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Category “love & relationships”

Moving Beyond Passive-Aggression: Stop Repressing Your Feelings

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“Don’t let the fear of what people might think stop you from speaking your mind. Speak up, you deserve to be heard.” ~Unknown

I used to suffer from immense communication problems that manifested as passive-aggression. I had no idea how to get what I needed, and I often failed to express my desires.

My maladaptive response was to remain positive at all times, while burying my feelings and casting them into the back of my mind. It wasn’t the greatest time in my life, but it served as a valuable lesson more than a decade later, when I cleared …

How to Make New Friends When You’re Feeling Lonely

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“The only way to have a friend is to be one.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

It’s a weird paradox.

In a world where technology and social media seem to bring more of us together more of the time, recent research indicates that more of us are feeling lonely more of the time too.

People sometimes deflect their feelings of social nakedness by making a joke of it.

“Look at me: Norma No Mates!” they say when admitting again to having no plans for the weekend.

But it’s no laughing matter.

And I get it. I really do. I’ve been Norma No …

We Don’t Need to “Fix” Our Appearance to Be Beautiful

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“Kindness and awareness work together. Through awareness we understand the underlying beauty of everything and every being.” ~Amit Ray

We were in Yorkshire—my brother, sister, and I—driving along narrow, windy roads. Sometimes we would come up a steep incline and be unable to see the rest of the road until we got to the crest. It was a little bit scary.

It could have been worse, but that night it was a full moon and even though it was almost midnight, there was a great deal of light in the darkness. We were not normally out that late but had …

Drop the Mask: How to Slowly Lower Your Guard and Change Your Life

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“The less you open your heart to others, the more your heart suffers.” ~Deepak Chopra

The root of my inability to be open stems from my childhood. (I guess much of who we are comes from childhood, right?)

I remember around the time I was eight years old going to a party at my aunt’s house. Even though I don’t remember the details of the party, I do remember what happened after.

We got home that night and my dad asked me, ”Don’t you think you should be a little more reserved or have a little mystery to you?”

I …

Create a Team to Battle Fears and Loneliness

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“When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” ~Lao Tzu

Five years ago, I found myself rebuilding my life after my fourteen-year marriage ended. During those first months preceding my divorce, crushing feelings of fear and loneliness often consumed me. Thankfully, I began seeing a wonderful therapist named Muriel.

Each week, I held my breath until it was time for my appointment, when I could curl up on Muriel’s sofa and exhale all my anxieties.

One week, when I was particularly overwhelmed, Muriel gave me the number of the local Crisis Hotline and insisted that …

5 Ways to Deal With Envy So It Doesn’t Steal Your Happiness

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“Happiness is found when you stop comparing yourself to other people.” ~Unknown

Throughout this year I’ve noticed myself feeling envious of other people. Particularly, I would feel envious of the famous people that I would see on television, read about in magazines, and follow on social media.

I wouldn’t even be envious of them for the things one might expect. It wasn’t because they were famous or wealthy. It wasn’t because they had millions of followers on social media. And it wasn’t because they were good looking.

Still, I would find myself feeling envious of an actress if she had …

The Guru of Caumsett: Simple Yet Profound Lessons from a Kind Stranger

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“See the light in others, and treat them as if that is all you see.” ~Dr. Wayne Dyer

It was about a month after my son was born that I was introduced to the man I have come to think of, only somewhat facetiously, as “The Guru of Caumsett.”

My husband and I were at the park with our newborn son when a man I’d never seen before began waving as he strode determinedly—despite a pronounced limp that caused him to drag, ever-so-slightly, one leg behind the other—past us.

“How are you doing?” my husband called, waving back while …

8 Proactive Ways to Finally End Your Loneliness

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“The eternal quest of the individual human being is to shatter his loneliness.” ~Norman Cousins

Loneliness … sigh.

It hurts on the inside and feels pathetic on the outside, doesn’t it?

You’re physically and mentally isolated from everyone.

And if something unforeseen were to happen to you such as falling down stairs and being knocked unconscious (God forbid), would anyone really notice? Admit it, a predicament like that has probably gone through your mind at least once in your life.

At least in my mind it has.

Years ago, I was single and moved out of the city for a …

How Self-Awareness Can Help Us Love People Just as They Are

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“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” ~C.G. Jung

We were visiting my parents’ place in the woods for the weekend. I unlocked the door to the cabin and flipped the switch. The lights didn’t come on, so I began rapidly flipping other switches. I hollered at my husband to come have a look.

He walked to the breaker box in the back. I heard popping as he flipped them on and off. He shouted every so often, “Try the front room!” I reported back, “Nope.”

“Try the bedroom!” I reported back again, …

How to Make Anxiety Work for You, Not Against You

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“Growth begins when we start to accept our own weakness.” 
~Jean Vanier

I got fired from my job, my boyfriend left me, and my father died in one day.

