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MarkParticipantBarry
Judging her remark as harsh as one interpretation. That may or may not be true. You don’t know for sure. It just seems that she does not want to communicate right now. When I deal with people like that Ijust leave them alone. If they want to get in touch with me then they will.
Move on with your life with other people.
MarkParticipantBarry,
People have different ways of communicating. Communicating via text or email does not convey everything that the person feels or thinks. Give her time. Then actually meet with her to clear up any misunderstandings.
Mark
MarkParticipantJane,
Rule-of-thumb with our lives is to take care of ourselves first. Yes, easy to say and very hard to do. You did not way how old you are but my guess is that you are in your early 20s. Regardless of your age, you and your mother have a long history with each other. Are you seeing a family therapist? How long?
You also did not say how long she will be staying with you. Make a solid decision on what to do and then talk about that with your therapist.
Take care,
Mark
MarkParticipantkirstenwithak,
First of all, I want to be empathetic with you on what I assume the pain of feeling like people are mean to you. That must be really hard in your time of grief and loss.
Usually I share things that are close to my heart only with people I trust with my heart else I would feel more vulnerable and hurt. Bene’ Brown talks about this.
Insofar as talking with your sister, well.. family is more complicated… I don’t know how emotionally close you are with her or your history so that can play into this. I have a family where my Mother was dying of cancer and she did not want to tell my older brother that for not wanting to worry or bother him. Our whole family communication dynamic is that way. I know that I can count on my brothers for support but also we don’t really share our lives and certainly not our “personal” lives with each other. My brother divorced, married and god know what else without me knowing.
You ask what do you about it? I always go to Marshall Rosenberg’s Non-Violent Communication process as well of communicating. Google it. It’s a simple and straightforward process. It is based on Universal human needs. Out of which, comes the emotions that are based on these needs. Then there is a clean way of making requests of the other person. Ex. When I heard that you had a baby, I felt hurt for I need connection and closeness. My request of you is for us to figure out a way where we can communicate better so I won’t feel surprised about such significant family events.
I am sorry for your loss and lack of compassion in your life Kristen.
Mark
August 7, 2019 at 3:26 pm in reply to: Ex-fiance engaged 2 months later and blocking & unblocking on whatsapp #307099MarkParticipantSara,
I sounds like you dodged a bullet. If he does not support you during your time of need with your father, new job and with your wedding then he is not the one for you. Plus what sort of true love would jump right away to another woman.
I agree with Sara. Walk away. I would question why you want to hang on to this guy. Look at more at your own thought process rather than at him.Mark
MarkParticipantAster,
I am unclear on what you plan to do. Your last post said you love him and he loves you. I learned that this initial love is not enough for a solid relationship. What people call love in the beginning of a relationship is what I call infatuation. Right now this guy has some real emotional work to do. This insecurity is a big red flag to me. When he said being out on his own almost “killed” him is highly dramatic and would be cause for concern for me. I cannot imagine having a life partner who cannot stand on his own two emotional feet. There may be some co-dependence going on with that.
Like anita said, looks can be deceiving insofar as looking well put together.
Mark
MarkParticipantCarla,
I wonder about how satisfying such a relationship can be in the long run. You say both of you cannot really talk about things of substance, like what you want from the relationship or if you two disagree on something or if there is a conflict between you two. It takes two to communicate.
I would give couples counseling a try so you two learn ways of communicating and for those other questions you have about how to get you want you need.
Mark
MarkParticipantK,
I get it about the experience is richer when shared with someone you care about. I realize that is true for me. Ideally it would be with a significant other but to have a close friend or my children would be good as well. All my real joys come down to having them shared with someone. It is not the activity or the surroundings that make it special but the person I am with.
Mark
MarkParticipantAster,
You two may get back together but let him figure out his life after marriage first. Like I said about the common wisdom from therapists is to allow one year after the divorce is final in order to learn to be on their own emotionally, physically and financially. That clinging on the leg crying thing shows that he does not have the emotional stability yet.
If you are meant to be with each other then you and he will get together a year or so from now.
Mark
MarkParticipantEmi,
It sounds like you have fear on what *can* happen in the future. You are afraid of your feelings after you move away. This is future thinking. You are already convinced that you will be sad, miserable, lonely before you even move. You *may* be all that and more AND you will also be embarking on a great new experience. I believe we either come from a place of fear or from love when we meet life. I invite you to focus on love, on gratitude, on appreciation, on excitement, on opportunity for this adventure. If you focus on what is behind you rather than what is in front of you then you will not fully appreciate and benefit from your life.
Mark
MarkParticipantBarry,
You are puzzled about your friend’s behavior with you and want to know the possible reasons? I suggest a sit down, face-to-face conversation with her. Texting sucks as a way to communicate in my opinion. Get everything out on the table and proceed from there. Have it honest, respectful, open and loving.
Mark
MarkParticipantRaaw,
You said you have a few friends that you talk to and care about. Are these the friends that exclude you from conversations and have you feel unwelcome?
You also mention that you feel lost and unable to find direction to fix things in your life.
I am not sure what you are asking about. Are you tying your lack of close friendships with feeling lost and not knowing how to fix things in your life?
If you are only wanting input on creating close friendships then I would suggest you nurture the few friends that you feel close to. It’s not about quantity but quality for me.
Insofar as the lost and wanting to find a direction, please elaborate if you want input on that.
Mark
MarkParticipantCatherine,
I wish you well in your journey towards healing with increased self-awareness and wisdom.
Mark
MarkParticipantAster,
As the saying goes, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”
Good luck,
MarkMarkParticipantAster,
I like the therapist Dr. Joy Browne’s recommendation of not dating one year after the divorce papers are signed. Separation does not count. I truly believe that we need that year to be on our own emotionally and all other aspects, i.e. our own place, our own friends, etc.
Re-read your posting and see if you really think “he has been good to me” and that being without him would be something you would regret. Going down on his knees and grabbing your legs are not the actions of a healthy man.
Is he out of your house? Or are you having second thoughts? Him going to you at work can be constituted as harassment so tell him that and threaten to go to HR. If you really want to move on and get back to that place of being happy without the drama then cut him off.
Mark
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 