Dear Prash,

You brought up many good points; thank you again for your help and supportive discussion.

I would not feel comfortable bringing it up – I don’t think I could ever be this vulnerable with friends I don’t get to see often. And unless we’re together at our annual meeting, they don’t really check in with me. At least they haven’t lately. As I was thinking about this, I realized that it’s really just one friend who’s been giving me the cold shoulder. Her father died earlier this year and I know she’s had some emotional burden. Although I do feel that may have something to do with it, it’s hard for me because she has obviously not ignored our other friends. I decided to suck it up and text her again today, despite her non-response the past couple of texts. She responded very technically, answering my question, but not inquiring about my plans. When I replied with what I was thinking she didn’t respond. I’m absolutely sure now that something has changed in our friendship and that she doesn’t value mine. I do remember one of our mutual friends saying the same thing a couple years ago jokingly and in passing, that she thought this friend didn’t like her anymore. Maybe she’s just got her own issues?

I will take all your great advice to heart and practice it. Look for new friendships and do more to build myself up without others and not write off friends I don’t feel are friends at this vulnerable time.

I’ve been thinking about neuroplasticity and whether I could work – via meditation, self-care, journaling  to provide myself with the emotional comforts that social connections provide. Whether that same area of the brain could be activated via self-compassion. I guess aside from my feelings of sadness about losing friends/acquaintances is a fear that the brain changes that rejection creates will change me in a negative way. I don’t want to become bitter and closed-off, the way I responded to rejection as a teenager….

Thank you again for listening! 🙂

Dear Anita,

I’d have to say, yes, that I have shared that with all my friends. I tend to have more good close friends than acquaintances. One on one I’d consider myself a great supportive friend and I had a good number of friends who I believed I could count on if I needed something. I think I always relied on my core group of college friends (3 others) to always be there for me.

We are all supposed to meet up in the town one of my friends lives in next month. I know that I’m still friends with them, but I guess I feel like I could just not show and no one would really care – well, I’m better friends with one and I know she would care. I’ve come to that conclusion based on my thoughts that I would reply to text messages from one of them if I hadn’t been in contact via social media to stay caught up. Yet they don’t, so either their priorities on friends is just different than mine, or I’m no longer of concern to them. I battle between these thoughts and trying not to take things personally.