Tiny Buddha

Category: healthy habits

  • The Healing Power of Self-Care in a World of Chronic Stress and Anxiety

    The Healing Power of Self-Care in a World of Chronic Stress and Anxiety

    “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” ~Lao Tzu

    I’ve always lived with a low hum of anxiety in the background, and lately it’s been harder to keep a lid on it.

    There are a lot of things to be anxious about these days. We live in a complex and stressful world and anxiety is very common, affecting upwards of 20% of the population. Some experience manageable levels; for others, anxiety and chronic stress can be debilitating and self-destructing.

    Truth is, we have good reasons to be stressed out. We work too much; we don’t take enough time off; we’re constantly plugged in and “on” yet are more disconnected than ever before; many of us struggle financially; our healthcare, education, and political systems don’t support us. We truly face many challenges and struggles every day.

    So how do we help ourselves ride the inevitable storms that come our way? How do we handle daily ups and downs without getting swept up by emotions and reactions?

    We’ve always understood that we need to make our health and well-being a priority. Replenish first and replenish often.

    But we have to take care of ourselves on a physical, emotional, and mental level. Body, mind, and soul.

    In a World of Anxiety and Chronic Stress, Self-Care Matters

    Let’s first define self-care.

    Self-care is an active and conscious choice to engage in activities that nourish us and help us maintain an optimal level of overall health. It basically means making healthy lifestyle choices and implementing stress management strategies.

    Self-care is not a new concept. We’ve known for a long time that eating well, exercising, maintaining good sleep habits, and eliminating smoking and drinking are all critical in maintaining good health.

    What’s new is the holistic approach to self-care that goes beyond taking care of your physical well-being. It’s looking at mental health, emotional health, social engagement, spiritual well-being, and of course, physical care as a basis for it all.

    That is the kind of holistic approach we all need to take when thinking about effective and all-encompassing self-care.

    Unfortunately, Americans are hardly practicing any self-care.

    • One in four Americans has a mental health disorder, of which one in seventeen have a severe mental illness. Many of these disorders go untreated.
    • Eighty-one percent of Americans do not exercise enough.
    • More than one-third of Americans are obese.

    So what’s the problem? Well, it’s complicated. Lack of money, lack of time, lack of resources, lack of awareness… It seems overwhelming, I know (pun not intended).

    But we don’t have to completely overhaul our lifestyle in one day, not even one year, to make a substantial difference. Remember, a journey of thousand miles starts with a single step.

    We just have to take that one step forward right now.

    Can you adopt one healthy habit today? Or perhaps, you can eliminate one unhealthy habit from now on? Can you give yourself a gift of a single healthy activity you can commit to doing on a daily or weekly basis?

    My Self-Care Journey

    When I first decided to take charge over my health, I didn’t know where to start.

    I was overwhelmed by the sheer number of things I needed to address: I didn’t sleep well, I worked too much, I suffered from chronic pain and depression, I was highly self-critical, I wasn’t exercising, I knew there was childhood pain that I had to deal with, I was overwhelmed trying to raise three little boys, and I was constantly anxious.

    I was miserable.

    I was unhappy, but I felt too disempowered to “fix” my life—there were just too many problems to tackle, too much to work on. At the same time, I knew I couldn’t continue to live like this.

    Something had to change.

    So I started small, with what at that time seemed like a doable practice…

    In 2011, I committed to daily gratitude journaling at bedtime.

    I simply wrote three good things that I was grateful for that day. It was something I could do in just few minutes, and it made me feel good.

    As I developed the habit of gratitude, my list grew longer and more detailed. In the end, gratitude journaling helped me curb my naturally negative outlook on life, added more optimism and perspective, and helped me sleep better.

    In 2012, I committed to eliminating yelling, complaining, and criticizing.

    This was the next step in curbing my negativity and promoting a more positive mindset. While this wasn’t easy to do and I stumbled a lot initially, over time my attitude changed dramatically, improving all of my relationships in ways I couldn’t imagine (including the one I had with myself, since there was now less fuel for self-blame and feeling guilty).

    In 2013, I committed to making art every day.

    This has been my passion that I’ve neglected for years but craved immensely.

    Doing something for myself just because I enjoyed it was an act of self-love. It brought creativity and play into my life, taught me that mistakes are not such a big deal, gave me a voice that I’ve lost as a busy mother, allowed for self-expression, improved my self-esteem, and in the end was truly healing. (Art is therapy!)

