Ladybug,

You say you have clingy behavior, that you take up all his time and tend to be annoyed and demanding. You said that you don’t have separate lives.

Now you two are learning to invest more in your own selves. He says that he does not know how to live independently.
You are asking for advice how to maintain a healthy relationship and how you can be healthy for yourself and for him.

I agree with Anita, that if you want to be emotionally healthy and have a healthy relationship then go work with a therapist.

I don’t really see much in your posts on you and your behavior. You have written mainly about him.  What do you think that you need to change, to do in order to be healthier?

Mark

Agnes1205,

You tried to kill yourself over this relationship.  She talked about killing herself.  That alone tells me that this is an unhealthy relationship.  I’m not sure how real this relationship is since it does not seem you two have actually me or been with each other in person much.

I agree with Anita on you needing therapy, not only to get over this relationship but to help yourself on knowing what a healthy relationship is.  If you tried killing yourself over a relationship, this is not healthy and that behavior has nothing to do with her.  It is not healthy to want to be with someone who is depressed, who lies, who talks about suicide, whom you have not even met (I assume that since you have not mentioned any face-to-face contact with her).

Mark

Maria Mango

It sounds like you are taking steps to take care of yourself, i.e. going to the beach, mindfulness and support groups.

Good that you can find places to vent.

I believe when someone is aggressive or mean or disrespectful then that is the time to leave, take a timeout for yourself while saying why you need to get away from him for a while.

Mark

Viv,

You did not say why he was an “ex.”  Good that you know this now versus finding out when you have moved out and married him.

If he says he is not ready then take him at his word.

His actions from having the dating apps and telling you that he does not want a relationship with you should be enough to know that this relationship is over.

I would suggest for you to cut him off, i.e. tell him you are going to block him and ask him not to contact you again.

Mark

Emma,

Your boyfriend is doing what he told you he was going to do.  He only has been a boyfriend of a couple of months.  Trying to sustain a couple of month relationship over long distance especially when you are both young (I suspect you both are in your 20s) seems not the best way to grow as individuals.  I have a philosophy that two people are meant to be together then they will be together.  Living separate lives while apart gives each of you the emotional freedom to grow.

My two cents,

Mark

The title of your post describes your relationship.  You are in an unhealthy relationship.

If you really want to move forward then don’t look outside yourself for permission to do something.

It is not what we would do or advise you to do but what do you want to do, what you NEED to do.  Do you love yourself enough to make the changes that is healthy for you?  If not then find a therapist to assist you.

You say you wish someone come over and tell you what to do.  How about pretending to be that good friend and tell yourself to pack up and move out.  Read what you posted as if it was written by someone else, what would you tell her to do?

I don’t disagree that it is hard to make changes.  Once you make your decision to change then look for support to assist you in that.  But my take is that you first need to decide for yourself before you seek help.

Good luck,
Mark

Amma,

I wish you ease during this horrific time of grief, guilt and pain.

Mark