Dear DREW:

“I continually find myself vocalizing my own thoughts (unintentionally), mostly noticing sometime through doing so, but also after I’ve finished saying them aloud!… Think of it: how often have you started scratching an itch BEFORE you’re aware that you’re doing so?”-

– It’s possible that you could be experiencing vocal tics, which can be a symptom of Tourette Syndrome (from which I suffer) or other tic disorders. Vocal tics are involuntary sounds or words that a person makes, and they can range from simple sounds like grunting or throat clearing to more complex vocalizations, including speaking words or phrases.

Many individuals with Tourette Syndrome report that their tics are preceded by uncomfortable sensations, often likened to an itch that needs to be scratched. From a UCLA study (escholarship.org): “Tourette syndrome (TS) and chronic tic disorder (CTD) are characterized by sudden, rapid, recurrent motor and/or vocal tics… In addition to these observable symptoms, many individuals with TS or CTD also experience frequent, uncomfortable sensory phenomena that immediately precede the tics… These sensory phenomena have been variously described as an itch, pressure, tension, urge, or ache that is temporarily relieved by the completion of the tic.”

“A few years ago I was temporarily prescribed a medicine by a specialist, and while on it a problem began which persists even now”- tic disorders, including Tourette Syndrome, can sometimes be triggered or exacerbated by certain medications. This phenomenon is known as “medication-induced tics.”

Medications such as methylphenidate (Ritalin) and dextroamphetamine (Adderall), commonly used to treat ADHD, have been reported to cause or worsen tics in some individuals. Certain antipsychotic medications, such as haloperidol (Haldol) and risperidone (Risperdal), can also lead to the development of tics as a side effect. Other medications, including some antidepressants and antiseizure medications, have been associated with the onset of tics in some cases.

There are several other potential explanations for your experience of unintentionally vocalizing your thoughts, aside from tics, or in combination with tics. Here are a few possibilities: (1) High levels of anxiety and stress can sometimes lead to involuntary vocalizations. This can be a way for the mind to release tension or cope with overwhelming emotions, (2) Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) can involve intrusive thoughts and compulsions, which might include vocalizing thoughts out loud, (3) Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD): Individuals with ADHD may have difficulty with impulse control, which can lead to speaking thoughts out loud without realizing it. This can be part of the impulsivity associated with ADHD, (4) Medication side effects as mentioned above.

If in your evaluation, Drew, any of the above is a possibility, it might be helpful for you to seek an evaluation by a neurologist who can conduct a thorough evaluation and provide an accurate diagnosis and potential treatment options.

Personally, I have suffered since childhood from high levels of anxiety and stress, ADHD symptoms, and I was eventually diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome (TS) and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). SELF CONTROL (in capital letters) has been indeed a core problem for me: I couldn’t control the motor and vocal tics, couldn’t control the OCD compulsions, couldn’t react to people and situations the way I wanted to.

“Have any of you managed this? If so, how? If not – PLEASE DON’T RESPOND!”- I did manage the OCD so well that I no longer fit the diagnosis, and my impulsivity problem had greatly improved! I am still working on reducing the frequency of the motor tics.

“This one is lifelong: something will happen to me, and I can’t / don’t respond in the way I want to. E.g. a person will ask me something, say something to me, or DO something to me, and instead of responding in a way I’d like, I just react, often in a way I’d prefer not to. I’ll either have done it before I know it, or find myself in the process of doing it and feel it’s too late to stop. Either way, I always regret it… What I WANT to do in all such situations is be fully aware of what’s going on, be fully aware of what I’m doing, and RESPOND in a deliberate, controlled, assertive way; and ideally be calm too.”-

– I can relate to this big-time as it’s been a lifelong problem for me until recently. I managed my impulsivity with what I call the NPARR method, which I’ve been practicing every day for years: first, I Notice stress within me, a disquiet. Next I Pause (before I act, before I say or do something that I may later regret). Next, I Address the situation. I ask myself: is there a situational problem that needs to be solved? What is the problem (define it)? Can I provide all of the required solution or pat of it? If I react mindlessly, automatically, will I be adding to the problem or creating a new problem? Etc. Next, I Respond, or not: I say or do something, or not. Finally, I Redirect my attention elsewhere. There is more to my method, and if you would like it, we can talk about it further.

anita

Dear Jana:

Thank you for the link to lion’s Roar’s article “Thich Nhat Hanh on How to Heal Your Inner Child”. In this post I want to quote and reflect on parts of it.

* I am adding a Trigger Warning in regard to child abuse after concluding this post:

“The wounded child is always there, trying to get our attention. The child says, ‘I’m here. I’m here… ‘… The wounded child asks for care and love, but we do the opposite. We run away because we’re afraid of suffering.”-

– When we have a sprained ankle, we avoid walking on it to prevent further physical pain. Similarly, when we experience emotional injury, we avoid confronting it to prevent further emotional pain. If a person with a sprained ankle never walks on it again to prevent pain, it will lead to several negative consequences: the muscles around the ankle weaken over time, joints become stiff, which leads to a reduced range of motion, and it’d lead to reduced circulation, as not using the injured leg, over time, impedes blood flow, which is essential for the healing process.

Over time, the affected leg will lose function and coordination, making it harder to walk and perform daily activities. Also, a weakened and stiff ankle is more susceptible to re-injury or other related issues, such as falls or compensatory injuries in other parts of the body.

This is why physical therapy is often recommended for sprained ankles to promote healing and prevent these complications. Through guided exercises and gradual reintroduction of movement, people can regain strength, flexibility, and function.

