Christina,

One of the definitions of drunk is “having the faculties impaired by alcohol.”  I see there is a difference of how we behave if we have our faculties or not.

I see our lives as a series of actions that we are proud of, ashamed of, regretful of, happy about, etc.  This means we are human.  If those of us learn from our mistakes, work on making ourselves a better person from our past experiences, then all the more good we can be in this world.  We do ourselves, our friends and family, and the world no good if we carry around guilt and regret.  We make amends, learn and move on.

If you cannot do that then I suggest you look up ways of giving yourself self-compassion.

Mark

dreaming715,

Classic fill-in-the-blank sports widow.

Find something else to do.  It is always best not to be tied at the hip as a couple.  Get friends to do things with.  Find a hobby.

Now if he is not being present in general and rather look at his phone than talk with you during off season then that’s a problem.

Mark

Sorry that you are going through such pain Roary.

I don’t know what to say except that.

Mark

Debbie,

I have had close friends ghost me, stopped returning my texts, etc.  Everything is temporary.  The Buddhist Four Nobel Truths talk about clinging causes suffering.

I get angry and I mourn for the loss of my friends.  This is life.  As Byron Katie said, If you argue with reality, you lose.

It cannot hurt sending a letter of closure.  I would caution you that you may get anger or blame or at least being defensive from them.

I am of mixed feelings on “closure.”  What if you did send those letters?  What if they never responded?  What if they did respond but with hostility?  Would any of that make you feel any better?

Mark

grannyweatherwax,

You said you are an anxious person with anger management issues and bouts of depression who works on self management by meditating, yoga, walks in the woods, exercising and the such.

You are dealing with several things in life that is causing you more anxiety such as your friend disappointing you.

My observation from what you shared is that you have this life long issue of anxiety prone to depression.  The friend issue is just a symptom of you trying to deal with life’s stresses.

You can continue to work on yourself using the tools you are already using, i.e. meditation, exercise and the like.

You may want to consider supplementing that with therapy to learn more coping skills and approaches.

Mark

Princess123,

He has this power over you by threatening to out you with your family.  As I suggested, you can short circuit his threat by just being totally honest with your family and let the chips fall where they may.  Is that worse than having him always having over you?  Having power over you?  With you being stressed and scared on what could be?

Mark

TSW,

anita recommended some practical steps to deal with your current situation.  As anita says, anger is a normal human emotion.  It will only conquer you if you channel it in a destructive way.  Channel your anger to taking action in protecting yourself and your children from your husband’s unloving actions.  Kick him out.  Divorce him.

Mark