About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.
Beautiful quote
Yes! It’s OK to be angry, it’s a legitimate emotion but what you do with that anger… that’s a different story.
Sometimes the emotion that coincides with anger is fear. They both feed on each other. What I try to do is to kill the momentum of either by trying to kill the momentum and get myself back into alignment. A good walk usually does it. But you’re right being honest with yourself and self aware.
I was once told that anger is a secondary emotion. Before anger there is another emotion. If you can identify the first emotion that triggered the anger then take some action and work on that then the anger may dissipate. It’s tricky, and requires total honesty with yourself and I think we think it is easier to deal with the anger than the first emotion, which is why we try to push the first emotion away in the first place. But, it’s not pushed away, it’s only pushed down. It’s still there until we deal with it and make a firm decision about what to do. Usually requires some form of action or a decision to honestly let it go.
Adding to this. I recently had an experience of talking to someone and they just responded with a quick ‘OK’. They weren’t listening or interested in what I had to say. Inside my head I got angry. Because I have been thinking about anger, I thought to ask myself why. “Why do I feel angry?” “What is my first emotion?” I hit on it immediately. The first feeling was rejection. I felt rejected! In this particular situation (with this person/in this place), it wasn’t really the place to address it, but once I realized, I know I could let it go. I could identify the person was preoccupied and the rejection was really nothing to do with me…. funny… the anger dissipated once I acknowledged this to myself and I could actually laugh at myself for getting angry over something so simple.