Tiny Buddha

Category: work fulfillment

  • How To Stop Giving Up On Yourself And Reach Your Full Potential

    How To Stop Giving Up On Yourself And Reach Your Full Potential

    Unlock Your Potential

    “Live up to your potential, not down to other people’s expectations.” 

    “Are you okay?” asked one of my editors.

    “Yeah,” I said. But I wasn’t.

    It was 11.30pm and I had just returned from a lengthy press conference where a major political announcement had just been made. My article was due in the next twenty minutes.

    A panic attack was quietly tightening its grip on me.

    Although I didn’t want to admit it, work was beginning to feel like Groundhog Day.

    I wanted to write, but in the fast-paced newsroom where I worked as a junior reporter close to fourteen hours a day, delving deep into subjects I was truly passionate about wasn’t something I was able to do.

    Every day was chase, report, repeat. I wanted so much more than that.

    But I refused to quit because I wasn’t a quitter, so I held on.

    Six months later and a year-and-a-half into my job, waking up and going to work was leaving me feeling inadequate and empty. Every assignment I got felt like a massive struggle.

    I was still adamant about not giving up, but I also knew that going on this way wasn’t a healthy option, so reluctantly, I chose to walk away from the newsroom.

    Giving up made me feel like a failure at the time, but now as I look back, I see my decision for what it was: my instincts telling me what was a good fit for me and what wasn’t, and me, honoring it.

    The one regret that I have is not realizing this and making the change sooner.

    What happened when I subsequently went after the things that really called to me?

    Excitement.

    I looked forward to challenges, not dread them.

    I gave 150% and never gave up.

    Success!

    If you constantly find yourself unable to finish what you start, jumping from one job, relationship, or diet to another without seeing progress, or feeling as if you’re a failure at everything you do, here are three things you need to do:

    Stop trying to fix yourself and forcing yourself to do things you don’t really want to do.

    Break the chain of moving from one thing to the next and trying to fit into a role that’s not right for you by taking some time out to figure out: What do you find meaningful and joyful, and how can you pursue that in your life instead of following your (or someone else’s) ‘shoulds’?

    What can you do to feel purposeful, in control, and good about yourself, and see results, rather than constantly feel exhausted, empty, and as if you need to be fixed?

    To get momentum going, try this simple exercise, which will help you get to the core of why you want something: Ask yourself “What do I want to accomplish?” When you’ve got the answer to this question, ask “Why?” Then, with whatever answer you come up with, ask why to that, and so on, five times.

    Not sure how to begin? Here’s how it worked for me when I was struggling with my weight:

    Q: What do you want to accomplish?
    A: I want to stop binge eating.

    Q: Why do you want to stop binge eating?
    A:  Because I want to feel in control of my body.

    Q: Why do you want to feel in control of your body?
    A: So I can feel confident.

    Q: Why do you want to feel confident?
    A: So I can stop avoiding social situations and feeling self-conscious about being overweight.

    Q: Why do you want to stop avoiding social situations and feeling self-conscious about being overweight?
    A: Because I want to start living again.

    Q: Why do you want to start living again?
    A: So I can get the most out of my life without wasting time hating how I look and feel.

    This final answer put me in touch with a painful situation I never wanted to relive again. I wanted so much more out of life than that.

    Yours, like mine did, will serve as a compelling reason to put in the work needed to accomplish what you set out to do, in congruence with your deepest-held values. It’ll pull you up and forward, not down.

    Work with who you want to be—you’ll find yourself feeling whole instead of constantly struggling to connect the missing dots.

    Focus on things you can control instead of focusing on outcomes.

    There are a million things that are out of your control: the weather, natural disasters, what other people think of your presentation, and your colleague’s insensitive comment about your weight.

    There are, however, a million other things that you can control.

    These include the little habits you can nurture to help get you to where you want to be:

    Waking up thirty minutes earlier to plan your day, parking a little further to get your daily 10,000 steps in, making a beeline for your colleague’s desk for a stress-relieving chat instead of to the pantry (where the donuts are), or responding to emails at fixed times during your day so you can work more efficiently and leave the office at 5pm to be with your kids.

    Once a week, ask yourself: “How am I doing?”

    If something isn’t working, find out why and focus on doing what you can do to change the outcome. You’re the captain of your ship—chart your course, do your best to be equipped with the skills that will help you weather storms that come your way, and let go of the rest.

    Get out of the race—life’s not a competition.

    You know the grind: Go, go, go! Deadlines are close. Time is money. Got to keep up with the Joneses. The clock’s ticking. That promotion is up for grabs. The thinner you are, the more popular you’ll be.

    But what if this rush for bigger, better, faster, and thinner keeps leaving you burnt out, unhealthy, depressed, and frustrated?

    Consider tweaking your priorities: Wouldn’t digging deep, zeroing on your deepest desires, and taking careful, methodical steps toward them leave you feeling calmer, happier, in your best shape ever, and focused on what matters to you in the long run?

    The less you focus on competing with others, the more time you’ll have to spend on nurturing your own happiness and reaching your full potential.

    So guess what? It’s time you gave up giving up on yourself.

    If you’re ready to throw in the towel and walk away (again), what can you do to break this cycle to head in the right direction?

    Unlock your potential image via Shutterstock

  • 6 Ways to Cope with a Miserable Job

    6 Ways to Cope with a Miserable Job

    “Instead of complaining that the rose bush is full of thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses.” ~Proverb

    If you’re feeling miserable in your current job or career, wondering when you’ll be able to do something that makes your heart sing, I know exactly how you feel.

    I spent nearly a decade of my life working in jobs that I despised, having to dig deep every day to make it through another eight hours. All the while, my soul felt like it was dying inside.

    I remember writing one-page memos and having to wait a month while they worked their way through the bureaucracy. Every manager would return the memos, requesting a small, pointless change. By the time the memos were released, I barely recognized the words as my own.

    I knew that I had to get out, that I had to find something more meaningful, something where I could actually make a difference. But getting out of these jobs was hard. Really hard.

    One time, three years into a job, I knew that I needed to make a change. But it took me another three years to save up the money and find the courage to actually walk away. Meanwhile, I struggled to make it through the daily grind.

    Perhaps you’re in a similar situation and wondering how you can continue going to a job you hate, day after day after day, not knowing when or if you’ll be able do something more meaningful.

    I don’t want you to go through what I went through. So here are my suggestions for how to cope when you’re stuck in a career or job and find yourself feeling miserable.

    1. Figure out why you’re miserable and change what you can.

    People can feel miserable for all sorts of reasons. One of the first things you can do is to reflect on why you personally feel miserable in your current situation.

    Perhaps you don’t feel challenged enough in your current position. Or maybe you find the job too stressful. Or perhaps your current work team isn’t a good fit for your personality.

    Rather than accepting your current situation “as-is,” be proactive and work toward improving it. Can you ask your boss for more challenging projects? Can you be transferred to a different team?

    2. Change the stories you tell yourself about your career.

    Most jobs or careers aren’t inherently miserable. We often feel miserable because of the stories we tell ourselves. Your stories about your job are a creation of your mind and are neither true nor false. They’re simply stories.

    Misery is created when we create and cling to stories such as “I can’t stand this,” “This is awful,” or “I should be doing something else with my life.”

    If you want to feel less miserable in your current situation, then change your stories to something neutral or even positive. For example, you could tell yourself “This isn’t really that bad” or “I will continue working toward a meaningful career. What I’m doing right now is only temporary.”

    Those stories are equally as “true” as the negative stories that you’re currently telling yourself. Next time you catch yourself repeating one of your negative stories, see if you can replace it with a more positive story.

    3. Shift your perspective—it’s not as bad as you think.

    Throughout the world, there are millions and millions of people who would be confused if you told them that you were miserable in your current job. They’re making a lot less money, while working longer hours, and often in far worse conditions. They’d change positions with you in a heartbeat.

    When you’re feeling miserable in your job or your career, try thinking about these people and remembering that your situation may not be as bad as you think. Things may be far from ideal, but they could also be much, more worse.

    4. Build meaning however you can.

    While it may be easier for you to create meaning in some careers than others, you can always create meaning right where you are. Find the one or two things that you like about you current job situation and focus your time and energy on those.

    For example, I’ve worked in many government jobs that I found boring and repetitive. But I always had co-workers that I enjoyed talking to and spending time with. Those relationships were what provided me with meaning and helped me cope with the day to day drudgery.

    5. Connect your job to other values.

    If you can’t find anything meaningful about your current job, then try connecting your job to other values.

    For example, if you value providing financial support to your family, then focus on how your current job allows you to fill that value. Put up photos wherever you can of your family and periodically look at those photos and remind yourself how important it is for you to support them.

    Or perhaps your job provides you with ample time off to pursue other activities that you value. Again, focus on how lucky you are to have a job that provides you with that opportunity.

    6. Focus on other parts of your life.

    Finally, if nothing else works, you can always focus your energy on other parts of your life. Simply accept that it will take time to move to a more meaningful career. And that for now, your work won’t be a primary source of meaning in your life.

    And then put your focus and energy into creating meaning in other parts of your life.

    Build the best, most meaningful relationships that you can. Explore all sorts of different hobbies or explore one hobby in-depth. Get involved in volunteer activities that provide you with a sense of meaning.

    There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to change careers in order to do something that you personally find meaningful. I’ve done it several times myself. But making a career change can take time.

    There’s no reason for you to be miserable where you are right now, always waiting for a better future to arrive. Try using some of the suggestions above and see if you can improve your current situation while also taking steps toward a more meaningful, future career.

  • Finding a Job You Love: 5 Things You Need to Do

    Finding a Job You Love: 5 Things You Need to Do

    “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” ~Confucius

    I once worked for a big international consultancy firm (okay, it’s McKinsey, don’t tell anyone) and hated it.

    Everyone told me how lucky I was to have that job. They went on and on about how prestigious it was, how I got to travel the world, work with executives on the big topics, and hang out with brilliant colleagues.

    As much as all of that is true, I still hated the job. Not because of McKinsey, but because of me.

    It might be a dream job for a lot of people, but it surely wasn’t for me. It was a nightmare, and in the end I couldn’t sleep anymore (at which point a nightmare in the literal meaning of the word started to seem very attractive to me).

    Have you ever gone without sleep for days? If you have, then you know that it’s not sustainable for very long. After four days I was a zombie, and a miserable one at that.

    I was on the verge of a breakdown, and I knew that something needed to change. In hindsight, it was so obvious what that “something” was—but back then, twelve years ago, I had totally lost my way.

    Fortunately, I finally gathered up enough courage (or desperation) to pick up the phone and call my HR manager. I quit, and then I went to bed and slept like a baby for twenty hours straight.

    Two months later I had landed a job that I genuinely could love, and two years later I was running my own company.

    Since then my co-founders and I have grown our company to 200 employees, with offices in London, Berlin, and Copenhagen. More importantly, I am able to have fun, learn at a fast pace, and maintain a great work/life balance even from day one.

    From these two contrasting experiences I have learned five lessons that I use to keep myself on the right track, and that might be useful for you too:

    1. Don’t settle.

    It’s so easy to fall victim to the idea that we should be grateful just to have a job, especially in times where the economy is bad. As much as I am a fan of gratitude, if your job is not making you happy then it’s not the right thing for you to be spending 50% or more of your waking hours doing. Period.

    Of course, we can all have moments of doubt and bad days—congratulations for being human! But if you dread going to work more often than not, then it’s time to connect to your inner strength and creativity to move on to a new mission.

