The reason he texts at that hour is because a lot of times on the weekends, or even sometimes during the week, especially during hunting season, a lot of the men down in that part of the state I live in go to/hang out at ranches. He goes out to his friend’s ranch to escape his home life. A lot of men do the same thing down there. It is part of the culture. They hunt, then go back to the ranch house to BBQ & drink. He has his own room there. It’s a huge ranch. He has been doing that for years. He told me that when he goes to the ranch, its his ultimate escape away from his home life. It is weird, though. He hasn’t tried contacting me during the day, like he used to. He used to call me all the time when he was at work. These latest texts were just a way for him to see if I am still mad. I don’t know if he wants to start up the affair again, but he is the type of guy that worries what people think of him. I think the last time he texted me last month, and I didn’t respond, it made him want to try texting me again to see if I would respond. He doesn’t want me to be upset with him. He was just drunk and probably thinking about all the fun times we had. I have no doubt he misses certain aspects of the affair we had, but I was a bit cold with him. I ended the texting abruptly by saying, “I know its late, so take care of yourself.”

Another possibility is that he was drunk & horny and remembered all the hot times we used to have, including sexting & facetime stuff. He probably wanted to try to see how I would respond when he said he wished he had me. If he really wanted me back, he would try reaching out during normal hours, not when he is drunk & by himself in his room at the ranch.

He probably does still think about me, but not enough to do anything about it. Oh, and by the way, his wife does has a severe drug problem, but he is willing to put up with it. She is addicted to Xanax & marijuana, drinks with these substances and also loves coke. She sits around all day long, playing on Facebook, keeps the house in shambles, does no grocery shopping or much of anything else, except on weekends, she gets dressed up, and he takes her to fancy restaurants, goes to parties and acts like nothing. He enables this behavior by taking her to expensive restaurants, and not only works, but has to do the shopping and 9 times out of 10, cooks dinner for them as well. She cooks only when he tells her too. He gets annoyed with this behavior, but isn’t willing to do anything about it, and even supports her by giving her money, buying her things and going to social events with her. She bosses him around, and has even threatened him that she will turn the kids against him if he ever tries to divorce her. His family cannot stand her, but he usually ends up getting mad at them for hating her. She also with holds sex a lot. I know her and have known her for years. He isn’t making any of it up. For years before our affair, I often wondered why/how a guy like him ended up with a woman like that. She was actually married with a baby when he met her. Her husband was in prison at the time. He told me his family was horrified when he got with her, but he always defended her, and is still doing so. Anyway….as much as a snake as weakling as I think he is, it gave me boost of confidence to know that he can never have me again, even if he begged. I know he is miserable, and feeling frustrated, and yes, probably thinks about me all the time, or as he put it, “not a day goes by.” Well, the shoe is on the other foot. All I have to do is read my old posts whenever I was suffering with not knowing, and crying with frustration at how he coldly dumped me. Lile that saying, “don’t know what ya got, till it’s gone!” Let me squirm a little!

Maybe he only trying to reach out because he is miserable and wanted a little late night action on the phone. He misses the sex, not anything else. I haven’t a clue!

Update:

I am in utter disbelief, but I received another mysterious, late night text from my ex lover last night. This time, it wasn’t as cryptic. First of all, this text came in at 1 am (again.) It said, “hope you are doing well!” It went on to say that he was sorry he was such a p*ssy & wimp, and that he didn’t reach out because things got to hot at home. He asked me if I was ok, and wondered if I had moved after all. He told me that I was a wonderful woman & person and I deserve nothing, but the best. I went ahead and asked him why he was finally reaching out, and he said this:

“Not a day goes by..believe me..if you know what i mean. It was just to hot at home to reach out.”

He also told me he was just happy that I answered his text. I guess he was trying to reach out with that other weird text last month. He told me his kids were doing good, but he is having serious problems with other areas of his life, which I know what he means. I asked him if he still owned the rifle I had bought him. He also asked if I still had some of his things that he had left with me, and I said nope, I threw everything away back then. He said he understood and was sorry. As for the rifle, he answered that he did still have it, and that he treasured it, along with everything else, but if I wanted it back, he would give it to me. He said, “I have it with me right now, and also have the binoculars with me.” “Wish I had you.”

