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Ada

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  • #427773
    Ada
    Participant

    Hello Everyone!

    Especially Anita,

    Iā€™ve come a long way since my posts on here but this forum helped me so much with moving forward with myself and really gave me insight to my own actions and why I was making them. Updates – myself and this long distance ex boyfriend now are casual friends we talk from time to time and Iā€™ve realised that deep down I do share that love for him but it is purely platonic I find myself still a little repulsed with him but I think in a way my situation was me growing up and finding my tastes in men.

    The best advice I got on here was to break up with him! it was extremely toxic because I tried so hard not to be toxic. We werenā€™t a great fit for one another we did more damage than good. All and all, everything fell into its right place with my story and I believe everyone in here will find their way.

    A lot of issues resided within ourselves. He has been seeing a psychotherapist and I can tell a difference in how he acts and for me I never eventually got to it but I understand myself a lot more now and Iā€™ve learned to feel a lot less guilty for my feelings and the actions that come along with them.

    Thank you very much Anita you are a kind soul and I appreciate all the insight you gave me ! ā¤ļø

    Ada

    #395701
    Ada
    Participant

    Hi HoneyBlossom Ā I will definitely be researching these terms online just so i can be more aware !!

    #395700
    Ada
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    I am an obsessive person iā€™m always hyper fixated on something whatever type of media or actor it may be but i havenā€™t experienced this happening with someone i interact with on a daily basis. This obsession is not a healthy one, i think it is toxic and out of jealousy. Ā A little part of me wants him all to myself, i want to be with him but i know that i should give it some time before even imagining being together with him again. I feel like Iā€™m fighting with myself constantly. IĀ am lacking everything, nothing feels right I used to talk with him constantly. I feel alone, he was really the only person i talked 1 to 1 with about everything on the daily basis a i think iā€™m just missing that right about now

    #395692
    Ada
    Participant

    Hello again Anita,

    I broke up with him last week, he took it extremely well and tried his best to make sure i wouldnā€™t feel toxic or guilty. he said he felt the same way i did and that we should sever the relationship. I was extremely upset during the entire conversation because i didnā€™t want to break up with him but i knew it would be best. since then iā€™ve found myself to be struck with obsessive thoughts and actions. I cant stop thinking about what is he doing? Is he even upset? even going so far to check his likes and posts on multiple different social media. I desperately miss him and i feel like im going crazy without him. I think heā€™s happier without me and thereā€™s nothing i have to prove it i just think he would be. I am unsure if this is the correct post to put here but due to the valuable help you gave me last time i wrote it in here

    #393986
    Ada
    Participant

    Thank you anita – I understand what youā€™re saying. There are some things I havenā€™t explained which i feel maybe you can help me with. A few months back he randomly brought up how he had no hope for our relationship and how he felt like maybe breaking up with me. I made it my mission to not sway his feelings, I adored him itā€™s not like i wanted him to break up with me I just didnā€™t want to make him stay with me if he really didnā€™t want to. I seen him to be above me in a way I would always value everything he had to say and do whatever he would like. He never forced me to any of this itā€™s just how extremely obsessed with him i was. This conversation of breaking up had really upset me because it was out of nowhere and it was like a reality check but I didnā€™t want to make him for guilty for being open. Afterwards he felt fine and was talking away like normal even though I was visibly unnerved by the conversation we previously had. I brought it up that I was upset and a little shook by it and he just said sorry and moved on. I feel like since then iā€™ve been worried about our relationship, wondering will it really last?

    Later on around October, he had met this girl in uni. Now i never have a problem with my boyfriend having female friends I am not that type of person I am open to him having any type of friends he wants. But I did not like this girl. He was always talking about her, and things that she and him would do together, situations of her flirting with him and him being clueless and things that happened. One day I brought it up after him speaking about her for so long and me just having to sit there and listen I said the way he spoke about things he helped her with and things he did for her it was like he was trying to get brownie points, he acted clueless when i first said it and then proceeded to tell me about how i always felt off when he spoke about her. I said ā€œWell how am i supposed to react to you telling me all about this other girl who doesnā€™t even know you have a girlfriend?ā€ Yes he hadnā€™t told her. and when he did tell her, she reacted rudely toward the fact we are long distance.

