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Annie12

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  • in reply to: Wedding family tensions #224439
    Annie12
    Participant

    Your post made me so unbelievably happy – thank you! Such a huge relief to just be heard. You’ve helped me realize that I’m sick to the back teeth of supporting my brother  through his bad choices and you’ve helped me reframe the wedding situation. I think I have to go but it’s to support my husband and two kids who are part of the wedding party and looking forward to it. I want them to have a good time and so I’m going to make them happy and so when I think of it that way, I feel more at peace with myself.

     

    in reply to: Wedding family tensions #224237
    Annie12
    Participant

    Thanks Anita – that’s a good perspective. Actually I don’t really mind their dynamic and normally it doesn’t matter to me very much as long as I’m not pulled into it. I think I’m really most annoyed at myself for not anticipating how annoyed I would feel about being made to compromise something important. As a family we’ve done the right thing over and over for my brother and it’s taken for granted that, once again, we have to put everything aside and step up again. I think that’s the dynamic that I’d like to change – that although their world revolves around him, I need to find a way to extract myself from that. What I found interesting reading many of the responses to family relationship issues is that it’s ok to pull back from your extended family when it’s not making you happy and that’s ok.

    in reply to: Setting a boundary and needing to be left alone #223953
    Annie12
    Participant

    It sounds as though a card would really just be a token gesture anyway so don’t do it.  Put your efforts into what’s really meaningful for you.

    in reply to: My silent passive aggressive sister. Help. #223941
    Annie12
    Participant

    Just to add my two cents – I also have a competitive sister and also a colleague who behaves in similar ways. I decided years after years of getting frustrated by their behavior that there are really two options: to stand up and fight my corner or opt out of the competition as much as possible, neither of which is very satisfactory or resolve the problems. With my advancing years I do think there’s another option which is to redefine success for yourself.

    I think first you have to figure out what you’re afraid of. I think your biggest fear is missing out so perhaps if you could move your focus elsewhere – to your own family, your job, a tight circle of friends or even acquaintances who are passionate about the same things as you – then you wouldn’t care quite so much. The other thing I read once is that anger or hurt is a sign that someone has overstepped your boundaries ie the things that really matter to you. Those boundaries are really important – you need to protect them and if that means emotionally stepping back from your sister and your whole family then that might be the right thing to do. You sound like a great person – I wish you the best of luck!

Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)