Similarly, following emotional injury, avoiding emotional pain leads, over time, to greater issues such as emotional numbness which leads to further injuries (the emotionally numb fail to identify abuse), anxiety, depression, and unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as drug addiction, which lead to further injuries and even death.

“The wounded child is also in each cell of our body. There is no cell of our body that does not have that wounded child in it. We don’t have to look far into the past for that child… The suffering of that wounded child is lying inside us right now in the present moment.”- yes, my tics (Tourette Syndrome) are the wounded child within my muscle cells, running away, trying to escape my mother.

I shared a lot about my mother over the years, yet, just now, I felt- thought: oh, I didn’t know, I didn’t really know that my mother was so scary and therefore, I am (my wounded child is) so scared that she’s still running, running. It’s as if I didn’t believe her. I removed her from me, from my awareness. She’s like an unknown entity, or has been an unknown entity and I am being reintroduced to her.

“The child says, ‘I’m here. I’m here… ‘- anita-the-wounded-child says: I’m here, I’m here, see me running?

And I say: oh, yes, I see you now, I see you running. You are running because you are afraid. Your fear is valid, completely valid. Any child would be afraid when their mother threatens: “I will murder you!” Any child will be afraid when two adults are holding the mother to restrain her from reaching the child whom she threatens to “murder”. Any child will be afraid when the two adults go to their homes, leaving the child alone with the threatening mother who now is calmer, for now. But for how long?

I see you running, child. I see you running. I feel a sense of calm and no tics at the moment. At this moment, I am the child and she is me. We are one.

anita

Dear Gabriel:

I’m glad to read that writing and reflecting on everything has been helpful for you. It’s understandable that not everything is resolved, but taking the time to express yourself and receive support is a significant step forward.

It’s great to hear that you’re aware of the connections between your childhood experiences and current struggles, and that you’ve been discussing these issues in therapy. Acknowledging and understanding the roots of our challenges is an important part of the healing process.

I’m really glad that you found comfort in the responses from others. It’s a testament to the power of sharing and connecting with others who care. If there’s anything else you need or want to talk about, please feel free to reach out.

anita

Dear Dafne:

I’m so glad to hear that my words have given you courage! 😊 Your strength and determination to protect your well-being are truly inspiring. I’m confident that you will keep away from the spider web and continue to grow and thrive.

Thank you for keeping me updated. If anything remarkable happens, I would love to read about it. I will miss you too! 💖🤗

anita

Dear Dafne:

Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your thoughts with me. I’m really glad to hear that my message has helped you gain clarity about your fears and their impact on your life. Recognizing these emotions is a significant step towards managing them and ensuring they don’t control you.

I was proud of you when I read your response to him! You were assertive in expressing your need for space, and you did it in a gentle and non-defensive way, which is so important. It’s evident that you are handling this situation with care and empathy. 🤗

I’ll say it again: you have the right to prioritize your well-being and make decisions that are best for you. It’s okay to take the time you need to process your emotions and protect your physical and emotional health.

I’m here for you, and I believe that with time and support, things will improve. Wishing you a lovely day/ evening and sending you a big hug!

anita

Dear Zenith:

I’m 😊 to read from you this Saturday morning, and it’s good to know that you’re doing well. I’ve been doing fine other than feeling strangely tired these days, thank you for asking!

I’m glad you were able to cope with the triggers you experienced from seeing the Hindu festival online. It’s understandable that some of the things you saw were unsettling. It’s commendable that you were able to let go of judgment and focus on coping. Being aware of triggers and how to handle them is significant in maintaining your mental well-being.

Thank you for sharing this with me. I’m always here if you need to talk more about it or anything else that’s on your mind. Take care, and I hope you have a restful weekend and a good week ahead!

anita

Dear Dafne:

You are deeply emotionally attached to this man and feel responsible for his feelings and well-being. This sense of responsibility is making it difficult for you to end the relationship, even though you recognize his manipulative and deceptive behavior.

His health issues (or claims of) are adding to your hesitation to end the relationship. Your guilt and empathy for him is creating an emotional roller coaster: you feel torn between wanting to end the relationship for your own well-being and not wanting to hurt him.

Your past experiences growing up are impacting your current situation. This fear of causing hurt and being rejected is resurfacing in your relationship with this man. You are also afraid of being alone and not finding another friend or partner, which is making it harder for you to break free from this man. But staying in a manipulative relationship out of guilt or fear will only prolong your suffering.

I understand that ending contact with him is a deeply emotional decision and I don’t want to push you into it, as that might only add pressure and distress to your situation. From the beginning, you were suspicious of him and suggested that he is deceptive. In response to your suggestions, I reviewed everything you shared multiple times, and I agree with your assessment. In turn, you have also agreed with me. At this point, it’s clear that we’ve thoroughly analyzed his behavior and reached a mutual understanding of his manipulative and deceptive nature. Yet, you still feel empathy for him and don’t want to hurt him.

This emotional conflict is understandable, given your caring nature and the influence of your childhood and current circumstance of living with your manipulative and abusive mother in a remote place with limited options (“I am afraid that I won’t get another chance to… escape my reality at home. I live in a remote place and my options are limited.”).

Given that you’re struggling with this decision, it might be beneficial to seek support from a therapist who can provide guidance and help you explore a more promising way to improve your situation, such as moving out and living away from your mother in a central or urban area.

Remember, you have the right to prioritize your physical and emotional well-being and make choices that bring you peace. Wishing you clarity and strength, and I’m here to support you through this journey 💖

anita