Category: work fulfillment

4 Conscious Choices to Stay Balanced and Happy When You’re Busy
“Happiness is not a matter of intensity, but of balance, order, rhythm, and harmony.” ~Thomas Merton

I’m not someone who enjoys busyness or sees it as a sign of importance. In fact, I’ve often sacrificed money and opportunities to have more time to watch movies, roam around my neighborhood, and generally live life at a slow pace.

This is the way I most enjoy experiencing my days—by creating space to just be. And I find this supports my passion as a writer, since it allows me abundant opportunities to play, explore, and expand my understanding of the world and my place within it.

But I’ve also noticed that I formerly limited myself in response to underlying fears and limiting beliefs, and then justified it with my fondness for free time.

Whenever I received an opportunity to do something that would stretch my comfort zone, I reminded myself how hectic my schedule would be if I said yes.

Whenever I considered doing something new that I feared might fail (or might succeed, giving me more responsibility), I reminded myself that I was already meeting my needs, so it would probably be best to just keep doing what I was doing.

Essentially, I allowed myself to believe I had only one healthy motivation for not growing in new directions; and while this did support my priorities and preferences, it also created a sense of stagnation.

So this year I decided to challenge those limiting beliefs and fears. I started redefining myself beyond the safe roles of writer and free spirit, and recognized that I could actually be happier for trying new things and taking more risks.

While I know the choice was ultimately positive for me, I’ve struggled a little in the execution.

I’ve overwhelmed my schedule with projects—including the recent redesign/forum launch, a new book on self-love, and my first ever eCourse.

I’ve tried to do more on my own than I feasibly can—from reading and editing an ever-growing number of monthly blog submissions, to mentoring new writers, to handling all aspects of the site’s daily operations, to maintaining a freelance job writing for ‘tween girls.

And in the process, I’ve sacrificed some of my needs and priorities, including exercise and relaxation.

I’ve swung the pendulum from calm to chaos, and I’ve left myself little time and space to discover the middle ground between holding myself back and pushing myself.

I’m now in the process of adjusting to this decision to do new things, and I’ve realized it requires four conscious choices:
- Recognizing my non-negotiable needs and prioritizing them
- Setting realistic expectations about what I can do and what I can’t
- Regularly checking in with myself to ensure my choices support my intentions
- Learning from my emotions instead of reacting to them
If you’re also adjusting to a busier lifestyle—whether you’re working toward a dream or taking on new responsibilities at work or at home—these tips may help:

1. Recognize your non-negotiable needs.

Write down the top two or three things you need to do daily for your emotional well-being, your physical health, and your sense of balance. Include the bare minimum you could do to meet these, and ideal times. For me, that includes:

Emotional well-being
- Daily meditation and/or deep breathing (five minutes after waking up)
- Journaling (five minutes before going to sleep)
Physical health
- Daily exercise, even if just a walk outside (ten minutes around lunch time)
- Consistent sleep (eight hours—doable if I’m more efficient instead of wasting time online)
Sense of balance
- Time to relax and unwind (a half-hour bath at night)
- Time to play (a half-hour of something fun at night, preferably with someone else)
You’ve now established the bare minimum for your needs and created a plan to meet them. Even meeting the minimum might be hard. It might require you to ask for help or say no to certain requests. Think of it as saying yes to your happiness.

2. Set realistic expectations about what you can and can’t do.

I have a habit of making a schedule based on what I want to accomplish and then feeling disappointed in myself if I don’t meet that.

My schedule doesn’t often leave room for the unexpected, which could encompass tasks taking longer than I anticipated they would, or new opportunities coming up, personally or professionally.

If you’re striving to meet your boss’s expectations, you may have less leeway in being flexible. But when it comes to the arbitrary deadlines we set for ourselves, we have the power to release the pressure.

I often worry that deviations from my plan mean I’m losing control and decreasing the odds of doing what I set out to do. This actually sets me up for failure.

When I worry about what I’m not doing, I’m not focused on what I am. And that’s what’s enabled me to do things well in the past: not perfect adherence to a schedule, but focus and immersion in the process.

A better approach is to set a plan, do what we can, and then adjust as we go. Whatever we can’t comfortably fit in a day will just have to wait.

3. Regularly check in with yourself to ensure your choices are supporting your intentions.

I’ve found some contradictions in my recent mode of operating, including:
- I try to do everything myself because this site means so much to me, and I fear delegating responsibility to someone who may not care quite as much. The consequence: I’m sometimes stretched too thin to give everything the care it deserves.
- I’m taking on new projects because I know I’ll be happier for stretching myself, but I’ve deprioritized a lot of the other things that make me happy.
In recognizing these contradictions, I’m able to adjust accordingly.