I told him that I don’t hold any animosity any longer, am happy, working hard and living a good life. He told me that was great.

I ended the texting by saying, “I know its late & all, take care of yourself, Sergio!”

He responded by saying, “you too, thanks!”

Okay, first of all, what does this mean? When he said “not a day goes by if you know what I mean..” What did that mean? Did it mean he thinks about me still? Why doesn’t he text during the day, like a normal person? Why is he waiting till late? He told me he was out at the ranch and hasn’t been there in a long time. What did it mean when he said “wish i had you.” I am wondering if he genuinely has been missing me and was scared to contact me, or is he just trying to see if he can get away with some hot phone sex again. I made it seem like I am living my life, and am happy. Actually, its true. I am living my life, and am somewhat happy. I don’t have to worry about him any longer!

I would like to discuss this, if anyone is up for it.

I don’t think that late night text was anything more than him being extremely drunk. I have stopped trying to analyze because I simply don’t care any more. Like Michelle said, for every high that I had with that guy, there were 10 lows. When I think back on my year long fling with that piece of shit, I now see someone being completeley manipulative. Like, for example, we spent a weekend last October at a five star resort, had room service, and stayed in a $1,500 a night suite. I paid for everything! Well, right after checkout, he said he wanted to go to this store to buy some binoculars for hunting season. I told him I wanted some too, since I work on a ranch and needed some. Well, we ended up at a sporting goods store near the resort, and he proceeded to pick out some $400 ones, then turned around and asked me to buy them. I was like, what? I had just spent thousands on this asshole, and it was never enough. I am started to be out of that intoxicating fog I was in to realize that the guy used me the whole time. The thing is, I treated him like a king, spent money on him, was fit, beautiful, etc., and he still chose to stay living in misery with the drug addicted wife who doesn’t lift a finger to help him, sits around popping pills all day, while her house gets filthier & filthier. He had a chance to get out of that situation, but he chose instead to treat someone like dirt, and go back to being a slave to an extremely ignorant, jealous, filthy drug addicted woman. I am over it! I hope he never bothers me again!

I am sad to admit without sounding completely dysfunctional that I am back with my old boyfriend. We aren’t living in the same town, but he comes stays with me when he visits. What can I say? I love him a lot, and constantly mother him, but there isn’t any passion in our relationship. Also, when the other bastard did that to me, I completely went off the deep end, and quit working out & eating healthy. I’ve ballooned up like a pig and feel so ugly. I feel done ever trying to date again. Men don’t want women my age. They all think there is something wrong with me because I have never been married nor do I have kids. It’s funny the way life works out. That’s all I ever dreamed about when I was younger. I wanted to have my own family to take care of, but it never happened for me. I have always had health problems and was infertile for my reproductive years. It’s too late for me now.

I also work for the world’s most demanding, hypercritical, micromanaging boss who constantly sets the bar so high, I always end up failing in his eyes. He bothers me on the weekends when I am supposed to be off, and starts his weekends rounds at his property noticing things I didn’t do. Between what that bastard did to me, and the boss I work for as a personal assistant/estate manager, I am surprised I haven’t gone completely out of my mind. That’s for another forum altogether.

Back to the bastard, ya know, he has no earthly idea I took it that hard. I have never tried to reach out to him anymore, except for the two emails I sent. I don’t want him to have the pleasure of knowing I was so hooked on him. He doesn’t know that his hourly phone calls & texts were like medicine to me. He also used to give me much needed advice on how to handle my boss. I miss all of that so bad. I wish I knew if he still thinks about me. I know he is a piece of shit, but it would actually make me feel a ton better if I knew. Wow, I am a screwed up woman, aren’t I?

