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Mark

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Viewing 15 posts - 1,006 through 1,020 (of 1,111 total)
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  • January 30, 2018 at 6:12 pm in reply to: I Have a Real Big Problem, and I Am Not Sure How to Deal With It #189851
    Mark
    Participant

    I am sorry that you feel burdened by your anxiety and low self esteem.  Must be hell.

    It sounds like you are doing things that are helping yourself like helping others to get the validation you need and seeing a psychologist.

    I encourage you to continue to find activities and places where you can help others for that seems like something that makes you feel better.

    Mark

    January 30, 2018 at 2:21 pm in reply to: I Have a Real Big Problem, and I Am Not Sure How to Deal With It #189841
    Mark
    Participant

    Lucas,

    You made the effort to post here asking for help with the posting title, “I Have a Real Big Problem. I’m Not Sure How to Deal With It.”

    You told us that you have been diagnosed with persistent mood disorder and have had seen a therapist.  I would think that the therapist would be most qualified to give you help with this issue.  Plus I don’t see you really taking in any suggestions put forth here despite asking for help.

    Are you more here to be listened to?  I want to clarify your intention and what you want from us.

    Mark

    January 30, 2018 at 11:27 am in reply to: Anxiety: The Blur #189811
    Mark
    Participant

    http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/10-benefits-from-10-days-silence-and-100-hours-meditation.html

    January 30, 2018 at 8:39 am in reply to: Childhood regret #189783
    Mark
    Participant

    James,

    Anything sexual can bring up guilt and shame in many cultures even if it was innocent.  At that age, it is natural for you and your brother have that sexual curiosity.  No harm, no foul as they say.

    Even though you may know that intellectually, you still may have that deep seated guilt and shame that a therapist can help you with.

    Mark

    January 30, 2018 at 8:24 am in reply to: Family of Origin impact on Relationships #189779
    Mark
    Participant

    Romeo,

    I have done a lot of reading on the psychology of relationships so that is why I know how our FOO affects who we are subconsciously attracted to.

    Insofar as my last relationship did not work out was because of an issue that was her baggage.  I reminded her of her past husband even though she was conscious of the association, it still bothered her.  She had to financially support her husband and did not want to feel that she had to do the same with me even though I never asked or wanted her to do that with me.

    My lesson from that past relationship was that I have probably have healed that anger attraction part of me for it was not an issue with her or us.

    I am working on being more in touch with my anger for that is a part of me I don’t recognize that I am experiencing. I have spiritually bypassed (you can look up what spiritual bypassing is) my anger and skipped to acceptance/forgiveness/letting go/compassion.  I found doing that was not healthy or authentic.  Now for whatever emotion, I work on noticing it especially where it shows up in my body, acknowledging it and sitting with it.   I know if I don’t acknowledge or process my anger then I will continue to attract those who mirror my anger.  I believe we attract people who have behaviors and qualities that we need to grow from.  This is the beauty and the bane of close relationships.

    Mark

    January 29, 2018 at 1:54 pm in reply to: Troubles adjusting to a healthy relationship. #189673
    Mark
    Participant

    Joyce,

    I admire anyone who has gone through tough times and be able to pick themselves up and start over again.

    To be able to recover from losing everything to where you are now plus making healthier choices physically and emotionally is great!  I hope you are acknowledging yourself about that.

    I believe in living our best selves in order to be a good parent for our children.  They learn the most from our example, good and bad.

    Mark

    January 29, 2018 at 1:01 pm in reply to: Too Anxious to Date? #189669
    Mark
    Participant

    Jess,

    I did not respond at first because I do not have such anxiety.  You did say that you think you are too anxious to date.  It sounds your GAD is cripping you.  I am sorry for that.  It seems to me that you are right and do need to address your anxiety before putting yourself through that emotional roller coaster of dating.

    Mark

    January 29, 2018 at 12:58 pm in reply to: I have been stuck for the last three years. #189665
    Mark
    Participant

    Buddi,

    You also may want to seek outside help in helping your son to be mentally strong and dealing with challenges in life rather than waiting for you to fully get there.  Perhaps a therapist for a couple of sessions in order to teach him to handle things without feeling like a victim?

    Good luck,
    Mark

     

    January 29, 2018 at 12:52 pm in reply to: anxiety, health and being hurt #189661
    Mark
    Participant

    I find another approach to this acceptance of the death of hope is to step in the other person’s shoes.

    I have this 3 step approach to compassion and empathy: 1) Intellectually understand what is causing the other person’s behavior, e.g. this is how my mother grew up and this was the only way she knew how to parent.  2) From that understanding, accept him/her for who they are for they were doing the best that they could do at that time. 3) Feeling into the compassion for the other.

    The first step is more “head” exercise.  The second step is a half head exercise and half heart one.  While the last one really incorporates the heart into it.  I must say it is challenging for me to get to Step #3.

    Here is a Tiny Buddha posting on letting go of toxic relationships:

    Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships and Rediscovering Yourself

    Mark

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Mark.
    January 29, 2018 at 12:34 pm in reply to: I have been stuck for the last three years. #189655
    Mark
    Participant

    Buddi,  It is tough when two parents have such different views on how to raise their children.  Your son is not being abused. Is he?  He is having an emotionally hard time being not good enough for his father.  He may benefit having someone help him to be able to cope and strengthen himself emotionally.  Life hands us emotionally and physically challenges.  You cannot protect him from it all.  As a parent, the best thing you can do for him is to help him to cope better with those challenges.  Give him the tools to be stronger emotionally.

    Mark

    January 29, 2018 at 12:26 pm in reply to: Troubles adjusting to a healthy relationship. #189653
    Mark
    Participant

    Joyce,

    This is what people call “baggage.”  Our past is part of us.  Relationships gives us the opportunity to grow and heal from them.

    When you said you feel like you are so damaged and it shouldn’t be his job to fix you then how are you fixing them yourself?  Are you getting help like with a therapist/counselor?  It will benefit you to understand why you were with your ex for so long, why you chose to be with a controlling man.  This way you can heal.

    Mark

     

    January 29, 2018 at 7:43 am in reply to: I'm totally lost and I need some support and reassurance #189587
    Mark
    Participant

    Luc,

    If you have a Buddhist temple that you can attend then that would give you support in learning more about Buddhism, help in meditation, and be around people who are seeking the same thing(s).

    Best,
    Mark

    January 29, 2018 at 7:40 am in reply to: Family of Origin impact on Relationships #189581
    Mark
    Participant

    Romeo,

    I will share when it is relevant to the topic.  I am curious what is your particular interest in how my relationships ended.

    Mark

    January 27, 2018 at 8:43 pm in reply to: What do I do?? #189359
    Mark
    Participant

    Halle,

    You have a boyfriend who calls you a whore, degrades you, doesn’t trust you, does not want to listen, and is not understanding.

    I would look at yourself and how you value yourself in determining how “everything” he is to you.

    Mark

    January 27, 2018 at 8:40 pm in reply to: should I let him go? #189357
    Mark
    Participant

    Mae,

    So his behavior was one of rudeness after you telling him that you are going to leave him alone?

    Is this someone you want to have any sort of relationship with?

    Plus all you know about him is that you felt sexual chemistry with him, nothing else … except he is not too mature.

    Reflect on those things and make your decision accordingly without having someone to tell you what to do.

    This is maturation.

    Mark

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by Mark.
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