    In 2014, I committed to mindfulness and healing my emotional wounds.

    The pain of the past was still there, and it would pop every now and then, showing up as anger, depression, and fear. I decided to finally tackle it with journaling and mindfulness.

    Ever since I started my gratitude practice, I realized journaling was helpful in making sense of feelings and events, processing my emotions, gaining perspective, and simply letting things go by pouring them out on paper. (Yes, I’m old school!)

    Mindfulness helped me through my emotional healing journey by recognizing, allowing, and accepting my internal experience with presence and compassion.

    Journaling helped me integrate and process my past and present events and feeling, and ultimately became my top self-therapy tool.

    Dealing with suppressed emotional pain was extremely hard, but in the end self-empowering. It freed me from reactivity and emotional high jacking, led to more inner-peace, and accelerated my healing journey of self-love and self-acceptance.

    In 2015, I committed to daily meditation and journaling practice since both were so instrumental and transformational in managing my emotions and well-being.

    I wanted to be more present to life and build a solid foundation for my future.

    Meditation and journaling further deepened my self-awareness; helped me to slow down and recognize negative patterns I needed to work on; taught me how to respond instead of react to life; allowed me to process my present pain and experiences and gain clarity and perspective; eased my anxiety; and improved my attention, empathy, and listening skills.

    In 2016, I committed to weekly yoga.

    I’d tried yoga before and didn’t like it at all. But now I was a changed woman and I craved to reconnect with my body and align my body-mind with my spirit. I also needed to move my body, and yoga offered a relaxing way to do just that.

    It taught me to listen to and respect my body, and ultimately take care of it better (which led to better sleep habits, drinking more water, eating cleaner food, and limiting processed and toxic stuff). It helped with pain and inflammation, flexibility, and body-mind-soul integration. Yoga makes me feel good, whole, and peaceful. I am home.

    A lot has changed in those last six years. I’m proud of the progress I’ve made and continue to make daily. Yes, it was hard at the beginning. Creating new habits can be hard, so it’s important to go slow and not get discouraged if you slip up. Pick one goal and commit to it with all your heart.

    Some self-care activities will come easily; I love doodling, walking my dog, listening to relaxing music at bedtime, journaling, reading, taking long baths, hiking, and taking bike rides with kiddos.

    Some habits will be hard to put into practice. For me, as a victim of childhood abuse and neglect, meditation was really hard. So I started with only two minutes a day, lying down. Today I can sit for twenty to thirty minutes with ease.

    There are still days when I don’t feel like going to my yoga class, but I will myself out the door, no matter what. I know it’s good for my mind and my body.

    You will have to push yourself often, but stick with it. You’ll literally wire those new habits into your brain, and it will get easier. The payoff is worth all the work.

    I’m not the same person I used to be. I’m better, healthier, and more peaceful and present.

    I’m dealing with instead of running away from my anxiety. I’m managing instead of suppressing. And there’s much more inner peace, balance, love, and acceptance in my life.

    I’ve killed my inner critic (for the most part), and I’m more in tune with my mind, my body, and my heart than ever before. My relationships have improved, and I like my life, even though it’s still hard sometimes. There are still many challenges I have to deal with, but I feel more empowered and in charge than ever before.

    You Have to Find Your Own Path 

    Your self-care plan may look completely different from mine. It might mean spending more time in nature, taking up running, or ending a toxic relationship. It may mean quarterly juicing, getting a monthly massage, or knitting. It may be developing a new hobby or quitting smoking.

    The beautiful thing is that you are in charge. You and only you know what’s most nourishing for you right now, and what you need to be doing to feel healthy and balanced. You get to decide how to nurture and care for yourself best!

    Don’t put off self-care for later. Later will never come. We have to make time now for what’s important, and self-care needs to be your priority. You are worth it!

  • 8 Ridiculously Easy Ways to Get (or Stay) in Shape

    8 Ridiculously Easy Ways to Get (or Stay) in Shape

    “The secret of living well and longer is: eat half, walk double, laugh triple, and love without measure.” ~Tibetan Proverb

    For a lot of my life, my weight was a source of great stress.

    Growing up, I was the frequently taunted chubby kid in class. Unlike my sister, who always chose strawberry-flavored everything, I leaned toward chocolate and spent way too much time sitting in front of a TV.

