John

To put it bluntly, both of you are being victims.

You beating yourself up about past mistakes but not changing anything. She manipulating you to keep the status quo.

It sounds that you two are well matched in that way.

The children are collateral damage.

There are always options even if they are not pleasant ones.

Mark

Congratulations for taking that self caring action.

Katie

Ultimately you want to be accepted. Hell, you want to be valued. Don’t we all?

Your view of being valued is to be an Instagram model solely based on your looks.

You can rail against how society judges women but at the end of the day, that’s reality. There is a Byron Katie quote, If you argue against reality, you will lose.

You may want to reexam how you want to be valued for otherwise you will be stuck in your unhappiness and anger.

Mark

• This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by Mark.
• This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by Mark.

Ellydj

I can empathize with you about this burden of got. I would think that after a while you can come to realize that the the past is the past. You cannot change it. Aren’t you tired of beating yourself up? Don’t you want to move on? There are meditations of self forgiveness. Start with that as a practice. Get out of yourself and go help others. Turn this guilt into something positive in helping the world.

Mark

apple-slice,

So this relationship of 4 months has been one of phone calls and/or texts and/or Facetime/Skype?  You have never met him at all and this visit in a week will be the first time you have actually see each other face-to-face?

When you said you two have not been affectionate lately, what does that affection look like?  Is in the form of words that convey fondness, warmth, tenderness and care?

My take all these feelings of  something being missing may all go away when you actually see him.  Be patient and see what happens.

Mark

April,

I am trying to understand your post.

Is this right…? You are living in IL now and he still lives in NC

I have not read any compelling reasons on why you should move in with him.

Your bf has said he wants to have a stronger relationship before moving in.  What does he mean by that?  Do you agree?

Do you plan to move back to NC?  If so, when?

Mark

Hannah,

Have you done anything about anita’s suggestion in looking into CBT?

It seems that you are obsessing about this guy and worrying about how and when he will respond to you.

It does not seem healthy for having your world revolve around him and how he responds to you.

CBT helps you become aware of inaccurate or negative thinking so you can view challenging situations more clearly and respond to them in a more effective way.  The goal of cognitive behavior therapy is to teach patients that while they cannot control every aspect of the world around them, they can take control of how they interpret and deal with things in their environment.

Mark

• This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by Mark.

JayMark,

You said:
1. Divorced 1.5 yrs
2 In the past, you are not able to share your emotions
3. Have depression for most of your adult life – now undergoing treatment and sobeer
4. Currently seeing a therapist, living in the present moment & staying healthy

Question: How to stay open to reconcilliation without letting it take over your life?

I don’t understand your question. What do you mean by “staying open?” What do you mean “take over your life” ?

Do you want to get back together with your ex-wife? She has no interest in doing that since she is dating and want her boyfriend to meet her children.

Let her go. Focus on your own personal care and health. Focus on being the best father you can be. It sounds like your children have been through a lot of rough years.

Mark