    2. Be courageous.

    I recently came across a happiness study that showed a positive correlation between courage and happiness.

    At first that seemed a bit odd to me. But then I understood: brave people get more out of their lives because they dare to break out, let go of their past, and embrace the unknown. They grow more, learn more, and live more intensely. Thus, they are happier.

    Since this realization, every time I get fearful, I ask myself, is this a happiness enhancer in disguise?

    Of course, sometimes courage comes in the form of non-action. Staying where you are even if it is difficult is also courageous. Only you can distinguish the difference between growing and fleeing.

    Statistically, most of us are biased toward the non-action end of the spectrum, so it makes sense to contemplate if we are staying put (in a job, in a relationship, in a city) because we are brave or because we are afraid.

    3. Follow the “One-Year Rule.”

    Let’s say that you have realized that you need to move on in your life, and that you are courageous enough to act on it. Good for you! However, sometimes you will find that you are actually stuck.

    Maybe you really need your paycheck at the end of each month. You may even have children to provide for. What do you do then?

    The One-Year Rule goes like this: make a plan and a firm commitment to yourself that one year from now, you will have sorted out your problems and be in a much better place. With planning, creativity, and patience, most things are possible.

    4. Live your priorities.

    More than once, you have probably listened to someone go on about how their children are their number one priority, or how they value good health. Then you wondered if their actions were really in line with these beliefs. Worse yet, sometimes we have been that person.

    When we say that our daughter or son means everything to us, then that statement needs to be backed by recognizable action. This could mean picking up your child early from kindergarten and being present while you play with Legos together.

    Maybe your priorities are very different from mine, and that’s fine too. The point is that we each need to be clear on what’s important to us and then live according to that blueprint. Otherwise, we end up with regret and low self-respect.

    For me, working at McKinsey wasn’t the right thing to do because that required me to be an always-on type of guy. I needed a job where I had much more freedom—that was my priority.

    5. Don’t believe the naysayers.

    It’s amazing how many well-intended friends, family members, and colleagues are more than willing to tell us when our ideas, visions, or plans are unrealistic. They tell us that we should rather be grateful for what we have, whether it’s a job, a spouse, or something else.

    Our parents can especially be a strong source of our self-doubt; parents are inherently risk-averse on behalf of their children. That’s fine, but we, their children, shouldn’t pay too much attention to that.

    My dad thought it was the silliest thing that I wanted to write a book. “There are so many books out there already,” he said. “Shouldn’t you rather focus on your business?” I didn’t listen and I am happy about that. What advice from your friends and family should you make sure to avoid?

    Here’s a tip: the next time someone is projecting their own fears and limitations on you, imagine a huge trash bin between you—and visualize all their words slipping into that bin, before they even reach you.

    Don’t be upset with other people; they are allowed to have their own beliefs and opinions. Just remember it has nothing to do with you, even when they claim it does.

    If you follow these five simple rules, I believe that work can become much more of a gift in your life rather than an obligation.

    It certainly worked for me, and I am by no means unique (or we all are). You deserve a job you truly love—and if you haven’t found it already, it’s probably out there looking for you.

  • How to Know When It’s Time to Give Up

    How to Know When It’s Time to Give Up

    Tired Man

    “The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” ~Anna Quindlen

    Growing up, I refused to go to bed until I fit the last piece of my jigsaw puzzle. That’s when I first understood that it could be difficult to give up, but I didn’t think my perseverance was a problem.

    Soon after, however, I realized that blind persistence could turn into an exhausting and useless quest.

    When something unjust happened to me or to someone I loved, I worked relentlessly to “make things right.” In many occasions, my attempts to fix a negative situation would only make matters worse.

    I wasted time and effort trying to stay in touch with people from high school and college who had no interest in keeping the friendship.

    I held jobs where I wasn’t happy, making myself physically and emotionally ill.

    Later, my persistence led me to three years of futile effort to save my troubled marriage. Living in pain through these three precious years taught me, among many things, that sometimes it’s imperative to give up.

    You might be experiencing a situation that isn’t working and wondering whether you should persevere a little longer. You might wonder whether more time will allow you to fix the problem or reach the goal. After all, people always say, “Never give up.”

    How do you know when it’s time to give up? Here are five signs that might help you decide.

    Your quest to solve a problem takes over all other aspects of your life.

    If you feel that you’re not enjoying life to the fullest because you can’t stop thinking about your situation, it might be time to reconsider the reasons you continue trying.

    I became so overwhelmed by my desire to improve my marriage that I stopped focusing on my friends, family, and career. Don’t let this happen to you.

    Working toward a worthwhile goal should be elating and exciting. Lack of excitement about achieving what you think you want probably means that you’ve become used to striving and never arriving. It’s “what you do,” and this routine doesn’t serve you.

    Also, you may be justifying a painful situation in the name of psychological comfort. Fear of the unknown or of upsetting other people could be the true driver of your efforts because perceived safety and popularity are comforting.

    What would your life be like if you stopped trying? Notice the first feeling that arrives when you ask this question. A feeling of freedom or exhilaration is a sign you are ready to give up.

    You aren’t able to visualize a positive outcome.

    If you continue working to achieve a goal and yet, it seems like an impossible dream to be successful, you’ll sabotage your own efforts.

    In a quiet place, contemplate the realization of your goal in detail. Can you clearly picture the resolution of your problem? Can you see yourself succeeding and feeling good about your success? If not, it‘s a good idea to reassess your commitment to the goal.

    When I dreamed about a fairytale ending to my marriage issues, my inner voice would often tell me there was a very small chance I would succeed.

    However, my rational mind would kick in, and I would find new reasons to keep trying. This process of rationalization would eventually make me feel even worse about the possible outcome.

    You start to feel poorly about yourself.

    Not being able to achieve your goal might result in self-doubt about your abilities. You might wonder whether there is something wrong with you.

    In most cases, a job, relationship, or project that hurts your self-worth isn’t worth it.

    You’re the only person who shows interest in solving the problem or reaching the goal, but the outcome also depends on other people.

    This is particularly relevant in relationships.

    If you are the only person who initiates contact with a friend or the only one who takes action to improve a relationship, it’s unlikely that the relationship will thrive or even survive.

    Letting go of relationships in which you’re the only person invested will produce temporary pain, but once you’ve overcome the negative emotions, you’ll be able to welcome loving and uplifting people into your life.

    When you wake up in the morning, your first thought is to give up.

    You’re most attuned to your intuition when you first open your eyes after a night of rest, and your intuition always knows what is in your best interest.

    The emotional pain I experienced when I chose to silence my inner voice wasn’t needed or worth it. Trust that your intuition is guiding you to the places you’re meant to go, the career you’re meant to have, and the people you’re meant to meet.

    Making the decision to give up might not be easy, but will open the door to fulfilling and joyful life experiences. Letting go will set you on a path of learning, growth, and expansion!

    Tired man image via Shutterstock

  • Keeping Your Eyes on the Prize When Your Goal Seems Far Off

    Keeping Your Eyes on the Prize When Your Goal Seems Far Off

    Woman Looking into the Distance

    “Doing your best means never stop trying.” ~Unknown

    As a teacher, the summer season is special, sacred time when I recover from a busy school year and prepare for the next one. The bonus is that I also use the time as a personal blank slate to be as productive as I can be in the other areas of my life that got neglected when all of my energy went into teaching.

    June began with a long list of goals and a meticulously planned schedule for every day and hour of the week. I had big eyes and high hopes about what I’d accomplish. I thought I would definitely finish that novel I had been working on for ages.

    And then I became pregnant and none of it materialized as I sank into a pit of nausea and chronic fatigue. I couldn’t believe all of my plans were falling apart.

    In my “normal” state I’m a productive person who extracts a great deal of personal self-worth (for better or worse) based on the progress of my to-do list. Once I was pregnant I wasn’t able to continue at the same speed.

    I couldn’t believe the injustice of it all. I felt like a complete loser, and it was a difficult, never-ending process trying to forgive myself.

    In life, we inevitably encounter obstacles that are discouraging and make our goals feel unattainable. It doesn’t have to be pregnancy—it could be illness, a new job, a relationship, unexpected stress, an overextended schedule—anything that diverts our attention away from a goal.

    Often the obstacles in our path can be temporary, momentary glitches. Other times they are more complex and formidable and can threaten to delay us indefinitely.

    We have to be able to objectively assess the roadblocks and step away from our emotions in order to identify a new route and keep moving forward. We must always, always move forward, even if it’s at a snail’s pace. It’s a lot easier said than done.

    After months of hating myself for not writing, not exercising, not doing the chores I used to do with efficiency, I had to sit back and strategize. I got tired bemoaning the failure of my plans. There came a point in time when I realized I just couldn’t accept defeat.

    The first step was to embrace the idea that it’s okay to have a change in our path as long as the destination is the same.

    We can all start off with the best-intentioned plans, but inevitably life gets in the way. When that happens we have to be able to go back to the drawing board and think of new ideas to keep moving forward.

    I’m back to writing. It’s not much, but in light of the fact that I feel like a giant slug, work full time, serve on three different committees, and oh yeah, I already have two small children, I feel okay with the progress I’m making. I feel confident that when the time comes for me to re-calculate a new route that will take me to my destination faster, I’ll be able to do it.

    Many people mistakenly think the path to achieving our goals is supposed to be direct and easy, and consequently when they encounter the inevitable detour they don’t know what to do, and their unanticipated disappointment undermines their momentum.

    In reality, achieving our goals has more to do with our determination precisely in those moments when the universe gives us every sign that we should give up. Those are the times when we have to force ourselves to keep moving forward.

    We have to calibrate our expectations and become creative with our strategy, embracing the inevitable ebb and flow of productivity. In a world where nothing is ever perfect, we have to settle for fighting for our very best and turning challenges into unforeseen opportunities.

    When I have to re-think my strategy, this is what I do:

    1. Nurture your desire.

    It’s easy to lose focus of our end-goal, especially when something unexpected is thrown our way. Despite any obstacles, it’s important to keep your desire alive and well. If you’re spending your time criticizing yourself, try to re-frame the situation and channel your energy into something positive that will move you forward.

    If you find yourself losing enthusiasm, do something to rekindle your desire. Sometimes something as simple as reviewing your goals on a regular basis is enough to spark a renewed sense of interest.

    2. Take time for yourself.

    I’m the worst at this, but at the height of my morning sickness I tried really hard to embrace the idea of kicking back with my feet up and indulging in something relaxing. I did a lot of reading, plowing through several Stephen King books that I never usually have time for. Now that I’m back in “work” mode, I appreciate the time I had to read for pleasure.

    We will always have the valleys and peaks in our lives, and although we want to be on top, it’s important to take the time when you are stuck in the valley to relax, rejuvenate, and strategize your next move. It will only make your journey back to the top more successful.

    3. Re-evaluate your goals.

    Halfway through my summer of disappointment and after a lot of denial, I finally realized my list of goals weren’t going to materialize. They were unrealistic for me at that moment. It’s difficult to admit to yourself that you can’t do something.

    When I was ready to embrace the reality of the situation, I sat down and listed what I knew I could handle. I reminded myself that something was better than nothing as long as I was doing my best. Then, I added a little bit more to the list to challenge myself but at the same time make it manageable.

    4. Chunking.

    As a teacher I love to teach my students the concept of chunking. When confronted with a large task or assignment, an effective strategy is to “chunk” the assignment, doing a little bit at a time. This will increase your chances of successfully completing the task and also doing a good job at it.

