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MarkParticipantIt sounds like you are holding strong to your boundaries in taking care of yourself. It is good that your husband is supportive in that.
There are these great things: Caller ID and Call Blocking for helping to keep boundaries.
Mark
MarkParticipantThanks for updating me Lily. Remember it sometimes take bit-by-bit in terms of relating and getting along with others.
Wow about that past dude who is such a Facebook stalker! Good thing you are not with him anymore. That behavior is unacceptable. Good for you to know not to respond to him.
Mark
MarkParticipantGrove,
I feel your frustration. I think it is a balance in “letting go and trusting the Universe” and taking action. You have the ability to be able to hear/intuit/know/feel better than most of us.
It seems that you are getting messages on what to do with your gifts but you wrote you haven’t gotten the response you hoped for. I am curious like anita on what were the responses?
I believe that you will be guided on what to do next and/or it will show up in your life telling you.
I am anxious to hear what your response to our (anita and I) question.
Mark
MarkParticipantjoanna,
I find that inspiring to read that meditation and facing your fears has helped you.
I am glad that you find solace here. I hope you find support in the “real world” as well.
I have gone to places where they have group meditations so perhaps that is a place for you?
Mark
MarkParticipantLily,
I was thinking more small talk with your flatmate like, “Hi there. We never really talked and I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Lily and I’m from …. and right now I’m looking for something part time for work. What’s your name?”
Mark
MarkParticipantLily,
Good that you are setting small and achievable goals like write one application a week. Plus you are going into an environment that will support this effort, i.e. library.
About your flatmate, there is a book “The Four Agreements” (there is a follow up book as well on the Fifth Agreement as well), where the Second Agreement is: 2. Don’t Take Anything Personally –Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
Easy to say, hard to do.
You may have better luck by trying to start a conversation next time you see her rather than just a “hello.” When we get to know each other and find common ground then we won’t be strangers anymore.
Take care,
MarkMarkParticipantCoolest beach towns in the US
https://matadornetwork.com/trips/20-coolest-beach-towns-in-america/
February 1, 2018 at 10:56 am in reply to: He does not want a commitment and not sure of a future #190147MarkParticipantGood for you RoxySue.
You may want to stop communication with him. There is nothing more to discuss is there? Any more talk is an excuse to prolong the non-relationship in my opinion.
Mark
MarkParticipantCongratulations LotusLeaf on having the courage to take care of yourself by cutting Sister 1 out of your life.
How can you deal with Sister 2 being unhappy because there is disharmony between you and Sister 1? I can only offer that you love Sister 2 and remind her that you need to love yourself first.
Plus you can love Sister 1 at a distance and if you can do that then remind Sister 2 that is what you are doing.
You can educate Sister 2 about boundaries as well.
Mark
MarkParticipantGood for you Mya for recognizing that! You are maturing and becoming more self-actualized.
I find that once I started to become more about who I really am versus trying to fit in or fit within other people’s expectations that I started attracting other kinds of people who really appreciate me as me.
I felt more relaxed and at ease with myself and with others.
I got to really start enjoying my life with people that I enjoyed being with.
Keep us updated.
Mark
MarkParticipantLily,
Good for you for having such self-awareness and goals for yourself.
You may want to just talk with your therapist on the phone before going in to see her to reassure yourself about the appointment.
If nothing else you can get the other form of therapy she was thinking of you to do afterwards. Perhaps it is time to start that now.
Are you doing anything to support yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually? I believe it is hard to put things into action if we are not resourceful. I am a firm believer in exercise, having a circle of close friends, and meditation to support myself in those realms.
You may want to review what you already had discussed with your therapist to help you right now as well.
Any of us cannot really shift if we stay stuck in beating ourselves up. Changing our language and self-talk is a start in doing that.
Mark
MarkParticipantMepina,
Wow! What a testimonial to your recovery and healing Mepina!
I invite you to share your wisdom and experience with others who are struggling in their lives under similar circumstances/relationships.
Mark
MarkParticipantJen,
I can understand why you are still hung up on this man. Man oh man, 6 years and only meeting face-to-face 3-4 times?!! I cannot see how anyone can sustain a romantic relationship like that.
It sounds like you are still wanting to be in relationship with him and he is ambivalent because of the logistics.
I think he is ambivalent because of the close emotional bond he has formed with you but is frustrated because of the lack of a physical/sexual bond. He cannot let go of the emotional closeness but knows that a true romantic relationship is not feasible because of the distance.
Mark
MarkParticipantLucas,
Here’s some advice: don’t give advice. This way you don’t have to worry about being a hypocrite.
Making changes in our life is difficult. Changing lifelong patterns that are etched in our subconscious takes conscious and consistent effort. So I would not beat yourself up on not doing the things you know is good for you. You are like the rest of us.
Mark
MarkParticipantThe plus side Romeo is that you recognized that you don’t want to do that anymore.
In addition I would not blame yourself too much for this is human behavior.
See the Xerox study example: http://www.directcreative.com/influence-and-persuasion-how-to-trigger-the-yes-response.html
Next time you can be more psychologically prepared.
Mark
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 