think it is a selfish indulgence but it is the opposite.

    Mark

    January 24, 2018 at 10:07 am in reply to: In new relationship, feelings of old relationship coming up #188625
    Mark
    Participant

    Wow gypsygirl!  You really are doing all the right things to take care of yourself.  Quite impressive.

    So right now you are focusing on your past relationship and all that you enjoyed about it rather than being fully in the present with your new relationship and situation?

    Do you write about your current situation and boyfriend in your gratitude journal?

    I believe mindfulness does help in living our lives in general.  Being mindful that you are making unhelpful comparisons and then shifting into something more helpful such as focusing on the positive and releasing the comparison is one suggestion.

    Another suggestion is writing down and prioritizing the “must haves” versus “nice to haves” in partner.  It sounds like you are ambivalent about your boyfriend so having this list and stacking him against it might help you determine if he is the right guy for you.

    You mention about grieving for your past life.  You can do that and  there is no need to really share it with your boyfriend especially since it bothers him so much.  That is your past to let go, not his.

    You can fondly recall the good aspects of your past life without going back to it.  I assume that you are journaling/visioning on what you want for your future life so you can manifest those great things you had experienced from your last relationship.

    Again, keep focusing on the Present Moment rather than the Past, what you have rather than what was.  Know that envisioning your Future will help you stay out of the Past.

    Does that help?

    Mark

    January 24, 2018 at 9:42 am in reply to: Is he losing interest, or am I overthinking? #188605
    Mark
    Participant

    Sarah,

    Ruminating or dwelling on the “what ifs” and the negatives is tough. You may want to sit down and put down on paper why the relationship did not work out and why it is for the best.  Focusing on those two things may help you to move on.

    Check out Anxious Attachment for that may be a factor in why you drive men away.  https://aloftyexistence.wordpress.com/2012/01/16/dating-survival-tips-anxious-attachment/

    You may also want to try a different type of guy to date next time and see how that works.

    Mark

    January 24, 2018 at 9:33 am in reply to: Contradictions and How Do You Deal With Them? #188603
    Mark
    Participant

    Those are one liners that are not absolute truths.

    Life is more nuanced and situational.

     

    January 24, 2018 at 9:32 am in reply to: Lost and Without Motivation #188601
    Mark
    Participant

    There may be a cause-and-effect with the reduction of Zoloft dosage.

    Try going back to the same levels and see what happens.

    January 24, 2018 at 9:30 am in reply to: Bystander Guilt #188597
    Mark
    Participant

    Tell the police about a non-crime that happened months ago?

    I’d let it go.

    Use this experience and your guilt about not intervening as an incentive to do the right thing next time.

    January 24, 2018 at 8:16 am in reply to: Hi good people! #188565
    Mark
    Participant

    AnaO,

    I am practicing to BE with my pain or emotional discomfort as well.  I believe that this is a Buddhist meditation practice.  Avoiding or distracting from that will not get rid of it.  To make friends with what is uncomfortable seems like the best way of dealing with such things.  Whenever I experience fear or emotional pain, I work on it through meditating on it.  It’s hard but I know it works.

    I am curious about how your past has affected your views and choices for relationships.  I assume that there will be trust issues among other things that have colored your approach.  I am also curious about your age.

    Mark

    January 24, 2018 at 7:51 am in reply to: Self Image and Comparisons #188559
    Mark
    Participant

    This is what you call “baggage.”  The wounds of our past affect our present.  Mindfulness helps keeps us in the Present.  You are dwelling on your past wounds and projecting onto your future of the possibility of your wife leaving you.  The Present is now, with your wife loving you for who and what you are.

    January 24, 2018 at 7:42 am in reply to: In Love with People who just broke up #188555
    Mark
    Participant

    Romeo, Good for you for recognizing your relationship pattern in being attracted to women who look for an emotionally supportive partner.  Plus good for you wanting to look into your Family Of Origin (FOO) to ascertain the source of this pattern.

    I think you touched on that by knowing that you need to be needed.  Was your mother like that?  Someone who felt that she had to do things that nurture so that she had a role in the family?

    Thanks for sharing and I look forward in hearing more about your self exploration.

    Mark

    January 24, 2018 at 7:37 am in reply to: Depression robbed me of my 12 year relationship #188551
    Mark
    Participant

    looking4hope,

    It is a kick in the butt to finally address the core issue that was putting strain on the relationship and to have your partner leave.

    Loss of relationships are hard.  It’s a grieving process.

    I wish you a gentle transition to being single and being OK with yourself.

    I assume you are doing things to be emotionally healthy? Ex. exercise, meditation,  having a support network, journalling?

    Mark

    January 24, 2018 at 7:32 am in reply to: Sad, rejected and lonely on my birthday #188547
    Mark
    Participant

    Ellana, It sounds very stressful and lonely to live in such an environment.  I hope you do find your tribe that will support you.  Online forums (such as this) is a good place to start.

    Take care,

    Mark

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