Category: letting go

How to Have More Fun in Life: Keep Your Thoughts from Pulling You Down

“If it’s not fun, you’re not doing it right.” ~Bob Basso

A couple weeks back, my boyfriend and I went to our local county fair. I love—love—fairs.

Forget for a minute that adult-me now gets vertigo just looking at a roller coaster; and that my thirty-year-old digestive track nearly explodes when I catch a whiff of carnie food. When you factor in my increasing interest in crafts and farm animals, it somewhat evens out.

If you’re the fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants, thrill-seeker type, that might sound as exciting as watching paint dry. But I really do love petting furry little creatures and thinking about things I can make.

Standing in the petting zoo, surrounded by llamas, sheep, goats, and even a wallaby, I felt like a kid on Christmas morning. I hopped around to spend equal time with everyone; didn’t want the donkey to feel slighted. I played, I frolicked, I may even have skipped a little.

Truthfully, I would have been equally psyched just to sit back and be a farm voyeur. Just watching the animals scamper and seeing kids’ faces light up as they fed them, I felt happy and peaceful. I didn’t even mind when the goat bit my pant leg. He could have gnawed a hole into my favorite Seven jeans and I still would have found it charming.

Sunny little giggles, that rustic barn smell, the feeling of disconnection from chaotic urban life—everything about that moment appealed to me. I was having fun. (more…)

July 21, 2010
How to Let Go of a Past Relationship: 10 Steps to Move On Peacefully

“The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Nine years ago my heart was in a million little pieces that formed the basis for a million regrets.

I had my first serious relationship in college, when all my insecurities came to a head. My ex-boyfriend had to juggle multiple roles, from therapist to cheerleader to babysitter.

The whole relationship revolved around holding me up. I realized this soon after it ended—that I’d spent three years expecting someone else to love me when I didn’t love myself. The guilt and shame kept me single for almost a decade.

I dated, but it was always casual. I’d start getting close to someone and then find a way to sabotage it.

Long after I let go of the man, feelings about the relationship held me back. I was afraid of being vulnerable. I was afraid of being hurt. But mostly I was afraid of hurting someone else again and having to live with that.

If you’ve been holding onto an old relationship, now is the perfect time to let go. Here’s how you can start moving on. (more…)

July 13, 2010
How to Correct Your Mind to Get Out of a Funk

“If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.” -Lao Tzu

You’re stuck.

We’ve all been there. Even the things that normally make you happy begin to bring you down. Worst of all, you can’t seem to understand why.

So you give it time, let it take its course, and just when you think you’ve escaped the funk, something drags you back in. You know it’s happening but you can’t stop from slipping back under.

What’s happening here is simple. Something—be it your job, peers, or general lifestyle—is contaminating your mind. You’ve lost track of the calmness you know you possess and it’s like your mind’s been tricked.

You’re stuck in a painful and decisive delusion that causes everything to be toxic.

It’s time to wake up. Seriously, the snooze button is off-limits.

You only come to find yourself in these types of negative situations because you’ve let your mind take control. It may seem like other people and circumstances are to blame, but everyone is responsible for their own mental state.

Life will never stop throwing you curve balls. The only solution is to change how you internalize and deal with them.

Since completely escaping your mind may seem a bit radical, at the very least, you must correct your thinking. (more…)

June 25, 2010
3 Steps To Practice Acceptance & Have a Peaceful Life

“Every day may not be good, but there’s something good in every day.” ~Unknown

I was in a motorbike accident in 1987. The physician in the emergency room delivered the bad news and told me the right knee cap had cracked. That day changed my life forever.

How could I accept that I wouldn’t ever be able to run again?

The physical injury took years to heal, and a lot of time passed before I slowly started to accept my new situation. In the meantime, I got depressed.

Life Can Be Beautiful

That might seem like an ironic heading coming after the preceding line, but hear me out. Life is beautiful every time you’re able to accept something that has gone wrong. When you can feel good on the whole even though things aren’t going your way, you know emotional freedom. What more could you ask for?

