Tiny Buddha

Category: work fulfillment

  • Letting Go When It’s Time to Dream a New Dream

    Letting Go When It’s Time to Dream a New Dream

    “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.” ~Joseph Campbell

    Growing up in a family of medical professionals, I received an abundance of opportunities with the understanding that my “job” was school. There was immense pressure to bring home straight A’s. I internalized this pressure and spent hours in my room memorizing texts and studying for classes.

    In my mind medicine was the only acceptable career for me. Family, friends, and teachers routinely asked if I wanted to go to medical school, and my grandmother would smile when she saw me studying and say, “Study hard and you’ll be a doctor, just like your father.”

    I felt that everyone was expecting big things from me, and I wasn’t sure what those things were, how to make them happen, or if I even wanted them.

    In the fall of 2007, I was beginning my undergraduate career as a biopsychology and pre-med major at the local university when I became sick with a progressive neurodegenerative disease. I put life on hold as I bounced from doctor to doctor and underwent test after test, which produced few answers.

    In a period of three years, I lost my balance, my mobility, my hearing, and much of my independence.

    The grieving process that accompanied these losses was intense and surreal. I was convinced that finally having a diagnosis would make it easier, but I discovered that labeling an experience does not change its reality.

    Medical science had nothing to offer me, in terms of treatment or a cure for my form of mitochondrial disease, but I found myself moving through grief with a false sense of fluidity and a feigned sense of humor.

    I thought that if I pretended things were okay, I would not have to face the seriousness of my illness or the underlying grief. (more…)

  • 5 Amazing Blessings from Being Fired

    5 Amazing Blessings from Being Fired

    “Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places.” ~Unknown

    I was fired via email as my plane touched down at LAX.

    I am not the kind of person who gets fired, who gets dismissed, who is asked to leave and is not welcomed back.

    This was not my track record, no. What was happening?

    I had seen the ad on Craigslist, and it looked perfect. An educational theater program for kids was seeking instructors and administrators to help revitalize the company. They needed someone with current experience in the entertainment industry who was an educator and also had the business vision to help them grow.

    Application. Interview. Second interview! This was looking good. The company would soon be expanding into a beautiful, big, new building. They were interested in new ideas. I knew I could bring a lot to the table. 

    They wanted to hire me part time, as a contractor. I was okay with that. I asked if there was any kind of contract or written agreement. In my past experience, contractors had, you know, contracts.

    They said that they didn’t do contracts because they trust the people they hire, but if I wanted one, I could write it up and then we could go from there.

    So I did. I based it off a contract an employer had provided to me in the past and, of course, asked my attorney father if there was anything else I was missing. I made a couple adjustments and fired it off to them. Nothing overly litigious, just making sure we had in writing what our agreement was.

    Days passed. I started to worry. Things had been moving so quickly and so well. Finally, I got an email. Could I come in and talk about the contract?

    So I went in for a third meeting. This time, they had me sit in one of the classrooms. With a faux-paternal furrow in his brow, the owner asked me why I didn’t trust them. Why had I written up such a formal document? 

    Then came the PowerPoint presentation, highlighting each dagger I had thrown at them with my contract, line by line.

    This, ladies and gents, is when I should have picked up my purse, politely exited, and never looked back.  (more…)

  • How to Adopt a Growth Mindset and Stop Fearing Criticism and Failure

    How to Adopt a Growth Mindset and Stop Fearing Criticism and Failure

    “There are no failures. Just experiences and your reactions to them.” ~Tom Krause

    Ever found yourself working for a bad boss? I was shocked to learn recently that three out of every four people report that their boss is the most stressful part of their job and that it takes most of us up to twenty-two months to free ourselves of them.

    I thought it was just me!

    A few years ago I joined a large accounting firm to help them manage their employees. Though they were nice enough people outside of work, at the office, their professional pride in finding errors and vigorously pointing them out made them the worst bosses I have ever worked for!

    Every day was a battle of constant criticism and negativity. No matter what we achieved, the focus was always on what we needed to do better.

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for feedback and improving what I do at work. I also need to, at least occasionally, feel my efforts are appreciated in order to maintain my sense of enthusiasm and confidence.

    After all, we all have a deep psychological need to be respected, valued, and appreciated.

    As month after month of this behavior dragged on, for the first time ever I found myself really struggling to get out of bed and go to work. Their negativity seemed to be eating me up.

