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Alessa

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  • August 19, 2025 at 1:21 pm in reply to: Moving on from the past break up #448766
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Chau

    I’m so sorry to hear that she strung you along like that again. That’s very cruel. ❤️

    I understand the difficulty with setting boundaries, especially since she is a coworker. It can be hard to step away someone who works in your building because it is polite to interact with coworkers and difficulties with coworkers can become very complicated. Not necessarily something that you might want to deal with.

    Do you think it might be a good idea to write a note that you can reflect on if you feel an urge to talk to her again? Perhaps you might want to include how you would like to deal with the situation? How the difficulties have made you feel? A summary of events in your relationship with her?

    August 19, 2025 at 12:00 pm in reply to: Parent Life #448764
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Everyone

    Thanks so much for the support! It was the worst fever so far, so it has been scary. He’s doing better now and back home from hospital. ❤️

    August 19, 2025 at 11:52 am in reply to: Compassion and respect during times of conflict #448763
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Everyone

    I feel the same way too. I expect that most good people do, especially when they encounter conflict. I feel like when it comes to trauma and conflict there can often be a break between reality, the present and the past. It is easy to believe fears. They whisper to us that no one cares. But it’s not true.

    I wonder what happens if we just listen to each other instead of being stuck in our own heads, worrying. ❤️

    Anita, how are you doing? ❤️ No pressure to respond if you don’t want to.

    August 18, 2025 at 11:50 pm in reply to: Abandonment Trauma #448742
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Tee

    I really appreciate your message. Apologies, I just can’t concentrate on it right now. ❤️

    August 18, 2025 at 11:15 pm in reply to: Parent Life #448740
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Tee

    Thanks so much! ❤️

    I hope that you’re having a good holiday?

    He has been having a really bad fever that is barely being controlled. He’s only allowed one more dose of medicine today and then he’s not allowed any more for 12 hours. We will have to go to hospital to stay, so doctors can help with the fever. He’s already been to A&E once already.

    It’s really wild knowing that medicine is helping to save your child’s life. I’m pretty sure he would have died without it. ❤️

    August 18, 2025 at 8:41 pm in reply to: A walking trauma #448731
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Bondi

    I’m sorry to hear about the trauma you experienced at hands of your relatives. I know how awful it is to not be believed when you’re assaulted. I’m so sorry that your parents still let the person in the house. That is horrible and not okay. I can hear how hard it is carrying so much and not getting any help. ❤️

    Are you feeling suicidal at the moment? The last part of what you said has me worried about you.

    Are you UK based? If so, there are some resources.

    Samaritans can be called at any time, day or night, any day of the year at 116 123. If you google, there are a lot of other free help lines available too.

    If you are feeling suicidal, I’d recommend that you go to A&E.

    Take care ❤️

    August 18, 2025 at 12:54 pm in reply to: Parent Life #448724
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Everyone

    My son isn’t well. If you pray and wouldn’t mind praying for him, that would be much appreciated. ❤️

    August 18, 2025 at 6:34 am in reply to: Feeling Like I’m Reliving My College Loneliness at Work #448716
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Miss Duchess

    I’m sorry, I didn’t know that your diagnosis is a touchy subject for you. ❤️

    For what it’s worth, most of my favourite people are neurodivergent in some way. It doesn’t make you any less of a person. 😊

    I’m sorry that it has caused you some difficulties in life. I’m glad that you are finally getting some answers and I hope it helps you to figure things out. ❤️

    August 17, 2025 at 1:09 pm in reply to: Compassion and respect during times of conflict #448707
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Lucidity

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts! ❤️

    Congratulations on learning to manage things with your difficult family members! Not an easy thing to do at all.

