Hi Peter,

I suppose both could be true at the same time which is an interesting thought.

Regarding the Enneagram and that at some point something confronts our world view which causes us to compensate our natural type to our survival type, this rings true to me. For me personally I feel that my survival type is very different from my natural type. I haven’t taken the test but I’ve a hunch I was a born happy-go-lucky “Enthusiast” that evolved into a cautious “Reformer”. Lol

When you say “indifference likes to disguise itself as detachment”, do you mean that you may have been mostly indifferent to the events that transpired in your high school memory?

B

Hi Jamie,

I keep waking up in the morning with the same reel of thoughts and mental images of all the bad things that have happened to me in the past

I like that you used the word “reel” because I think of it as a movie reel that keeps playing in my head over and over again. I like Roberta’s advice that the first step to breaking free is to become aware of what’s happening: Your own personal horror movie just keeps playing in your mind. It’s not real; it’s only a story your mind keeps telling you. Make the decision to step outside the movie and become an objective observer to it, almost like you’re not the leading character in it anymore. In other words, stop identifying with the story. It’s over. Those things that happened are over. When you wake up tomorrow and you have a regret, don’t get pulled in. Just observe it and let it pass. Make a decision to keep doing this as many times as you need to throughout the day. At first it will be hard and you’ll be lucky to get a minute or two of freedom because these darn thoughts are persistent, but after some time it gets easier, becomes a healthy habit, and life becomes an adventure again.

All of us make a lot of mistakes throughout our lives because we’re human and humans make mistakes. I’ve made way too many, trust me. I forgave myself, and I’ll continue to do so because I’ll keep making mistakes, no doubt about that.¯\_(ツ)_/¯ It’s time for you to forgive yourself too.

Our suffering is optional because we have the option to not get swept away by our thoughts. Just observe them…here comes those massive regrets again, no big deal, yawn, ho-hum, what am I gonna do for fun after work today?…and let them go.

B 😊

Peter –  I’m not familiar with centering prayer but I have similar thoughts as you with regard to the differences between meditation and contemplation. The way I see it meditation is a human mode of prayer whereas contemplation is divinely infused prayer, and yes meditation can lead to contemplation. I think of contemplation as waiting for God (or the Universe or whatever term one wishes to use) to meet us and to be with us, so we can rest in his/its presence and listen for guidance with an open heart.

B

Jill,

They are your children and you will miss them, and you are their mother and they will miss you. In time, maybe the three of you will be open to letting it all go, rebuilding a healthier and better relationship.

B

Hi Jill,

I asked the question because I find it inconsiderate of your son to not inform you about the change in plans until the day before the event, unless of course he himself wasn’t aware of your daughter’s cruise trip until then.

You shouldn’t have to chase your adult children around “begging” to have a relationship with them, so I understand your choice to walk away. As a mother of three adult children myself I know how difficult raising kids is and I’ve made my share of parenting mistakes, for sure. There are no perfect parents. There’s no doubt in my mind that you love your kids and did the best you could in raising them, but if you are interested in repairing your relationships with them then listen closely to what they have to say about their childhood wounds and consider giving them both a heartfelt apology for any hurt your parenting may have caused them, even if you don’t see things as they do. It’s a hard thing to do but they’ll respect you for it, and it just may soften their hearts some.

B

…oops, how to move forward:

Let her cool off. She’ll get over it.

B

This is a great thread.

The world tells us that to be successful we must obtain wealth, pleasure, power, and honor, but what happens if we have all these things and we’re still unhappy? Maybe the world’s priorities are messed up.

Maybe if we stop buying into what the world, and what our own distracted minds, tell us every second of every day, we’ll soon enter that flow of life that Peter describes. Maybe that flow will take us where we’re supposed to be, where we lose our selfishness and make positive contributions to the world, as aVoid describes. Maybe this is what being successful really means.

…and I’m not drunk either…lol.

B

Hi Norit,

I’m very sorry about your dad and your situation. I’m no expert on addiction but I think that until your mom acknowledges she has a problem, she won’t be open to receiving help. You might try finding a local detox center and get their advice on how to get your mom admitted, but Im guessing that until she hits rock bottom she won’t budge. So in the meantime you and your brother need to take good care of yourselves. This means finding a 12-step program for family members of addicts. They will give you tools on how to cope daily with your situation, and you will meet others who are going through similar challenges, a possible support group for you and your brother.

Norit, before you get out of bed each morning, ask God, the Universe, Buddha or whatever you believe in to give you strength and guide you throughout that day. Then periodically as the day unfolds keep the conversation open, keep asking for help, and be open to receiving some answers. And keep building a life for yourself.

B