Charlie,

I am in wonderment how friendly you can be with an ex who cheated on you and belittles you.

I am not sure what you are looking for.  Do you want to talk with your ex’s current gf on how to parent your son?  Is she parenting your son now?  When you ask how to handle “this situation,” what situation are you talking about?

Parenting your son is between you and his father aka your ex, not his current gf.

You are saying your ex has no interest in talking about parenting.  Is that all you are wanting to talk about?  Or are you adding his current gf in the mix of discussion?

Try to focus solely on co-parenting your son with your ex.  Make sure you come with a written down list of issues/items about co-parenting you want to agree on with your ex.  Better if you two arrange a set time and meeting place to talk about it with you sharing your list with him ahead of time.  Ask about what his concerns, etc. he wants to talk with you about your son for this meeting.

Mark

If you want comments on your post Naomi then please elaborate on what you are referring to.

Exur,

I totally agree with anita.  MOVE OUT NOW!

You are living with and being controlled by a sexual predator and abuser.

He is a criminal, a breaker of the law.

You are giving him “permission” to abuse you some more by staying there.  Do not allow him that access to you anymore.

Please let us know how that lands for you.  Consider reaching out to local and online resources for sexually abused women as well.

Mark

Joan,

It sounds like your self worth, your happiness, and the meaning of your life depends on other people’s happiness and taking care of them.

Here is a list of signs of a codependent relationship:

1. Does your sense of purpose involve making extreme sacrifices to satisfy your partner’s needs?
2. Is it difficult to say no when your partner makes demands on your time and energy?
3. You’re in a caretaking and (or) rescuing relationship with a person who uses you to avoid age-appropriate responsibilities, or the hard work of personal change.
4. Do you constantly worry about others’ opinions of you?
5. Your efforts to fix a troubled, addicted or under-functioning person have fostered dependence on you, rather than on their life progress.
6. Do you use those efforts to avoid responsibility, avoid their life progress and personal change?
7. Are you unable to find satisfaction in your life outside of a specific person?

Does that resonate?

Check out codependency resources like Co-Dependence Anonymous (CoDA), Codependency for Dummies book or other many, many books on the subject, or a therapist.

Mark

Janice,

Good for you for having the courage to break up with your abusive bf.  It takes such steps to move toward a healthier life.  This is a way of loving yourself.

I find it best not to analyze the other person’s behavior but your own.  Ask yourself why you decided to get together with such a person.  Look deep to figure that out so that you won’t repeat that mistake.

Make sense?

Mark

I wonder why my response has been flagged to be reviewed before it shows up?

I have responded on March 12 and still has not been moderated or posted yet.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by Mark.

Lilian,

You are welcome.  I find that the “growth” of romantic relationships where we risk, where we practice being vulnerable, where we deal with our own personal baggage, where we learn how to communicate honestly, openly and compassionately.  It’s tough and scary.  I have used a counselor with my partner to help us along on this.  We all have our wounds and family-of-origin beliefs that don’t really serve a healthy relationship.

I believe it is all about trust with each other and willing to be stretched to grow for yourself.  I think if my partner does not want to do the same then that’s a deal breaker.  I divorced because my wife was not willing to do that with me.  I found somebody who was willing to take that risk and step into her discomfort in order to co-create a better relationship.. with herself and with me.

Mark