I can challenge the belief that tells me I need to do everything myself, and seek help (which I’ve recently done). I can create a better balance between working toward future joy and creating joy in the process.

Take the time to check in what you really want—not just some day down the road, but in your everyday experience in the world. If you recognize you’re not enabling that, make tiny adjustments where you can.

4. Learn from your emotions instead of reacting to them.

When we’re doing something new, our emotions run the full gamut, from excitement to fear, eagerness to anxiety, and countless shades in between.

Some of these feelings are natural consequences of stretching our comfort zone, but other times they’re indicators about what’s not working and what we need to change.

I’ve learned to stop whenever I’m feeling something overwhelming and ask myself these four questions:
- What led up to this?
- Is this feeling a response to ignoring a need, pushing myself too hard, expecting too much of myself, or somehow treating myself without kindness and compassion?
- Is this a feeling I could release by coming back to the present moment (like worry about the future) or is it something with a lesson for me (like feeling overwhelmed because I need help, or anxious because I need a break)?
- If there’s a lesson, what can I do or change to apply it?
When we learn from our emotions, they become less overpowering and we become more present, more balanced, and more effective.

—

A while back, I wondered if the days of leisurely strolls were over, now that I’ve chosen to do a lot more. Then I realized that’s up to me. There is a grey area between underachieving and overachieving where growth and presence are both possible.

Finding that space is about making conscious choices. I know what those are for me. What are the choices that help you?
April 17, 2013
Introducing Tiny Buddha’s Community Forums!
After much time and planning with Joshua Denney of Think Web Strategy, I’m thrilled to announce that Tiny Buddha now has a new responsive design and community forums!

The new design enables for a better reading experience on mobile devices, and also gives you access to forum-related information right on the homepage.

Why Join The Tiny Buddha Community Forums?

The forums are a place to connect with the community, to share ideas, and to give and receive support. You’ll find topics related to:
- Art
- Crafts
- Emotional Mastery
- Fun
- Health & Fitness
- Parenting
- Purpose
- Relationships
- Spirituality
- Tough Times
- Work
Since site authors officially started using the forums two days ago, there are already quite a few conversations going on over there. I hope you’ll set up a free account to join one or start your own!

To Set a Free Account on the Tiny Buddha Forums

1. Click on the “Join the Forums” link at the top right-hand corner of the site.

2. On the register page, enter a username, your name, your email address, and your password, and then hit “complete sign up.”

3. You will receive a confirmation email to verify your account. Once you’ve done that…

4. Login at http://www.tinybuddha.com/login

Once you’re logged in, you can use the forum link in the main menu, at the top of the site, or check out on some of the popular forum conversations listed on the new homepage.

Since this is a new site feature, there may be some bugs. If you notice any issues, please let us know in the technical support section, here: http://dev.tinybuddha.com/forum/site-feedback-support/technical-support/

Thank you for being part of the Tiny Buddha community! 🙂
April 4, 2013
10 Ways to Be the Person You Wanted to Be as a Kid

“While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.” ~Angela Schwindt

When you’re young, anything seems possible. Whether you want to become a school teacher, a ballerina, or an astronaut, it all feels within your reach.

And you so easily get excited by it.

You can visualize in vivid detail what it would be like to hold your roses at curtain call, or how proud you’ll feel when you save the day—as a fireman, a soldier, or maybe even a superhero. You pretend your way through different roles and stay open to different ideas of who you are.

You might know what you like and don’t, and you probably aren’t afraid to vocalize it, but you haven’t yet learned how to get stuck in your ways. You’re too curious for that. That would be boring.

Though you knew back then that sticks and stones might break your bones but names could never hurt you, you did get hurt sometimes. You cried when a bully teased you, or you couldn’t get something you wanted.

But the next day you were back swinging and giving underdogs at the playground, smiling and dreaming new dreams again.

Then life happened. Maybe time and experience taught you to worry, fear, and limit yourself, and you slowly became a person younger you wouldn’t want to play with. You started playing by rules that no one even gave you. You stopped imagining possibilities and believing that you could meet them.

And worst of all, you started thinking that it’s something the world did to you—not something you choose, moment to moment. (more…)

March 18, 2013
Why Enthusiasm Trumps Worrying When It Comes to Reaching Goals

“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow. It only saps today of its joy.” ~Leo Buscaglia

They say the greatest joy in life is to be able to live your passion every day, and I only had to look to my teens to remember that what I had always enjoyed doing most—working out. That’s where I wanted to go in life.

Held hostage by worries about the future, status, and money, I decided to head on a different path. I did well in college, graduating with a business degree and a double major in finance and accounting.

