Dolores Canon YouTube.

Writing down your thoughts & assertiveness are definitely the key.

Maybe think of someone whom you admire & respect that communicates effectively and model them. Re- teach yourself. Unlearn the unhelpful stuff you learned in your household and replace it by modeling new role models.

My parents. Well, were nonexistent other than giving birth. I literally read, watched & modeled people I respected as chosen parents. Some were celebrities but it worked all the same.

also throw away all criticism in your mind about how something should sound. Release your fear of judgment . The bigger piece is being your true self . If people don’t like it, what does that say ?

One way to helped me . Learn to fabricate healthier Attachment responses. It’s all psychology. Once you know people’s attachment styles you realize they respond/react similarly to everybody else with that attachment style.

fabricate as in, simply google. “How would a securely attached person a) respond to ____; b) communicate ________ ; c) assure…”

Also learn about your attachment style (read the book).

learn your fears, learn what you avoid & why you avoid it, work on that.

Anxious people get really flustered over things they feel are simple . Probably just something not being communicated.

Also both attachment styles together tend to get into a manipulative cycle , subconsciously playing on each others triggers.

Anxious people learn to piss off avoidants because they know that will get a response. Or they do silent treatment . (All manipulative and immature.)

Avoidants learn to run when things get too intimate or close (also not healthy). Leads to no chemistry & cheating down the road.. they also learn to walk away from anxious ppl saying they’re “needy” rather than understanding how their avoidance is activating their partner . Then after staying away for a while they come back . Creating a vicious cycle.

Do your research. If it doesn’t help you in this relationship. It’ll help you in others.

Also set boundaries. Respect needs to be present. Let them feel seen and heard but also communicate that their needs to be respectful effective communication & consistency on both ends.

Also have a convo about both of your triggers. Work them through together. Just put it all on the table .

I suggest reading Todd Herman