    Unwilling to just quit my job, I started researching ways to deal with my whining, moaning, negative bosses to see if I could restore some joy to my job. Luckily, I quickly discovered the field of positive psychology—the science of bringing out the best in people—and the phenomenon of “growth mindsets.”

    Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck has found that changing the way we perceive ourselves can dramatically improve our feelings and results.

    In particular, two beliefs can make a difference: Can we improve our abilities, or is this as good as we get?

    Reading this now, it probably seems like a no-brainer to you. Surely we’re all capable of change! The reality is, though, many of us secretly walk around with a “fixed mindset,” believing that our natural abilities are all we have and it won’t get much better than this. (more…)

  • You Will Not Be The Same Person When You Achieve Your Goal

    You Will Not Be The Same Person When You Achieve Your Goal

    “The journey is the reward.” ~Chinese Proverb

    When you set goals, you naturally focus on the result. If you pay attention to the desired achievement, you will discover the path to get there. However, the value you gain from achieving the goal isn’t just about the reward of accomplishment.

    Once you achieve a significant goal, you will not be the same person you were when you set out on the journey. The process of achieving your goal and the experience you have gained will have changed you. This is why the journey is the reward.

    If you set the goal of losing forty pounds and you get there, you will have gained more than the results of looking good and having spiked interest from the opposite sex.

    In order to lose the weight, you needed to lead a very disciplined and focused lifestyle. You needed to take charge of your diet and ensure you did not lapse into old eating habits. You needed to work out regularly and efficiently, and actually make serious gains in the gym.

    A great body is not just a thing you have; it is a lifestyle you lead. Adopting that lifestyle is the key benefit.

    How many people actually make the necessary sacrifices and do the hard work required to lose serious weight? Not nearly as many as the number who set the goal. Taking those steps changes both the mind and body.

    The reward is not just the tangible change in your body. It is the journey that has given you improved discipline and willpower.

    Exactly the same applies to the goal of quitting your job and running your own business. Everyone dreams about it, but very few people do it. Those who are successful have not just won the prize of being their own boss and earning a better income.

    The long hours they have worked, the risks they have taken with their time and money, the fear and uncertainty of whether it was going to work—these things changed them.

    It took me four years of working on my online business part-time before it earned me enough money to kiss the desk goodbye. The money is not the prize; it is the time and freedom I now have. But if those things had just fallen into my lap without any effort or sacrifice on my behalf, I would not be able to appreciate them in the same way.

    I would still have been the same person I used to be. (more…)

  • 6 Steps on the Path to Passion and Fulfillment

    6 Steps on the Path to Passion and Fulfillment

    “I don’t believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive.” ~Joseph Campbell

    There are seemingly small events in life that, in retrospect, turn out to be the catalyst for cataclysmic transformation. Such was the case for me when my oldest child left home to pursue her passion as a ballet dancer.

    Little did I know at the time that this event would lead me to a brand new passion, a new business, and a new life.

    My Life Passion Story

    Prior to my daughter leaving home, I’d spent the previous three years supporting her as she pursued her passion, driving her two sixty-mile round trips daily to train at her ballet studio. I often spent three hours a day in the car. I was also tending to my two younger children and attempting to maintain a public relations consultancy.

    A child leaving home isn’t really a small event, but in my case, it wasn’t as dramatic as it is for most parents. My daughter was away from home most of the day anyway between school and dance. And she spent six weeks away every summer at ballet programs. So her moving to another city did not feel so dramatic or unsettling in itself.

    But what it triggered in me was a tsunami of internal upheaval.

    As my daughter’s passion for ballet blossomed, I was happy to help her pursue her dream, and I accepted the sacrifices involved. Prior to this intense training period for her, I had an active public relations business in which I promoted my clients (actors, artists, designers, and business professionals) as they pursued their passions. But as my daughter’s training intensified, I had to cut back on my PR work.

    When she left home, and I no longer had to spend hours a day in my car, I suddenly had a huge chunk of time on my hands.

    You’d think regaining this time would have filled me with elation. But I remember standing in the middle of the house in despair, wondering who I was and what I was supposed to do.

    Between my PR career and supporting my daughter, I had spent years helping others come alive with their own passions. Suddenly, I realized I didn’t have one of my own. I felt directionless, uninspired, and totally lost.