    Prior to my disappointing summer, I was writing 1,500 words a day. I had hoped to write 2,500 words a day. Today, I don’t have time for either of those goals and settled for a manageable 500.

    As I find myself able to handle more, I know I can always move up or down in my personal quota, but for right now my “chunks” are a realistic measure of something I can reasonably accomplish. While challenging yourself is never a bad idea, you shouldn’t set yourself up to fail.

    5. Log your efforts.

    One way to help yourself see the “big picture” is to keep track of what you do. I have a small journal where I log my effort each day on a particular project. By the end of the month I can see on paper what I’ve accomplished and it serves as a reminder that I am moving forward even when it feels like I’m not.

    6. Celebrate.

    Taking the time to celebrate means you are taking care of yourself. You are the most important vehicle in accomplishing your goals and as such you should treat yourself with love and respect. When you’re making progress, big or small, never forget to take the time to celebrate your efforts.

    At the end of the day you must be your biggest fan. Put one foot in front of the other and keep walking forward, but don’t forget to pause and celebrate the small victories throughout the journey.

    Woman looking into the distance image via Shutterstock

  • When YOU Disappear Your Masterpiece Appears

    When YOU Disappear Your Masterpiece Appears

    Mindfulness

    “Happiness is absorption.” ~T.E. Lawrence

    During my years in university, there was a cook that I remember to this day. He worked in the university grill. He was well known amongst the students and staff. For his happiness.

    Whether it was 6AM or 6PM, whether it was weekday or weekend, sunshine or hail, he greeted everyone with a boisterous “Good morning. How are you this morning?”

    There might have been forty people in the breakfast line and he would greet every single one the same way. Many, including myself, would often wonder how it was that a man could be so joyful. Regardless of the time or the day.

    While this was the quality he was most known for, I found another which was even more impressive.

    I once snuck into the kitchen to watch him cook. I wanted to see this man in his natural state. What was he like behind the scenes?

    As he would make a grilled cheese sandwich, he would place the bread onto the grill as if it were made of glass. He placed two pieces of cheese onto the bread and he took his spatula and he pressed down evenly and gently.

    His left hand poured a small bit of oil onto the pan, while his right handled the spatula. He placed the sandwich onto a plate. Precisely in the center. He took a knife and pressed his left palm upon the top of the blade and pressed down, and then after it was cut he flicked his left hand into the air as if it were a show.

    But there was no one there to watch. No one that he knew of, that is.

    Suddenly one of the servers dropped a plate which fell and shattered about thirty feet from him. He didn’t so much as flinch. His focus remained on the sandwich. On his ultimate creation. All the while, his lips remained pursed in concentration. His sleeves hung loose at the wrist. The entire affair was done with such rhythm, such grace. It was a ballet.

    I remain convinced to this day that he did not even hear the plate fall.

    I have spent years giving myself to my endeavors. It was difficult in the beginning. Distractions were the order of the day. And the mind was difficult to settle.

    But it is much easier now. In fact, I have used this approach not only with work but with my daily existence. And things happen of their own accord. Whether it is playing the piano or writing a discourse, the fingers seem to find their own way. The instincts and the motions come to me rather than from me. And I sit watching the beautiful dance unfold.

    This, my friends, is what I have discovered is the secret of making a masterpiece of your craft.

    Society, from childhood forward, is taught to do things according to a certain technique. In a certain way. According to a certain methodology.

    Superiors judge the individual for how well they follow the methodology. How good the result is. And whether every direction is adhered to. The type of individuals that are created in this manner are not leaders but followers. What is being taught is not creativity, but mimicry.

    Is it a wonder that the creative, the elite, in any discipline are so few? It is not that only a subset of human beings harbor creativity. It is that only a subset choose to nurture it.

    The world is addicted to the “how to.” And there is no shortage of individuals to indulge them.

    Creativity is a profound rebellion. That which comes from a sacred place within you is far superior than that which comes from the world around you.

    The secret of work lies not in the comparing of the result against a prevailing standard. The secret of work lies not in following a recipe. The secret of work lies not in the praise that it garners.

    The secret of work lies in the state of the human being performing it. The secret of work lies not in mindfulness. But mindlessness.

    Mindlessness?

    Yes, mindLESSness.

    If you examine an event or a time in your life when you created something valuable, a masterpiece of your creation, you will find that time disappeared. During those minutes or hours in which you worked, nothing else in the world existed. You were the only person in the world. And your task was the most important thing in the world.

    There was no time. There was no distraction. There was no mind.

    And most glorious of all, there was no YOU.

    Your hands worked of their own accord. Dancing to a rhythm all their own. Neuronal impulses traveled directly from brain to fingertips, bypassing YOU altogether.

    There was no thought of what it might look like. There was no hope of anyone liking it. There was no fear of it being ridiculed. The entire affair was thoughtless, mindless, and egoless. This is how masterpieces are created.

    In the end, it is YOU that stands between you and your masterpiece.

    When you become lost in what you are doing . . .

    When the mind goes away . . .

    When YOU disappear . . .

    Your masterpiece appears.

    Zen man image via Shutterstock

  • 4 Things to Keep You Going When You’re Stressed at Work

    4 Things to Keep You Going When You’re Stressed at Work

    Man Meditating at Work

    “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” ~Charles Swindoll

    I remember working at a job where I absolutely could not do anything right.

    This was one of those jobs where it was extremely fast paced and you received 100 tons of work that must be completed by an unrealistic deadline. And here’s the kicker: your time at work was spent in meetings, all day. I’m talking about four to seven hours of your day. You get the picture.

    So you may ask when I had time to do the work. Unfortunately, after work hours, in the evenings at home or on the weekends, when I was supposed to be spending time with my family.

    Now don’t get me wrong, at times I was able to steal a half hour to an hour on the job to work on tasks that needed to be completed; however, I found it tough to consistently focus and devote my undivided attention when I was shifting gears all day, every day.

    It almost seemed impossible to win against an environment of nonstop “busyness” with no real progression in sight. I was losing fast.

    I did not perform well during my time there and did not have the impact I thought I would and wanted to have in my work, and within the organization. I failed (or so it seemed to me).

    One day, I finally decided it was time for me to leave. While I initially had mixed emotions about leaving, I knew I wasn’t helping myself by staying at the organization; I was totally out of balance!

    I needed to breathe, I was drowning at work, too busy doing the work at home, not fully paying attention to my daughter, and I became a stressed out monster, having emotional meltdowns far too often.

    Upon leaving, I received a card from my department staff and some people shared their reflections with me, which revealed that I had done so much more than what I knew. How could I have shared my light with others after falling short in my role?

    What I learned is, people are always watching how you respond and react in tough situations. Your character is revealed when going through darkness.

    I was able to reach out to others and bring out the best in them through in-depth conversations during supervision or in morning talks with colleagues. Even though I was dying inside, I always came to work with positive attitude, a smile, and people picked up on that energy.

    I provided guidance to some with their career goals, assisted with developing their voice and professionalism in the work environment. I had somehow helped others become acclimated to the job and feel like they were productive and contributed.

    When I reflected on what kept me going, I remembered the four things listed below were key:

    1. Shift gears with your thoughts.

    We can control our thoughts by monitoring them, and when we find ourselves having negative thoughts, change it to something positive. With self-talk we can be proactive and plant the thoughts we want.

    For example, there were times I would feel sick before heading into the office and I told myself how much I hated being there. But changing my thought from “I don’t want to be here” to “What can I do to help someone today?” allowed me to open myself up to the possibilities for each day.

    2. Meditation is key.

    Spend at least ten minutes in the morning quiet and doing nothing before starting your work; prepare your mind for the day. A prepared mind will help you to sustain the stresses that life will place on you. You will feel the pressure, but when you are mentally prepared it will be much easier to cope with them.

    3. Get pumped up.

    Before heading into the office listen to a song that motivates you, makes you feel good, and will push you. This can be your song of the day to play at your desk to keep you going. Two of my songs were “Happy” by Pharrell and “Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina and the Waves.

    4. It is what it is.

    When challenges are out of your control at work, don’t beat yourself up. Accept what it is. By accepting the things that you have no control over, you will have the energy to concentrate on the things that you can control. You will end up maintaining your happiness, and perhaps even your sanity.

    When you find yourself in a situation where there’s too much that you simply cannot accept, or that is unhealthy to accept, it is time to take responsibility for making a change. Instead of staying in a situation that will build bitterness and resentment, start looking for something new that will contribute more positively to your life.

    —

    In the end, through my unhappiness, I had somehow been encouraging, supportive, and motivating to others. I shared my sense of humor and brought out the humor in others. In what I deemed as a professional failing nightmare, I unknowingly had brought positive energy and a boost to others.

    How you respond in tough situations may unknowingly help others, as well.

    Man meditating at work image via Shutterstock

  • We Are More Than What We Do for Work

    We Are More Than What We Do for Work

    Workaholic

    “I’ve learned that making a living is not the same things as making a life.” ~Maya Angelou

    My friend Nick and I were talking one day about our plans for after graduation. We talked about marriage and whether our religious beliefs would factor into our weddings when the time came, or whether our mothers would just run the whole show. Then the question came that grounded me.

    “Do you think that you’ll be a workaholic?” Nick asked.

    I chuckled and said I could practically guarantee it, as workaholism has always been part of my identity—and a proud part, at that. Nick then followed my response by saying, “You know, it’s worse than alcoholism.”

    After laughing off the comment, he continued to make his point. He expressed how he had seen it destroy families and lives. He finished with how it can even be spirit crushing, as the individual loses their sense of passion and uses work to fuel their addiction.

    Although I firmly believe that Nick was misguided in the brevity of his statement, he did have a point.

    Being a workaholic is a problem. It can destroy relationships with those you care about, as well as your body through health issues that accompany stress and overuse, and even your spirit through soul crushing tasks and long hours.

    What seemed like an offhand comment really struck me, and at a good time too, as I was graduating from college and about to start my first adult job.

    I took a little time after Nick left that evening to reflect on my relationship with work and how it had almost become synonymous with my identity over the years.

    In the culture of the United States, it almost seems like what we do is actually who we are. After all, there are many jobs that you can’t turn off, such as being a doctor or a mother—jobs where you’re always on-call.

    And tied with that, so many people have a burning desire to be successful and good at what they do, which seems to involve throwing yourself into your occupation full force.

    When people strive for success in what they do and do not strive for balance, workaholics are created.

    My number one goal has always been to be successful, which I defined as having a steady, challenging, well-paying career. Although my family and friends are important to me, I often put them on the backburner, putting my career and goals ahead of them.

    Reflecting back on Nick’s comment, I have begun to realize how much work has hindered my close relationships. And it has slowly but surely crushed the spirit of those close to me that have workaholic traits. Sometimes they seem so worn down that they appear to have lost their identity and passion.

    I now know that I don’t want to be a shell of a person. I know that there are more important things and that I want to live a full and balanced life, with varied interests and strong relationships. This epiphany-inspired reflection could not have come at a better time in my life.

    As I get ready to start my first real job in the upcoming weeks, I will remember these four things, which I believe anyone can do to have a more fulfilling and balanced life.

    1. Know yourself and your limitations.

    I know myself and I know that work will be a large part of my life because it is a core part of who I am. However, I will remember that, although I want to be successful, I need to maintain balance my life. This means that I will go in and stay for my shift and work hard, but I will not burn myself out.

    I will understand that my health and wellness are an important part of who I am and that, without proper health and wellness, I cannot act as the best employee that I can be.