The opposite would be the guy who shouts in despair, “Not again, for God’s sake!” when his sports car breaks down in the middle of nowhere or needs thousands of dollars of work on that car. Neither is a fun situation to be in. But what about people that don’t even have food to eat?

It’s all about perspective, isn’t it? Are you looking at life through Ray Bans or from a refugee camp? We must learn to see and appreciate what we have and shift our attention from what we’ve lost. (more…)

June 6, 2010
How to Let Go of the Past So It Won’t Anchor You Down

“A bend in the road is not the end of the road…unless you fail to make the turn.” ~Unknown

Let’s face it, we all dwell on the past from time to time. That’s okay—we’re human beings with emotions. As we live life and experience it to its fullest, it’s only natural that we sometimes cling onto what once was.

But when our desire to cling to the past affects our future, we begin a potentially unhealthy and seemingly endless battle with anchors that can hold us down and sink us.

For the past six years I’ve dreaded spring. While many would embrace the rain, the newborn green, and the post-winter renaissance, I’d plead with the powers that be to skip past March and April.

For me, spring is a brutal reminder of a series of unfortunate events. I experienced two subsequent losses that made me think I had to be miserable.

I carried this burden with me, letting it anchor me down, which made certain locations, dates, and possibilities “off limits.” I dreaded every arrival of spring, afraid that my emotions would spin out of control because of these anchors.

Sometimes they did, but it took me a while to realize it was because I let them.

Whether you’ve experienced a breakup, a tragic death, or a streak of bad luck, certain people, places, and things probably anchor you to the past. These tips may help you let go and move forward. (more…)

May 10, 2010
10 Ways to Let Go of Work on the Weekend

“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.” ~Unknown

Sometimes, for me, it’s not a matter of if I’ll work on the weekend; it’s a matter of how.

On the one hand, I’m committed to being mindful and creating balance in my life.

On the other hand, I have a lot of dreams and goals and I enjoy giving my all to pursuing them. Even if it sometimes means I write on a Saturday or edit on a Sunday.

I’ve decided that what’s most important is not to create a black-and-white understanding of which days I work and which days I don’t, but instead, to be sure I have sufficient time for play and to focus on fully enjoying it.

This way, I may devote a couple hours in the morning to work, but it doesn’t dominate my thoughts through the afternoon and evening.

There are no rules to this whole life thing. There’s no choice that’s good or bad. But there are choices that cause more pain than others. For example: obsessing over work, clients, contacts, and colleagues instead of truly enjoying your downtime, however short or long it may be.

If you sometimes let work-related stresses bleed into Saturday and Sunday, these tips might help you let go and relax, even if just for pockets of time: (more…)

May 7, 2010
20 Ways to Let Go of Regrets
“Every new day is another chance to change your life.” ~Unknown

You know the moment. It happens right after you realize you did something you wish you didn’t do. Maybe you broke someone’s trust and now the guilt is overwhelming you. Maybe you compromised your job in some way and now you’re terrified your world will come crashing down.

Regardless of what you did, you can feel your anxiety like a stack of red hot bowling balls surgically implanted in your stomach. (Dramatic? Yes. Regret is rarely reasonable!)

It’s that dreaded “Good God! Oh no! What was I thinking? Why me?” moment when you think one of two things:
- I did something I shouldn’t have and I might not be able to fix it.
- I did something I shouldn’t have, so I’m going to lose something important.
Both of those things might be true. In fact, they often are. Actions do have consequences. We do lose things—all through life. Nothing is permanent, not even the most secure relationship. But none of this has to be catastrophic.

Sometimes losing one thing opens you up to something else. It might be a lesson that helps you be more effective and happier in the future, or it could be a new possibility you never even thought to seek (like that dream you put off to work the job you just lost).

Or maybe it won’t benefit you in any discernible way right away. Let’s call a spade a spade—maybe you’ll wish you went a different way, grieve what you lost, and then eventually let it go and move on.

The point is you will eventually let go and move on.

And because you’re a strong, smart, capable person, you’ll find ways to make this new direction meaningful for you. To make up for what you lost by gaining something equally important in the aftermath, whether it’s a new understanding of your strengths, a new idea of who you want to be, or a new opportunity to try again a little wiser. (more…)
April 15, 2010
10 Ways to Let Go and Overcome a Bad Mood

“Every day may not be good, but there’s something good in every day.” ~Unknown

We all get in bad moods, no matter how positive we try to be.