    I tried to resurrect my PR business, but I had no joy in it. I so wanted to feel the enthusiasm and intensity that my daughter and my clients felt about their passionate pursuits. I wanted to feel alive again. At the time, I was in my late forties with a twenty-plus-year PR career under my belt but no other marketable skills (or so I thought).

    I had no idea what to do, but I knew I had two choices:

    • I could accept a boring, unsatisfying life
    • I could figure a way out of this internal upheaval and find something to ignite my passion

    I chose the latter. (more…)

  • Go Ahead and Care—It Won’t Break You

    Go Ahead and Care—It Won’t Break You

    “What you do have control over is how you react to what happens in your life.” ~Oprah

    How vulnerable it is to care deeply.

    Because, oh God—the white-hot shame of caring, and having your caring exposed when it doesn’t happen despite your best efforts?

    Humbling.

    The thing I wanted most since I was a little girl was to be a published writer. Published, as in bound book in hand, “by Kate Swoboda” on the cover. 

    As a child, I spent hours writing books—real books, from beginning to end, sometimes illustrating them with pictures.

    I majored in English with a writing concentration in college. I went to graduate school for writing. I continued to write full-length books.

    Finally, when I was 24 years old, I thought I had my chance.

    I had entered my novel to a fiction contest and received an honorable mention. At the awards dinner, the judge told me that I had almost won the first-place award.

    The best-selling author who financially backed the contest said, “I want to read your manuscript.” Another writer at the dinner—a legit writer who has had her books turned into movies—said, “I’ll put you in touch with my agent.”

    I don’t think I drove home. I think I flew home, light as air, high on the possibilities.

    The writer gave me the information, and I overnighted my manuscript, a complete novel, to that agent. Then I spent the next month—every day—thinking about this agent calling, and how this was it, the big break.

    Three months later, I finally got a polite rejection email. I was crushed.

    “I Don’t Care”

    I often wonder if there’s some mechanism that modern-day society is missing when it comes to disappointment.

    Were generations prior better equipped to handle disappointment because they lived in a time when they didn’t get constant, recurring instant gratification? Is that what it takes to learn how to deal with disappointment better?

    (more…)

  • When the Pursuit of Greatness Does More Harm Than Good

    When the Pursuit of Greatness Does More Harm Than Good

    “Seek not greatness, but seek truth and you will find both.” ~Horace Mann

    You’re destined for greatness. Don’t settle for mediocrity. You can be extraordinary.

    Have you ever heard one of these motivating statements? I see them all the time around the web, and while I understand the intention, I sometimes have mixed feelings about the implication.

    We all want to make a difference in the world. We all want to make some kind of impact, both to contribute to mankind and to feel that our lives mean something.

    It’s a great, big world out there, and at times it can feel like we don’t matter unless we’re doing something huge. We might even be tempted to label our lives as unworthy if we’re not doing something that garners attention and admiration.

    This was the foundation of my early interest in performing. It wasn’t just that I loved expressing myself creatively, though I did; I’ve always had a wellspring of emotion that craved some type of artistic outlet.

    It was more that I needed that feeling of standing above a crowd that was fixated on me. I desperately craved their approval and applause, their confirmation that I was a valuable person—that I was someone with talent.

    Talent made me special. It made me stand out. When I held a microphone or moved center stage, I felt good about me.

    But when the house lights came on at the end of the night, that feeling depended on whether or not I received verbal confirmation of my greatness. If another actor received more flowers or compliments, I feared that I wasn’t good enough.

    This, right here, is what I dislike about the implication we can and should strive for greatness—it seems to imply that where we are right now isn’t already great.

    And the race to be extraordinary, to me this just feeds into the type of thinking that suggests we need to stand out, to prove we’re somehow better than ordinary.

    Now I’m not suggesting we shouldn’t try to make an impact on the world, or that we should stifle our energy or efforts in order to play small. (more…)

  • The Top 25 Excuses to Wait on Your Dreams and How to Overcome Them

    The Top 25 Excuses to Wait on Your Dreams and How to Overcome Them

    “The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses…The gift is yours—it is an amazing journey—and you alone are responsible for the quality of it.” ~Bob Moawad

    If we try, we can always find a reason not to do what we want to do, and it can seem perfectly valid. We can convince ourselves that we’re being smart, realistic, or safe, or that we don’t even really want it.

    We’re great at justifying the status quo, because we know exactly what that’s like, even if it’s dissatisfying.

