Welcome Elaine,

I got divorced when I was in my mid-40s.  I read that is one of the keys to happiness is having close relationships.  The other things I do for happiness is having a daily gratitude and meditation practice.  My children were 8 and 12 when I divorced and they are now 26 and 30 and live close by.  I am close to them but don’t see them too frequently because they have their own adult lives.

I worked hard to create a circle of good friends.  I am an INFJ so I’m a “social” introvert.  I don’t do clubs on a regular basis or church.   I dove in going to Meetups for activities that I would enjoy regardless if I met anyone or not.

I am not sure what you mean by feeling lost and hurting.  I get feeling lonely but not sure what you mean about the other feelings.  I can understand when you are feeling that way then approaching strangers for emotional sustenance and support would scare them away.

I also volunteered where I would be scheduled to do something with people weekly.  That way they get to know me and me with them. That way I get to get out of myself and help others.  I would recommend that.

I am not sure by what you said on stopping therapy because you are feeling indifferent.  I would think that would be a topic to explore with your therapist.  What about the issues of feeling lost and hurting?  Can’t you deal with that with your therapist?

What do you think about what I said?

Mark

Ashley,

I am curious what is your response to my post.

Mark

lindsey,

There is a podcast, Invisibilia with the episode “The Weatherman” where they go into how as us humans require certainty, closure.  So it is our human nature to desire that, to want answers, to know for certain.

How do you think this scenario will play out if you actually do see him with your list of questions?  I cannot see it going well or that you will get much satisfaction.

Mark

Ideally with loving ourselves then self esteem cones built in.
We can just be ourselves and be ok with that? That frees us to do and be more.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by Mark.

Heal well with Grace and dignity Lindsey.

Mark

Lindsey

You will look desperate if you go to his house.

Write him a letter. Get it all of your chest. And then burn it. Let it go and focus on healing and what lessons you can take away from this experience. What did you find out about yourself?

Mark

noted,

You have anxiety, depression, and derealization. You have been in a state of derealization for 5 years. I had to look up what derealization is. It is the alteration in the perception or experience of the external world so that it seems unreal. Other symptoms include feeling as though one’s environment is lacking in spontaneity, emotional coloring, and depth. It is a dissociative symptom of many conditions.

You grew up with an alcoholic narcissistic father who is verbally and emotionally abusive. You had to deal with mother who played a victim and had to be the mediator for her. You also had to listen to her complaints thus had to play counselor with her as well.
I’m so numb inside. I’m like a shell of a person.

It makes sense that you feel that way despite all the spiritual work you have done for yourself. By the way, good for you for doing that. That is self love.

I believe spiritual work does not take the place of healing psychologically. Those two can go hand-in-hand though. With your family background, you learned to protect yourself by numbing out. It is understandable to accept anyone’s love from your experience from your parents. The “love” they shown you was damaging rather than nurturing.

Find a therapist that will help you heal from the distorted upbringing that imprinted you on how you feel about yourself and how relationships work.

I believe that through relationships we can help grow and heal but I strongly advocate that you have a therapist that will help you along the way.

Mark