    I can understand having difficulty with not being seen. Ultimately, I think it is okay to be hurt. As long as you see your pain, you are still being seen. These things are definitely complicated. I feel like there is no right or wrong answer. Everyone just finds their own way. ❤️

    August 17, 2025 at 12:58 pm in reply to: Parent Life #448706
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Lucidity

    Thanks, so much it is helpful to know what works and what doesn’t. We have a singing potty. So when he pees in it a tune plays. 😊

    That’s very kind of you to say! I’m starting to feel better. The PTSD is still there but it doesn’t hurt as much anymore. If things get too much, I will definitely bounce. ❤️

    August 17, 2025 at 12:51 pm in reply to: 17 year old cousin seeking male attention #448705
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Tom

    I’m so sorry to hear about the difficulties your cousin is facing. ❤️

    Her parents might not care about her dating life, but do you think they might care that she was raped? If you think there is even a chance that they might, then you should probably tell them. They would be in the best position to get her help.

    From what you’ve described the chances are quite high that she has been raped. Parties are very common situations where these things occur. Unfortunately, some people cope with that kind of experience by doubling down on the drinking and partying. I know that I did.

    I’d look for services in the local area that might be able to help her. Send her some links. Tell her you’re worried about her and care. ❤️

    You’re a good one for caring and trying to help!

    August 17, 2025 at 11:53 am in reply to: How to Move Past Sting and Focus on Me #448704
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Miss Duchess

    That’s nice. I’m not trying to put you off. Just the first 6 months of a newborn are hell. But for couples the arguments can last a year or more. Then you get things like postpartum depression which can last for between 1 and 3 years. These things are just not easy. It’s a lot to deal with. I think it’s helpful for planning to know what is coming instead of being taken by surprise when it happens like I was. Sadly these things are just not spoken about.

    It’s definitely worth it. My boy is very sweet. But things were extremely hard for a bit. ❤️

    Sorry, I wasn’t trying to suggest that he shouldn’t turn the music off. Just pointing out the difficulties you might have with noise because of your condition since children are noisy. ❤️

    August 17, 2025 at 5:05 am in reply to: Abandonment Trauma #448695
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Everyone

    My earliest memory of this kind of thing would be when I was around 4. My biological mother was asleep most of the time even then.

    My younger brother was crying because he was hungry. I was in charge of looking after him.

    I was afraid that she would wake up. We weren’t supposed to eat without permission. He kept begging and would not be quiet, even though I asked him to. He was so hungry. I was too.

    It would be bad if we woke her up. I got a stool and a pan and heat up a tin of beans on the stove. Maybe if I was quiet she wouldn’t notice? I made toast as well and we both ate.

    You! Get up! Why are you leaving a four year old in charge of a three year old? Do you not care what happens to them? They could both have gotten hurt. What if they were burned? Toddlers have very thin skin. They could have been seriously hurt. How could you not feed your precious babies? What is wrong with you? You are sick and need help! I cannot believe that anyone could be so irresponsible.

    Look kids, do you want lots of yummy food to eat? As much as you can eat whenever you want. And you don’t need to fetch it. And you don’t need to worry about looking after your brother. You can play and even make noise. You don’t have to worry anymore. I’m going to take care of you and keep you safe.

    You did such a good job taking care of your brother, you’re a good helper. You don’t need to help anymore. You can just be you. Focus on being a kid for a change. Relax, have fun, make mistakes. That is what you should be doing. ❤️

    I want to go home.

    You’re safe now. This is your home. You don’t have to be scared and alone anymore. I’m here for you. ❤️

    August 17, 2025 at 4:41 am in reply to: Abandonment Trauma #448694
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Tee

    Thank you for your kindness! 🥰

    It is quite the accomplishment for me because when I was in therapy I couldn’t do the chair work imagining talking to my mother. The therapist had to do that part for me. I was too scared to talk to an empty chair whilst thinking of her.

    I have turned into a bit of a protective mama bear. It’s nice to see that side of me grow.

    Thinking of you! Take care ❤️

    August 17, 2025 at 4:28 am in reply to: Abandonment Trauma #448693
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Thomas

    Thanks so much! You remind me of a good friend. ❤️ Yes, things are much better for me now. 😊

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