Joe,

You did not say how old you are.  Good for you for starting to take care of yourself with meditation and exercise.  Usually our maladies originate from our upbringing.  Your lack of self esteem, your concern of being judged negatively by others, your social anxiety probably all can be traced to the lack of emotional nurturing.

You desire to change perspective.  How we look at the world and ourselves using mindfulness is a great way of getting to where you want to be, in a more emotionally healthy place.

Ideally in combination with what you have already started, having a therapist to work with you on your anxiety, etc. would help as well.

Good luck,
Mark

Yonatan,

There is a reason why there are engagements.  People need to really get to have time to know each other before marriage. You have an idealized view of Maya. You gave up your Self to her.  Whether it was to please her, to show your love for her or for whatever reason, you lost your identity.  There was no equality or balance or real partnership.  It was all her, what she wanted, what she demanded.  As you noted, you have low self esteem and your constant willingness to always please.  This is not being an equal partner.  This is a doormat.

Even if does not seem like that, Maya did you a favor.  This is a wake up call for you to grow, to work on yourself, your self esteem.  I am sorry for your pain but it seems that life kicks you in the ass in order to get your attention on what you need to work on.

Find a therapist to help you with this.  Blaming yourself is not productive.  Second guessing yourself is not productive.  What will be productive is having a therapist help you look at what happened, heal, and address those limiting core beliefs and behaviors.

Mark

Ranger,

It’s great that you and your wife are committed in working things out using a therapist/counselor.  It’s good that you are taking responsibility for your actions.  It seems to me that because of a deeper, underlying issue that is driving you to seek solace with porn and homosexuality, that it is imperative to continue to do your own personal work.

Mark

prudence,

You did not say how old you are.  You are sad and confused about this relationship and your past relationships.

Have you tried to being on your own for a while, i.e. without a romantic partner/boyfriend?  I suggest you do that for it will give you the experience, the confidence, the emotional strength to know you can stand on your own two feet without having to depend on someone else to validate you, to prop you up.

You have a young child so between taking care of him/her and making a living, I would think that is pretty consuming.  Do you have a circle of friends?  Things that you are interested in, e.g. crafts?  exercise/sports?  volunteer work?  art?  hiking?  school?

Learn more about yourself by looking at all your relationships and find out what are some of the common denominators that are in each one of them.  What are the characteristics of the men you attract?

Good luck,

Mark

Rosie,

How old are you?  What have you tried so far in terms of work and things that you are interested in/passionate about?  What have you learned about yourself from that?

Start there.

Mark

Katie

My guess was that you were raised based on how good you looked, that you did not have a happy childhood where your parents were not happy or fun or nurturing.

Mark

Katie,

I don’t know what to tell you.  We are surrounded by media that tells us what is physically attractive or not.  I assume that you are still in your teens or early 20s.

All I can say is that if you keep focusing on what you are not then you are setting yourself up to be unhappy.

Aren’t there other things about you that you enjoy?  that you do well in?  Those are the areas where most of us can focus on and to feel “successful” or happy.

Good for you for putting effort into getting your life together.  Do that.

What sort of things are you doing to do that?

Mark

norit,

This guy cross boundaries and someone does not have integrity.  I applaud you for holding onto YOUR integrity and boundaries.  You are taking care of yourself.  Take care of yourself, not him.  He is a grown ass man. He is the one who has had training, the position, and the rules.

Take care of yourself first.  Does that help?

Mark