A few years later, it was clear that something was off. So last year, I made the big decision to pursue my passion in fitness by becoming a certified personal trainer. The start of the year was full of energy and joy. I was glad that I had finally found my direction, something that I wholeheartedly wanted to do.

I was a man on a mission. By the end of August, I had accomplished my task by taking all the exams and passing the instructor competency evaluation.

Whew, I thought.

All I had to do now was wait for a letter of approval and a wallet card to make it official.

But, what was supposed to take a few weeks ended up taking more than two months. This was the kink in my momentum.

Before I ran into this speed bump, I had everything all carefully and strategically planned out. After I became an accredited personal trainer, it would be “go” time.

Then, while waiting for my accreditation to come through, I felt stuck. I couldn’t start taking clients. I just waited. And with extra time on my hands, I started to think.

This thinking was good at first; I laid out my plans and business strategically. But the more I thought about my personal training business, the more I started to worry.

My worries soon manifested into fear and doubt. I started to feel sick, both inside and out. It wasn’t long before the slow days gave way to questions. Did I give up pursuing a career in the finance industry for this? Was this all a mistake? (more…)

March 13, 2013
3 Tips to Be Happier in Work and in Life

“It isn’t our position but our disposition that makes us happy” ~Unknown

I am just winding down from a business trip that has been both trying and inspiring at the same time. I’ve recently been put into a role to manage a department in a functionality I know nothing about, working with people I’ve barely met, and changing a formerly toxic environment.

To say the least, I have a challenge ahead of me. Now six months into the position, I took my direct reports to breakfast and told them the sole purpose was for them to give feedback on how things have been going since the reorganization.

During coffee, the responses were a flat “Everything’s fine”; by the last bite of my pancake, I had learned that both employees were frustrated—one feeling underutilized and the other having trouble balancing the “working manager” role.

I had a lot of feedback to absorb, and it was very clear that there were items that needed to be addressed right away in order to ease frustration and point them in the right direction. At the same time, some of the comments and feedback needed to be dealt with some very honest directives.

I spent the rest of the day and three hours in the middle of the night dwelling on what and how to address the main points that needed resolution.

During those three mid-night hours, I finally worked through what to address and how to address it. Then I had an epiphany.

Having struggled to be truly happy most of my life, specifically with the pressure and expectations of my new professional role, I realized that the three items I would be preaching to my employees could be directly applied to my own personal life for the same purpose of easing frustration and moving in the right direction—being happy.

How could I set these expectations for my own employees and hold them accountable and not do the same for myself? I knew the three points I would emphasize with them should also be emphasized in my own life. If I was going to hold them accountable, I was going to hold myself accountable too. (more…)

March 13, 2013
When Efficiency Isn’t Efficient: The Shortest Path Isn’t Always Best

“There is more to life than increasing its speed.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

“The shortest path between two points is a straight line.” That comes straight out of my eighth grade geometry textbook and if you can’t trust math, what can you trust?

That pronouncement rang my chime. It put words to an unspoken feeling I had had for a long time. What could be better, truer, or more perfect than the shortest path?

Kids Do the Darnedest Things

As a teenager, I started putting in place “straight lines” in my life everywhere I could impose them. I got out of bed at the exact moment that would allow me to get cleaned up, dressed, fed, and off to class in the least amount of time necessary. It annoyed me to be even a few minutes early and terrified me to be late.

I scheduled every moment of every day. I couldn’t stand an unplanned minute; I had to predetermine it all in advance.

Now you might be thinking that I must have been one of those overly serious, driven, humorless kids. Not so. I partied with the best of them. But even that partying was all on schedule.

I started going to college when I was just sixteen years old and still in high school. I had college in the morning and high school in the afternoon. No problem, I had it all mapped out.

Of course that was just school. I worked too. I had a job after school part-time as a computer programmer. After that, I worked at a McDonald’s, closing five nights a week.

Then I went out with my friends, then I came home and studied, then I slept for three or four hours. And then I did it all over again the next day.

You probably see where this is headed. I thought I was being efficient and mature. After all, I worked hard and studied hard. I was reliable and diligent. I was the life of the party and seemed to have boundless energy.

But one day, I just couldn’t muster the will go to work after school. I asked my mom to call in sick for me and I went to bed at 3:00 in the afternoon. I woke up 26 hours later, the next day at 5:00 in the afternoon. (more…)

March 11, 2013
How Mindfulness Can Help You Discover What You Want to Do in Life

“Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely.” ~Rodin

When I was in college, I knew what to do and everything clicked along.

But as graduation approached, I got nervous.

I’d always assumed that some “good job” would turn up when I got out of school. But now it was in my face that I had no idea where I was going.

