Cat, It sounds like you are becoming more discerning and discriminating in choosing the people who you let into your life.  That is good in trusting yourself like that.

By the way, are you a musician?  have a band?  Is that part of your dreams and goals?

Mark

Cat,

Give yourself credit for your awareness of your patterns.  Being mindful of what they are is highly useful in changing your behavior.  Also give yourself credit that you are healing and becoming stronger in every time you have took time to rest, heal, feel upset, etc.  Plus you do have dreams and goals so that is another plus.

I concur with anita on how this process takes persistence and patience.  We are here for you.  Plus you said you want to surround yourself with supportive people.  Remember that for there are people who want to help you.  Let them rather than you expending energy to help others who are unhealthy for you.

Mark

I believe in spiritual signs such as 11:11 but also know that it is not the be all, end all of the final destination.  Clarence was/is probably a stepping stone for you for further realization and growth.  He is not your final stop/relationship.  I cannot pretend to know why he showed up in your life but from the sounds of him, he is not a healthy person to be in your life anymore.

My guess is that you got more validation that you are worthy and that there are others who you can relate to who are spiritually struggling.  Perhaps right now you don’t need guidance from the Universe but just time to heal.  That maybe all the guidance you need for now.

I am sorry that you are struggling so and depressed.  We are here for you in spirit and on this website Cat.  It’s a day-by-day thing to live.  I am sure there will be others here on this site who will give you more concrete support in helping with your depression and sense of worthiness.  Right now Cat, I am sending you a hug and love.

Mark

Katie, There is nothing wrong about being bored and being by yourself.  It’s a great opportunity to BE with yourself.  Consider this as a meditation.  Are you meditating?  This will help with your nervousness as well.

Are you more interested in doing social activities with others or to be able to talk with a good friend to help process your breakup?

This is a great forum to do the latter.

Socially there are social groups around like Meetup or try reaching out to do something with one of your friends.

Let us know what you want and how you are doing.

Mark

E,

I know having another perspective is useful for me.  I tend to go around inside my head which does not open up other ways to view my situation.

I apologize about the “if he loved me” response.  I did not mean that you want that as a condition of loving you.  I understood what you meant but put that part of my response in there anyway.  That was why I added why I see how people love, they want to be loved/accepted exactly who they are so they won’t have to change.

Please consider this all part of growing in your experience and wisdom in romantic relationships.  I see each relationship as an opportunity to grow, to understand ourselves better through noticing how we react/respond to the other.  This helps more sharply define our values, what is important to us and what is not.

You are 22 which is still very young to find/attract the right man for you.  Not surprisingly when you ask most women who are older, they tell you that they are thankful that they did not stay with the men they knew when they were your age.

And yes, us guys still have cooties :-P.

Mark

E

Never assume or count on that the other person is going to change or that you can “make” him to so.  Plus “if you really love me then you would do this for me” is highly manipulative.  In my experience, people who love is because the *other* accepts them for who they are, not to change themselves for the other.  If any real change is going to happen, he will have to want to do it for his own reasons and internal motivation.

I am a student of how habits are formed and changed.  This is a habit, learned behavior.  Like any habit, it will take someone to make a concerted and prolonged effort to change.

It’s like saying that you want to lose weight.  Occasional dieting or exercise will not change things in the long run.  Having someone nag you to do that will not make any lasting changes.

Frankly I would find it exhausting to monitor his behavior whenever I am out with someone like him.

Mark

• This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Mark.

I am sorry that you are feeling this way joanna.  I suggest if you truly want to start healing and move on is to tell him not to contact you anymore, that you will be blocking him and deleting his contact information off your devices.

His communications are triggering you.  You don’t need triggers or reminders.  You need to move forward rather than have him hold you back.

Mark

Maria,

I’ll let him take the lead.  If he distanced himself because of you telling him how much you enjoyed seeing him then I’d leave him alone.  I can understand him being spooked if you told him that you were falling for him but you only told him that you enjoyed his company, yes?  It sounds like he is scared of developing a close relationship.

You may only have a virtual friend that can only be comfortable communicating via computer rather than real life.  How old are you two?

Mark