Source: Wisdom Quotes and Stories
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Hi Lori,
Thanks. Wouldn’t it be more accurate to say that loving oneself is in fact selfish, but being selfish is necessary?
By-the-way I think the disapproval of selfishness in Western society possibly comes from an over-emphasis of just one verse in the Bible (the whole of Western society is highly influenced by the Bible whether it likes it or not) and a fear that human beings are unable to achieve balance in their life resulting in a fear as though if there is one act of kindness towards the self it leads inevitably to one eventually becoming a genocidal maniac!
Perhaps also the disapproval of selfishness arose from lack of self esteem in the ruling classes (in previous centuries) and from envy/anger?
To be selfish, to be kind to oneself, often involves the experience of pleasure, and to quote Alfred Doolittle “the working man is the undeserving poor”. The ruling classes don’t think the working classes “deserve” to be happy, they must earn their pleasure by effort (employment) if they haven’t received it by inheritance.
Those who are unhappy sometimes resent the happiness of others and so it is not unsurprising that an unhappy person who is in an influential position (a parent, a ruler) will try and curtail the happiness and pleasure of others over whom they have influence.
So I think loving oneself is in fact selfish, but it is necessary, and the interesting questions are “What is at the root of those who appose selfishness?” and “What is at the root of the cases where one selfish act does indeed lead to one becoming a genocidal maniac?” But I think it is the first question that is the more interesting because its the Elephant in the room. I think people become very uncomfortable when asked ‘Why do you think selfishness is bad?” They ignore the question or try and appeal to their authority (to end the discussion). The last thing they want is the spotlight on themselves and the root of their own unhappiness.
Those who appose selfishness are often parents and parents influence their children, who then become parents etc. It is the root that needs to be cured I think.
“Mark8v29” 🙂
Well, I think “selfish” implies lacking consideration of others, and we can simultaneously love ourselves and be considerate of others.
You offer some interesting food for thought. And I suspect you’re onto something with the idea that unhappy people sometimes resent others’ happiness.
Anyone who encourages others not to take care of themselves likely isn’t coming from emotionally healthy place.
Hi Lori, I guess if you define it like that. I was defining selfish as “focus on the self” (which I consider necessary). But I think colloquially it is used in the sense you suggest! 🙂
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