I took a career workshop where we figured out our favorite interests and best skills. What the class didn’t provide was any follow-up to help me actually find the dream job.

I didn’t know how to ask for help in putting these ideas into practice. Or even who to ask.

I floundered.

For the next three years I drifted through a series of little jobs. The bills got paid with some money I inherited from my father, but this cushion was getting thin.

And I still didn’t know how to get a decent job.

At some point I heard that people were always looking for reliable house cleaners. “I may not be able to do much,” I thought, “but at least I can clean a house.”

So I started a housecleaning business.

There were a number of great things about this job. The money was good. The part-time hours were good. I was my own boss. But I hated the work.

So I decided quite randomly that a career in professional sales was the thing to pursue. Never mind that it held no interest for me. It seemed that I’d be good at it. (more…)

March 4, 2013
Changing Direction: It’s Not Too Late to Be Who You Want to Be

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” ~C.S. Lewis

Growing up, people always saw me as the over-achiever and said, “That girl is really going to make something of herself one day.”

I often felt the pressure of having to live up to these expectations.

I recently turned 30 and it was a day of reflection for me. I always had this idea that by the time I turned 30, I’d be one of the top celebrities in South Africa, living the life of a talented singer, a self-made millionaire, driving a fancy car, living in a big mansion—the works!

I realized I was merely living up to an idea I had in my head of what success meant to me.

Perhaps what I wanted was a tad unrealistic.

I’ve always been told to dream big and have gone through many ups and downs working toward these goals, but at some point I decided to change my direction.

I had to grow up and realize that perhaps these things I wanted just weren’t in the cards for me, and that maybe, in realizing my true potential, I first had to be content with that notion.

When I did this, I realized what I definitely wanted in my life, and it couldn’t have happened at a more perfect time.

I have my day job (of course); I work in the web industry as a developer and I love it. I enjoy the people I work with and I’m excited to come to work every day.

It’s just that lately, I’ve started thinking about where my life is headed and how I want contribute to this world and do my part to make it a better place. (more…)

February 26, 2013
Feeling Lost and How It Can Help You Find Yourself

“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.” ~Henry David Thoreau

Another day, another class missed, another alarm turned off. No motivation but to turn the pillow over to its colder side and lay there half asleep, unanswered questions gliding in and out of my mind.

This was how most of my mornings went in my last days of college. I had never been too motivated by the promise of college, even in high school, but it had always been set in my head that a college degree was my goal, my path to that elusive happiness we all crave.

It was my belief, and perhaps my parents’ as well, that I would head off to have the proverbial college experience and in the process I would become a lawyer or some sort of government official. That I would just wake up one day and say, “Aha! I know what I want to do for the rest of my life!” But that morning epiphany never came.

All that happened was a continuous cycle of partying, all night study sessions, followed by a complete and utter lack of fulfillment. So I dropped out. I moved back home with no degree, disappointed parents, and a deep sense of failure and confusion.

It was one of the most trying times in my life simply because I realized that my life had been on autopilot.

Everything about my future was ambiguously assumed. I would get into debt by going to college, then I would be forced to get a job to pay off that debt, while still getting into more and more debt by buying a house and a car. It seemed like a never-ending cycle that had no place for the possibility of a dream.

I wanted more—but not necessarily in the material sense of personal wealth and success. I wanted more out of life. I wanted a passion, a conceptual dream that wouldn’t let me sleep out of pure excitement. I wanted to spring out of bed in the morning, rain or shine, and have that zest for life that seemed so intrinsic in early childhood. (more…)

February 24, 2013
Why Quitting Is Sometimes the Right Thing to Do

“Celebrate endings, for they precede new beginnings.” ~Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We often think of quitting as failure. We commend people for carrying on when times get rough. The heroes in our action movies don’t just give up when things get difficult. When was the last time you saw Steven Seagal walk away from a fight?

As the saying goes, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” Society expects us to fight back and battle on.

But sometimes, quitting is most definitely the right thing to do.

Sometimes, it’s the best option. A lot of people assume that it’s the easy thing to do—that only defeatists and good-for-nothin’ drop outs would even consider such a “cop-out.” This is not the case.

I learned this myself when I finally made that looming decision to drop out of college. There it is: “drop out.” Even the words sound negative, as if I’ve fallen away from society, failing to meet my expectations. But I don’t see my decision as a negative thing at all, and it wasn’t the easy thing to do.

I had been at college for a year and two months; I had great friends, and everything was happily laid out for me.

Nothing was too demanding, especially considering I had only nine contact hours a week. People told me where I had to be and when. This must all sound fairly straight-forward and easy going.

Why, then, would I decide to give it all up and leave?