    The unknown can feel terrifying. But somewhere in that same realm where anything could go wrong is everything that can go right.

    So many times in my life I’ve finally pushed myself to do something and then wondered, “Why did I wait so long?” If I had known the benefits would far outweigh my fear and discomfort, I would have pushed myself sooner.

    But we can’t ever know that in advance. We can only know that our reasons to do something are greater than our excuses not to.

    In my efforts to keep moving beyond my comfort zone, I’ve compiled the top excuses not to go after a dream, along with a few reminders to help us overcome them.

    (more…)

  • Extraordinary Passion: Making a Dream Come True

    Extraordinary Passion: Making a Dream Come True

    “Just as much as we see in others we have in ourselves.” ~William Hazlitt

    As an American living and working abroad in Barcelona with only local Spanish and Catalan television, I often look to the Internet for entertainment when I have downtime. I particularly enjoy looking up songs I’ve heard on the radio.

    I recently fell in love with the song We Are Young by the band Fun. I can still relate to this youthful anthem, even as an almost 40-year-old. I am fully aware that I probably just made the band hugely unpopular by admitting this.

    This is how I found the acoustic version of another Fun song, Carry On on YouTube. The accompanying instrumental music was simple and pure. And when Nate Ruess opened his mouth to sing, it appeared so effortless and natural, and created sounds so beautiful that it brought tears to my eyes.

    I couldn’t believe how emotional I was over watching this young, skinny guy sing!

    What struck my emotions so hard? It was the absolute beauty of someone, who looked like an ordinary guy, doing what he obviously loves, so well.

    The first thing I thought after watching him belt out Carry On was, “I want to do a thing so well that I feel like what he must feel like when he sings, or at least what he makes me feel like when he sings.”

    I was completely fascinated to find that Ruess never had formal musical training, couldn’t play an instrument, and pursued a musical career even in the face of being told that he wasn’t good enough and would never make it professionally. But he was, and he did, it appears purely out of true love for music.

    Had Nate Ruess been a more practical person, he may have forgone making a life out of his passion and pursued a college education and business or law. Had he done this, the world would have missed out on his incredibly unique musical gift.

    I have always stood in awe of people who are able to make their passion a main focus of their life. Many people don’t. And further, many people seem to think that it’s asking too much of life to live one’s passion.

    What makes people like Ruess appear so extraordinary is that they believed in their dreams enough to pursue them.

    I’ve often thought about other people who have realized their dreams by pursuing their passion or life calling: the Brazilian author Paulo Coelho; my cousin who is a gifted actor and musician; a world-class scientist friend of mine; Mother Teresa; the Buddha. (more…)

  • Keeping Our Hearts Open at Work and at Home

    Keeping Our Hearts Open at Work and at Home

    “A person’s world is only as big as their heart.” ~Tanya A. Moore

    I had a great boss. He was a creative spirit, just like me. He gave me total autonomy and creative license, and honestly, I did the best work of my career under his leadership.

    I can remember coming to him with outlandish ideas—never-been-done-before ideas—and he would listen, and then we’d spend hours brainstorming on how to bring them to life. When we brought them to life, we always shared in their success.

    We had a special relationship, and I felt like we could talk about anything.

    And then all of a sudden we stopped talking.

    The business climate changed dramatically. We were in the midst of a severe economic recession. Our industry was hit very hard. We had no time to talk. 

    The recession was a metaphor for all the relationships in my life. Lack, anxiety and shortfalls, disengagement.

    There was no time for questions, no room for ideas. It was too painful to go deep. There was just enough time and energy to stay afloat on the surface.

    I never even realized I closed off my heart. And then something awakened me to this reality.

    I was on a business trip in the mountains of Utah during early summer.

    My then estranged boss and I had a full day of meetings, and our two hosts invited us to take a ride on the chairlift before dinner. Somehow, our two hosts got pulled away to another meeting, so it was just the two of us—me and my boss—for the chairlift ride.

    There we were, two people on a four-person lift sitting as far apart as possible, in total silence, looking out into the distance.

    It was a beautiful evening, and there were many young couples snuggled in warm blankets, riding the chairlifts opposite us.

