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Category “letting go”

5 Ways to Let Go of Worries So You Can Be Light and Free

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“I vow to let go of all worries and anxiety in order to be light and free.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Our daughter is seeing a counselor to help her deal with anxiety. She’s only ten. Cue mother guilt.

There are a whole lot of (mostly crazy) worries running around her little head, some that even I can’t wrap my head around. So I wrap my arms around her and reassure her that things will be okay.

I give her permission to be anxious, but try to instill resilience so she won’t worry so much. I try to teach her mindfulness …

Create New Opportunities by Challenging Your Judgments and Reactions

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“Taking responsibility for your beliefs and judgments gives you the power to change them.” ~Byron Katie

“Alright, it’s time to break into groups,” said the professor.

Immediately, I thought, “I hate group work. I can’t trust other students.” Before even meeting the other members of the group, I was sabotaging the opportunity with negativity.

How often do you do this?

The six of us waited, looking at each other with blank faces.

“Okay, now it’s time to pick a group leader,” said the professor. “Each group will be assigned a psychologist to present his or her major contributions to psychology. …

What Babies Teach Us About Self-Image and Letting Go

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“The intensity of the pain depends on the degree of resistance to the present moment.” ~Eckhart Tolle

The nurse found me slumped behind the soda machine.

“Honey, are you okay?” she asked, brow crinkled in nervous response to my (apparently louder than I’d realized) sobs.

I nodded, answering in messy sniffles. The nurse, not entirely convinced, assured me that if I needed anything, she’d be at the desk just around the corner.

I remained crouched in my not-so-perfect hiding place a while longer, waiting until my breaths no longer shook to trudge back to my mom’s hospital room. The news …

Why Self-Pity is Harmful and How to Let It Go

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“Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have—life itself.” ~Walter Anderson

Some of us experience more adversity and painful events in our lives than others. We wonder why our difficulties don’t happen to the “bad” people out there instead of us. Unfortunately, life is not fair.

Awful things happen. Dreadful circumstances or tragedies will affect most of …

Why Your Problems Are Not Nearly as Permanent as They Seem

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“When we
go back into the past and rake up all the troubles we’ve had, we end up reeling and staggering through life. Stability and peace of mind come by living in the moment.” ~Pam Vredevelt

There is a way in which we tend to view issues in our lives that makes it seem like the issue is a big, scary monster that chases us around everywhere we go.

We have commitment issues. Or we are bad with money. Or we have an eating disorder, we drink too much, or we follow-through too seldom.

We view ourselves and our lives …

How to Redefine Yourself by Letting Go of the Past

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“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” ~Maya Angelou

When I was eight years old, my mom had her first mental breakdown. The illusion of a typical suburban family shattered as the household descended into chaos. When the counselors and child protective services stepped in, I knew: I was undeniably different.

When you’re a child, family life is the classroom through which you learn how the world works. Once my mom was hospitalized, I realized how very different my lessons were.

Mortified, I retreated into a …

Learning to Forgive Our Imperfect Parents for Their Mistakes

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TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of physical abuse and may be triggering to some people.

“Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.” ~Oscar Wilde

I couldn’t tell you if Oscar Wilde’s quote is entirely accurate. You see, my biological parents abandoned me and left me with my grandparents at birth.

Growing up with grandma and grandpa was the best childhood I could have ever imagined, and I didn’t miss my biological parents at all. I guess in that sense they were my parents, and perhaps Oscar Wilde’s …

7 Steps to Move Through Sadness (and What We Can Learn from It)

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“Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion.” ~Buddha 

He had been ignoring the symptoms for months, possibly even a year. When my husband came home from the doctors, he told me his PSA score was high, and he needed to have a biopsy. That date came and went, and we were waiting for the pathology report.

The doctor assured us it was nothing.

The image of standing in the car dealership parking lot, talking with my son and son-in-law will be forever etched in my memory. When the phone rang, I saw that it …

Why Forgiveness Is a Gift to Yourself and How to Release the Past

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“Forgiveness does not change the past but it does enlarge the future.” ~Paul Boese

On a snowy winter day in the dark month of January, I got hit by a car. My left leg was immediately amputated. A darkness started growing in my seventeen-year-old heart that day.

Harvey was the man driving the car that hit me.

Because of Harvey’s decisions, I didn’t have my leg. Because of Harvey, I walked in pain. Because of Harvey, I lost my confidence as an attractive woman.

At the trial two years later, Harvey and I weren’t allowed to talk to each other. …

16 Things to Let Go to Live a Truly Happy Life

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“Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.” ~Jim Rohn

Sometimes I feel like I’ve spent the better part of my life chasing after happiness. It always seemed like happiness stayed just a tad bit out of my grasp—somewhere in the future that I could always see, but not quite touch.