    I had a potbelly (which made me look like a pregnant eight-year-old) that only slightly deflated when a growth spurt shot me up to the towering height of 5’1½”.

    In my adolescence, teens, and early twenties, I struggled with bulimia—a misguided attempt to reclaim my self-esteem through thinness and control the only thing I felt I could control, my weight.

    In the years since I recovered, I’ve learned to value my body, not just for how it looks but also for what it does for me, and to take good care of it.

    When we take care of our bodies, we feel stronger, more energized, and more capable. We breathe and sleep better. We decrease our risk of developing certain diseases, increase our life span, and improve our mood and focus.

    We also open ourselves up to a world of possibilities. When you’re fit, you’re free to weigh your options based on what excites you, not based on your physical limitations.

    Rock climbing sound interesting? You can give it a try and see! Considering a dance class? Why not! Dreaming of doing a marathon or walking tours through your favorite European cities? Sure, you can handle it!

    There’s little more liberating than knowing that you can do what you want to do—that you have the strength, energy, and stamina to experience something that may blow your hair back and make you feel exhilarated and alive.

    That’s what being fit does for us. And that’s why I now do my best to move every day, and also to eat a mostly healthy diet.

    Since this is a popular month for implementing a new exercise plan, I thought it would be the perfect time to share some of my own fitness practices. Perhaps one or more of these will help you get moving and get (or stay) in shape.

    1. Get your 10,000 steps without leaving your living room.

    I first learned about the benefits of walking 10,000 daily steps—the default goal for Fitbit users—back when I worked in mobile marketing. As part of a promotion for pedometers, a team of us covered the country on foot over a three-month period.

    Prior to that time, it had never occurred to me that walking was a viable way to stay fit and healthy (or that it could be fun and exciting). It just seemed too low impact to count as exercise—but count it does!

    Not only does walking improve our overall health and decrease our risk of heart disease, it can also boost our mood and energy and reduce stress, since it has a meditative quality.

    While I prefer to walk outside, since I find it calming to be in nature and enjoy seeing the houses in my neighborhood, there are days when I just can’t make it happen. On those occasions, I find short bursts of time throughout my day to walk in place.

    Most often I’ll do this while working on my laptop or watching a show, if it’s the end of the night and I’m unlikely to do anything else. Is it the best workout in the world? No. But it’s something, and something is always better than nothing. That leads me to my next suggestion…

    2. Give yourself permission to do an incredibly short workout.

    If you’re an all-or-nothing person, like me, you may feel like it’s not worth going to the gym unless you’re going to do a full workout, whatever that looks like for you.

    For me, that would include at least thirty minutes on an elliptical, weights, crunches, and a couple of leg machines. But there are some days when I don’t have the time or energy to do all of those things.

    Recently I’ve been telling myself it’s okay to do fifteen minutes on the elliptical and crunches, and call it a day. Oftentimes I end up doing more than that, but giving myself permission to do the bare minimum helps get me out the door.

    3. Pair exercises with daily activities.

    I know this might seem like an odd recommendation from someone who promotes mindfulness, but I have found it very effective to multitask certain activities that I do daily. For example, I usually do squats while drying my hair.

    This ensures I do multiple reps, since I have several minutes to work with, and also decreases the likelihood that I’ll forget to do my squats, since I’ve linked them to an activity I do every day, without fail.

    Some other ideas to consider:

    • Before putting your Swiffer or broom back, use it as an oblique bar and do a set or two of ab twists.
    • Before cooking, use cans, bottles, bags of rice, or other food items as weights; hold one in each hand and lift your arms out to the side twenty-five times.
    • If you have stairs in your home, every time you need to go up, come down and go back up again, doubling your steps climbed.
    • Do leg lifts or squats while brushing your teeth.

    4. Look into a standing desk.

    Whether you work from home, like I do, or do any kind of computer work in the evening, a standing desk ensures you spend less time sitting. And as they say, sitting is the new smoking. No, I didn’t make that up. “They” really do say it!

    We’re spending far more time sitting than ever before, between driving, working in offices, and binge watching Netflix at night; and it’s increasing our risk of developing a host of different illnesses, such as cancer, heart disease, and Type 2 diabetes.

    If you can’t afford to buy a standing desk, you can easily make your own by piling a bunch of boxes on your dining room table and placing your laptop on top.