    They began to heckle me. “Why don’t you sit closer. He won’t bite you!” “Why are you sitting so far apart?” (more…)

  • A Simple Process to Turn Fear into Power

    A Simple Process to Turn Fear into Power

    “You are very powerful, provided you know how powerful you are.” ~Yogi Bhajan

    Have you ever stopped to think about your definition of fear?

    As my dear friend Mr. Webster states, fear is “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.”

    Simply put, I disagree with this definition of fear.

    My definition of fear goes something like this….

    “An opportunity for self discovery and self growth; a well of untapped personal power and strength; the gateway from wishing and wanting to doing and being.”

    Yes, fear can be a drag, and there are certain situations and life-threatening circumstances that stir up a whole slew of fear that I would never wish upon any one.

    But there’s another spectrum of fear that comes from within and the culprit is often our very own “monkey mind” and self-worth. Most likely, it’s this very fear that is holding you back from living the wildly successful, abundant, joy-filled life that you crave and oh-so deserve!

    I never really thought about fear before, but last year I decided to take the entrepreneurial plunge and it opened a whole new can of worms for me. This is when my relationship with my personal forms of fear took flight.

    I was fearful that I wasn’t smart enough to run my own business, my skills and knowledge weren’t as strong as my business partners’ skills, I didn’t have enough experience to prove to potential clients that I know what I’m talking about—and why would someone want to listen to what I have to say?

    The list of crazy thoughts and irrational fears that surfaced for me over this past year are endless. And guess what? I now realize that they are not true.

    As I typed that last sentence I had a smile of relief cross my face, because I now realize that my fears aren’t me, and they don’t control me anymore.

    The truth is, for most of us, fear is present on a regular basis, but the form that it chooses to present itself in is constantly changing. Maybe you experience anxiety, a deep nervousness, confusion, lack of motivation, uncertainty, or something unidentifiable deep within.

    Chances are, you’re experiencing fear on a magnitude of levels and in multiple forms all at once. (Fear is sneaky like that! It’s always showing up in disguise to try to trick you!) (more…)

  • Why We Need Mistakes and Failures

    Why We Need Mistakes and Failures

    “The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.” ~Elbert Hubbard 

    A while back, I was invited to attend the Asian Chamber of Commerce’s 22nd Annual Awards Gala. Focused on “The Spirit of Entrepreneurship,” the Asian Chamber of Commerce celebrated individuals who exemplified great leadership skills in the Houston community.

    The keynote speaker, Dr. Lynda Chin, surprised me by talking about failure. A scientist, Dr. Chin is the first to admit medical mistakes. She talked about cancer-related pharmaceuticals having a 95% failure rate, because the medication needs to be tailor-made to the individual.

    I had never heard someone in a high-ranking position admit to failure so freely. But as she put it,  “There is no success without failure. There are no experiments that succeed before first failing.”

    So in essence, failure is the stepping-stone toward success.

    Another person who inspired me that night was Keiji Asakura, an urban design and landscape architect. A botanist, without the degree, he was a lover of plant life. Asakura was another model of someone who was able to take his mistakes and use them as the fundamental building blocks of his successes.

    One day nearly 10 years ago, his company filed for bankruptcy, and on the same day his wife asked him for a divorce. Life couldn’t have been any worse. In the depths of despair he asked himself, “Why do I do what I do?” The answer: because I love it.

    Because he loved it. Hearing those words from someone not in entertainment reminded me of why I do what I do. Because I love it. Without that love there would be no point in enduring this much anxiety in anticipation of something greater.

    People tell me all the time that they admire me for going after what I really want. But people only see what they want to; they forget that behind every truly large success, there are a million failures. For every good sentence that I write, there are thousands more that need to be rewritten.

    So far, in my adult career, where I’m at now is my lowest point. There is nothing on the horizon that promises that the work I’m doing now will pay off. My life is a gamble.

    My dad actually—I say “actually” because he only inadvertently supported my career choice—said, “In every business there is a risk, but without risk there is no potential to prosper. You simply have to take it.” (more…)

  • Giveaway and Interview: The Practicing Mind by Thomas M. Sterner

    Giveaway and Interview: The Practicing Mind by Thomas M. Sterner

    Note: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha for free daily or weekly emails and to learn about future giveaways!

    The Winners:

    Have you ever feared you’ll never excel at a skill or reach a goal you set? Have you ever judged yourself or your efforts as “not good enough,” creating a sense of paralysis? Or how about this: Have you ever felt so eager to excel that the process became stressful and unsatisfying?