I actually think I’m wanting to know opinions of this to make myself feel better. Somehow, if I think he feels regret & guilt, it will make my heart feel better. You don’t know what this guy did to my confidence, self worth & value. It would be easy to just blow him off, but I need closure, even if its opinions from others. In my 44 years on this earth, I never thought in a million years that someone could destroy my soul the way this guy did. I feel so stupid. I did things with this guy that I feel so ashamed. Sexual things I wish I had never done. He is probably laughing behind my back to his friends, and making fun of me that I bought him all those gifts. I’m sure he is using his expensive rifle too for the upcoming hunting season. Or, maybe he’ll sell it. Who knows.

Update! I had sent the bastard an email a couple of months after he stopped communicating with me. Here is what I wrote:

 I want you to be VERY aware that I am extremely disappointed, disgusted and honestly, quite sad that you misrepresented yourself to me as that of a caring friend, someone I could confide in, and someone that I genuinely was extremely fond of. However, it turns out that all I was, was a temporary toy for you to play with and use. When you got bored, I wasn’t even worth a lousy phone call, text or email explaining why. When I think of all the support, encouragement and care that I generously gave to you, it makes me embarrassed & ashamed the person receiving my attentions didn’t give one shit about me, not even as a friend. I guess you figured everyone else has taken my kindness for granted, so why not do the same! Whatever the decision was, I would’ve respected your choice 100%, no questions asked. Obviously, the feeling wasn’t ever mutual, because I was discarded like an empty beer can. I didn’t need this done to me, especially after what I have been put through in my life. I needed a friend, not someone to prey on my kindness & generosity. Let me be perfectly clear on something. This isn’t about being upset about anything other than you not having the
decency to let me know. You thought that ridiculous email about your job was good enough? Would it have killed you to take five minutes to shoot me a text or email to let me know that you didn’t want to talk to me any longer? 
In closing, you caused me massive confusion, hurt, embarrassment and humiliation. That is what I deserved after being so generous with you? Don’t worry. You won’t ever hear from me again. Your stupid secret is safe. I want you to know what an absolute shitty & cowardly thing that was to do to someone. You are definitely not the person I thought you were…

I never got a response, of course. However, last week at 1 am, someone texted me. I was very groggy from being in a deep sleep and looked at my phone. Low & behold it was from the bastard’s cell #. Here is what he texted me at 1 am:

Your email was dead on after I read it.. im a piece of shit…thats why im where im at…

Okay, I would very much like to get opinions on what this text meant, and why this jerk bothered sending it. Was he hoping I’d respond? I am 99.9% positive he was drunk.

It is now June 29th, and the jerk never called, emailed or contacted me again. I have been having dreams about him almost every night too. It is amazing that I still miss him. I honestly don’t know how the guy could’ve done that to me, but he did. Lesson learned.

I had 100%, absolutely no indication he would ever do anything like this. He even said that if we quite seeing each other in a romantic sense, we would still be best friends for life. This guy is usually very submissive. His family dominates & controls him, and the woman he is married (but separated) to has done some very bad things to him too. He has put up with it. As a matter of fact, he is known for being very weak & submissive, that is why a lot of people have taken advantage of him. His wife has been especially cruel to him over the years. I know it is true, because I knew him before this affair happened, and I used to wonder back in the day why anyone in their right mind would put up with that kind of abuse. She won’t change, either, but he is willing to put up with it for the sake of his children. Back to your question, there was no indication. If this guy was acting the whole time, then he is the world’s best actor, better than Marlon Brando. He convinced me that his affection for him (friendship/romantic) was genuine. This guy called me any chance he got when he wasn’t around his kids. He was starved for affection & emotional connection too, just like I was. But, he simply just left me with that strange email, and I have not heard from him in over three weeks. I cannot try reaching out any more either, because I emailed him a few weeks ago, and he never wrote back. He isn’t ever going to contact me again, I know this. He is too ashamed & scared to face me, because he knows it was wrong what he did to someone that was so generous to him. I mean, I genuinely cared about his (and his kids) well being, because he had been in such an abusive relationship. It is like women that stay in abusive relationships and keep going back to the abuser over & over again. His wife is an absolute monster. I know her. She is very abusive to him. I really thought he was going to divorce her finally, but he didn’t. End of story. He used me, and now is done with me. I am still hurt, but moving on….