Depression is a very hard disease to deal with. Not knowing what the cause is. Chemical, biological, situational, ???? Reading the first post, it paints a picture of a final journey. Looking at thing for the last time as leaving a vacation spot. But, to answer your question, “Am I at the end of my journey?”, no you are not. You are in one stage of many. Your thinking of this life as complete. It isn’t. Humans are in a unique position to learn the truth of life.

People are like drops from a splash of water in the ocean. Each drop has its own trajectory. Flying hi or flying low. Each with a life of its own. This drop more salty and that drop with more life inside. Each unique in its own way. Up, up and away. Spends it time in the air and then comes down back to the big ocean. Never lost. Soon, another splash and away we go again. The cycle goes on and on. So, how do we break free?

Buddha, after having his enlightenment, saw all his past lifetimes. And, with this enlightenment found the truth and the end to this endless journey. So, in his teachings, there are the four noble truths. This is where the beginning of the journey to wisdom and compassion and love opens up. This is the path to freedom.

I am sorry I can not give you the help that you need to bring you out of this depression. This Dis-ease has taken many. I wish you find the help that you need. The forum is a nice place to express feelings. People try to lend an ear and listen. May be tell you its not so bad. So, bad. I wish you find something that can involve you and your mind. To find something of interest. Good Luck.

What drives you to drink? Is it hunger as it is for the one who is on a diet? Is there a hunger for the alcohol? There are rules against drinking alcohol. Do you break those rules? If not then it is a choice you made. You are responsible for your choices. If you break the rules then it is a mistake. Is it a mistake like breaking rules against bank robbery? Obviously not completely. But, it sits in the realm of those mistakes. Drunk driving, fighting, not being where you are suppose to be (work), etc. Do you need to be hard on yourself if drinking is considered a choice? It was your choice. But, as I said before, your choices now are the foundation of your future.

Men do not express our feelings or let them out. If that happened then people in our lives would look down upon us. People would think we are weak to show feelings. That is the nature of men’s relationships. If you are not happy with him … Or rather if you are not happy with yourself then he will not make you happy. You must be happy with yourself and then his companionship will compliment your life. If you are not happy with yourself then his presence will only gnaw at your ideas of how your world should be. You will have left him before you actually physically leave him.

Most men will do what they can to please the women in their lives. And most men will shut up and take whatever their woman tells them. The man will then change and turn into something that is not the same as before. He will change into something that can survive the demands of his woman. May be short tempered, angry,…. but will take the criticism and the yelling from his woman. In the end, he will still not become that man that the woman wants.

What is the point? You want a perfect partner to you. An ideal man. It doesn’t exist. If you can not find your own happiness then you will not be happy. If you want to feel intimate and close to him then be intimate and close. It is probably certain that he would like to share this too. Being close and intimate with the woman he loves. If you do not show him then how would he know? How would he learn?

Spark? OMG, you want sparks or chemistry or that magic that means the man you have is the right one?? If only the world was as we imagined it to be. How happy we would be?? Reality is truth. No white knight on a magic steed. Looking for spark, you will never be happy. Happiness does not come from outside of oneself. If it does then you will be happy for a short while and then something else will be needed to make you happy again. And so the cycle goes on.

Five years of youth in love is a long time. In the mind of the youth, it is a lifetime. This being the first love means the feelings run the deepest. It really is a shame that you let this continue for so long even knowing that it will not end well. He will not change his mind? He will stay loyal to his family and not you? The message is to move on and forget him? And youth wonders how this can be.

It hurts. Pain when one thinks of the love and the time spent together. So, how does one move on? It takes lots of time and distraction for the feelings to let go. Time to let go. Time to little by little not think or feel the pain and hurt. Distraction is needed to move the mind from its deep well made from 5 years of this toil in love. Distraction in purpose in occupation, or love another. You will need this more than you admit. Please be open to your future and not dwell in the past.

Why does fear control so much? That is a very interesting question.  It is an emotional reaction to events that surrounds us. Emotions are very difficult to control while one is going thru it.

For me to get control of my fear, I needed to recognize the conditions for it to happen. Then, have a plan to not feel the fear. Exercising this control will eventually allow me to stop feeling fear. Well, at least not fear when those triggers or conditions appeared.

I know that I do not have the power to control others nor others reactions. But, have planned what to do in those situations. Sometimes plan to avoid it thru escape or confrontation. It is tough to do. But, if I didn’t change then nothing changes.

From what I have read, there were no harsh words spoken. Just a decision from the son to live with his father? Sounds like a boy looking to grow up. Happy birthday text, it all seems normal. If he has any issues with you then it is in his mind. You have done what you can to be his mother. I would text back that you are happy but missing him. May be even include something new going on in your life. Other than that, there is only waiting for him to want to talk. And as long as you make him feel he safe and can do talk, there will be a chance that he will.

Yes, so many times, people with problems come here to just vent. Then they go back to the same old ways. The meaning of life is important because it is what makes us happy and interested. As Anita said, it is the reason to get up in the morning. And not just to go to work or because it is daylight. But, because it brings us more time to be with or do things which makes us happy. That draw our minds and emotions to bear/ direction.

I have often wished to be able to edit my posts and make corrections. And, I wished for the ability to click a like for some post that means more to me. It shows appreciation for people who answer posts and brings light to the darkness in our lives. You know who you are.