Love is wonderful fresh and new. At 47 years old, love shouldn’t be so fresh and so new. One should have perspective due to the time passed and experience done. What is wrong with moving fast if it feels right? Do both parties feel the same? Space, take a break? Is that because of the speed you were moving or is it because it felt too needy and clingy? Or did you feel the walls of your safe house begin to shake?

I am not one who says they are on your side or try to make you feel better. You will get enough of that from any acquaintances you have who hear your story. My life is full of regret but those were my decision that I made. So, I live with it and move on. And I give up on rehashing everything and give up on regrets. I will tell you what I think from reading what you wrote. You might like being alone and feeling safe with no one to disturb your life. Or do you want someone to be there to talk to and give you other opinions? Decision is y0urs. Wishing you all the best!

A long distance relationship has an implied commitment of marriage. Otherwise what is the point of being in this relationship? Not picking you is showing he is not ready to commit. Not ready for marriage. He doesn’t see you in the same light as you see him.

So the question is do you stay for the short term and try to have a nice time? Or, do you stop this and go your own way? That is your own choice. Can’t rely on others to tell you what to do. It only brings regret for not having done the other choice. You make your decision and live your life.

He says he doesn’t want to hurt you. That is an excuse to not make a commitment to you. You have already had enough time together to know you want him. My thoughts are to let him go. Spending more time with him won’t  change his mind. And, it will only hurt you more later on. I wish you happiness.

[quote quote=430692]Dear Tommy, I know Tommy, I have already broken up with her, I am just working on the process of moving on. Paradoxy[/quote]

So moving on means to stop thinking about her. Which means this thread is over. Stop, do not continue. Giving time to heal all wounds. Spend less and less time thinking about her or having feeling for her. Let her go. Over time, you will think less and less of her and the healing will begin.

Tommy

Four noble truths of the Buddha, 1. Life is suffering,   2. The truth of suffering,   3. There is a way out of suffering,   4. The path to freedom from suffering.

Life is tough and terrible. There is so much suffering and cheating and lying and everything. A toothache is painful but the suffering is in the mind who endures the toothache longing for it to end. Everyone suffers pain and has a terrible time. But, it is those, who reach beyond the suffering to see the truth of life and the truth of Buddha nature, they live a life of love, compassion and wisdom.

There are no simple cures. And, for the Buddha, he said one is reborn. So, in time you will return in another life. And go thru similar until you have learned the lesson that is taught. Suicide is not the answer. Karma will keep you in this circle. Despair is not the answer. You may need to express your feelings and that will help for the moment. You may need to take up the practice of mindfulness, meditation. Find a teacher and sangha to learn how to break into freedom. Maybe take lessons in self-defense. Be able to feel that you take control of your life.

Sorry ParadoxMusic, you want to separate the woman from her actions because you believe you love her. You already know she is not the one for you. It is time to move forward. Find a real woman you can love and that can love you. Hanging on to her will only break your heart more when the curtain does finally come down.

Sounds like young love. You and your partner are different people and will always have different views upon life. So, you not always get along on every aspect of your lives. Just the way life is. The best you can do is to ignore the harsh points of disagreement and focus upon that which brings you joy. I do not mean to have children. Sometimes couples believe that a baby will bring them together. It does sometimes but not always. Anyways, you seem to be stumped by your partner’s speech on how you did not focus on the correct thing, his feelings on his first day. Tell him that you were trying to fix the rift between you two and he is just focused upon himself without regard to you. While you are actually focused on both of you at the same time. He says you are ignoring his feelings but, it seems to you that he is ignoring yours.

When fighting, it takes time to gather the thoughts together to be able to verbalize the feelings. Tension builds up.  Tension is fine as long as you remember that you want to be together. So behave as there is no tension until you have the proper place and time to talk it out. No one wins if only one person wins an argument in a relationship. Oh, if you live together then there is no asking for space. You give time for thinking but never give up space. Space isolates and makes one feel alone. Being in each other’s face or holding each other is better. Just do not have to talk. Later, just talk. No yelling.

Of course, I am no expert. I have made plenty of mistakes, just ask my wife. Anita does better at advice.

It is sad to say, that when a person wants a pause, it means she doesn’t want you. Does it matter if you were going too fast? Yes, it does. Couples like it better when things go as if both wanted the same thing at the same time. Not always possible. Anyway, she doesn’t see it the same way. You appear to be needy and clingy to her. So, anybody who feels smothered wants space. But, space means losing the other person. A strain is put upon the relationship.

If you walk around and think of her all day, if you just feel the want to hear her voice, if you crave being near her, if you miss her kisses, …. you got it bad. And it will only make it worse. How do you get yourself into a better situation? Just drop her. If she wants you then she will call. If not then you need to have moved on. Find a good hobby? Find another love? Learn the art of starting a conversation with strangers. Know your worth. Do something to keep your mind off her. Then soon it will become less and less. Become a better person.

I know it sounds harsh. But, you must understand that you only get a first impression once. You made yourself look clingy and needy. She will always see you as someone below her level. Not confident and not the man who knows their worth. Better yourself so the next woman will know you are worthy of her caring. Give up on her. If she does call then you will be ready. If she doesn’t call then you will be ready. I am sorry for my poor advice.

Happy Easter, …

When sitting in meditation, a thought arises and the mind tends to follow the thought until one becomes aware of the thought and the attention has moved and person is centered again. It is the same with any thoughts. One has a thought and the mind follows and builds upon the thought. It becomes real and carries a momentum of its own. It is followed by supporting thoughts and colored by the memories of the past. Voices become familiar to the point of being someone’s voice from the past. If coupled with depression then the results can often be not what anyone really wants to happen.

There are plenty of suggestions of what to do and how to do it. Become a better person with a solid reasoning mind. ETC. I have none of that. I can only see how it begins and how it grows. The thoughts and the feelings build a wall of anguish and isolation and depression will only add to the trend of spiraling down. Bringing the thoughts forward and following them is what gives them power. Possibly, if like meditation that one becomes aware of the thought and drops them, lets them go away and re-focus attention to the present (re-centers oneself) then the mind can becomes free of the pattern.

Whether it is nicotine or opioids or other drugs, addiction is similar. The thoughts and urges have a mind of their own. They begin to control actions and make good decision making more difficult. It is so easy to give in and follow those thoughts that lead to losing, loss. Really hard to decide and follow thru.

Sorry, lost my train of thought. It must be a senior moment. Excuse me.