    In his book The Practicing Mind: Developing Focus and Discipline in Your Life, Thomas M. Sterner explores how to “master any skill or challenge by learning to love the process,” as the cover reads.

    Sterner has mastered quite a few challenges; he’s a concert piano technician, an accomplished musician, a pilot, and a golfer—and he’s learned how to practice each skill with a focus on the present.

    Sharing personal anecdotes, insights, and lessons, Sterner teaches us how to simplify and concentrate on the task at hand; break goals into smaller, more manageable steps; and slow down so that we can give our full attention to each step along the way.

    I highly recommend The Practicing Mind to anyone who wants to find more joy in the process of working toward their goals, and in doing so increase their effectiveness.

    The Giveaway

    To enter to win 1 of 2 free copies of The Practicing Mind:

    • Leave a comment below
    • Tweet: RT @tinybuddha Book GIVEAWAY & Interview: The Practicing Mind http://bit.ly/R5EnKh

    If you don’t have a Twitter account, you can still enter by completing the first step. You can enter until midnight PST on Sunday, August 12th. (more…)

  • Keep Creating Even in the Face of Criticism

    Keep Creating Even in the Face of Criticism

    “Do not give your attention to what others do or fail to do; give it to what you do or fail to do” ~Dhammapada

    During the past couple of months I have been the recipient of some not so favorable reviews from a couple of music blogs regarding an album I recently released. In fact, two reviews in particular were not just critical but completely scathing.

    Both reviews completely devoured me. I received the most recent one right before going to bed, and allowed it to completely disrupt my sleep. I woke up numerous times playing the words over and over in my head.

    The next morning I was still unable to shrug feelings of worthlessness, inability, insecurity, and disappointment.

    That familiar feeling of a door closing on my dreams resurfaced again. The voice in my head told me that I should just quit making music once and for all. I was convinced that I had deluded myself about my abilities and that, despite all my efforts, my music will never be any good.

    “There are no failures. Just experiences and your reactions to them.” ~Tom Krause

    The truth is I do have a lot of insecurity about my abilities as an artist. From an early age, friends and peers criticized me, along with parental figures that I expected support from. So today when I receive criticism, it reopens an old wound.

    In the past, I’ve let feelings of inadequacy keep me feeling down for weeks on end. This time though, I didn’t want these feelings to dictate my entire day or week ahead. I wanted to shake this feeling immediately and not let myself drown in it any longer.

    So, in my own form of meditation, I sat with these feelings and I realized I needed to be kind to myself, a friend to myself. After all, if I can’t be kind to myself, who will? I can’t rely on external praise or wait for someone else to make me feel better.

    There are so many factors beyond our control. When we seek validation from someone else, we put power in that person’s hands.

    Within moments, I was able to shift my perspective and see things in another light. I was able to see that opinions and preferences are completely subjective. (more…)

  • Finding the Flow: Growing into Your Whole, Authentic Self

    Finding the Flow: Growing into Your Whole, Authentic Self

    “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” ~Lao Tzu

    I was around twelve years old as I sat in the career day presentation. I can’t remember one word that was said. It might as well have been the teacher in the Charlie Brown cartoons speaking in that esoteric adult language.

    It was the day I made my first practical life decision. In seventh grade, I boldly decided I would be a dentist—for absolutely no meaningful reason. I chose because society was insisting upon it.

    I held onto this idea for a decade before entering dental school. I did exceptionally well, but two years in, I realized that something wasn’t right. Turns out, I hated general dentistry.

    However, it was the path I had chosen, so I stuck with it.

    I completed school and decided to pursue the challenging path of oral and maxillofacial surgery. It was exciting, and exhausting, and…empty.

    Two years in, I realized something wasn’t right.

    I didn’t hate it, but it didn’t quite resonate with me in a way I felt it should. Nonetheless, I stuck with it because it was the path I had chosen. I declared I was to be an oral surgeon and come hell or high water that was what I would be.

    I finished my residency and started my professional career. After thirteen years of education, you would think there would be a sense of accomplishment and relief. There was, but unfortunately, it was short-lived.

    Two years later, I realized something wasn’t right. Again.