    2. Focus on overall healthy decisions, mentally and physically.

    In the upcoming weeks as I start my new position, I will focus on health and wellness outside of work. I’ll make overall healthy decisions, not solely working out, but taking the time to relax and re-energize at the end of a long day.

    I will also focus on my mental and relational health by making time for my family and friends and by sharing fun activities with them that help balance me out.

    3. Foster high priority relationships.

    As I get older and progress further in my career, I, like many others, will become constrained by time and resources. In order to maintain the delicate work-life balance that I am striving for, I will take time to foster relationships that matter to build a support system.

    When the time comes and you need a helping hand, your support network will be strong enough to get you through the tough times.

    4. Remember that who you are, not what you do, makes you special.

    Just being me makes me special, and a valuable asset to both my family and friends. Who I am also plays into my career, as it designates my goals and achievements, but I am a multidimensional person with thoughts, beliefs, and interests outside of my employment status, and so are you.

    —

    The key to making all of these four thoughts and reflections a reality is balance. I now know that I need to make time to not only work, but to play as well. I need to know myself, and how I handle relationships, and make them a priority.

    These tips will help guide my life and decisions, as I hope they will guide yours, as well.

    Workaholic image via Shutterstock

  • How to Quit or Move On Without Feeling Guilty

    How to Quit or Move On Without Feeling Guilty

    “Some people think it’s holding on that makes one strong–sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

    When I accepted a position with a small company, I thought I had found everything I wanted: challenging work in my field, flexible hours, a laid-back atmosphere, and a short commute.

    My new job seemed to be perfect, but soon I realized it wasn’t.

    While I loved the kind of work I did, the “casual” atmosphere ended up being too casual. Hearing racy jokes and mocking comments became part of my workday. The jokes seemed to become more offensive as days went by.

    Then the gossip and criticism started.

    When I expressed how uncomfortable I felt, others called me “too sensitive.” I promised myself to develop a thicker skin and stick with the job.

    As time went by, my body started to show the effects of the negativity in my office. I had trouble sleeping and felt nauseous every morning on my way to work. I watched the clock several times a day, wishing for the day to speed up so I could finally go home.

    That’s when I decided to quit.

    You might be toying with the idea of leaving a job, a project, or a relationship. You might have already left. When you quit something that is not serving you, you take a healthy step toward joy and fulfillment

    But that’s not the end of the story. Quitting can produce a fair amount of guilt. Why? Because our society teaches us to “never give up.” If we’re “quitters,” we are supposed to feel bad about ourselves.

    How to do what is right for you without experiencing guilt or shame?

    Ask yourself if you’ve exhausted all resources.

    Did you express your feelings about the negative situation? Did you take a good look at the role you played in what happened?

    After months of tolerating a toxic work environment and trying to change the situation, nothing changed. I realized the only action I could control was my own, and I left. I felt at peace because I knew I had done everything I could to make the job work.

    Take some time alone to contemplate your situation and what you have done to improve it. You’ll know whether you’ve run out of resources.

    Determine why you are quitting.

    It’s easy to give up because of fear of the unknown, because someone said you should quit, or because what you want to pursue is “too difficult.”

    If you leave your marriage because it’s “too difficult” to work things out with your spouse, or you stop writing because your mother said you’ll be another starving author, you might not only be making a decision you’ll regret, but you’ll be more likely to be plagued by guilt.

    Two of my top values are health and respect. It was clear to me that my work environment had violated both, so I felt free to quit.

    Push aside fear, negative self-talk, and outside influences. Are you in an environment, project, or relationship that violates your values? If so, you know you can leave without guilt.

    Avoid explaining yourself.

    I tried to explain to those around me why I was leaving my seemingly perfect job, and I quickly learned I had made a mistake. Telling your friends and relatives why you quit opens the door to argument and criticism.

    There will always be someone who will tell you that you’re crazy for quitting, or that he or she knows someone who did what you did and ended up bankrupt or socially ostracized.

    You know why you quit. That’s enough.

    Don’t overanalyze the negative experience.

    It’s easy to fall into the trap of overanalyzing, playing possible scenarios in your head, and wondering if you really did everything you could to avoid quitting.

    I spent nights lying awake, wondering whether I should have been more vocal about my discontent, or whether I really was “too sensitive.” The result? More time feeling negative emotions. I still came to the conclusion that quitting was for the best.

    Overanalyzing will take up valuable time you could be using to plan the next step in your career or personal life.

    Focus on what’s next.

    Place your attention on what you want to create. A fulfilling and well-paid career? A relationship based on love and respect? An exciting new venture? Paint a detailed mental picture of what you want to achieve, and take action to make it happen.

    My experience taught me what I didn’t want in a job environment and motivated me to explore other career options, including the small business I eventually founded.

    When you’re working toward something you clearly know is right for you, there’s no room for guilt.

  • Letting Go of the Attachments That Keep You Unhappy

    Letting Go of the Attachments That Keep You Unhappy

    “Letting go gives us freedom and freedom is the only condition for happiness.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

    My father died when I was fifteen, so I learned right away that life was too short. At the time, the only meaning I could grasp from his death was that my life needs to mean something.

    I vowed to make something great out of myself.

    I went to college determined to become a police officer. I had a strange gut feeling going in, something telling me that it was wrong, but I just assumed it was because I had a hearing loss, and I wasn’t going to let that stop me.

    I graduated with a degree in Applied Arts and Science. To this day, I’m not sure how I went down that path.

    I know it was mostly due to confusion and self-doubt. I still had to be an officer though; I had to do something with my life. I spent more than a year unemployed, hating myself more and more with each failed interview, each rejected resume.

    In my spare time, apart from moping, I wrote. Growing up I always had a small dream to be a writer, but I always pushed it aside, for too many reasons to list.

    One day, after I failed a physical to enter the police academy by two seconds, I drove home and it hit me.

    I didn’t want to be a police officer. I wanted to be a writer.

    What was I doing?

    I mentally beat myself up. I was so desperate, so attached to the idea that I had to be great, go somewhere no hard of hearing person ever went, that I failed to truly live.

    How could I miss all the things around me that I enjoyed, that made me happy and at peace?

    I had an amazing husband who always nudged me to write. I had great friends who loved me for who I was, not who I was set out to be. I had a family who supported me no matter what.

    I lived in Colorado with beautiful mountains and scenery.

    I failed to realize what I really learned from my father’s death: life is too short. Embrace the moments.

    How often have we attached ourselves to an idea that if I accomplish this, then I’ll be happy? The thing about dreams and goals is that they have to change with us. We can’t expect things out of life. We have to enjoy the ride, learn from our sufferings, and take each day as it comes.

    Letting go of a dream, especially one I’d held since childhood, was a very hard thing for me to do. But once I did, I’d never felt so free. Everything in my life fell into place.

    Attachment makes us suffer; it forces us into self-doubt and misery. We are tied down and locked in the prison of our own minds.

    Once you let go, you are free. It’s so liberating. It starts to become a little bit easier, day by day, to let go of other things. It’s not easy, though. Old habits tend to pull us back in, but if we learn to recognize this, we can continue to soar.

    How can you let go? Here’s what I learned that helped me.

    1. Don’t expect things out of life.

    This applies to everything. When you’re nice to someone, you expect them to be nice back. When you do someone a favor, you expect something in return. When you have a dream, you expect that it has to happen or you’re a failure.

    I expected to be a police officer. I ended up being a writer and working in a bookstore. And I’m so happy with where I ended up. You can’t force life to happen. Letting go helps you to embrace life and the path you are on, not the path you expected to be on. And sometimes you end up where you need to be.

    2. Accept things the way they are.

    Again, apply this to every aspect of your life. Accept people for who they are and how they behave. Accept who you are. Accept the world for what it is. Once you accept things, you can look deeper and see things for what they really are.

    3. Meditate or sit quietly.

    Sometimes just sitting still and quietly can help us look deep within ourselves and see what we really want. If I had done this long ago, I would’ve realized that being a police officer wasn’t what I truly wanted.

    When you meditate or just sit with your thoughts, you’ll find that the answer you want will come to you. and it’ll always be the one you’ll least expect.

    4. Recognize your feelings.

    When you find yourself attached to an emotion or idea, recognize the feelings and reasons behind it. What emotion is locking you to your attachment?

    For example, my attachment to being an officer was due to an old childhood emotion of wanting to prove to everyone that I can do something most people can’t.

    5. Forgive.

    This is one of the hardest. We have to look deep within us and forgive ourselves for everything. We have to see that we’re humans, and no human is perfect. We all make mistakes, and it’s okay to have made mistakes.

    Forgive yourself for everything. Once you do, you can let go of the attachments that keep you trapped, whether it’s to anger, a false self, or fear.

    It’s only until we let go are we truly free. And it’s only then can we really embrace the present moments and life itself.

  • How to Find Yourself By Losing Yourself

    How to Find Yourself By Losing Yourself

    “Our lives improve only when we take chances and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.” ~Walter Anderson

    Growing up in a small town in Western Canada, I was known as the kid who accomplished things.

    I was the well-mannered and conscientious child who skipped grade two, was at the top of her class, played three musical instruments, took ballet lessons, French lessons, swimming lessons, and any other lesson in which I expressed an interest.

    While this might sound like the calendar of an over-scheduled kid, it actually never felt that way. I had a real love of learning, and appreciated the opportunity to be exposed to so many things.

    While I was grateful for all the privileges afforded to me by my parents, the unintended side effect of being the kid who accomplished a lot was that it set a very high bar in terms of others’ expectations of me.  

    I knew my classmates and teachers expected that I would go on to great things, and so, I continued to achieve. I was educated at some pretty prestigious schools and got a Masters’ degree, and then a PhD. I embarked on a career as a corporate psychologist in which I consulted to high-powered senior leaders, lived a jet-setting lifestyle, and made a healthy income.

    And, if I’m being perfectly honest, it wasn’t just others’ expectations that drove me—I savored the response I got from people when they wrongly sized me up based on my appearance, and then found out about what I did. I enjoyed getting upgraded on airplanes and having access to V.I.P. areas of hotels.

    Being an achiever was an integral part of my identity. Yet, after a while, it started to become confining.

    As you can see from my childhood experiences, I am the sort of person who has varied interests, and a lot of them are creative. So, as you might expect, there eventually came a point in my career in which the artistic-dreamer aspects of my personality felt like they were being trampled by the pragmatic, results-driven, goal-oriented parts of me. I knew I needed to make a change.

    I talked with friends about my dilemma and got advice akin to some of the backlash many others who have been lucky enough to have some degree of privilege receive. People unsympathetically dismissed the stirrings of my soul as being in the realm of self-indulgent “first world problems.”

    “Do you know how many people would want your job with the money you’re making? You can’t mess that up!” a well-meaning friend said.

    “Are you kidding me?” chimed in another, “You sound like one of those spoiled self-absorbed celebrity types who has lost touch with how things really are and don’t realize how good they have it.”

    So, what did I do? Nothing. I put my nose to the grindstone, continued business-as-usual, and tried to revel in the identity that looked like gleaming gold to others, but was beginning to look painfully tarnished from the inside.

    Then, in 2013, my husband and I had a son. Each night, as I rocked him to sleep, I did what so many parents do: I shared my hopes with him regarding how he would live his life.

    I whispered to him that he could do anything he desired. I encouraged him to go after his dreams and live out his passions. I told him he was uniquely talented, and that he needed to use his gifts to the best of his ability. In other words, I told him to do everything I wasn’t doing.

