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Category “letting go”

How to Stop Stressing About Being Perfect (So You Can Enjoy Life)

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“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” ~Anna Quindlen

I finally learned I wasn’t Superman.

It was a hard concept for me to grasp. You see, I was always the good child. The one that did everything without complaint or supervision. I was the one who didn’t need help in school, who knew how to plan, who did the chores without having to be asked twice.

As I grew older this idea that I was “the good child/person” grew. My grades had to be perfect. …

Your Struggle Does Not Define You: 2 Steps to Start Breaking Free

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“Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.” ~Nido Qubein

It’s difficult to remember the exact moment when things fell apart.

By now, so much time has passed that when I think back to that evening, the chain of events is clear up until everything stood still. I don’t remember how I slept after midnight or when he left.

Just the eerie glow of the flip phone in my darkened apartment as I ignored the calls after I sent the text. The text that set my whole life into forward motion after …

Worrying About the Future: On Trusting in Uncertainty

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“Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose.” ~Eckhart Tolle

The other day my good friend from back home called me hysterically crying. She felt certain she just blew a second job interview, and she’d hit a breaking point.

She’d been struggling for months, just barely paying her bills and wondering if she could afford to keep her apartment.

Every purchase had become an exercise in extreme deliberation. In fact, I’m fairly certain that when I visited last, I saw her stressing in the grocery store about whether she really needed that box of Twinkies that beckoned from …

How to De-Stress Dating and Stop Tying Your Worth to Relationships

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“Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.” ~Unknown

I’m all too aware that dating can feel like a grinding, painful roller coaster to nowhere.

If you’ve hit your head against the wall as many times as I have, you know how frustrating, depressing, and downright disheartening it can be. Meeting someone new, going on a few great dates, getting excited, having one/both of you sort of stop calling; then repeating the process over and over is enough to make you want to give up for good.

The ups and downs in this cycle can make …

Overcoming Fear and Perceived Threats to Work Toward Your Dream

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“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~Pema Chodron

I awoke with a jolt. I heard the steady breathing of my sleeping partner next to me. I checked the clock; it was 3:30 AM. With a deep exhale, while rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I reached out to my bedside table to grab my phone.

For a moment, I hesitated. I knew that tickets went on sale at 4:00 AM New Zealand Time and that they would be going fast.

The U.S. event I wanted to attend would require a considerable financial investment (air travel …

Letting Go of the Guilt That Keeps You Chained to the Past

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“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything—anger, guilt, or possessions—we cannot be free.”  ~Thich Nhat Hanh

One night after my nine-year-old son had just gone to bed, he asked me if I would lay with him, as he was scared. I was getting ready for a busy week and was tired, so I replied, “No, you’re fine. Go to sleep.”

When he died the following afternoon after being hit by a car, I remembered what he’d asked me. The guilt that followed me from that …

4 Steps to Process Your Emotions So They Don’t Zap Your Energy

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“Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions.” ~Elizabeth Gilbert

I felt zapped. Depleted. Drained. Out of gas. And I wasn’t sure why.

  • Enough sleep? Check.
  • Enough exercise? Check.
  • Enough nutritious food and vitamins? Check.
  • Health check-ups and tests up to date? Check and check.
  • Reasonable schedule? Check.

I thought I felt this way because I’d recently had surgery to remove a sizeable tumor.

But that had gone smoothly, and I was fully recovered and back to my regular schedule.

However, there was one thing that I noticed since the surgery: I …

Live Your Life for You: 5 Benefits of Embracing Who You Really Are

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“Live your life for you, not for anyone else. Don’t let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself.” ~Sonya Parker

I have struggled with my different-ness since I was young. I grew up trying to change the things that made me different in order to fit in. At home, my parents were doing their best to raise three young children, which I can imagine would’ve been very hard.

I can still remember the first time I asked myself, “What is wrong with me?” I loved to take my time and …

Stop Aiming for Perfection: Can You Let Good Enough Be Good Enough?

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“Good enough is the new perfect.” ~Becky Beaupre Gillespie

The music started. Pachelbel’s Canon in D on harp and flute. I was supposed to enter the room near the end of the piece.

I knew there were fourteen sets of four measures each, but in my nervous state I quickly lost track. I picked a random moment in the music that I thought might be near the end (surely I’d been waiting forever already), opened the door, and walked in.

Then: BAM!

The door startled me by suddenly slamming shut behind me. Oops
 That was not supposed to happen.

Thus …

Why We Stay Busy When We’re Not and The Benefits of Doing Nothing

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“Doing nothing is better than being busy doing nothing.” ~Lao Tzu

How many times in a day do you tell yourself you are busy and have too much to do? In a week? In a month?

How many of those times are you actually busy doing “nothing”? You know the “nothing” that I am talking about—the nothing that means you are watching hours of mindless TV, roaming the internet, or playing a game that you can’t seem to tear yourself away from on your smartphone.