    Near Christmas. I suffer with minor depression regularly and around the winter months it gets worse due to seasons affecting my depression, I am very open with my boyfriend with this and I try to communicate everything i am feeling with him as to help me not fall into depressive episodes. I had talked to him about how i was feeling very dissociative in life and he attempted to help me. A few days after he had went out to a Christmas party, and we were texting and talking like normal and he randomly said ā€œSome guys just came up and asked me if me and ā€”ā€”ā€” were datingā€ I texted back ā€œYou didnā€™t have to tell me that?ā€ My mind went into overdrive, I couldnā€™t reply anymore I was finally thinking that every worried thought I had about her and him was right that it wasnā€™t just me overthinking, that i was so naive to believe that they didnā€™t like each other. What was he doing for these guys to think they were dating? I feel guilty in saying my first thought was if i broke up with him before he could break up with me i couldnā€™t get as hurt because it would be me breaking up with him and not him leaving me for another woman. I hadnā€™t replied in 5 minutes I was frozen there. I was too scared to open his texts in which he had sent me multiple, he rang me crying and apologising profusely to me over what he had said. He was the type of guy to consistently say sorry for everything so that habit made his warranted apologies less sincere, even so it broke me to think I had upset him because how standoffish I become. After telling my friend about it she told me I let him get away with murder, because no matter what I always accept his apologies even though i think some of his apologies come with him not even knowing what heā€™s apologising for.

    Turns out a few months ago him and his uni friends found out the girl was lying about her whole life, and even lied about getting spiked (TWICE).

    As of last friday me and him called each other and I was awkward at the start because this was after my sudden loss of feelings for him. Later on in the call he brought up this dream he had a few months back where in the dream i hadnā€™t been replying to his texts and was saving them instead. When he is speaking about topics like this he tends to go very quiet and talk in very split sentences which sometimes does get on my nerves because I never know what to do because i donā€™t want to speak over him. In him talking about this dream I didnā€™t hear or get most of what he was saying because he was mumbling and leaving silence between his words but with the bits I heard it was like he was blaming me. I felt useless, like an observer who couldnā€™t do anything to help him but I was annoyed because i felt like he was blaming me. Afterwards he just went on like nothing happened, I was being kind of quiet because I was conflicted on how I felt and then he brought up coming to see me and in my mind I just didnā€™t want it to happen. I was taken aback like seriously after just blaming me for his dream that i canā€™t control heā€™s talking so normally about coming to see me like nothing had happened. Yesterday I explained how i felt like an observer in my life and the choices i was making werenā€™t what i wanted to do they were things i felt like i needed to do. He told me ā€œyou shouldnā€™t feel like you have to do anything around meā€

    As of now I feel unsure of my own feelings.

    To sum it up I feel guilty, I donā€™t want to leave him because i fear i will be all alone, I donā€™t want to make him think that all the love i have given to him was a lie or that i wasted his time, maybe leaving him will be something I regret and that this sudden loss of love is simply a problem with me. I feel like the bad guy. His birthday is in three days and we will be together a year on the 29th of march. I just donā€™t want to hurt him and iā€™m worried that I wonā€™t experience love and acceptance like this ever again.Ā 

    #393937
    Ada
    Participant

    this same thing has happened to me. Me and my long distance boyfriend have been together for 11 months now and suddenly I have just started to feel in a way revolted by him? I feel so guilty for it and I donā€™t know where it came from. The man I was genuinely obsessed with for all 11 months now randomly feels like someone i happen to be in a relationship with. things that he used to say to me before now make me feel ill. But I love him i know i do but i just canā€™t convince myself of it anymore and it feels horrible. I really need help with this because i donā€™t know what to do it was just all so sudden. over these few days iā€™ve just felt distant but i donā€™t want to leave him but i just canā€™t imagine being with him anymore. Iā€™ve been overthinking it a lot and i donā€™t even know my true feelings about it anymore. I just overall feel horrible if i break up with him after it all to just up and tell him iā€™ve suddenly fallen out of love, and the guilt i have staying with him if this feeling never goes away. (Sorry for anyone replying, finding my words to explain how i feel about this whole situation is difficult due to uncertainty)

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)