As idyllic as this lifestyle sounds (and probably was), I simply felt no drive to live it. I had no desire to follow these laid out plans, and this was making me extremely unhappy. Going to college was, in hindsight, a bad decision for me.

I rushed into the decision rather than taking a break to find myself in the world. (more…)

January 24, 2013
How to Believe in Yourself in the Face of Overwhelming Self-Doubt

“When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.” ~Honore de Balzac

You know what that voice in your head says…

You can’t do it. You’ll never be good enough. You’re going to fail.

This voice taunts you whenever you set a goal. It criticizes you when life gets difficult. It beats you down when you struggle to stand up against its running commentary.

You know you shouldn’t let self-doubt bother you, but it’s a sneaky critter. Sometimes, you just can’t contain it and it slips past your barriers.

And self-doubt is greedy. When it’s loose, it devours your confidence, strips logic and reason from your mind, and steals happiness from your heart. In return, it leaves you with only fear and insecurity.

You try to remove self-doubt by forcing yourself to “think positive,” which usually doesn’t work as well as you think it should.

The more you fight your self-doubt, the more it fights back. However, with self-knowledge and understanding, you can use self-doubt for your benefit.

A Story about Crushing Dreams and “Being Realistic”

When I was a child, I was in love with drawing. For me, drawing was as exciting as going to the playground.

At some point in my childhood, I decided I’d become an artist of some kind. But the critics in my life were quick to cut me down. I’ll bet you’ve heard the same kind of clichés:

“Art is great but not a ‘realistic’ future goal. While it’s a nice hobby to have, you can’t really make a living out of it. You’ll just be another starving artist.”

As children, we internalize these negative messages and parrot them back. If the adults say so, it must be true, right? By adulthood, every time we have a small hope, we’re the first to snuff it out: (more…)

January 8, 2013
Realizing Your Dream: Stop Dwelling on “What Ifs”

“Excellence can be obtained if you care more than others think is wise, risk more than others think is safe, dream more than others think is practical, expect more than others think is possible.” ~Unknown

I think I always had an idea of what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I sort of tweaked it along the way. I knew I wanted to work in the field of science, but like most kids, I wasn’t exactly sure where I fit in.

When I was 10 years old, I wanted to be an astronaut. At the age of 14, I wanted to do absolutely anything for the United States Air Force (pilot, scientist, etc.). By the time I was 18 years old, I wanted to be a microbiologist.

When I finally did grow up, I found myself working in bars by night and a dead-end office job by day; this lasted for most of my 20s. Who was I to complain? I was making decent money, but I felt awfully unfulfilled.

I knew that I had what it takes to actually be a scientist, but I was not sure exactly how to get there. And for a moment, I thought it was too late.

My childhood family was not comprised of college-bound folks; there were both hard workers and slackers alike, but school was not considered to be important.

I was never pushed academically, and there were rarely any consequences for receiving bad grades. Also, like many families in the United States, mine was extremely dysfunctional.

I was actually quite an intelligent child. I comprehended the concepts that the instructors were teaching; I just did not care to pay attention. And why would I?

No one in my home valued education. Despite being able to understand science with my eyes shut, I struggled with mathematics because it’s hard to learn the subject when one is being rebellious. (more…)

January 3, 2013
Book Giveaway and Author Interview: 52-Week Life Passion Project
Note: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha for free daily or weekly emails and to learn about future giveaways!

The Winners:
- Pat
- ChoosingMyPath
- neildsachs
- eM
- Skye Cortes
It’s not easy to do something you’re passionate about for work—and not only because it’s hard to discover your passion or find a job to leverage it.

Once we know what we love to do, we then need to work through all kinds of limiting thoughts, beliefs, and fears that may prevent us from taking action. Then we need to decide what that action should be—how and where to start, and how to stay motivated.

It’s with this in mind that coach and blogger Barrie Davenport wrote the 52-Week Life Passion Project, an insightful, comprehensive guide to identifying what you really want to do and building your life around it.

I’m excited to share an interview with Barrie, and grateful that she offered to give away 5 books for Tiny Buddha readers!

The Giveaway

To enter to win one of five free copies of 52-Week Life Passion Project:
- Leave a comment on this post sharing something you’re passionate about. (If there’s nothing you’re passionate about yet, then just leave a comment saying hello!)
- For an extra entry, tweet: RT @tinybuddha Book Giveaway: The 52-Week Life Passion Project: Comment and RT to win! http://bit.ly/W8WUUz
You can enter until midnight PST on Monday, January 7^th.

The Interview

1. What inspired you to write the 52-Week Life Passion Project? (more…)
January 3, 2013
Active Contentment: 5 Tips to Have Both Peace and Ambition

“Peace is not merely a distant goal we seek but a means by which we arrive at that goal.” ~Martin Luther King Jr.

