I assume you have tried seeing a mental health Professional?

What you are going through seems very extreme and hope you are not alone in dealing with this.

Mark

Julia,

If you are looking for reasons or lessons from your 5 yr relationship breakup then please elaborate what did your boyfriend say why he wanted to breakup?  Did you have good communication during that time with him?  Were you two able to discuss differences and deal with disagreements in a satisfying way?  Did you two talk about future plans?  Did you two share core common values and outlook in life?  What ways were you two compatible?  And what ways were you two not?

What part did you play in this breakup?  In my experience and knowledge, each party has some responsibility in why relationships don’t work out.

Mark

Jamie,
Not sure if this is a pattern for you; to be with men that disrespect you, are controlling, that lie, and steal from you (borrowing money and not paying it back).

If you cannot recognize that these are not “minor” problems then please get professional help in order to recognize why you are choosing such men like this guy. If you think this is your “fault” then I advise you to examine why you would tolerate such treatment.  I see this as a self love, self esteem issue.

Does that make sense?
Mark

From the Mayo Clinic website
1. Think before you speak
In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to say something you’ll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the same.

2. Once you’re calm, express your anger
As soon as you’re thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but nonconfrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.

3. Get some exercise
Physical activity can help reduce stress that can cause you to become angry. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other enjoyable physical activities.

4. Take a timeout
Timeouts aren’t just for kids. Give yourself short breaks during times of the day that tend to be stressful. A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better prepared to handle what’s ahead without getting irritated or angry.

5. Identify possible solutions
Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your child’s messy room drive you crazy? Close the door. Is your partner late for dinner every night? Schedule meals later in the evening — or agree to eat on your own a few times a week. Remind yourself that anger won’t fix anything and might only make it worse.

6. Stick with ‘I’ statements
To avoid criticizing or placing blame — which might only increase tension — use “I” statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example, say, “I’m upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes” instead of “You never do any housework.”

7. Don’t hold a grudge
Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship.

8. Use humor to release tension
Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humor to help you face what’s making you angry and, possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.

9. Practice relaxation skills
When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as “Take it easy.” You might also listen to music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses — whatever it takes to encourage relaxation.

10. Know when to seek help
Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Seek help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by Mark.

Sorry that you are feeling overwhelmed FancyFondue.

You say you need help but don’t know where to turn.

You alluded to being depressed.

You say you are the sole supporter of your father after his stroke.

All that is true?

I did not see what exactly you need for help.  Is it with your father?

You did not say what were the many negative events that happened in the past few months besides your father’s stroke.

Please elaborate on those things, i.e. what kind of help and what were the events that are overwhelming you.

Mark

Tridah,

Having your MIL pull in your mother on this is violating another boundary.  This is between your MIL and you.  Your own mother should not be pulled into this.

Get her to not listen to anything your MIL tells her about you.  Tell your mother to let your MIL know that she cannot be a party to this and if there is a problem with you then she should take it up directly with you.

Mark

John,

Asking her mother is one approach but I believe you continue to dis-empower your gf by taking responsibility for finding a place for her and her children. She can play a helpless victim but seeing if her own mother will take her is her responsibility.

You say you want to be alone and want to date again. My take is that you need to work on yourself and take care of your children. You have gone from one relationship to another. My belief is that you need to learn to be by yourself for a while. Happiness is not another woman. Take stock on your behaviors and reflect. Get some therapy to understand yourself better.

Mark