Hi Airene,

Yes, I felt very much that he gained my trust and was interested in me. I have no intention in telling anyone, let alone my husband about this. Like I first said, apart from one other social networking site no-one else knows. I had no-one I could talk to about this in my life at that time. I have friendships but felt unable to tell due to feeling such shame. I googled ‘shame’ and it says to talk it out to help reduce the feelings of it. It is only since coming on here my anxiety has dropped and I’ve received positive feedback that I can take away with me.

Dear Airene and Anita,

I have read both your replies and you have no idea just how much better I feel.

Airene, your comments about how I feel guilty is spot on and I know I am worth more than how I have been feeling.

I have spoken to my husband about my feelings of loneliness and he did/does continue to help with this. I still ‘get my days’ but nowadays it is more that I felt I could not move on. My head and heart were stuck in the past. Time had moved on….but I wasn’t moving with it.

Anita, likewise your spot on about how I’m hurting. I am far more unforgiving with myself than anyone else. If this was a friend who had been telling me about how she was feeling, I’d tell her to forget and move on…we all make mistakes, but when it is yourself it’s so so much harder. I know what I did was wrong and certainly not one I’d do again.  I’m worth so much more but the job of forgiving myself and moving on has been incredibly difficult for me.  I did once post on another social networking site and the responses were just dreadful. I was looking to heal when all I got was abuse.  The shame intensified and so I closed my account.

Thank you so much ladies for taking the time to reply to me. You’ve made me feel so much better and I’m looking forward to a restful sleep this evening.

Should anyone else be going through/gone through same or similar and wants to chat please contact me on here and I will listen.  Thanks again, AutumnGlow

Dear Anita,

Thank you once again for replying. In all honesty I thought I may receive a bad response(s) to what I had posted. I mean, after all I knew what I was doing. I’m married, but I still did it and went ahead. I know I was wrong but I’m done with him it’s more about getting my head in the right place, I know I played a part but I feel guilt, shame, it’s NOT something I ever thought I’d do. I feel tainted, unbalanced and am disappointed in myself.

During the day I work, my mind is busy, but when I’m back in the evening the feelings and emotion returns. I find sleeping hard and hate myself.

I’m worried for myself, I’m sick of feeling like this.

Hi Anita,

Thank you so much for replying.  Yes, I did want a connection and (at the time) felt I made a good one. I found him funny, intelligent and smart and I did very much enjoy the attention I was getting from him. I lavished in it, I looked forward to each day when we would get to connect…sometimes even twice a day. We even spoke over the telephone a couple of times. I cherished these times. When New Year was approaching we arranged to briefly wish one another ‘A Happy New Year’.

Do you mind me asking if you yourself has experienced this also? The reason I ask is because you say ‘I Wish I understood this before’.

I feel a fool that he’s probably never given me a second thought whilst I’m feeling like this.