kiwibunnies,

I wonder if your therapist has given you any tools to deal with your PTSD?  You said you do deep breathing but it has not been too effective.

There are a variety of tools that help with PTSD, e.g. EFT, EMDR, meditation, etc.  Have you looked into any of them?  Google those techniques for they seem to be simple and effective.

Who said you have to forgive her?  You can focus on healing yourself by focusing on loving yourself first.

Even if your husband does want contact with his mother, it does not mean you need to.  Even with family events, there is no need to go since it affects your health.  Experiencing PTSD trauma is nothing to fool around with.  Mental health issues are not taken seriously in this society because it is invisible but at least your husband be the one who should understand how damaging it is to you. Begging out of contact of any kind with your mother-in-law is tantamount in protecting yourself, your health.  Have your husband be your protector between you and his mother and the rest of his family.

Mark

Sofioula,

Block him for he is no longer part of your life.  It is like getting an unwanted solicitation from a scammer or someone who wants to sell you something.

You first need to honor and respect yourself before worrying about being polite to someone who does not deserve that courtesy.

Mark

What Anita said.

This is what is called setting boundaries

Best keep them out of your life from now on.

They are toxic.

Mark

Sam,

Frankly I think kissing someone is not cheating but that’s my view.  I would like to know more on why you kissed him.

You are conscious it seems about what you are doing since you are sharing that with us here.  You can change your behavior since you are conscious about what you do and don’t do, e.g. replying to text messages.

Insofar as the “why” you are sabotaging your relationships, look at your family-of-origin and how your parents are.  It seems like you have Fearful Avoidant Attachment – A person with a fearful avoidant attachment lives in an ambivalent state, in which they are afraid of being both too close to or too distant from others. They attempt to keep their feelings at bay but are unable to. They can’t just avoid their anxiety or run away from their feelings.

Mark

Addendum: try activities where you are the one who is the caregiver.  Volunteer to take care of kids or the elderly or the disabled.

lpkR09,

I get that this is something significant between him and his friend/your sister.  I assume you have already told him that your parents are OK with you two.

I am uncomfortable how it sounds he is putting this sister disapproval issue on your shoulders by saying it will affect the relationship between him and you in the future.  In a not-so-subtle way, he is offloading the responsibility of “fixing” this onto you rather than taking ownership.

Again, a red flag in my eyes.

Mark

Mike,

Regardless how much you don’t like her vs. him, I see this as an integrity issue.  You invited her.  To dis-invite her just because he cannot take being in the same room as her for a day impinges on your character.

I would not call not bowing down to his bullying tactics as “abandoning” him.  It sounds like you are holding onto people in your life based on your fears rather than how you value yourself.  Your history of being bullied and abused sets you up to be a doormat to anyone who threatens you like that.

Like I said, what sort of friend does that?  If you want to “patch it up” then talk with him honestly.  See what I posted before on a possible scenario in how to talk to him.

Mark

Let me repeat in a structure of a series of questions for your answer do not directly address what I asked.

Would you rather speak than listen?

Are you more judgmental than compassionate?

Would  you rather be right than wanting to understand?

Would you rather find differences than ways to connect?

Do you look for ways to love rather than separate yourself?