Maybe you didn’t get enough sleep last night. Or you feel overworked and overwhelmed. Or perhaps something happened and you keep dwelling on it, going over and over in your head how you froze up in a meeting or spoke too aggressively to someone you love.

Whatever the case may be, you feel something you don’t want to feel and you’re not sure how to change it. You just know you need to do something before acting on that feeling.

The reality is you don’t have to act on everything you feel. Still, emotional responses happen so quickly that it becomes challenging to put space between feeling and doing.

It may seem like the answer is to stop responding to life emotionally, but that’s just not realistic. Paul Ekman, one of the foremost researchers on emotion, suggests it’s near impossible to bypass an emotional response because of the way our brains are set up.

Perhaps the best goal is to identify negative feelings quickly and improve your state of mind instead of responding to feelings with more feelings. Odds are, if you choose the latter, you’ll do something you’ll regret later.

I’ve come up with ten ways to overcome a negative state of mind: (more…)

April 8, 2010
40 Ways to Live Life Without Regrets

“The saddest summary of life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.” ~ Unknown

We all have something stored in our memory banks of the past that we wish we could have done differently, or something we wish we didn’t do.

As we get older we learn and grow, but that doesn’t mean we have to regret what we did before we learned how to do things differently. If we didn’t go through those experiences, we might not have grown into the strong and knowledgeable people we are today.

What I’m proposing is that we get rid of the negative thoughts—the could haves, might haves, and should haves—and start living a life that won’t make us feel regretful. Not even at an older, wiser age.

Here is a list of things you can do to practice living life with no regrets:

1. Realize that it’s okay to make mistakes. Just make sure to learn from them, forgive yourself, and move on.

2. Make your health and wellness a top priority and always take care of yourself so you’re ready to take care of others.

3. Follow your own path, not one that others want you to follow.

4. Find the humor in life and laugh like there is no tomorrow.

5. Relax and move with the flow of life by being unafraid of change.

6. Be adventurous by trying new things and taking more risks.

7. Have more intellectual curiosity and embrace creativity.

8. Try to find happiness with as many different people as you can.

9. Think for yourself instead of letting other people’s opinions influence you too much.

10. Try not to judge people before you get to know them.

11. Be thankful for what you have now instead of thinking about what you don’t have.

12. Wish well upon everyone equally and try to admire without envy.

13. Share your happiness with others instead of hoarding it all for yourself.

14. Don’t try to change someone—love who they are now.

15. Enjoy the journey, not just the destination.

16. Know that happiness is bigger than any bank account.

17. Control negative thoughts so that they don’t contribute to the outcome of your life.

18. Use your energy wisely because spending energy complaining, worrying, or being impatient is just wasted energy.

19. Be bold. Find the courage to change things that should be changed and accept that there are some things that cannot be changed.

20. Love your work. If you don’t currently love what you do, figure out what you would love and take the first step toward that life.

21. Turn your discontent into a mystery and enjoy trying to solve it.

22. Face problems from different angles in order to find solutions.

23. Gain independence by realizing that on this earth we are all dependent upon each other.

24. Change your perspective by taking on a wider view of things.

25. Don’t waste time trying to bring disagreeable people around to liking you.

26. Become the person you would like to spend the rest of your life with.

27. Be honest with yourself and others by saying what you mean and meaning what you say.

28. Treat people with respect and compassion.

29. Live in the now by loving the present and being aware of your thoughts and actions. Think happy thoughts and speak powerful words.

30. Try not to put things off until later.

31. Never hold grudges.

32. Face your fears head on and try to do the things that you think you cannot do.

33. Spend time with people who make you happy while also not depending on other people for your own happiness.

34. Stand up for yourself and others and don’t let anyone or anything hold you back.

35. Be yourself and love who you are now.

36. Be a participant in life rather than an observer.

37. Do the things that you love to do as much as you can.

38. Write out a list of goals and achieve them by doing them step by step. Don’t give up when things get difficult.

39. Do something every day that makes you feel proud of yourself—commit random acts of kindness whenever you get the chance.