    As someone with a newborn, I was a rush of emotions, novel experiences, and sleep-deprivation. I had quite a bit of time in the wee hours of the morning to introspect and contemplate the meaning of life. And when I reflected on it, I knew that the reason why I wasn’t practicing what I preached was because I was scared.

    What if I tried something that I was truly invested in and failed? How would others respond? Perhaps I would have to listen to sincere concern from loved ones questioning why I was making reckless choices.

    Maybe I would get expressions of disappointment from certain friends as I fell from the pedestal on which they had placed me (against my will). And, it certainly wasn’t inconceivable that I might be on the receiving end of some gleeful schadenfreude from others behind my back.

    Plus, there was that pesky issue of my identity. I liked being known in my circles as the one who could be counted on to achieve. Who would I be without that identity?

    After numerous quiet meditations during 3:00AM feedings, I realized that who I would be was someone who was a whole lot happier.

    I would be able pursue my heart’s desires unencumbered by apprehension about how others might respond. I would no longer have to stifle the voice deep inside trying to get me to embrace all sides of me. I would be free.

    So, to honor my creative side, I finished a book I had started writing a few years prior. I dealt with the feelings of uncertainty and nakedness that I felt in response to putting something about which I was truly passionate outside of my reach for others to judge.

    I have approached my work differently, drawing on my penchant for asking life’s deep questions and a desire to help others have professional lives that provide them with a sense of purpose.

    I have allowed myself to delight in the journey, without worrying too much about how others might perceive whether or not I am living my life in the way they think I should.

    And, the invisible weight that I have been carrying around has disappeared. I can just be myself—whoever that happens to be at the time.

    If you, like me, have let your view of yourself hold you hostage, here are some suggestions for breaking free:

    1. Think about your various identities.

    Which ones work for you? Which ones constrain you? While some identities might be obvious in terms of how they hold you back (i.e.: “I am not smart.”), be aware of others that might seem positive, but actually can work against you (i.e.: “I must do everything well.”)

    2. Recognize that other people, though well-meaning, can box you in.

    While listening to others’ feedback can be a helpful way to develop, be aware that they bring their preconceived notions to the table. Trust your gut, and be comfortable with the fact that others may not always agree with your choices.

    3. Be aware that identities change.

    Just because you have been known as “The person who…” for as long as you can remember, doesn’t mean you have to own that persona for the rest of your life. Who do you want to be? What feels right for you right now?

    4. Give yourself permission to grow.

    Instead of needing to be exceptional right away, arming yourself with the knowledge that you can always develop in an area through effort can help to deal with some of the fears that might come up when trying something new. Be compassionate with yourself.

    5. Keep in mind the words of the late, great Maya Angelou, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

    Do you want to look back on your life with regrets? If not, be true to yourself, and you will be rewarded with greater life fulfillment and meaning.

  • That Horrible Job You Hate Might Just Change Your Life

    That Horrible Job You Hate Might Just Change Your Life

    “What you do today can improve all your tomorrows.” ~Ralph Marston

    Before I started my business, I spent three years at an ad agency and a little over a year at an international furnishings retailer. I also waitressed, wrote freelance articles, designed and developed a church website, and worked in an incredibly boring mailroom.

    Some of those jobs (let’s be honest, most of those jobs) totally sucked.

    In the mailroom, my boss was a sexist jerk with a Napoleon Complex.

    In waitressing, I spent too much of my time being other people’s emotional punching bag.

    And at the ad agency—the most relevant, fun, and useful of my full-time jobs—I worked myself half to death, burning out around the three-year mark and seriously contemplating a simple life spent working at Starbucks and never taking my work home with me.

    Sometimes, in the middle of the day, I would walk around the block and cry my eyes out because I was so exhausted. So you won’t be surprised when I say that I don’t look back on any of those jobs and want to relive them. I don’t think back on them and feel nostalgic.

    And if you told me that you hated your job or even that you loved your job but you’d burned yourself completely out, I’d say, “I hear that, sister!” And then I’d help you come up with a practical plan for quitting and doing something truly spectacular.

    That said, it’s only now that I’m truly working toward what I want, doing the things that inspire me, that I can look back and realize that every single job I had, with every good, bad, and ugly thing about it, led me perfectly to the place I am today.

    Waitressing taught me patience. It taught me how to work with people (even entitled, difficult, or angry people). It taught me not to take everything so damn personally.

    At the furnishings retailer, I learned about account management, event planning, eStore management, and editing content across multiple countries and cultures.

    At the ad agency, I learned how to run my own business.

    I sat with the accountant while she explained how she balanced the books. I worked alongside the designers and developers and learned to speak their language and respect their work. I wrote and strategized content for every format you can imagine. I managed client projects. I flew across the country to present on social media in front of hundreds.

    I also learned the art of the short sentence, the closely edited article. I worked closely with the Creative Director on brand slogans and ad concepts for big brands. And I learned how to sell. Sell my ideas. Sell our services. Sell my expertise.

    I learned that when you’re constantly selling yourself, you start to believe in yourself more.

    In other words, all the tools that made my first business successful were things I learned on the job at jobs that weren’t my dream.

    All the skills I’m using now as a full-time travel writer—my long-time dream job—come from a history of difficult, sometimes heartbreaking work.

    Which is why today I wanted to offer up a little encouragement:

    If you’re in a totally sucky job you hate or even a job that you kinda love but that is zapping your energy and killing your creativity…

    It’s okay.

    Because you never know how those skills you’re developing now might just set you up for future success.

    So, while you’re in that not-so-ideal job, learn as much as you can. Hone your skills. Connect with your colleagues. Go for that award. Volunteer for a task you want to learn more about.

    And in the meantime start looking for or planning for the thing you really want. That job at a company you admire. That career as a freelance creative type. That business idea that’s been coming up over and over again.

    Make a change. Do what you love.

    But also take advantage of what you can now. And remember that you can’t know just how much that job is doing for you until you’ve left it in the dust. The things you do today can change everything…even if you can’t see it yet.

  • When You Feel Purposeless and Fear You’re Wasting Time

    When You Feel Purposeless and Fear You’re Wasting Time

    “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” ~George Bernard Shaw

    I wanted a guarantee.

    I wanted to know for sure that if I tried to do something, I would like it; if I devoted my limited time to it, I’d end up somewhere good.

    I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and I felt certain this was a phenomenal failing—because if you don’t know right now what you need to do to make your life count, life will pass you by before you’ve ever had a chance to do something meaningful or valuable. At least, that’s what I thought back then.

    So I sat around thinking, analyzing, trying to identify something big enough or good enough, terrified that maybe I’d spend the rest of my days feeling purposeless, useless, on the fringe; doing the same thing in my professional life as I’d always done in my personal life: feeling like I was on the outside looking in.

    When you’re sitting amid a vast expanse of possibilities, in the pressure cooker of expectations and impatience, it can feel almost paralyzing.

    What step do you take when you have a hunch but no solid sense of direction? If it’s only a hunch, then maybe it’s the wrong direction.

    And what if you go in the wrong direction? Then you will have wasted time, and time is finite. And everyone else is so far ahead. Everyone else seems happy and successful. Everyone else is climbing the ladder, earning more money, making a difference, mattering.

    What if you never matter? What if you never do anything important? And worst of all, what if you never have more than a hunch about what’s important to you?

    What if you never feel a spark, a purpose, that elusive “why” that so many people write about?

    What if you never care about anything so strongly that it becomes the bliss you have to follow?

    Sitting in the Times Square Internet café over a decade ago, searching Craigslist for jobs and gigs, I felt a sense of panic and urgency. I needed to figure it out, and fast.

    I was blinded by the fear of never finding what I was looking for, and that made the looking awfully ineffective.

    I thought there was something wrong with me for being so uncertain, so resistant, so unable to identify and commit to any path.

    In retrospect, I see there was nothing wrong with me, or where I was in life. And there was nothing wrong with living in the maybe, looking for new possibilities.

    I wasn’t ineffective because I didn’t yet feel a strong internal pull. I was ineffective because I consistently marinated my brain in anxious, self-judging thoughts.

    My biggest obstacle wasn’t that I felt lost; it was that I felt I shouldn’t be. I felt I should have known, right then, not only what I wanted to do but also how I was going to do it.

    Because without knowing those two things, I felt adrift and incredibly out of control. How can you let yourself ease into the moment if you can’t be sure it’s leading to a better one?

    If I were to walk into that Internet café and approach my younger self, she would probably ignore me, immersed as she was in her frantic searching.

    But if I somehow had the power to command her attention, I’d tell her a few things that maybe, just maybe, could relieve her constant worrying and provide both peace of mind and focus.

    You’ll never be effective if you’re convinced tomorrow needs to be better than today, because this belief stems from resistance to the present—and the present is where your power lies.

    If you’re looking for purpose from a place of inadequacy, you will likely be too overwhelmed by the need to do something big, that matters to the world at large, to identify what matters to you personally and start taking tiny steps toward it.

    Instead of looking for a guarantee that tomorrow will be valuable, know that today is valuable—that you’re not wasting time because you don’t yet feel a sense of purpose. You’re using time well by starting (or continuing) the process of discovering it.

    There’s simply no shortcut to “figuring things out”—for anyone. Instead of being hard on yourself for not having clarity, be proud of yourself for moving forward on a foggy road when you could easily find a cloudless, well-beaten path to follow…to certain dissatisfaction.

    There’s no set timeframe for doing anything.

    You truly can do things in your own time without having to worry about being “behind.” Sometimes it’s the things we do that feel like “stalling” or “getting off track” that end up being the most helpful for our growth.

    And besides, what story will be more interesting to flash before your eyes in the end: one that unfolded in ways you never expected, with unique twists and turns; or, one that followed a specific, predetermined timeline with predictable steps from milestone to milestone?

    The best way to find direction is to trust your instincts instead of forcing yourself to do things because you think you “should.”

    Your intuition is a powerful compass, and even if you think you aren’t making progress, if you’re following your instincts, you are.

    There are always going to be opportunities that look good on paper, and that little, scared voice within may tell you that your life will only matter if you take them.

    Other people may also tell you this, if not directly, indirectly; or, you may assume they’re thinking this, when really, they’re too immersed in their own confusing journey to pass judgment on yours for long.

    But sometimes the best opportunities are the ones you don’t take, leaving yourself open for choices that better align with your own values and priorities.

    I know this may sound as impossible as growing another lung, but try not to worry so much about what other people might think. They may have expectations, but they aren’t living inside your mind, or feeling your instincts.

    The only one who can make wise decisions for you is you. And even if it makes you feel anxious at times, you will eventually thank yourself for being brave enough to follow your heart, not someone else’s head.

    When it comes to creating purpose, there truly is no “wrong” decision.

    You may think you only have one purpose and that you need to push yourself to find it. And you can continue thinking this, if you’re okay with feeling chronically pressured and scared.

    Or, instead of aiming to discover the one thing you’re supposed to do with your life, you could focus on discovering the one thing you want to try right now, knowing that you can change direction any time. And that changing direction won’t be something to be ashamed of; it won’t mean you failed at discovering your purpose before. It will mean you had one purpose then, and now your purpose has evolved.

    It will mean you’re brave enough to let yourself evolve, repeatedly undertaking the sometimes terrifying process of discovering what else you can do.

    Maybe that in itself can be a purpose—to live life in that vulnerable, uncertain place where you’re not boxed into one way of being; unencumbered by the need to define yourself and your place in the world; free to roam when it would feel much safer to tether yourself to one role.