Stress equals success.

I wholeheartedly believed this for many years. Who had led me so astray? I have only myself to blame.

The concept of peace had no practical application in my life. Peace was something that was necessary in war-torn countries, not in my mind.

This toxic belief began in college. The library often felt like a boxing ring where my fellow students and I competed to be the most stressed out.

Who had the most papers to write, the most books to read, the most labs to complete? Who had stayed up the latest the night before? Who had gone the longest without sleep or food? Or a shower?

If you were stressed out, you were respected. Accepted.

“I’m stressed out, so that must mean I’m achieving something,” I’d think to myself on a regular basis. Then I graduated, and the stress continued.

After six months of working a nine-to-five office job, I realized that I didn’t want to spend my life building someone else’s dream. I wanted to carve out a life of freedom for myself, so I decided to start my own business.

At first, I felt completely liberated. I woke up excited to work every morning. Then guilt set in.

Oh guilt, what a useless emotion.

As I sat working from my home office in my favorite sweat pants, I watched the morning commuters. Most looked tired, frazzled, and unhappy. And a big part of me envied them. Envied? Yes.

I no longer felt “accepted” in the rat race.

“What did you do to deserve this great life?” said my subconscious mind. “If you want to be happy, you need to be stressed out first. Peace only comes after a life of hard work and huge success. Retirement—now that’s happiness!”

I have no idea why these thoughts were so prevalent. Perhaps it was because I’d never known there was a different way of life out there.

And so with this mindset, I set about attempting to becoming as stressed out as possible. I believed that if I wasn’t cramming as much into my day as possible and setting ridiculous goals for myself, I couldn’t truly call myself an entrepreneur.

And then something happened. Something called yoga.

I started doing yoga and meditating on a regular basis, and the practice slowly but surely seeped into me and began to unleash a peace I’d never thought possible. I started smiling more and caring less. I experienced fleeting moments of pure contentment.

My relationships improved, and I learned how to handle stress in a healthy way. I no longer let it run my life.

I also stopped thinking about the future as much.

A few months after my turning point, I had coffee with a friend.

“All I truly want to be in life is content,” I told him confidently. I was sure I had life figured out once and for all.

“Great,” he replied, “but is content all you ever want to be? What about always aiming for something bigger? What about your desire to continually grow and learn and transform?”

Sigh. I knew he was right. After almost burning out on creating stress, I had gone too far in the other direction. I had lost sight of my vision.

I knew that if I gave up on my ambitions, I wouldn’t be content for a long. I had always been a big dreamer.

Balance, balance, balance.

Everything I was reading at the time told me to “live in the moment.” Yoga is all about being present in the here and now, and I couldn’t figure out how to factor this mentality into my budding business.

“How the heck can I apply the concept of living in the moment in a practical way in my life?” I shouted at the universe.

Finally, a tiny voice in my head answered me. There was no blare of trumpets, no fanfare. It was simple, beautiful:

Seek active contentment.

Active contentment. Such a liberating concept. It’s about being completely at peace with who you are and what you’re doing in the moment while simultaneously maintaining a vision for the future.

The following are five ways to help cultivate an attitude of active contentment:

1. Make time for downtime every day.

Downtime could involve meditation, light exercise, listening to music, reading something for fun—anything that puts you at ease and allows you to check out for a while. The recharge time will help you become more receptive to new ideas and inspiration.

2. Write a list of everything you’re grateful for right now.

Read it often. Gratitude is powerful, and taking stock of everything you have right now can help ease the pressure in stressful times.

3. Make two lists of goals: immediate goals for the week ahead and bigger-picture goals to work toward.

Being able to check off smaller goals grounds you in the present and will help motivate you to keep working toward those bigger, future goals. Momentum is also powerful force.

4. Celebrate small successes every day.

The biggest achievements are often a result of multiple small ones. By learning to appreciate the little things, you open yourself up to a world of joy.

5. Remember that in the end, there is nothing you have to do.

It’s your life. Just breathe. It’s good to be motivated, but sometimes just taking the pressure off is the most effective way to accomplish a big goal.

It’s a lesson that took me a long time to learn: just because you’re happy with where you’re at doesn’t mean you don’t want to be inspired or aim higher. Being at peace in the moment will only help you attract more success into your life.

Peace isn’t some distant goal to work toward. It’s something that can be cultivated on a daily basis to help you achieve your goals in a health way.

Active contentment is growth. It’s a state of mind that allows for ambition as well as peace. I challenge you to be actively content with your life. Namaste!