40. And always keep on moving forward.

I know it seems like a rather large list of things to take on, but you can accomplish a lot on this list by doing just one thing. For example, right now as I’m typing this I’m putting into practice at least eighteen things.

Put these things into practice and see where life takes you, without regrets. And please comment below. I’d love to read your thoughts on this.

Man and the moon image via Shutterstock

April 7, 2010
Embarrass Yourself

“To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.” ~Unknown

You’d like to start presenting to clients, but you’re afraid of looking like a deer in the headlights if they ask questions you can’t answer. So you keep thinking about it, waiting for a time when you feel more prepared. More ready. More in control.

You’ve considered telling your friends you want to publish your novel, but you can’t stand them knowing you failed if things don’t pan out. So you keep it inside, protecting your ego but reinforcing to yourself that you likely can’t do it.

You’ve decided you don’t want that job you dreamed of as a kid, but the thought of everyone thinking you gave up makes you queasy. So you keep chasing a rainbow that no longer excites you—half in it, half curious what else is out there, but wholly sure you’ll look better if you stay the course.

The potential for embarrassment motivates people to do and avoid all kinds of things against their better judgment. Statistics show more people fear public speaking than death—meaning they’d rather be hit by a bus than potentially look foolish in front of a crowd.

Research also indicates a majority of the people who get divorced had a strong feeling before getting married it wasn’t a good idea but honored their promise to avoid embarrassment. (more…)

March 18, 2010
Undecide

“Open minds lead to open doors.” ~Unknown

We start forming opinions at an early age and continue all through life.

We decide what we think is right and wrong, what’s good and what’s bad—not just on a larger scale (religion, politics, ethics) but also in every-day interactions.

How people should act. What people should think in certain situations. What it’s okay to feel and express, and when it’s smart or polite to do so.

We develop ideas about how the world should be to support our beliefs and views—things we learned from our environment and experiences—and inevitably feel a sense of internal conflict when a person or situation doesn’t fall in line.

They won’t always. In fact, they won’t more often than they will.

Sometimes our opinions have nothing to do with fact, logic, or common sense. It’s just a matter of what feels right, what our gut tells us, because our gut’s always right. Isn’t that what we’ve been told? To trust our instincts against all odds? We don’t often stop to consider what educated our gut; when we learned what to trust and what to fear.

That’s usually what it comes down to. What’s familiar and safe and supports our sense of order versus what’s unknown and unpredictable and reminds us of how little we can control. (more…)

March 12, 2010
7 Ways to Get Past Tough Situations Quickly

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it.” -Charles Swindoll

One day everything seems great in your world—maybe not perfect, but overall things are going to plan. And then something happens.

You lose your job, or someone you love, or your home, or maybe even your health.

It isn’t fair. You don’t deserve it. You didn’t see it coming. You didn’t plan for it. You have so many feelings and frustrations you don’t know what to do first, or if you want to do anything at all.

It would be easier to sit around feeling bad, looking for people to blame and complain to, rehashing what you could have done to make things happen differently. Or what you would have done if you only realized before. Or what other people should have done to help you.

All great options if you want to maximize your misery and feel justified in doing it. Not so great if what you want is to deal and move on.

You have to do this eventually when something bad happens, and the faster you do it, the sooner you’ll improve your situation.

There is no shortage of opportunities to practice dealing well. If you’d like to work on improving the 90% of life that is how you respond, you may find these tips helpful: (more…)

January 10, 2010
How to Let Go and Embrace an Uncertain Future

“Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.” ~John Allen Paulos

I used to love uncertainty. I wandered my way all around this country with little more than a suitcase and a journal. Committing to anything felt limiting, suffocating even.

One day I realized it wasn’t enlightenment that pushed me to embrace the unknown; it was a paralyzing fear of creating something certain. You can’t disappoint people when you don’t form relationships with them, and you can’t fail when you never start.

One day I decided to do the scariest things I could imagine: settle into one place, get a steady job, and start forming real relationships.