    —

    Ten years ago I thought I was a failure because I hadn’t done anything that felt important. I now know it was all important, and not just because it brought me to this site.

    All those steps were important because those steps were my life. And my life is valuable and worth enjoying regardless of what I do professionally.

    Ironically, adopting this mindset makes it so much easier to create meaning in life, because suddenly it’s not about what you have to do. It’s about what you want to do. It’s about where your heart’s pulling you in this moment.

    And that’s what it means to find direction—to follow those pulls, without a guarantee, knowing that the goal isn’t to end up somewhere good but to learn to recognize the good in this very moment.

    This moment isn’t merely the bridge to where you want to be. This moment—this crucial part of the process—is a destination in itself, and now is your only opportunity to appreciate it, and appreciate yourself for living it.

    Photo by h. koppdelaney

  • How Taking a Step Backward Can Be the Way Forward

    How Taking a Step Backward Can Be the Way Forward

    Moving Forward

    “Your dream doesn’t have an expiration date. Take a deep breath and try again.” ~KT Witten

    As I said goodbye on my last day of work, I couldn’t help feeling smug. When my colleagues turned up for work on Monday morning, I’d be at home, free to do whatever I wanted with my day.

    I’d resigned to explore the possibilities of a career in writing. With no clear idea of what the immediate future held, I was both nervous and excited.

    I imagined myself in a few years’ time, happily making a fortune from all my creative endeavors, living a life of adventure, appearing in magazines and on TV, chatting with Oprah about my latest project and my fabulous life.

    I was so cool.

    About eight months later I was back. My “bestseller” was still waiting to be published; I’d abandoned the blog that was going to take the world by storm; I’d dropped several other ideas that had barely even started; and my bank balance was looking very sorry for itself.

    Not so cool.

    Thankfully, I successfully managed to ignore my inner critic, who was doing her best to tell me how stupid I’d been. Nevertheless, I felt confused about what had happened.

    Over the past couple of years I’d been hearing how we should all have the courage to go for our dreams—that we should trust our instincts, follow our hearts, embrace uncertainty, and dare to believe in ourselves.

    And that’s what I’d done. I’d followed my heart, which had told me to resign from my job and pursue writing. Then I followed it back again to the same job I’d spent a year telling myself I had to leave.

    If I was supposed to follow my heart, why was I back to square one? On reflection, I realized the answer was simple; I wasn’t back to square one at all. In fact, I wasn’t even back to square two.

    When we try something new, when we dare to take a risk, it rarely, if ever, works out as we imagine.

    When unexpected challenges arise, when things go “wrong,” it’s tempting to tell ourselves that we’ve failed; that we should stick to what we know. That we should just play it safe and leave dream-following to those who have what it takes.

    Don’t do it; don’t let the negative thoughts and self-doubt bring you down. Instead, consider the following questions to keep you focused on your goal and going in the right direction.

    What have you learned from the experience?

    I knew becoming self-employed would be hard work, but I wasn’t prepared for the psychological shift it would take.

    I’d always worked for other people, and I’d always pretty much done what I was told in every other area of my life, too. It takes a huge change on the inside to be able to go from one extreme to the other.

    But if I hadn’t left my job, I wouldn’t have known that. I’d still be at work, resenting every moment, wanting to jump but not daring to do it and always wondering, “what if…?”

    I’ve learned that I don’t have to sacrifice everything to go for what I want. I don’t have to eat baked beans and live in a squat until I’m discovered.

    Going back to work has meant that I can afford to invest in myself, both in terms of my physical well-being and getting my ideas off the ground.

    Prioritizing your dreams doesn’t mean you mustn’t ever work a day job again. It means making time for the things that are truly important to you.

    I’ve also learned that taking a big risk isn’t always that risky after all. Before I left work, I procrastinated for months, alternating between excitement at the thought of going for my dream and fear over what would happen if I ran out of money.

    And what happened in the end? I ran out of money and went back to work. No biggie.

    Very rarely do the calamities we imagine happening come true.

    What have you achieved?

    It can be all too tempting to focus on the things you haven’t done, but try instead to focus on what you did manage to do.

    I finished the project I was working on before leaving my job and researched the world of publishing, which I didn’t have time for when I was working. I started a blog, and while it didn’t work out as I’d hoped, the experience gave me some more ideas to work on. It also led me to discovering that people liked my writing, which gave me the confidence to believe that I had something to offer.

    Even your “failures” can be achievements, as when you know what doesn’t work for you, you’re one step closer to finding out what does.

    How have you changed?

    Going back to work has shown me just how much my mindset has changed. For so many years, work was something I had to do to survive, and everything else had to come second.

    Now I understand that life isn’t supposed to be about cursing the alarm clock on Monday morning and living for the weekend. I can see the pointlessness of arguing over who gets the best parking space (especially since I don’t even drive) or complaining about things we’re not even going to try to change.

    Use the negative as a positive. Sometimes, a healthy dose of what you don’t want can help remind you of what you do want and where you want to go.

    Once you’ve taken the first step toward your dream, there really is only one direction to go in. Keep your eye on the goal and use any step you take backward as a tool for moving forward.

    Photo by Simon

    Editor’s Note: Louise has generously offered to give away two free copies of her book, Stop Making Your Life a Misery. Leave a comment on the post for a chance to win! You can enter until midnight PST on Friday, July 25th. 

    UPDATE: The winners for this giveaway are Amy and MAustin. 

  • Your Job Doesn’t Define You, No Matter What You Do

    Your Job Doesn’t Define You, No Matter What You Do

    “I’ve learned that making a ‘living’ is not the same thing as making a ‘life.’” ~Maya Angelou

    When I started working toward a life of freedom a year ago and dared to set my sights on my dreams, I never imagined I’d be where I am today.

    However, if you took a snap shot of my life three years ago, you’d have seen a different person. I was a career woman, a high flyer, rising quickly from an office manager to the head of human resources for a fast growing, successful business, going from strength to strength.

    I was living the dream, earning more than enough money to make sure I could buy whatever, and I’d finally become a success at long last!

    Yet today, the story is the complete opposite. I am a cleaner. I work part-time seven days a week, cleaning and clearing up after other people. I work for minimum wage and I work physically hard every single day.

    Who I Thought I Was

    I thought I couldn’t get a better job, a better position in life, or a better chance to show the world that I had finally made it. I was earning substantial amounts of money, getting to travel the world, and buying whatever I wanted.

    I thought that if I could just make it somehow, and prove it to everyone because I was working in London fifty hours a week, that I’d get the respect I’d always deserved. I was completely and utterly defined by my career. Without the job, the status, and money I’d be nothing a nobody, and who wants to be that?

    So, what happened?

    I quit. One day I just decided that it wasn’t for me. It was too stressful; it was life-numbing work, killing me from the inside out. I knew I no longer wanted to work for someone else’s dreams. I was tired of working hard, on the verge of becoming mentally unstable and feeling utterly miserable.

    I realized that what I did as a job wasn’t what mattered. What mattered was the fact that I was happy, that my purpose went a lot deeper than sitting behind a desk, with my head in my hands wondering what the hell I was doing and why.

    The Journey Began

    Once I’d started on this journey, I knew there was no going back because I’d never be satisfied. So I began searching for what really made me happy, what I loved to do, and how I could use that to serve the world.

    I wanted to contribute, to make a difference, and inspire others to do the same. It was like a light had finally been switched on in my brain. I realized that life was what I made it and I didn’t have to do what everyone else was doing. I could try something new, step out of the ordinary, and live an extraordinary life.

    The thing was, however, I had no money. When I’d quit my job, I’d mounted up a lot of debt. My credit cards were maxed out, and the money I did have I had to use for bills, rental payments, and to pay off those debts.

    I became very scared and anxious, as I wanted to follow my dreams and search for what mattered; yet, I still needed to live. I wasn’t about to go backward, so I had to admit defeat; I had to get a job, a menial one, something that required little attention or time that would still paid the bills.

    So I became a cleaner.

    I won’t lie to you; it wasn’t easy. For so long I’d been a high flyer. I was proud of being known as a success and loved being able to afford anything I wanted. Then here I was, a failure, the type of person I felt sorry for and could never imagine being.

    I had become someone I never wanted to be. I was embarrassed to admit it to people, but at the same time I knew I had to do it. Financially, it took the pressure off. It also gave me the freedom to do what I loved during the day, and most of all, it allowed me to rediscover my dreams and work toward them.

    Your Work Doesn’t Have to Define You

    It took me a long time to realize that my work didn’t have to define me. All that mattered was that I could pay my bills, which was the only reason for doing this. The fact that everyone else saw me as just a cleaner didn’t mean a thing; they could think what they wanted.

    I was the only one who knew the truth. I didn’t have to justify myself to anyone anymore.

    It was so liberating.

    Of course, there are down sides. I have days where I get so exasperated, so frustrated that I have to do this job. I get a little down and disheartened, but each time those doubts pop into my head I instantly turn them into something positive.

    So how can you deal with these down times when you’re doing something that isn’t your dream?

    Realize it serves a purpose.

    Remind yourself why you are here, why you are doing this job, and what you are getting out of it. Remember there is a reason for it, and that reason is to pay the bills, the rent, or buy food, and that’s it.

    It’s not that you are a cleaner, or a garbage collector, or whatever you decide to do while you work on your dreams. You are a planner, an achiever, and you are courageous enough to do what has to be done to make sure your dreams happen.

    Be grateful.

    Seriously, this is the most important thing you can do. When I get down I remember that I am so lucky and grateful for the fact that I can do a job, get paid for it, and still work on my dreams.

    If I had a nine-to-five job, I probably wouldn’t be where I am today because I’d be too tired. I’d be too comfortable with the money, the work, and the easiness of it all, so I’d probably stay stuck.

    Sometimes it’s good to be doing this kind of work, as there’s something you really want to get out of. It will motivate you so much more in that way. So always be grateful for having this opportunity.

    Keep cheerful.

    Whenever I go into work, I see all the office staff looking down and depressed. I remember what it felt like to be stuck behind a desk all day doing work that did little for me. So I make sure I am cheerful.

    I spread a little bit of light around me because I feel so lucky to have gotten out of the rat race. If I can make other people see that cleaning isn’t who I am, it’s what I make of it that matters, then perhaps I can inspire others to do the same.

    I hope these will inspire you and keep you on the journey toward your dreams and purpose in life. It’s so important not to let what you do affect who you are. Some people will only see you for what you do, but those people don’t know what you know.

    Always feel blessed and honored to be able to follow your heart and have the courage to go after what makes you happy.

    If you are like me, you are very lucky indeed—and if you want to follow your dreams, begin today before it’s too late!

  • 4 Things to Do When You’re Struggling with Your Dreams

    4 Things to Do When You’re Struggling with Your Dreams

    Man Thinking

    “Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” ~Dalai Lama

    Three years ago I was in the stressful process of applying to colleges. I had my heart set on this one particular school that, apart from being difficult to get into, was perfect.

    I imagined myself wearing the uniform and feeling a sense of accomplishment. I’d finally be able to prove to people that I was clever and worthy of going to this amazing school.

    A few weeks later I got a letter from the school. I remember getting excited and grinning like a maniac—until I opened it. The school had declined me because my predicated grades were not good enough, while the rest of my classmates had been accepted or put on the waiting list.

    I don’t think I’ve ever cried as hard as I did that evening. I’d pinned so much hope on going to this perfect school that the sudden and final rejection hit me pretty hard.

