Keep working it Chau

Seems pretty clear what she is doing + what you want + the difference in between. What’s not clear is why you haven’t let her go yet.

So why haven’t you let her go? Why haven’t you moved on? @Melusina2017

@Chau Are you disappointed in yourself? Is this about her and what she did to you or what you failed to do for her?

The novel was a thriller based on narcissistic abuse but Im adding some other elements in there, I feel like my original idea would be a better movie than book. With that kind of abuse it kind of creeps up on you, so it might be too confusing to be the main plot of the book.

I already smell a sequel 😀

– – – –

Hi, I’m Brie. Nice to meet you!

Won’t be visiting previous posts. Let’s see if we can spark some new ideas with recent ones . . .

@gigicat22

I usually never got much writing done at all because I was thinking about going on a walk, eating, playing with the pets, and when my boyfriend got off work we would watch TV

Sounds distracting. What happening inside the noodle between you writing + you going for walk/eating/playing pets/bf time?

Maybe I will be more motivated to write when I have some money

Sounds uncertain. Can you rely on emotions?

– – – –

My mom once again asked why I never call her, but she had to call me because some of my paperwork came to her. She proceeded to lecture me about buying my own condo and why I should, even though I live with my boyfriend. I don’t think she thinks he is successful enough.

Sounds like she’s looking for things to talk about. People tendency seems to be to talk about bad things. I don’t know why. Perhaps easier to relate? Examples: gossiping. Also, doesn’t know about the good things in your life, so focuses on what she does know. Last idea, could be mom thing to be drawn to concerns of safety for children.

I want to live a minimalist lifestyle and I don’t know why she can’t understand that

We are all brought up differently. Check history and see how things lead to one way of thinking vs. another

She [mom] doesn’t know why my boyfriend will not put money into fixing our house, and I get mad at her but then I find myself agreeing with her and questioning my boyfriend

Sounds like a pattern. What are the specifics? Can you validate pattern by checking each instance?

– – – –

Bf and I also had another fight about his family. It was his birthday and his mom didn’t even message him, yet he always takes her out on her birthday. I just do Not comprehend this behavior of catering to people who are so oblivious, family or not.

Keep an open mind + keep questioning things. Avoid “I don’t understand” + end of thought process.

Bf and I also had another fight about his family. It was his birthday and his mom didn’t even message him, yet he always takes her out on her birthday. I just do Not comprehend this behavior of catering to people who are so oblivious, family or not. He also said something where he mixed up my siblings names and ages, and I kind of flipped. He has these moments of being absent minded with me and forgets things I said, where as he constantly brags about his sisters favorite food, her boyfriend, her grades, everything … and doesn’t say anything about me or even remember. Maybe this is an exaggeration because she is his sister. But for me with my insecurity it hurts so much. He also thinks I’m wrong for accepting my dad’s offer of money when I wasn’t working, because I mentioned I wanted to limit or cut contact. I said I did not ask, he offered, and I never ended up taking it. I feel like I’m being criticized more, or not cared about compared to everyone else when I do the most for him.

Hm… Big block! Let me break it down . . .

1)

I just do Not comprehend this behavior of catering to people who are so oblivious, family or not.

Avoid ending thought process here. There is tendency I have where I say “I don’t know” and things just stop.

Ask why you don’t know + what would cause the behaviour

2)

He also said something where he mixed up my siblings names and ages, and I kind of flipped. He has these moments of being absent minded with me and forgets things I said, where as he constantly brags about his sisters favorite food, her boyfriend, her grades, everything … and doesn’t say anything about me or even remember. Maybe this is an exaggeration because she is his sister. But for me with my insecurity it hurts so much.

Sounds like his way of caring = sharing with you what he finds, learns, knows, experienced

3)

He also thinks I’m wrong for accepting my dad’s offer of money when I wasn’t working, because I mentioned I wanted to limit or cut contact. I said I did not ask, he offered, and I never ended up taking it. I feel like I’m being criticized more, or not cared about compared to everyone else when I do the most for him.

Criticism normally = more care because actions viewed under magnifying glass. What happens is we too bogged in detail = forget the positive side of things. I might be wrong. There could also be other unseen/unheard things, such as relationship between bf + dad. Example: you money problems = bf not able to provide = bf look bad. Have you seen these implications?

– – – –

I also mentioned I really don’t want to drink because I say things I wish I didn’t, and I stress about my health and my weight.

Great! Step one to life changing habits always to eliminate the nonessential/roadblocks. Makes life easier

He still opens wine every day, he makes it himself . I know I should just say no but I can’t. It’s my fault but I wish I was stronger to hold back. I’m just so upset now and feel so alone. I don’t know why I end up being so independent one day and the next I still want to lash out. I am trying so hard to keep the serious anger to myself but I don’t know what to do.

Hm, sounds like dependency on others. To your mom, to your bf, to reach your own goals like writing, etc. Can I ask if you are youngest in family or have older siblings?

Hi Anita,

Thanks for the advice. I definitely need to get organized. By nature I am not the most organized person, it will be something I have to get used to. I will be teaching 4th grade math and science. I asked the school for the curriculum and I was given the math curriculum. They are getting new books so I won’t have the new books until later. I asked the principle when I can get into the classroom and she said not until July 20. School starts the first week of August. I would like to have things planned before. Maybe I can take the math curriculum I received and do what I can with that until I get the science information. I asked the principle about a mentor teacher and she said that I would be given one. I am totally new to teaching and I am feeling very anxious about everything.

Hm, sounds like a lot of details

@dashboardchic19 I want to do a good job.

What does a good job look like?

Dear Brievuong,

thanks for your advice.
I think i did write journal on the first week or so when i stopped contacting her, and then i felt a bit better and lost track of it.
To be very frank I don’t feel it’s over yet. Images of her keep popping up no matter where i go. and to be frank I think i am very prone to obsessive behaviors
The emotions are still very strong towards her.
I am just trying to meditate and may be will resume writing my thought.
I want a better state of mind.

Thanks!
Clara

@chau Great stuff. Four things:

1) What does “better state of mind” mean?

2) You’ve been more on the logical side of things + have quite the sensitivity (sensitive = to other people’s behaviours and emotions + your own). Kudos on this.

3) What you “think” = most likely yes, unless proven otherwise

5) Test out Vishen Lakhairi 6 Phase Meditation

Edit: beware confirmation bias

Testing

Did you get around to researching more apps? Doesn’t have to be local.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by Brie.

@zeroxmxi

Nothing’s working. Nothing is remotely interesting or amusing. You don’t like stuff. You have no passion. There’s no “interests” anywhere.

You’re doing work. It sucks. You have money saved. But at the rate you’re going, things won’t be getting better.

You don’t get people. You don’t get women. You’re not even worthy of their time, or anyone’s time, really. You don’t belong anywhere because you don’t connect with anyone. Everyone seems so different and okay with themselves. But you’re not.

You don’t get yourself. You don’t know what you’re suppose to do or “be” as a person. It’s almost as if you’re suppose to drown in sorrow.

Except you “know” this is all you. No one’s physically or mentally controlling you. You can see you’re thinking too much. You know others have it worse, but you get to be here today on the forums. You have food, shelter, water. You should be okay, but you’re not. Maybe you’re not suppose to be drowning in sorrow. Maybe it’s your choice… And that is a dark and scary thought…