For instance, when I was a kid, I believed I’d be happy if I got an admission into a good college. In college, I believed that I’d be happy if I got a good job. When I got a job, …

How to Stop Feeling Inadequate and Embrace Your Imperfect Self

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“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” ~Anna Quindlen

As I sit in bed typing this, all cozied up with a hot cup of tea and my fuzz ball Maestro relaxing at my feet, I feel happy and at ease.

I scan the room and see a couple of stacks of laundry that need to be put away. I recall that my daughter’s toys are still strewn across the house because I didn’t feel much like stopping to pick them up prior to my retreat …

Release Your Anger by Choosing to Lose

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“Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on.” ~Alice Miller

I was quietly watching a documentary with my wife when the phone rang. An icy voice informed me that I was supposed to be at work at 6:00; it was already 7:00 PM. It was my boss.

Great, that’s all I needed—an unexpected night shift with a resented supervisor.

In my worst mood, I jumped in my pants at quantum speed and then ran toward the train station on the other side of the street.

Although the road seemed clear, a car was approaching and the driver didn’t …

Stop Over-Depending on Others and Seeking Their Approval: How to Set Yourself Free

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“Some people think it’s holding tight that makes one strong, but sometimes, it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

I got a week off of work recently to spend with myself, which is always a wonderfully centering experience for me. I’m an introvert, so I love my alone time. But as I took the time to introspect about some relationships in my life, my Zen-like vacation mindset disappeared.

It had happened again, and my mood alternated between mad and depressed all weekend. You see, sometimes I turn into a puppet.

You probably know the feeling, even if you’re not sure what I’m …

You Don’t Have to Believe Your Negative Thoughts About Yourself

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“The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to reflect their inner beliefs.” ~ James Allen

We all have a picture of ourselves in our minds. A picture of what we believe we are like. A picture we choose to believe no matter what.

We can cling to this idea about ourselves all we want, but that will not make it true. This is not as easy to realize and even harder to accept, but it’s an important step toward a conscious life.

I believe we all go through dark phases when our image of ourselves breaks …

How Our Addiction to Struggle Holds Us Back

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“Happiness is the absence of striving for happiness.” ~Chuang Tzu

Do you feel, on some level, that your life is hard work? That you need to struggle in order to improve things in your world? Do you feel that you even need to struggle to reach a desired goal, to overcome adversity before achieving something worthy?

Our addiction to struggle is an impediment to us feeling the joy of quiet and the now, the place from which subtle and natural development can occur.

This addiction to struggling—the addiction to striving, always trying to achieve—used to hold me back from experiencing …

Why Life Is More Joyful When We Let Go of “Good” and “Bad”

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“Love is the absence of judgment.” ~Dalai Lama

If judgment is the act of labeling something as good or bad, then it seems we humans do it thousands of times a day. Those of us on a spiritual path even label judgment as a bad thing. We know that pain comes from judgment, but it’s such a part of our culture that there seems to be no way around it.

The Dalai Lama says, “Love is the absence of judgment.” And if that’s true, how do we get there?

From the time I wake up and ask myself if I …

How to Deal with Regret: 8 Ways to Benefit and Move Forward

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“Stay away from what might have been and look at what can be.” ~Marsha Petrie Sue

When I look back at some of the most painful moments of my life, I see myself sitting alone, feeling either immense shame or regret.

It’s bizarre how we can get so offended and angry when other people hurt us, and yet repeatedly choose to torture ourselves, far worse than they possibly could, through repeated mental rehashing.

For the longest time, my biggest regret revolved around missing out on life.

From a distance, people always thought I had everything going for me. Up close, …

Go Do: Let Go of the Past and Future and Live in the Present

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“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” ~Einstein

“Go do, you’ll learn to just let yourself fall into landslide. Go do, you’ll learn to just let yourself give into low tide. Go do!”~Jonsi

I recently heard from a friend whom I had not heard from in over two years. He sent me an email just to check in and see how I was doing, congratulate me on my recent marriage, which he had heard about, and let me know that he had faced some hardship over the past couple of years.

He had …

Sharing Yourself Without Worrying About Being Accepted

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“Happiness is really a deep harmonious inner satisfaction and approval.” ~Francis Wilshire

Acceptance.

This is a word we often toss around, but what does it truly mean? Perhaps the meaning of it ultimately resides within its beholder. I know I have certainly achieved my own understanding of what acceptance means to me and for me, and so far, this definition is ever evolving.

On November 6, 2013, I returned to the United States after having lived in Australia for two and a half years. I spent the majority of my time there studying and practicing yoga and teaching yoga and …

How to Get Out of Your Own Way and Let Your Life Shine

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“I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being.” ~Hafiz of Shiraz

I have been on a quest to be happy for as long as I can remember.

I thought I had looked everywhere. I tried relationships, work, adventure travels, and a life filled with friends and activity, but still I felt anxious. I was disenchanted with life. Years of therapy attempting to work out my problems didn’t give me the sense of peace I somehow thought was possible.

I knew there had to be more, and I …