If this situation doesn’t improve shortly, I’m going to have to prioritize my self-care over being supportive. I cannot cope with this kind of prologued stress. ❤️

I’m not trying to defend Anita, just stating facts and trying to prevent another argument. ❤️

And by you I’m referring to Anita.

As I said before, she has some memory issues. And if she did not write it down, she might not remember.

Perhaps you could both work together to find an agreeable compromise? ❤️

Hi Tee and Anita

I have a suggestion. Please feel free to take it as you will.

How about a compromise? That is what happens in a healthy conflict, is it not?

Anita has indicated that she is willing to compromise.

Tee are you? ❤️

Thank you for your understanding and kindness Tee! ❤️

I was wondering why you chose to defend yourself instead of walking away from the conversation when you saw that it might not be fruitful? ❤️

I am willing to prioritize other things for the moment. My own self-care for example.

It feels to me like you keep suggesting to me that everything is about Anita for me. I don’t understand why it might be being suggested? I don’t feel that way. ❤️

I don’t want to discuss my feelings deeply in that kind of environment because it is really stressful for me. It has been going on for days and now I have to take a break and do some self-care before revisiting things. Also, I believe that Anita might have been distracted from my conversation because of the intensity of her conversation with you.❤️

My culture is very big on apologies, like Canadians. It is something that I generally expect and a boundary that I set with people in conflict.

I didn’t expect this to be resolved very quickly given that it usually takes a while for Anita to reflect and apologize. I try to have realistic expectations of people.

I guess that my perspective on conflict where someone hasn’t apologized yet is that we can meet our own needs and others can meet our needs. It doesn’t have to be the person that hurt us at the time.

I did defend myself. I don’t like to do it strongly personally. It makes me feel bad when I hurt others, even in an argument. Even when they have hurt me. I’m a very principled person.

She has C-PTSD. I wasn’t talking about the most recent conflict. In the past, I have been more reactive, defensive and critical during arguments. She was afraid of me. I imagine that in conflict those memories and fears might creep in. By being consistently kind, perhaps she might see me in a different way?

I know that I have tried my best in this recent conflict.

Usually, moderators just tell people to stop being rude, delete comments and call it a day, possibly do 24 hour bans. I’ve never seen a moderation team handle things in the way they do here. It’s a little strange to me.

I mean, I don’t think the conflict on this thread has been respectful. I reported it for moderation and it was decided that it was respectful enough unless someone asks for something to change. It is a little bizarre to me. Not the first time I have seen moderators taking a passive approach. I just feel more comfortable in communities with more active moderation approaches.

I would agree that I potentially tried too much. I have a habit of doing that for people and I feel like others rarely do the same thing for me. I don’t know how to reconcile that. The idea does make me sad that I try harder for others than I do for myself. I need to work on things being more even. ❤️

*precedence