Photo by missportilla

December 17, 2012
Direct Your Emotional Memory to Feel Good Now

“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” ~Henry Ford

You’re stuck at work and you dream of something better.

This dreaming usually starts off great. You imagine yourself sitting at a desk working on a million dollar project or teaching underprivileged kids how to multiply seven times three.

Whatever your vision is, it’s good to daydream about this, but what usually happens is that we snap out of it, and reality smacks us in the face. We’re answering phones, running errands, and hating our lives.

I’ve been there, most of Gen Y is currently there, and everyone else was also there at some point in their early careers. Through the years I’ve interviewed hundreds of people about their careers. Each one always talks about one tool that they use over and over again.

Selective Memory

I noticed that most of the older people look back on their early careers in fondness. They forget about the pain and remember the good times. A lot of times they even look back on the pain in fondness.

They see how their superpowers had developed over the years. They know that each struggle was a part of their career growth and happiness.

My father, a small business owner, an electrical contractor, struggled in his early years. He had to run around hunting down jobs. No one knew who he was, so the jobs didn’t fall on his lap. He had to schmooze with old and new contacts.

I remember him coming home dejected, tired, and grumpy. I could have gotten free meals from the school, but my parents were too proud. I brown bagged my lunch 99.9% of the time. We couldn’t afford $.75 for a school lunch.

Now my father looks back on that time in fondness. He’s proud of my family’s fortitude. It got them to where they are now. Let’s put it this way, they can go on vacation anytime they want even though my father still works. He works because he enjoys what he does and doesn’t want to give this up.

If only he could have seen the magic in what he was creating when he created it. He would have saved himself a lot of worry. It’s this process that we can all use to help us to bring happiness to our struggles. (more…)

December 16, 2012
When Your Dreams Change: Let Your Values Guide You

“It is not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.” ~Roy Disney

It has been four months now since I made the hardest decision of my life.

In the fourth grade, I made a pledge to work as much I had to until I became successful and moved the heck out of Ohio!

That commitment led me to graduate as valedictorian in high school and summa cum laude in college. However, it also resulted in missed recess (to do homework), missed parties (to research), and missed relationships (to study). Of course, I am not upset, for my accomplishments make me proud, but I do regret some of the things they’ve cost me.

At the end of this 14-year journey, my dreams came to fruition: I was offered the job I had worked my entire life to get, in the perfect location!

That’s right—the best private school in Florida offered me a job as Physical Education teacher living just minutes away from the gulf, in a city known for its sunshine, St. Petersburg.

I should have chomped at the bit! Jumped up and down! Ran circles around the house! But I didn’t…

Something was wrong. How could arriving at the destination I had worked so diligently to reach not bring me all of the happiness I had lost in the journey to get there? How could reaching my life’s goal not bring me to tears—not make my heart sing?

It took a while but I finally figured it out: It’s because I’m not the same person who chose my path in the beginning. I have changed.

At one point between now and the fourth grade, I evolved. My life understanding grew and adapted, but my tunnel vision on a preset goal kept me from realizing it.

It’s good to have ambition, but can too much be harmful?

Still, what’s to think about right? (more…)

November 28, 2012
Letting Go of Stress Around Your Goals: 4 Tips to Help You Relax

“Control is never achieved when sought after directly. It is the surprising consequence of letting go.” ~James Arthur Ray

I have always been a bit of a control freak, and if I’m not mindful, it can suck the joy out of my work and my passion.

I like tasks done a certain way, which means I don’t always do well when it comes to delegating to others and can end up overextending myself.

I want things to be done on my timeline, which means I may feel a need to micromanage tasks I have delegated to decrease the potential for delay.

And I sometimes feel a need to know where things are going, which means I often need to remind myself to stay open to new possibilities.

In short, I like to feel that everything is going according to plan—my plan—so that I leave very little to chance.

Chance can be a scary place. It’s the realm where things could go wrong because you didn’t steer, compel, or manipulate them to ensure that they went right.

It’s the place where anything could happen because you weren’t clear or pushy enough to make things happen as you visualized them.

It’s a space where things are unpredictable, random even, where you don’t feel you have a say or a choice.

These are things I’ve thought before.

If you have a controlling instinct like I do, it can be difficult to ascertain when you’re being too heavy-handed, causing yourself stress in the process, and when you’re simply being proactive and taking responsibility for your life.

It’s a thin line between empowering yourself and taking your power away.

On one side, you know you’ve done your best but accept that other factors contribute to your outcome; on the other side, you cause yourself immense anxiety trying to foresee and eliminate those factors.

It can feel terrifying to simply let things happen, particularly when the stakes are high—when you care about something so deeply that it feels like a piece of you.

But ironically, trying to control things can actually limit their potential.

