Hi Anita

I’m so sorry for all of the suffering and abuse you experienced growing up. You didn’t deserve a second of it. Not one second!

Thank you for understanding! I wonder what your favourite colour is? I’m glad that you are being assertive too and sharing your feelings about things. 😊

Yes, I have a perspective of the difficulties involved as a parent with trauma.

Well, it is not just the lack of help. The lack of knowledge being a new parent too. And the mental health issues caused by the trauma. Then the practicality of taking care of children.

If I hadn’t had a ton of therapy, had specific postpartum therapy available and been medicated. The outcome would have not been good if I hadn’t had all of this help. Realistically, I would have either killed myself or been forced to give up my son. This is the reality of being a parent with severe trauma.

Even with all of my therapy, without the postpartum therapy. I would have continued to struggle and be in a very difficult place.

Things are easier for me now. I love my son and enjoy being a mother. I’m very thankful for the help I got.

Sorry, I don’t want to make this about me.

Hi Tee

If you have something that you’d like to say could you please write to me individually? ❤️

I’m sorry, it seems like you’re still not really hearing me. It might seem like that from your perspective, but I’ve explained repeatedly that was not what was meant at all. ❤️

Society is broken and wrong. I even disagree with the premise that people who abuse in a more covert way are seen as good parents by society. They are simply not seen as problematic enough to use the resources it would cost to remove their children.

The world is slowly changing in regards to children. What was accepted, is now illegal.

Hi Anita

One of the things that you have brought up in the past is that you have difficulty with your trauma because your mother at times tried to express care. But behaved horribly cruelly at other times. I would have thought it was important to address this? Clearly I misjudged your willingness to explore these themes. I’m sorry for offending you. ❤️

Personally, I’ve found it helpful to see the situation with my Mother for what it was. It is a relief in a strange way, to acknowledge the “good” as well as the bad. Even though it was misguided and born of selfishness. I understand that you are not ready for that. I apologize for bringing it up. ❤️

My mother would ride bikes with us to tire us out. And ship us off to people at the church to work on their farm. She would surprise us in the middle of the night occasionally, waking us up to go get pizza. Sometimes during summer we would get ice cream cones.

I like to ride bikes. I like pizza. I like ice cream. I enjoyed my time at the farms. She might have had the intention of making us less annoying. Or getting us out of her way. It was still the nicest thing she ever did.

It doesn’t detract from the horrendous abuse that I experienced at her hands. The huge amounts of trauma.

My adopted mother took me in and saved my life. It doesn’t take away from how I was treat by her. Second class, not real family. Owed.

I would appreciate if you could reply to my messages without replying to Tee at the same time. ❤️

Hi Tee

There is no need to defend Anita from me. There is no enemy. Only misunderstanding. ❤️

I was referring to the past when Anita had mentioned that her mother took specific care of her during illnesses.

I feel like you may have misunderstood my words. Language is imperfect and I was writing at 4am. 😊

It wasn’t my intention to suggest that Anita’s mother was just a tired, stressed single parent or that she was a good and caring mother. I’m not really sure how this was misunderstood considering I openly referenced the copious amounts of abuse? ❤️

I simply meant that she was a tired and stressed single parent and she (at least part of the time) wanted to live in denial of what she knew deep down and pretend that she was a good one.

Abusers don’t tend to operate with clear cut logic. They have their own tangled mental loopholes.

My experience with these kinds of people is that they have multiple modes. Sadistic. Narcissistic. Only a small fraction of the time they might connect fully with acknowledging the pain of the harm they cause.

I’m sorry, I’m confused? I don’t really understand where you feel like I was suggesting to have empathy with child abuse? ❤️

Hi Anita

I’m sorry to hear that you don’t like holidays. It is a tricky time of year. ❤️

The food sounds really good at least. 😊

I’m feeling better today. I got some medicine that helped because I developed an infection.

It’s really busy again. Sorry I didn’t manage to check in yesterday. I was just so tired. ❤️

Hi Anita

How are you doing? ❤️

I look forward to you telling me about your Thanksgiving! Happy Thanksgiving by the way! 😊

Ooh cocoa chicken sounds lovely.

I just had Chinese food. The kiddo has just gone to bed. Time to relax 😌

Take care ❤️

Hi Peter

How are you doing? ❤️

Ahhh Lao Tzu, my favourite writer of all time. Thank you for sharing, you made my day! 😁

I am reminded of an old thread. We once spoke about suicidal ideation. Nowadays, it is less disturbing to me.

Sometimes thoughts arise, sometimes they don’t. They come, they go. Get better, get worse, get better again. I have them is the wrong statement. Some days I don’t. Will they always come? Maybe they won’t one day. Maybe they will. To dwell on it is the problem. I am safe, so there is nothing to worry about. These things are relics of trauma and an expression of discomfort.

Sorry to talk about me. Your writing is beautiful. This is what I was reminded of and I thought you might want to hear since you were present with me in that conversation. ❤️

Hi Anita

I think you are spot on about not rejecting yourself. ❤️

Yes. My inner child is pretty quiet. It is progress to reach out to my adult self when I need something. I think that side of me is slowly starting to trust my adult self.

It’s okay. I was just trying to give an example and explain the meaning behind it. 😊

I look forward to you sharing how you explore taking care of your inner child. ❤️

I’m sorry to hear that you were starved as an unborn baby and then overfed later on. Do I remember correctly that you were force fed too? Well done on overcoming the ED by the way!

Did your mother for lack of other terms ever deal with her eating disorder after you were born? It is very difficult for young children to eat without their parents eating. Eating together is an important bonding experience as well. A parent eating confirms to a child that the food is safe to eat.

Very true! Nothing is forever. I think the most shameful part for me, is that when I was younger and didn’t understand. I liked the attention. If that makes sense?

Thinking about it… Perhaps it is similar to the wig thing in a way? It is very disorienting when understanding of something changes so drastically. It is a betrayal.

I love your affirmation! Perhaps you might want to save that somewhere? It was beautiful. ❤️

That was kind of you (and brave) to stand up for an innocent dog! ❤️

Yes, so many lies. 🫂 I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve any of it! ❤️