I’ve been there and done that, and I still do it sometimes. I know what …

A Message for Anyone Who’s Been Abused and Has Kept It Inside

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TRIGGER WARNING: This content deals with an account of sexual abuse and may be triggering to some people.

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” ~Maria Robinson

My uncle molested me from the time I was about four until I was in my early twenties. He held me too long and hugged me too tight. He would growl in my ear like an animal in heat, his warm, wet, often alcoholic smelling breath overwhelming me.

This is how he greeted me at every occasion. When I was really …

Setting Emotional Boundaries: Stop Taking on Other People’s Feelings

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“The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.” ~Sonya Friedman

The longer I stayed on the phone, the more agitated I became. My mother was on the other end, as usual, dumping her emotions on me. I had moved to Los Angeles for graduate school in part to escape all of this—my mother’s unhappiness, my sense of responsibility, the pressure to be perfect.

When I hung up the phone, I felt an overwhelming sense of anger. At the time, I could not (correction: would not) allow myself to admit that I was angry with my mother. I …

Are You Holding Yourself Back with a Story About the Past?

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“The distinction between the past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.” ~Albert Einstein 

One morning I woke up inexplicably sad. I sat on my bed trying to make sense of how I felt and what could be behind it. Intuitively, I grabbed one of the many books lying on my night table and opened it in a random place.

What I had in my hands was A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle, and the chapter was called “Breaking Free.”

Tolle explains how we tend to be unconsciously engaged in stories from the …

5 Tips to Accept Your Imperfections, No Matter How Different You Feel

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“I follow four dictates: face it, accept it, deal with it, then let it go.” ~Sheng Yen

Growing up different isn’t easy for anyone.

I was born normal, happy, and healthy. I had five fingers and five toes. I reached all my developmental milestones and showed promise as a vivacious, energetic child. It all changed when I was ten months old.

I became violently ill with bacterial meningitis. I battled the infection with a strength I was naturally graced with at birth. One week into my hospital stay, I was finally able to lift my head; two weeks later, I …

A Letter from Your Future Self

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“The place to be happy is here. The time to be happy is now.” ~Robert G. Ingersoll

Dear Past Me,

Remember that day when you thought all was lost? When you thought there was barely any point in carrying on?

The bank account was dangerously low.

You were arguing with everyone close to you.

The roof was leaking.

It felt like everything was a struggle and the so-called abundance of the Universe was nowhere to be seen.

You were going over the mistakes you’d made.

The money you had lost.

The opportunities you had missed.

You were going over angry …

Stop Resisting: Surrender to Your Body to Transform It and Your Life

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“Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.” ~Eckhart Tolle

Most people don’t realize that your relationship with your body affects your entire life. Why? Because if you are fighting with your body, you are fighting with yourself. And if you are fighting with yourself, you are resisting what you truly desire in life.

I know too well what it feels like to fight with your body. I had the same fear as most people…

If I love my body as it is today, it will get worse. I will gain more weight. If I keep my constant …

5 Steps to Deal with Emotional Baggage So It Doesn’t Define You

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“Sometimes the past should be abandoned, yes. Life is a journey and you can’t carry everything with you. Only the usable baggage.” ~Ha Jin

You’ve probably heard of the fear of missing out but what about the fear of letting go?

My father was volatile and mentally unstable. Criticism was his preferred method of communication. As a child and teenager, I learned to keep my thoughts and feelings locked away and became an expert at deflecting personal questions.

Without realizing it, I carried this habit into adulthood, avoiding any talk about my feelings or turning them into a joke. …

How the Word “Should” Can be Harmful and 3 Empowering Alternatives

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“To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are.” ~Sven Goran Eriksson

How many times a day do you use the word “should” in reference to yourself or other people? I don’t know about you, but I used to use it a lot.

The word “should” has become a fixture in our everyday dialogue. We use it in conversation with others, as a way of motivating ourselves or keeping ourselves in check, and to express a myriad of feelings, including frustration, guilt, and regret.

As I’ve become more interested in my internal dialogue and how …

How to Overcome Envy So It Doesn’t Poison Your Relationships

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“Enjoy your own life without comparing it with that of another.” ~Marquis de Condorc

I struggled to offer a tight smile to a friend who had achieved a life-changing career break.

Although I was thrilled and excited for my friend, I was sad and disappointed in myself. I, too, had worked hard and waited patiently, but unlike my friend, my work and my wait continued, unacknowledged and unrewarded.

At first I didn’t notice I had been bitten by envy. But its invisible poison infected my bloodstream, polluting my future interactions with my friend. I was guarded, afraid of being hurt …

How to Move On When You’re Hurt and Waiting for Closure

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“Letting go gives us freedom and freedom is the only condition for happiness.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Ah, closure. That feeling of vindication, or a sense of completion—it can be very enticing!

There are times when seeking resolution is really important. If we are having an argument with our partner, settling it can help strengthen our relationship. If we are having a disagreement over a contract, determining the outcome may be required to continue with the project at hand.

In these types of situations, seeking resolution is very relevant.

That said, there are loads of situations that occur in life …