This lasted for a while until the economic meltdown rocked my world. Now I’m back in a place of uncertainty, like so many other people.

Almost everyone I know has had to make at least a few changes to their life because of the economy. People have lost their jobs, homes, and in some cases, their sense of identity.

It’s both terrifying and exciting to have a blank page in front of you. Sometimes we need reminders to see it as the latter.

Here’s how I’m learning to let go without losing what I felt I’ve gained these past few years: (more…)

January 8, 2010
5 Ways to Let Go of Resistance

“Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Recently I was on a phone call with Brad Yates. Although I know this to be true, when he said it, it made me reflect again. He said (and I’m paraphrasing):

“To the extent that we are not living our lives exactly as we want—with the love and friendships we want, the abundance we want, and the happiness we are seeking—it’s to that extent we are resisting it.”

It’s that word again: resistance. What does it mean? What do we do about it?

Essentially, resistance is any thought, belief, or behavior, either conscious or unconscious, that stands contrary to our desire. On the surface, we can be doing positive affirmations, creative visualizations, and imagining our success. But in the end, we get what we expect. Every single time.

Sometimes it can be as simple as not believing that you can have what you want. That way of thinking places limitations on what is possible for you. You are restricting what could be with what you think will be. And you end up getting what you expect.

Your consciousness is a powerful tool. If you don’t believe you can have the thing you desire, it shows up as resistance, despite all the things you are doing to achieve your goals.

Okay, so, what to do about it?

Live in the possibility rather than the probability. (more…)

December 27, 2009
40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain

“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.” ~Ajahn Chah

Eckhart Tolle believes we create and maintain problems because they give us a sense of identity. Perhaps this explains why we often hold onto our pain far beyond its ability to serve us.

We replay past mistakes over and over again in our head, allowing feelings of shame and regret to shape our actions in the present. We cling to frustration and worry about the future, as if the act of fixation somehow gives us power. We hold stress in our minds and bodies, potentially creating serious health issues, and accept that state of tension as the norm.

Though it may sound simple, Ajahn Chah’s advice speaks volumes.

There will never be a time when life is simple. There will always be time to practice accepting that. Every moment is a chance to let go and feel peaceful. Here are some ways to get started: (more…)

November 19, 2009
Let Go

“Some people think it’s holding on that makes one strong—sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

Maybe your life doesn’t look like you want it but you’re not sure how to change it or even if you can, so you feel hopeless, frustrated, and even a little bitter.

Or maybe someone hurt you so deeply that you don’t know if you can trust them anymore, so you feel angry, defensive, and indignant.

Every day we can find a million and one reasons to feel discouraged, or incompetent, or vulnerable, or harried—all things that hurt when we hold them inside like a tight fist we refuse to unclench. And yet we do it anyway.

Until we decide to stop. (more…)

November 17, 2009
Need Less, Have More: Life Expands When We Eliminate the Excess
“Knowledge is learning something new every day. Wisdom is letting go of something every day” ~Zen Saying

Simplicity, at its heart, comes down to eliminating the excess in our lives.

Excess needs, wants, possessions. The list goes on.

Society tries to sell us on the idea that having more in our lives should be the goal and is the answer. But is more really improving the quality of our lives?

Do more possessions beyond a certain point really add value to our lives?

Do more commitments in our diaries really help us feel less stressed and rushed?

Does always wanting the latest gadget really improve the quality of what we have now?

Is more even feasible for many of us who are struggling just to make ends meet and pay basic bills in these challenging economic times? Many can barely afford enough, let alone more.

Living in the Moment

Having more in our lives or buying into the concept that more is better can mean we miss living in the moment. We’re constantly waiting for our lives to be complete with more and striving for a day that will never come.

We’re in a state of deferred living. Always assuming what we have now is not enough. Always wanting more.

My Journey to Simpler and Less

My own path to wanting to live a simpler life is, I’m sure, fairly typical.

Around four to five years ago my life was going pretty well with little to complain about in the grand scheme of things. I had great friends and family, a good job, a roof over my head, and certainly knew where my next meals were coming from.