    That was around the time I started exploring my creative self again—the self I had put on on hold for twenty years while pursuing a career path that I mistakenly believed defined me. I finally understood that I had to give myself permission to be a work in progress – to evolve beyond a definition of self that didn’t quite fit. (more…)

  • A Letter from Your Calling

    A Letter from Your Calling

    “Every calling is great when greatly pursued.” ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

    It’s me. The one who keeps talking to you about that thing. That project. That possibility.

    I know you think you couldn’t be the one for the job, but honestly, if you weren’t the one for the job, I wouldn’t have come to you with it.

    I wouldn’t have come knocking at the door of your mind. I wouldn’t have come into your dreams, into your imagination, into your heart.

    I wouldn’t have made it so compelling to think about me.

    I wouldn’t have planted in you the frustration with what is.

    I wouldn’t have planted in you the vision of what could be.

    You say you want more meaning, more adventure, and to have a greater impact.

    I’m offering you all of that, but you keep telling me I’m silly, unrealistic, too big, when here I am, ready to give you the greatest adventure of your life.

    I don’t take it personally, but I do weep about it.

    I weep for the joy you are missing out on. I weep because you aren’t getting to witness your immense strength and brilliance. I weep for what the world is missing out on too.

    When I took this job, they told me much of it would be waiting. Waiting on you.

    I want to make sure you know, I’m here, close as breath, waiting. I’m waiting for you to say yes.

    We can do this. Together, we can do this thing.

    It’s true, part of my job is creating challenges and dark moments along the way—but only enough of them to teach you the most beautiful lessons you’ll ever learn.

    I need you. Your hands. Your heart. Your mind. Your circumstances. Your strengths. Your weaknesses. Your wounds. Your wit. Your tale.

    I need you, just as you are.

    Say yes?

    Love,

    Your Calling

    Photo by Ben Fredericson

  • Scaling Back to Propel Yourself Forward in Work and Beyond

    Scaling Back to Propel Yourself Forward in Work and Beyond

    “Your work is to discover your world and with all your heart give yourself to it.” ~Buddha

    Let me paint a picture for you, instead of clouding this post with emotion. To be more specific, I think I have Asperger’s Syndrome, and even if I wanted to cloud it with emotion, I would probably fail to convey the correct ones.

    I was born in Zimbabwe to well-educated and financially comfortable parents, which is as lucky a background as some people on this continent get to have. Unfortunately, my parents were also incredibly emotionally distant, and my earliest memories include several instances of domestic violence.

    Fortunately, they very rarely lived in the same house at the same time; we were usually a two-household family.

    My father, in the end, died of AIDS, and I’m not in contact with my mother or any reatives because they don’t want to talk about the abuse, the disease, or anything that happened within our family.

    I’m happy to accept that they are uncomfortable talking about it. After several years of struggle, I have learned a lot about my parents that teaches me what amazing people they were—and I am grateful to have been born into this family, because there was an incredible flip-side.

    Although my parents were emotionally distant, they pushed me intellectually more than any parents I have ever met.

    My mother relates a story of having purchased a VHS player in the United Kingdom when we lived there. At the time I was apparently around two or three years old.

    I pestered them about where the cartoon characters were, because I wanted to play with them. They dismissively told me that the cartoon characters lived inside the video machine. I waited until they were gone, and I remember painstakingly prying that VHS player open, so that I could have someone to play with.

    Instead of being annoyed or angry, my parents were amazed. From then on, they pumped me full of intellectual material. I remember reading Hemingway and Cousteau to my mother while she obsessively cleaned the house before I was even in middle school. It was incredible.

    It wasn’t surprising, therefore, that I chose to study medicine, or that I succeeded. (more…)

  • When It Feels Too Hard To Keep Trying: Rest or Push Harder?

    When It Feels Too Hard To Keep Trying: Rest or Push Harder?

    “Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~Pema Chodron

    When working toward a goal becomes difficult, it’s hard to know whether to push or take a rest.

    In my early twenties, living 3,000 miles away from home as a live-in nanny in a very different lifestyle became very stressful. I quit. I felt I couldn’t adjust to it, and I also couldn’t tolerate feeling out of my element every day for months.

    It was a decision I quickly regretted. The family I worked for was amazing, and as soon as I moved home I missed them—and California. I regretted giving up so soon and in a way that impacted two very special young children.

    In hindsight, I realize that had I pushed harder and committed to just a few more months, things would likely have eased for me.

    At the time, I wasn’t aware of how resourceful I actually was, and hovering outside of my comfort zone for so long left me feeling the urgent need to feel grounded.