In reality, my career was going super well, I didn’t have a boyfriend, and my father was amazingly healthy, but what I did have was something I call an ultra amazing imagination, where I would make up fascinating stories about things that could happen and worry about them. (Or as other people call it, general anxiety disorder.)

I met my now BFF anxiety when I was about ten years old. Initially, …

How Expectations Undermine Our Relationships and Happiness

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“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” ~Bruce Lee

A few years ago, my husband was away from me for a few weeks, working in another town. It was summer, and we were living close to the beach at the time, so I often spent my Saturday nights walking along the ocean at sunset, enjoying the colors and sounds.

One Saturday night I was in a simply glorious mood. The beach was filled with happy families and couples, the Atlantic was a particularly lovely shade …

What If Success Was Measured by How Well You’ve Loved?

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“That man is a success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much.” ~Robert Louis Stevenson

When I was a child, I learned a lot from my parents and other authority figures. I learned the difference between wrong and right, the value of hard work and perseverance, that one must not mistreat or use people, but be good.

I learned about love too, for when my loved ones were happy, the same joy always came back to me.

Making the difficult transition into adulthood, I picked up a whole lot of other things from whatever environment I managed to …

4 Positive Lessons from the Betrayal of Infedelity

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“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” ~C.S. Lewis

My eyes leapt open sometime after 2am and, after feeling the empty space next to me, I knew.

The cell phone I laid on the pillow beside my head was silent, my previous text messages left unanswered. Panic swelled in my throat as I frantically dialed his number, calls separated by no more than thirty seconds.

Checking phone logs and driving past houses at night had never been something I pictured myself doing. So, …

Why We Need to Share Our Honest Feelings

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“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” ~Nelson Mandela

She hurt my feelings. She was leaving soon to live in another country for up to six months. I knew that if I held on to my hurt, this resentment would fester, and my best friend would be the recipient of my anger.

I prayed for courage to find the right words. I didn’t want to hurt her. I knew I had to say something or …

A Simple Way to Light Up Your Life with Meaning, Love, and Joy

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“Love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire.” ~Viktor Frankl

Picture this: it was 3am but I couldn’t fall asleep. I had little to complain about, except a feeling that life seemed to be passing me by.

My father had died abruptly some years earlier, my mother had come through a major operation, our children were growing increasingly independent, and our marriage was strong.

Work was admittedly a bit stressful, and colleagues were less helpful than they might have been. But I ate a healthy diet, exercised, maintained a reasonable work-life balance, and did …

7 Things Your Inner Child Needs to Hear You Say

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“Stop trying to ‘fix’ yourself; you’re not broken! You are perfectly imperfect and powerful beyond measure.” ~Steve Maraboli

Have you ever thought about why you can’t move forward? Have you wondered why you sabotage yourself? Have you ever questioned why you so easily feel anxious, depressed, and self-critical?

Inside each of us there’s an inner child that was once wounded.

To avoid the pain, we’ve tried to ignore that child, but s/he never goes away. Our inner child lives in our unconscious mind and influences how we make choices, respond to challenges, and live our lives.…

7 Vital Choices for Happy Relationships

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“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” ~Lao Tzu

A little over a decade ago I thought I was going to marry my college sweetheart and become a young bride, which made it all the more devastating when happily ever after didn’t pan out. When we broke up, I felt literally like I lost a limb, complete with phantom sensations of his hand in mine.

It didn’t take long for a dark guilt to bubble up—a constant festering reminder of all the mistakes I’d made. I was highly unstable and insecure back …

21 Tips to Release Self-Neglect and Love Yourself in Action

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“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

The most important decision of your life, the one that will affect every other decision you make, is the commitment to love and accept yourself. It directly affects the quality of your relationships, your work, your free time, your faith, and your future.

Why, then, is this so difficult to do?

Your Family of Origin

I grew up with nine siblings. I had two older brothers, three older sisters, three younger sisters, and a younger brother.…

Overcoming Family Rejection & Finding Strength in Pain

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“I don’t like being too looked up at or too looked down on. I prefer meeting in the middle to being worshipped or spat out.” ~Joni Mitchell

Growing up, there were two sides of the kitchen table. On side A, there was my lieutenant colonel of the US Army, hardcore conservative, Wall Street trader of a father who used the word “faggot” while passing the salt.

On side B, there was little ole me, who was pretty sure that I was that word my father so vehemently used.

I thought Barbies were a fun toy (Malibu Barbie was my favorite, …

Turn Your Envy into Inspiration and Cultivate Your Own Joy

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“Envy is the art of counting the other fellow’s blessings instead of your own.” ~Harold Coffin

What happens when your neighbor upgrades to a mansion leaving your house in its shadow?

What do you do when your friend’s business is expanding while you’re living paycheck to paycheck?

How do you view the blissful couple next-door, seemingly in a never-ending honeymoon phase, while the strife in your household could be cut with a knife?

Although we are each walking our own journey, as social creatures we tend to compare ourselves to others.  This habit may start in the classroom at a …