However, I had also started to accumulate more in my life. More material possessions, more commitments, more meetings, more financial responsibilities, more hassle. Alongside this I felt like less and less of my time was, well my time.

The quality of my time was decreasing as more was added to it.

I was busy and in motion a lot of the time but wasn’t really getting what I truly wanted out of life. I had bought into the concept of more and that more would be the answer. I had lost track of my own goals a little.

A period of reflection followed. In this period of reflecting, I started to identify more of what I truly wanted in life. I also started to uncover those things in life I would rather be without.

I started to seek out books on the subjects of simpler living and lifestyle redesign. I had the good fortune to come across the work of some truly great authors and thinkers (Leo Babauta, Chris Guillebeau, and Tim Ferriss, amongst a few). These books challenged my thinking but also encouraged me further into the rabbit hole I was starting to disappear down.

I also started to take action.

I started to peel back and eliminate what didn’t matter.

I started extracting myself from commitments and meetings I really had no interest in being at or didn’t feel I could add value to.

I learned the value and power of a polite “no thanks” when requests on my time (meetings, social gatherings) didn’t excite me, add value, or help my goals along in some way. Importantly, I started to feel less guilt about saying no in these cases.

I started to see that conventional wisdom doesn’t always have to be followed.

I started to remove distractions and excuses I was making to myself.

I started to focus more on the things and people that were important to me.

I realized I value freedom and flexibility over the ability to just earn more and started to try to seek out ways of living accordingly.

I started to accumulate fewer material possessions but enjoyed my money more (holidays, events, great dinners, etc.).

In short, the quality of my life has improved since I have sought to simplify things and intentionally live with less.

Was Making the Change Easy?

In short, no. This is very much a journey and not an overnight fix. However, in my own case the process of working toward a focus on less has already made some powerful changes in my life. It has meant:

I have set up my own one-man consulting company rather than chasing the corporate dream that never seemed to fulfil me with each climb up the ladder. This gives me an increased sense of flexibility, empowerment, and freedom in my work.

Because I’ve spent less on stuff, I have been able to travel more for fun in the past two years than at any other time in my life (and the more amazing places I travel to the more I want to travel).

I have realized that life can be rich and full of small pleasures without having to spend lots or buy more. For example, I love taking early morning, long walks before dawn breaks and then coming back to a make some freshly brewed coffee.

I feel like I have more time to do what I want to do and to spend with the people I want to spend time with. (In reality, I have the same amount of time available to me but have been more selective in how I fill my time and what I say yes to.)

For you, the list will of course look very different depending on your own circumstances and goals. However, a commitment to banishing the “more is better” mindset will, I’m sure, improve the quality of your own life in equally significant ways.

Eliminate the Excess

Eliminating the excess means living a life that can be slightly unconventional by modern standards.

Perhaps we don’t change to the latest smartphone every other week.

Perhaps we don’t fill our homes with clutter.

Perhaps we don’t check our email obsessively.

Perhaps we focus on and are grateful for what we do have rather than on what we don’t.

Perhaps we think more carefully about clothes we purchase going for quality over quantity (or indeed have a very simple wardrobe of a few clothes we enjoy).

Perhaps we intentionally create space in our diaries and life so you can breathe a little and enjoy the moment.

Making changes is not necessarily easy initially. We are so programmed to think a certain way that making changes can involve a significant shift in thinking. However, what we get back by eliminating these false wants and needs makes any initial effort more than worthwhile. It can literally transform our lives for the better. It can mean:
- More free time to do what we want to do (hobbies, passions, etc.)
- More quality time with those we care about
- Less stress
- Less spending
- Ironically, more quality possessions that we truly enjoy and give us value
- More savings (for holidays and other things you enjoy doing)
- Less pressure to keep up with those around us
Now ask yourself, what is stopping you trying to find your own path to less and forever banishing the more is better mindset?
October 14, 2009
10 Ways I Know There’s Nothing Wrong with You (or Me)

“On a deeper level you are already complete. When you realize that, there is a joyous energy behind what you do.” ~Eckhart Tolle

At seventeen I had it all. I made straight As, was the vice president of the Honor Society, held two jobs, took the lead in four community theater performances, and joined Donnie Osmond onstage as part of the children’s chorus in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

I was busy. I did things well. I got attention. I was ready to snap.