    Instead of finding other ways to achieve that feeling, I moved back home.

    In college, I was fixated on earning high grades. I loved school and loved learning, but I felt that it only “counted” if it was acknowledged by an “A” on my final transcript.

    I pushed too hard that first year, and I quickly became isolated and depressed.

    By the next year I had learned that if I didn’t rest periodically, my whole life and health would suffer. And all the “A”s in the world can’t buy happiness.

    I’m the world’s biggest proponent of, “Take it easy on yourself.” In my full-time work, I often advise clients to reduce their academic course load to find more balance in their lives. (more…)

  • Embracing Uncertainty: The Future is Open, Not Empty

    Embracing Uncertainty: The Future is Open, Not Empty

    “As for the future, your task is not to foresee it but to enable it.” ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

    A month ago, I was at a crossroads. I was unhappy with my job, I no longer wanted to be living at home, I was tired of being three states away from my boyfriend, and I was sick of feeling unfulfilled.

    I knew change was coming, but what I did not know was that I was to be the catalyst.

    I had moved back in with my parents after college, as I started the daunting task of job searching. I worked retail for most of the summer, broken only by a two-and-a-half week stint as an editor for a company that sold writing workshops to major corporations.

    I loved the job, but the people turned out to be less than willing to train and accept me, so back home I went.

    I finally found a job at a bank in the fall and set off learning a career in finance for the next year and a half. Acquiring a new skill set was intimidating at first; I was an English major and math had been an enemy of mine since grade school, but I quickly caught on and enjoyed it for a little while.

    Eventually, it became clear that it was not the career for me; sales goals and customer service grew old fast, and I longed for change.

    Along with living at home and working at a job that left me wanting more, my boyfriend was three states away. We met through a mutual friend in college, but attended separate schools. Our relationship had been long distance from the start, but when he graduated, his job took him even farther from me; meeting twice a month if we were lucky was not the relationship I had imagined.

    I felt stuck, wishing for a crossroads to appear so I could take a different path.

    I stood around waiting for change, waiting for the signs to come flashing in my direction, for a contact to call me up with a job offer, for a path to be laid out neatly in front of me.

    I think we all do that sometimes, wait for a decision to drift our way. But what I realized is that we need to come to the decision, not the other way around.

    After staying late at work one Monday, I was driving home and had the overwhelming urge to drive to the beach. I had to be there before the sun set, I had to look at the water, smell the salt and seaweed, see the scattered couples bundled up and holding hands.

    I sat on the boardwalk and just stared. I stared at the ocean far away from me as the tide pulled it out and gave up my worries, just praying that I would find happiness soon. (more…)

  • Who Owns Your Time?

    Who Owns Your Time?

    “What you do today is important, because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.” ~Unknown

    When you take cash out of your wallet to give to someone, you surely expect something of equal or greater value in return. Do you treat your time the same way?

    At one of my first jobs, I found myself spending a massive amount of time on tasks that didn’t really add value to me or my purpose.

    “Ah well, at least I got something done today,” I would often mutter to rationalize wasting time on just busy work. Or even better: “Well, that took a lot of my time, but at least I’ll have tomorrow to take care of what I really need to do.”

    I found that I didn’t truly own my time. I would arrive home from work exhausted, unwilling to do anything, and dreading that I only had an hour to sleep before waking up to do the whole thing over again.

    Why did all of this happen? Because I let my boss, my friends, and poor decisions take ownership of my time.

    Do you find yourself saying yes to too many requests, including those of your boss? Do you give away your time? I understand that you’re at a job and are getting paid for your time, but we all need to take ownership of how you spend your time.

    I found out this the hard way when I began getting sick from working too hard and depressed from a lack of balance in life.

    I realized something had to change and made it a point to respect my time, because time is the only thing I’m given for free in this life, every day that I live.

    I started by promising to myself that I would do just one activity per day that added value to my life, or planted a seed for me to have more time in my life.

    For one day, adding value meant challenging myself with a new piano piece to experience the joy of music and refresh my creative side. For another day, this meant completing an action item on my list for the startup I had been forming on the side to achieve financial freedom.

    Ultimately, what is important to you in life?

    All the time management strategies in the world won’t help you a bit if you don’t know what you really want. These need not necessarily be aspirational things, such as career achievements. They could be small things that you enjoy, but are really important to you. (more…)