Hi Tee

Thanks, you’re an angel. 😇

I’m quite happy to talk. I just wanted to let you know that you’re appreciated. ❤️

Yes, you’ve got the jist of it. 😊 I have some anxiety around conflict. I’m not very comfortable with people expressing anger and such.

If I feel like someone isn’t going to be immediately receptive, even if later on they change their minds. I have a bad habit of not sharing. I’m trying to work on it.

I think it’s shades of when I was younger, I used to actively try to manage others moods. But I realised that I was doing them a disservice by not encouraging them to develop those skills themselves.

I heard that all of these things are a trauma response.

I think it’s partly to do with being a parent because I wasn’t this avoidant before. It is just a lot of energy and draining. Arguing doesn’t really appeal to me anymore.

❤️

Hi Miss Duchess

I’m so sorry to hear about your family dog. These things are not easy. ❤️

I’m glad to hear that the choir is going well and you’ve been catching up with people. It sounds like your hard work is paying off. Well done for keeping at it. ❤️

Hi Tee

I’m sorry to hear that you’re not feeling well at the moment either. I hope you feel better soon too. It’s not easy. My friend had a herniated disc and he said it was so painful! I hope the doctor will take good care of you. I understand the health anxiety. I think you’re doing a really good job in managing it! ❤️

Thank you for your kindness. ❤️ I’m starting to sleep more again now. It was just the grief keeping me awake for a bit.

The climbing out of the crib just makes it take forever to put him to bed, so all my free time went bye bye and it was quite sore and tiring. His naps during the day were non-existent unless I cuddled him to sleep which again hurt because I hold him to make sure he doesn’t fall off the bed. I figured out a solution though, got a chair for his nursery so I don’t have to go backwards and forwards all the time. It all worked out in the end! He’s going down a lot easier again now.

Be back in a bit ❤️

Hi Anita

Good luck with the storm! I hope you get power soon. ❤️ 💡

Hi Tee

Sorry for the delay. I had to pick up his ashes and paw prints. I’m getting there now. I’ve been distracting myself with studying and my son is fighting sleep a lot at the moment, climbing out of his crib.

How are you doing? ❤️

It’s not really being loved or accepted though is it? It can easily cause one-sided relationships and leave you in a care taker role with people who are unhealthy.

My therapist used to say to me that as a child I had a tendency for magical thinking and self-blame. I tried to be perfect and prevent mistakes. But new “mistakes” were always found. There was no way to prevent the abuse. It was just who my mother was.

I do stand up for myself in the moment. It is just afterwards. I find it tiring to hash things out, especially if the person isn’t receptive. I do still try to do it though.

I try to keep conflict low in general because my health issues are stress related. After my dog dying, I’m going through a rough flare up. It is also not healthy to have conflict around a child. Not to mention my tolerance for additional stress is just lower as a parent because I’m already to some extent already stressed. Heck, with a child I barely have time to process my own feelings. Just when he’s asleep really.

I think it’s difficult when people have different needs. We all have our own ways of handling conflict and unique backgrounds. I think some people struggle when different needs don’t mix well together. What might make one person feel heard or safe might make another person feel bad.

I was definitely more co-dependent and reliant on the other person to help me to feel better in the past because I was not as good at self-soothing.

I guess with any conflict the issues people have are their issues. I just happen to be there. I don’t feel as threatened by it personally whereas I would take things a bit more personally in the past thinking that perhaps someone might be acting in a certain way because of how they felt about me.

Hmm well I have known people to change over time. But that only happens when you manage your boundaries. It’s a bit slow sometimes. You are right though, people only change as much as they want to. ❤️

As always, I appreciate your insights Tee. ❤️

Hi Trav

Thanks for sharing! I really liked what you wrote. I find it comforting. ❤️

Hi Anita

What if you said that because you felt that was what she wanted to do?

If someone doesn’t have those feelings they will not act on what someone says. They will just be calm or confused.

❤️