I was so hungry for success and approval I’d do anything to get it, even if it meant exhausting and dehydrating myself straight to the ER.

What’s worse, I was continually dissatisfied with everything I did. I was my own punching bag.

Thirteen years later I don’t do nearly as much. I don’t take any classes. I don’t work much at the moment. I don’t perform anymore. On the other side of overexertion, I’ve still beaten myself up.

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up—there’s something wrong with me.

I live across the country from my family and haven’t justified it by becoming a massive success—there’s something wrong with me.

I’m obsessed with self-improvement, but I’m still not perfect—there’s something wrong with me.

Stop. Revelation. Cue the spotlight: There’s nothing wrong with me.

And there’s nothing wrong with you.

Here’s how I know both of these statements are true:

1. You’re playing the game of life as best you know how and trying to get better every day.

You can’t possibly do someone else’s best, so there’s no point in stressing about it.

2. You make mistakes like everyone else, which allows you to learn as you go.

That means you’re doing what you should be.

3. You’re unique, whether you’re introverted or outgoing, book smart or street smart, creative or technical…

…the list goes on and on. You’re the world’s only opportunity to know a person just like you. The only hope to share what only you can.

4. There’s no such thing as the way you should be.

If you do what you enjoy and don’t harm other people, you’re living a beautiful life.

5. You will never become someone—you are someone right now…

…whether you influence millions of people or mean the world to just one person. Your impact is powerful, whether you realize it or not.

6. If someone hurts you, you don’t deserve it.

No one does. End of conversation.

7. You feel emotions and respond to them.

That’s the way this whole humanity thing works. If you could stand to improve the way you respond, newsflash: everyone could.

8. You have a pulse right now, and it’s your choice what you do with it.

There’s no right or wrong answer. (Unless what you want is to maim a puppy or something equally perverse.)

9. You choose what you think is best, or else you wouldn’t choose it.

As you get new information and grow stronger and smarter, you’ll make different choices.

10. You are beautiful, inside and out.

I’ve printed this out and put it in my nightstand where I can read it when I get hard on myself. I hope it gives you comfort when you start thinking there’s a good reason to not enjoy right now.

Photo credit

October 5, 2009
11 Ways to Laugh it Off

“If you are too busy to laugh, you are too busy.” ~Proverb

Last night a few of my friends and I went to see Chelsea Handler perform stand-up comedy. Whether you’re a fan of her show on E! or not, most would have found her pretty hilarious. I laughed. And laughed. And laughed some more. And you know what? It felt pretty awesome.

Every time I go to a comedy show, probably once or twice a year, I ask myself “Why don’t I do that more often?”

I always have a great time and leave feeling so relaxed and refreshed. I don’t know if it’s the best medicine—depends on what ails you!—but laughter is pretty great. It medicates whatever pain or emotional distress you’re feeling and makes everything seem a little bit better.

Weird but True

As I was reading up about laughter on Wikipedia, I found some interesting and obscure facts. Apparently, in 1962 there was an incident called the Tanganyika laughter epidemic—an outbreak of mass hysteria near the village of Kashasha on western coast of Lake Victoria in Tanzania.

It is rumored that the incident started because someone told a joke in a boarding school that got students laughing. That laughter perpetuated itself, and thousands of people were laughing for months. Months. Crazy, huh? Just shows you how contagious laughter can be!

The Benefits of Laughter (more…)

September 16, 2009
Worry Serves No Useful Purpose

“Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose.” ~Eckhart Tolle

Tomorrow is my thirtieth birthday. For two hours earlier this evening, I felt certain I’d start the day hooked up to an IV in intensive care.

It all started two weeks ago when I visited my family. Shortly after I arrived home I began feeling chest pains, something I experienced frequently in my youth.

Back in the day, I spent hours in the high school nurse’s office while my peers were in lunch, study hall, or gym class. Though it was intense and frightening, I wonder, in retrospect, if my mind magnified the pain after the doctor called my damaged esophagus “pre-cancerous.” (more…)

September 8, 2009