    I lost faith in my academic ability. My best wasn’t good enough; I wasn’t good enough.

    The thought of telling my friends filled me with dread. Even though I was proud of them for getting in or on the waiting list, every time they mentioned going, I had to pretend that it didn’t bring back the feelings of shame and disappointment.

    My exams approached, and even though I was absorbed in my revision, the news that on results day I could reapply if my grades were high enough gave me something to hope for, another chance to prove myself.

    Results day arrived and my grades were high enough, so off I went to the school with my friend.

    We received forms to choose our subjects. I just checked the ones that still had spaces left; that’s how desperate I was to go to this school. What was I, an aspiring film director, doing applying to study chemistry, math, and business?

    In the end I still didn’t get a place, but no tears this time. The six-month ordeal had finally come to an end.

    Here are four amazing things I’m thankful to have learned about going after the things you want.

    1. Check your ego.

    Is what you’re going after really what you want? Are you going after it for yourself or for other people? How will you feel when you do (or don’t) achieve it?

    As much as I hate to admit it, the reason I was so intent on getting into that school was to prove to the people around me that I was smart enough to get in. I’d spent most of my secondary school life feeling as though others didn’t take me seriously academically because I was a bit of a class clown.

    My ego was ready to have me study subjects that didn’t interest me. I’m sure the initial high would’ve worn off pretty quickly upon realizing that I was stuck with them for two years, and if I didn’t do well it would have affected my university application.

    Make sure that your goals are yours. Don’t follow the crowd and don’t feel the need to prove yourself to people who make you feel inadequate, because chances are that you’ll always have “just one more thing” to prove to them.

    I think we often get so caught up in the race against others that we forget why we’re running it in the first place.

    2. Persevere until the end.

    If you want to accomplish something, you have to give it everything you’ve got.

    Although I wasn’t persevering for the right reasons, I did absolutely everything I could to get into the school. I went to every single one of my teachers and asked them for my predicated grades. I sent an appeal letter to my local council, and as I mentioned, I made one final attempt on results day.

    So despite being unsuccessful, when it was over I was able to accept it because there was absolutely nothing else I could have done. If you know in your heart that you did everything you could and you still didn’t succeed, you have no reason to feel bad. You can hold your head up high and say, “I gave it my best shot.”

    3. Embrace failure.

    When you’re going after a big dream, the road will never be perfect. You will fall down and it won’t be pleasant, but don’t let that stop you from going after what you want.

    Often people worry about others laughing at them if they fail, and so they never attempt anything that they aren’t guaranteed to succeed at. But remember, nothing great comes from staying inside your comfort bubble and playing it safe.

    If you want to achieve something you never have, you have to do things you’ve never done.

    The next time you’re stressed because you might fail, imagine what you could learn from your failures. Think of someone you know who is successful. They failed at one point, but you don’t remember them for that because their attempt didn’t end when they failed; it ended when they succeeded.

    4. Explore your options.

    There‘s more than one way to reach your goal. If you’re not succeeding, try another way. Initially, I refused to allow myself to believe that I could do well at my second choice of school because I was too caught up in the perfect idea of the first choice. It wasn’t until I actually got there that I realized how great it was.

    Don’t turn down opportunities because they’re not what you were expecting or because you think you’re above them. You never know where they could lead. Embrace the opportunities that come your way and enjoy your journey to success.

    Photo by Will Foster

  • When Things Go Right: Dealing with Success with Humility

    When Things Go Right: Dealing with Success with Humility

    Jumping for Joy

    “We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men.” ~Herman Melville

    Recently I experienced a triumph in my career. The details are not important and frankly, many people might even consider it a trivial accomplishment, but it was important to me.

    Usually when things go our way there are two ways someone might react: humility or boasting. I decided to try something completely different.

    Boasting isn’t really part of who I am. Raised to be humble, take praise with many grains of salt, I play down accomplishments. But, this course never seems to get me anywhere.

    Humility leads to self-doubt and self-deprivation. It also gets in the way of future success.

    In the past when I’ve experienced success I told no one, because that might be bragging. What happens then is no one knows of my accomplishments; therefore, I lack credibility, which undermines future efforts. Being too humble is self-sabotage.

    It minimizes my accomplishments in my own eyes. When I say things like, “Gee, it was nothing,” or “Anybody can do that,” what I’m really telling myself is I’ve accomplished nothing.

    So instead, I sit back and watch the loud girl or guy tell everyone how they saved the day or how much their boss loved their report or how smart their dog is, while I sit quietly buying the hoopla and then thinking how mediocre I am.

    This time, however, I had no space in my mind for either humility or boasting. Instead, I was filled with gratitude. And gratitude allowed me to sing praises, not for my own awesomeness alone, but for everyone who assisted in helping me reach my goal.

    From my husband to casual acquaintances, I told each person the part they played in helping me realize this success. I’m not kidding, and I didn’t just do this in my head.

    I told my yoga instructor how her guidance helped me relax in my body so my mind could do its work. I thanked my Facebook friends for giving me small entertaining distractions to lighten my days. I thanked the members of my meditation group for helping me find strength to put myself out there.

    I gave thanks with sincerity, and not just to let people know I’d achieved my goal, but to help others too. I publicly gave recognition to the company that had shown appreciation for my work, besides helping promote their business would ultimately promote my work.

    As I doled out this gratitude, I did lose one thing. I lost the feeling of being alone in my awesomeness. Me, myself, and I! I did it! Instead I felt I was part of a bigger community.

    My small achievement strengthened my connection in the world. Things really had gone right. Even if for one small blip in the history of the world. At that moment, all the people connected to me and I got it right.

    These feelings of love and gratitude paid off like no amount of humility or self-back-patting ever could. Gratitude encouraged me to keep working and keep reaching for accomplishments.

    No One Gets There Alone

    Sometimes we might think accomplishments come only from our effort and hard work. “If you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself.” But the truth is, none of us ever reaches any accomplishment without others.

    You might be inspired by the encouragement of others, or by the poor actions of others. Good or bad, like it or not someone helped you.

    Start being grateful and you’ll feel like you’re running downhill laughing with freedom.

    1. Thank yourself.

    You deserve it. You really do.

    Don’t knock yourself down by minimizing your accomplishments, no matter how small. Doing so constricts your soul with underlying disbelief or inferiority.

    2. Thank the person/entity who recognized your work.

    Outside of yourself, those who appreciate your work are the first you should thank. Without their light being spotlighted onto you, there would be no accomplishment.

    3. Thank all the supporting players.

    When we think of the ways others support us, our hearts open to love. We become encouraged to offer equal support to others.

    You might be grateful for the mechanic who keeps your car in working condition, which allows you to get to work. The barista who makes your morning coffee supports you by helping start your day.

    Being grateful for everyone who assisted your success is true humility.

    Photo by Rama V

  • How to Create a Happy Future by Accepting the Present

    How to Create a Happy Future by Accepting the Present

    Happiness

    “Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.” ~Eckhart Tolle

    Imagine if every night you wrote the script for your tomorrow.

    You’d tuck it under your pillow and when you woke up, it would begin unfolding just like you envisioned.

    The man or woman of your dreams would appear in the Whole Foods aisle you were perusing.

    A check for a million dollars would show up in your mailbox, with a note reading “have fun.”

    Your friends and family would call you to tell you how great life was and how awesome they felt.

    Seems pretty sweet.

    But is that what we really want?

    I used to put a lot of effort into becoming a great “manifestor.” I thought I’d be happy if and when I could figure out how to make what I wanted come true.

    This desire was grounded in the belief that reality wasn’t okay as it was. Something had to change in order for me to fully enjoy it.

    I remember crying to a friend because “I sucked at manifesting.” Things weren’t coming true in the way I wanted them to, and they definitely weren’t happening fast enough.

    It seems silly, but I was completely devastated by this.

    I wanted so badly to feel fulfilled in the work that I did, but I only saw one possible way to make that happen—to coach others and own my own coaching business. I refused to do anything else, even though I was struggling financially and didn’t give myself nearly enough time or money to grow a business.

    I also wanted the freedom to travel the world, take my work with me, spend extended time in various places so I could truly experience them, and visit my family whenever I wanted. Again, I only saw that one way to make that happen.

    And it wasn’t working.

    I felt disempowered, hopeless, and stuck.

    The rigid need to make things happen blinded me from the millions of opportunities and beauty all around me. I had missed the whole point of manifesting.

    At the time, Eckhart Tolle was my main man. I was re-reading my favorite book of his, and I’m pretty sure it was in his sweet voice when I finally realized “I’m doing this to myself!”

    So, I took my blinders off and became willing to see other ways. My vision became 360 and I saw possibilities—not just one, but many.

    I can’t say that all of the sudden everything changed for the better, but it did change, and the shaking-up felt good. I was working with, not against, the present moment, and with that came trust and patience.

    Within a year, after a random sequence of perfectly orchestrated events, I received an opportunity to work for a company I adore.

    Surprisingly, I was and am fulfilled by what I do, and guess what? It allows me to travel the world, take my work with me, spend extended time in various places so I could truly experience them, and visit my family whenever I want. Go figure.

    What you truly want can only come to fruition by working with the present moment.

    Life is a wild, adventurous ride, and that is exactly what makes it so beautiful and intense.

    Some days are filled with beauty and joy.

    And others, dreams don’t come true, your car dies, you get rejected, you get a really big, unexpected bill in the mail, or you’re forced to deal with difficult people.

    The thing is, you decide how you want to react when you’re caught right up in the middle of the not so pretty stuff. You always have the choice.

    This is how we create the reality in which we want to live in, moment by moment.

    You may find your reactions defaulting to:

    “Life isn’t fair.”

    “I never get what I want.”

    “Why me?”

    “When am I going to catch a break?”

    These thoughts have an intrinsic rigid resistance to what’s really happening. They are unaccepting of reality.

    By resisting reality, you become disempowered, hopeless, and stuck.

    “What you resist, persists.”

    Have you ever noticed that feeling fat and calling yourself fat never worked as a good strategy for weight loss?

    Or, feeling poor and always saying, “I never have any money!” hasn’t made you rich?

    By resisting, you’re actually creating more of what you don’t want because you’re constantly focused on what you don’t want.

    The only way to create what you do want is full acceptance of what is.

    This is the place where you see possibility instead of limitation. Where you get creative. Where you can see solutions. Where you feel hope and maybe even some peace.

    How do you accept the present moment? You celebrate it. You appreciate it. Even when you don’t feel like it. Especially when you don’t feel like it.

    Small acts of appreciation for the present state can cause giant shifts in your life. You become wildly empowered, creative, and resourceful.

    I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s a moment-by-moment practice. It’s a constant decision to take your power back and remember that you create your life and your happiness, always.

    Here are some things to remember when you find yourself fighting the present moment.

    It’s okay to feel it.

    The more you experience your emotions and the sooner you allow yourself to experience them, the sooner you’ll find yourself accepting the present moment.

    Your emotions are there to be felt, seen, and heard. There’s no power in pushing them away, avoiding them, or pretending that they don’t exist, because they will find a way to come out eventually.

    It’s a priority to truly experience your emotions. This is an act of celebration in and of itself.

    As you feel your emotions, you release them.

    Let’s just say during that time above I cried, a lot. My friends might say all the time.

    I’ve never journaled more, cried more, released more, or talked it out more. As I’m writing this, I can see how that was the first time that I allowed all of my emotions to be fully okay.