Imagine you stood in front of a flower all day, trying all kinds of fertilizer to push it to grow faster. In addition to trying too many things, minimizing the effectiveness of any one, you’d essentially rob it of sunlight while casting your overbearing shadow.

The fear that it might not grow would all but ensure that outcome. (more…)

November 26, 2012
Finding Direction When You’re Not Sure Which Choice Is “Right”

“Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places.” ~Unknown

Like so many others, I am a recent college graduate who is still living at my parents’ house and working my minimum wage high school job as I scour the web for opportunities and get one rejection email after another.

However, I don’t know how many others I can speak for when I say that I didn’t see this coming.

I graduated with a nursing degree and heard from more than a few people in the field that there was a shortage and jobs were plentiful. I had no back-up plan because I was so sure my Plan A would work out.

I was essentially blind-sided each and every time I got a rejection email because it meant I still had no direction.

The most terrifying part of all of this, though, isn’t the uncertainty about the future and complete lack of any idea where I’ll be six months or a year from now. Although it is pretty scary at times, there’s also an excitement to not having committed to a career yet and being able to have these kinds of options.

But of course I haven’t acted on them because the primary, overwhelming fear du jour is that of making the “wrong” choice.

One of the most freeing moments of my post-grad life was when I realized that no one can say what is the “right” or “wrong” decision for me.

What’s right for so many people (getting a job, getting engaged, putting down roots in one place) is certainly not right for me, at least not right now. So what’s to say what I want to do is any crazier?

Just because it’s not what someone else would do, that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

And even if it doesn’t necessarily create a linear path from where I am now to where I think I want to be ten years from now (flight nursing in Seattle, in case you were wondering), who’s to say that where I think I want to be in the future is best or where I should be anyway? (more…)

November 19, 2012
The Difference Between Fulfillment and Achievement

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” ~C.S. Lewis

I have always been ambitious. I have always felt an incredible need to become someone, to do something, to achieve. I have always been a dreamer on my way up.

I’m a fashion designer. I belong to an industry that I knew was highly competitive from a young age. Ambition and hard work counted, but increasingly, I was getting the message that status, money, and connections were far more important factors for success.

In fact, fashion as an industry is parallel to the entertainment industry. Just look to all the celebrities whose next career move, often in desperation, is to create a fashion line. I was no celebrity—not even close. I was a plain, quiet girl who was more studious than glamorous.

In fashion, there are sayings like “You’re only as good as your last season” or “One day you’re in, the next day you’re out.” We live in a go-go-go, high-achieving, fast paced world laced with ambition, goals, and people who want to do it all and have it all. So it had been ingrained in me to always work hard.

Throughout college, I worked (almost full-time), went to school (actually full-time), and came home to work on design projects, sew into the night, or write for my little fashion blog. I took no time off, worked endless hours, and dedicated myself wholly to my craft, my industry, and my goals.

All to get somewhere, become something, to achieve my lifelong dream.

That all came to a halt when I graduated and I started pounding the pavement. I was sure that my hard work and talent would pay off—but it didn’t. For almost an entire year, I didn’t even get an interview.

It was a shameful part of my life, one that I would not readily admit to anyone. I was working full-time in a different industry making very little money, but could not get in on the one I had worked so hard toward my entire life.

So I stopped after a year to ask myself, what was I doing wrong? (more…)

November 14, 2012
When You’re Feeling Overwhelmed: Create a To-Live List

“The only pressure I’m under is the pressure I’ve put on myself” ~Mark Messier

It was enough. I was lying in the bathtub with the water up to my nose when I realized that I couldn’t go on like I’d been going.

I had been working incredibly hard over the few months prior, so hard that I had forgotten why I was even doing it. And now that I was stressed out and exhausted, I was trying to remember.

That’s why I had escaped into the bathtub, without any books or magazines to distract me from myself.

I thought back to when it all began, to the beginning of the year when I was just another college student.

I had just moved out from my parents’ house. I was constantly broke and not sure if I liked the path I saw laid out for me. The thought of ending up in a cubicle scared me. I had seen so many people fade into misery, their dreams dead and their hopes crushed.

I didn’t want to grow up just to get by.

I wanted to live.

I knew there was a little spark in me that would turn into a big fire if I fed it the right thoughts and worked hard.

When I learned that there were blogs like Tiny Buddha, solely devoted to your quality of life, I was ready to listen.

I dove in head-first and studied whatever I could get my hands on, from positive psychology and old school philosophy to conscious business and doing work you love.

I decided that I would become an entrepreneur. I would find my passion and purpose and turn it into a profitable business so that I wouldn’t have to wait tables after class and get sucked into a cubicle post-graduation. (more…)

November 12, 2012