Hugs and love to you Katie.  Do that for yourself as well.

Mark

marthams,

We can speculate how she got that way, I suspect from her own upbringing by those who raised her.  Regardless, it does not really matter for she is this poorly behaved.

Please recognize that anyone who acts like your grandmother is a person of anger, spite and bitterness.  Anyone who handles family issues by not speaking to the other is someone who is immature and does not know how to really love.

Can you see this about her?

My take is that you have nothing to apologize for and even if you did that will not change your grandmother’s poor behavior or how she conducts herself in the future.  I see her repeating her silent treatment for the next minor infraction that she perceives that was put upon her.

How to cope?  Ignore her.  You cannot change her and she is toxic.  My rule is to stay away from toxic people which includes family.

By the way, congratulations on your new home!

Mark

Chelsea

There are no mixed signals of you only look at his behavior.

There is no indication he wants a monogamous relationship. If you want to have a drop in sexual relationship then continue to see him.

Mark

Alexandria,

I would caution anyone who has not lived on their own to move from living with their parents to living with their romantic partner.  This will rob you of the “practice” of being truly on your own, to practice your independence, to gain the self confidence and experience of managing your own life.  Having your boyfriend “take care of you” does not give you that opportunity nor the independence to live your life on your own two feet.  I believe everyone should have to do that especially when you are young.  If you cannot manage that financially then that is part of the path of maturity and independence.

Mark

Katie,

Us humans inevitably compare ourselves with others.  It is part of our evolutionary psychological makeup.  You are not the most physically beautiful woman as defined by our culture.  99.9% are not either.  As anita suggested, deal with that.  Cultivate the inner beauty.

Rather focus on being attractive to others, find ways of enjoying yourself.  The more joy you have in your life, the more light you project out into the world, the more desirable you become as human.  I found that how I embrace life (“dance like no one is watching”), the more people I attract into my life who want to be/know me.

What are your passions?  interests?  things make you smile, bring you joy?  What does fun look like to you?

Do them.

Mark

Sona,

You are welcome.  Another tactic to use is to journal.  You can write your own story where you are happy, finding a great boyfriend, doing fun things with him and others, enjoying helping others, being connected deeply with a few good friends.

Deep, sensitive people are not great partiers.  The world seems to be oriented toward surface extroverts who more doers than thinkers.  Embrace your deep, sensitive side.  Most sensitive people tend towards the arts, i.e. writing, music, art, etc.  More alone activities.

I have connected with people who are similar to me.  I am an INFJ.  I seek those people who are spiritual, kind, searching, and self aware.

I understand about not wanting to more one’s body.  It could be more goal-oriented, i.e. go to the store, to the library, to a bookstore (if they have any of those any more).

Mark

Ashley,

I believe that communication, perceptions, and how we interrelate is not all about the other person’s responsibility.  Your original question on whether your treatment at your club is because of the club members’ perception and judgment of you or that it is how you behave and are dressed.

I see that you have gotten good feedback from people here (including myself).

You seem perceptive enough to know how people are responding to you (What I’ve noticed is that many of the members make judgements about me, without even having had a conversation with me.).  I am not sure how you know how the members judge you without talking with them.

You say you are not getting any specific feedback on why you are perceived as condescending.  My take is when I think or feel a person is condescending is when they talk about themselves without expressing any interest in me; when they talk about how great they are (accomplishments, skills, talents, experience, etc.) when it has nothing to do with the topic at hand or if they do, there is no humility; when they try to one-up me when I talk about myself; when I feel that they are not really listening to me and more focused on how they can start talking about themselves instead.

Do any of these behaviors seem like how you act?

Mark

Kat

It sounds like you have a hard time prioritizing your time and effort.  What do you consider the most important?  The least?  Are you spending your time that way?  You say you try to do the “right” thing but make sure that they are aligned not only with your values (not your parents) but also how it fits within your prioritized time schedule.  It may be that you have an overload of “right” things to do and not enough time to do them.  Once you can manage your time and priorities then you will be able to deal with stress better.

You say how hard it is to live under your parents’ roof.  You say that it is preventing you from living life and having your own identity.  You say that is partially because you are Asian American.  All that is quite understandable.  Right now you are living with them and going to school.  Right now you can defer your identity angst by focusing on finishing your schooling and moving out.  THEN you be on your own and explore  the world and figure out who you are.

I’m a 3rd generation Japanese American so I can identify with you and not quite feeling that I fit in.  That is very common.

Mark

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