    I paid attention to them and I let others pay attention to them. This was beyond powerful and ultimately what led me to face reality and move into a place of empowerment.

    Find the silver lining.

    There will always be a positive result of whatever is occurring.

    Even if it feels completely and utterly negative, I promise you, there’s at least one positive result.

    From the most tragic of situations, we can find hope, help others from our experience, and experience compassion.

    Always take a moment to find the silver lining and acknowledge it.

    Saying “thank you” out loud is so powerfully simple.

    Thank you for my humanity. Thank you for this adventure. Thank you for that one positive thing.

    By experiencing your emotions, seeing the positive, and having a sense of gratitude, you can work with anything the present moment brings you.

    By doing this continually, you are actively creating more and more of what you want in every moment.

    Photo by Moyan Brenn

  • Why Fulfillment Comes from Being Yourself, and How to Be Okay with That

    Why Fulfillment Comes from Being Yourself, and How to Be Okay with That

    Happy with Yourself

    “To wish you are someone else is to waste the person you are.”  ~Sven Goran Eriksson

    I have been studying business and marketing for quite some time now, watching the most successful men and women very carefully and picking apart how they’ve achieved what they’ve achieved.

    I’ve read every book I can get my paws on and thought long and hard about why they have managed it and others just haven’t.

    I’ve also seen many businesses and online brands mimicking exactly what those super successful people are doing, and I’ve wondered why they are a mere shadow on the wall in comparison.

    I’ve realized one thing: The super-successful people are doing exactly the same things as the not so successful people.

    They use the same tools, blog about the same topics, and have the same personal development techniques. But they still do way better; they have more followers and fans that rave about their work and share it with everyone they know.

    And it’s purely because they are rocking it in their own way. They are being their honest selves.

    But how do they do that?!

    I have been tormented with being myself all my life, struggling with the idea of liking myself and who I am.

    I’ve been on a merry-go-round of trying to be someone or something that everyone will like. But I know that not everyone will like everything, so I’ve set myself an impossible task.

    I also know that self-love and acceptance is the key to everything I want. Not just success, but to be happy with who I am, at last.

    I often have this conversation with myself:

    Hey, I’m weird. I don’t feel like I fit in anywhere. I feel as if people will always judge me for doing what I want and being me and only me.

    What’s wrong with being me? I’m no good at being anyone else, so what’s the big deal? Well, maybe there isn’t a big deal?

    Am I making a big deal?

    Right, that’s it, I’m stopping this nonsense. I’m just going to be me…

    But who the hell is “me”?!

    Can I determine that by what I like? Or by my interests?

    Or is it pure and simple my mannerisms, the way I look and the things I say?

    Maybe it’s the way I think…?

    Then I’m looping. On that never ending cycle of question after question.

    And those questions never get answered.

    The problem is, it’s very difficult to know who you are and why you do things and where your crazy thought processes come from.

    It’s impossible to put yourself into a category, but even so, we’re constantly trying to categorize ourselves. Think of subcultures like goths or punks, and blogging tribes, and football teams. Everyone is trying to belong.

    You see, I don’t have the dialogue above with myself in an attempt to understand who I am, but to try to understand how I fit into this world.

    I want to understand how I can offer something to the world, make a difference, be liked by the people I meet and, ultimately, belong. Just like those super successful people, but not them—just myself.

    I’m not sure if human beings can ever really know themselves. We’re constantly evolving, growing, changing, especially people like us who are into personal development and enlightenment.

    We’re on fast-forward compared to people who don’t take much notice of developing themselves. So every few months we become a different person, who is the same person, with a lot more knowledge and different way of looking at the world.

    It’s actually pretty mind-blowing!

    We know that the beauty of ourselves is our individualism, our differences, and the quirks that only we have. But at the same time, we know that people are drawn to familiarity and like-mindedness. And this is where I personally get confused, because half the time I’m trying to be myself and the other half of the time I’m trying to fit in—or even worse, be someone who I’d like to be like!

    But it doesn’t serve us to be torn like this, and I find that the temptation of trying to fit in is actually my own insecurities sabotaging the possibilities of me being completely myself. Completely free of the constraints of conforming, free of being a reflection of someone else, free of acting out someone else’s story.

    Next time you look at someone successful or beautiful or passionate, and you have those inspired feelings of “Maybe I could be like that too?”, always remember that, yes, you can do what they do, but you can never be like them.

    You can do it all too. But you need to just keep being you.

    I’m reminding myself of this on a daily basis, trying my utmost to convince my pesky brain that it’s safe to be me. In fact, it’s the only way to be if I ever want to be truly happy.

    These are the things I am doing to keep on track with being me. They might not work for you, because you are you, but they could change everything:

    1. Get the Universe in on the plan.

    The first thing I did was stop asking the Universe what my life purpose was, whether I should go traveling or start saving for a mortgage, or if this business idea was the right one. And instead, I started asking it to let me know if I wasn’t being myself.

    I started to get little signs that reminded me that I wasn’t on the right path. And also big ones, like when my last business crumbled into nothingness. Yes, the Universe was serious about me being myself and not something I thought I should be!

    2. Be kinder to yourself.

    You may have heard this a million times, but honestly, it’s working. When my mind chatter goes spinning off into some cruel dialogue along the lines of “I’m not good enough,” I ask myself, “Would I say that to someone I love?’

    The answer is no, I would never say that to someone I love. I would say, “Darling, you’re doing just fine, you deserve happiness and love, and you are perfect just the way you are.”

    And all of sudden I chill out, I stop fretting, knowing that I have my own support in this.

    3. Remind yourself that someone is relying on you.

    There’s nothing like a bit of guilt to motivate you! But really, imagine just one person that needs you to just be you. One person that needs your talent so desperately that it will change their life, move them out of poverty into comfort or sadness into joy.

    By not being you, you won’t be on purpose, you won’t be sharing your gift, you won’t be changing those lives. This makes me dig deep and get real with myself, because someone is relying on me to be me!

    You don’t have to know who you are to be who you are; just do what makes you feel alive, live how you want to live, and don’t let the constraints of other people’s stories hinder you in any way.

    Today, and every day, I’m choosing to be myself. And I’m getting better at it.

    Photo by Scarleth Marie

  • Making Your Passion Your Career (Despite the Naysayers)

    Making Your Passion Your Career (Despite the Naysayers)

    Painter

    “Don’t let life randomly kick you into the adult you don’t want to become.” ~Chris Hadfield, astronaut

    As a kid, you put zero thought into doing what you loved.

    You simply played, not knowing that your future self wouldn’t play that much at all. Work was serious business.

    When I was in kindergarten, our classroom had a block center, a board game shelf, a home center with dolls and a play stove, a drawing center, and a sand table.

    We naturally gravitated to the area that was most fun, with no thought about what would look good on our future resumes or college applications.

    As far back as I can remember, making up stories, writing them down, and telling them to anyone that would listen were my favorite activities.

    Fast forward to high school, then college.

    It’s Time to be an Adult

    Others told me that writing and art were lovely little hobbies, but I needed to choose a real career, something that would make money. I looked around to see what the other kids would do, trying to spark an idea. If it wasn’t writing, I was clueless.

    I never thought of asking, “Why not?” Why couldn’t writing be a career? I just accepted that a job or career had to be something you made a realistic, intellectual choice about, and not one that came from your heart.

    And I wasn’t the only one who received messages like this. I heard Oprah say that as a child she was asked what she thought she would do as a career.

    She said, “Well, I like talking to people.”

    The person responded, “Well, you can’t make money doing that.”

    7 Failed Careers Later

    Years later, after I was told I couldn’t make a career out of writing, I ended up with a resume that was four pages long and days that were like a yearlong run-on sentence.

    I plowed through job after job, staring out the windows and riding the trains I hated to jobs I hated even more. I did a good job at most of them and earned a nice income.

    I was a school secretary, lifeguard, pre-school assistant, mortgage processor, office manager, dance teacher, and a few others I can’t remember. I taught sewing classes and even started two businesses thinking that being my own boss would solve my empty feelings.

    It didn’t.

    A Return to Love

    Then I reached a turning point and realized I needed to go back to doing what I loved and make it work somehow.

    I had a week off work and found myself writing from morning to night. I felt my headaches lifting and a sense of peacefulness developing. I submitted an essay to a local newspaper. The publication didn’t accept it, but I didn’t care.

    I knew it was time to make my passion my day job, and here is what I did.

    The next time I was asked what type of work I did, for the first time in my life, I answered, “I’m a writer.”

    I began to read everything I could about writers and bloggers who wrote for a living, how they did it, and how they transitioned from other jobs. I wrote daily because I loved it.

    No worries about publication or earning money from my passion, just pure unadulterated love. I decided not to lose hope no matter what.

    I responded to an online ad for writing work and got the gig. Though I was only writing a few blog posts for $25 each, it felt like a million dollars.

    So my kids started wearing their cousins’ hand-me-down clothes. I held my breath as I tightened my belt until I could barely breathe. The fridge had the bare basics, the electricity got shut off once, and the car got towed and it was a pain to get it back. But I managed.

    I took a course on writing, joined a business mastermind group, and worked with a mentor on writing during the mornings. I worked evenings and weekends to support myself.

    I was writing at last.

    Do you recognize your passion? Not hobbies or things you like doing for fun sometimes—the one thing that rises above all. Think back to what you loved to do as a child, what you gravitated toward for no reason other than fun, and you will find it.

    Are you ready to say yes? Turn your passion into a career one step at a time with the following tips.

    1. Tell one stranger.

    Even before you’re working at making your passion your day job or income source, go ahead and tell someone that you’re a _______. (Fill in the blank). At any chance you get, do it again.

    2. Obsess over it.

    Move your passion from the back burner of your mind to the front. Think about it every chance you get if you’re not already doing so. Read about people who have successfully transitioned into the work you want to be doing.

    3. Do it for love.

    Whatever your passion, forget about making it into a career until you spend enough time reveling in the absolute joy of doing it. Paint, write, dance, take photos, carve wood, whatever it may be for love and only love.

    4. Hope above all.

    Decide that you will never give up hope.

    5. Shout it out loud.

    Put an ad out or tell people that you are willing to do some work in your field of passion for pay or for free.

    6. Wear the tightest belt ever.

    Pull. Tight, if you must (if funds are an issue). I hate this part, but there’s no getting around this. See where you could take some funds from one budget and put it toward a course or mentor so you are not doing this alone.

    One person inspires another. If you are already pulled tight, reach out for a mentor or learn from free resources and YouTube videos.

    7. Forget “Easy does it.”

    Easy doesn’t do it. Period. You’ll face challenges, and resistance from yourself and others. Do it anyway.

    Goodbye Naysayers

    Whoever told you that you couldn’t turn your passion into a career had better sit down, because you may be on your way to doing just that. The girl with the pretty voice from the Bronx, the English writer on the train on welfare, the guy with the alcoholic step dad that became President.

    And now you.

    Stop Looking at the Odds of Failing

    The odds against successfully turning your passion into a career and making money from it seem so overwhelming. So stop looking at the odds.

    The longing of not doing what you are meant to do catches up to you, and it becomes like a faraway lover that you dream of, that will never return.

    The power is in your hands to make it happen day by day, and to blow the naysayers a kiss from the podium. Every moment of the journey is, in fact, an end result in itself.

    You will glow from internal approval, even if the money doesn’t come as fast and as much as you would like.

    Reclaim the act of doing your passionate work as your career, as if happiness depended upon it.

    Because it does.

    Photo by Garry Knight