    I use this same set up when exercising on a portable elliptical machine—a small piece of equipment that cost me about $100, takes up very little space, and offers a nice alternative to walking in place.

    5. Trade your office chair for a stability ball.

    You may or may not be able to do this at work, but at the very least, you can consider this a viable alternative to a standing desk at home.

    Sitting on exercise ball ensures you keep your spine long, since that’s crucial for balancing, and it also tones your core. Experts recommend using a stability ball in place of a chair for twenty to thirty minute increments, since sitting on a ball puts increased load on your lower spine.

    If you’re anything like me, you may also prefer using a stability ball for crunches to lying on the ground. You work more core muscles balancing on a ball, and it’s a lot easier on your spine, since it’s soft.

    6. Combine exercise and stress relief.

    When I first found yoga in my mid-twenties, I quickly got hooked. After every class I left feeling dramatically calmer, less anxious, and more at peace with myself. And the benefits of class bled into my daily life. When situations arose that would ordinarily cause me stress, I was able to cope with far less internal drama. When your workout simultaneously eases your mental anguish, it’s pretty easy to make it a habit.

    If you think yoga could be a good fit for you, there are tons of different options to meet your individual needs, from hot yoga (far more intense) to restorative yoga (a much gentler practice). You can practice at a studio, in a gym that offers classes, or even find some videos on YouTube to try at home.

    Whether you do a ninety-minute class or a ten-minute video, you’ll see benefits, and will likely get hooked!

    7. Give up the good parking spots.

    I always enjoy integrating easy exercise into my daily life, whether that means taking the stairs instead of the escalator or walking instead of driving.

    When I’m going somewhere specific, it doesn’t feel like a chore—just a way to get from A to B. And I generally enjoy walking outside, since there’s always something around me that catches my interest.

    One easy way to get a little extra exercise is to leave a little early, wherever you’re going, and park a fifteen-minute walk away. This ensures a total of a half-hour of walking. And the best part, you can’t bail on the second half—at least not if you want to get home!

    8. Plank your way to a tighter core.

    I loathe crunches with a passion. As I mentioned, I mind them less with a stability ball, but I don’t have one at home, since my space is limited. So on days when I don’t go to the gym, I plank to tone my core.

    I started by holding the plank for just fifteen seconds, and then every couple of days increased the time by five seconds until I eventually got up to two minutes.

    My stomach isn’t back to what it was before I had fibroid surgery several years back (and it may never be), but the combination of planks, oblique twists, and crunches has dramatically tightened my core.

    —

    I’m a big fan of mixing up my exercise routine, allowing myself lots of options—from hiking, to biking at the beach, to doing yoga or cardio at the gym, to moving in my own home—and I think that’s been the key to my consistency.

    When you give yourself choices to meet your varied moods and needs, you’re far more likely to move regularly. And at the end of the day, that’s all that really matters: that you do something, every day, to get your blood pumping.

    When you do this, you’re far more likely to feel strong in mind and body, good in your skin, and capable of doing whatever you want to do.

  • The Power of Off: Staying Sane in a Virtual World (Interview & Book Giveaway)

    The Power of Off: Staying Sane in a Virtual World (Interview & Book Giveaway)

    Tech Addiction

    UPDATE: The winners for this giveaway have been chosen. They are: Akshay Bhat and Kaitlyn.

    Have you ever found yourself mindlessly surfing the web, hopping from one site to another, when you didn’t have any specific reason to be online?

    Maybe you were looking at a cute cat video on Facebook, and then you ended up taking a quiz to determine which Westworld character you are. And then, five listicles, four memes, three tweets, two comments, and one hour later, you realized you’d spent a whole lot of time doing a whole lot of nothing.

    Worse, you may have been somewhere surrounded by people, and yet you still felt compelled to seek the kind of stimulation that feels unique to a glowing screen.

    It’s like a tiny world inside your pocket, full of information and opinions and conflict, overflowing with stuff to consider and debate and buy, and it can be incredibly addictive.

    As someone who works online, I have struggled with this myself. I promote and practice mindfulness, and yet I have found myself using technology in a compulsive way, distracting myself with emails, social media, and the pursuit of more information.

    Sometimes I recognize my behavior and am able to disengage. Sometimes I don’t. I know I am not alone.

    We are living in the age of constant connection, and ironically feeling more disconnected than ever—from ourselves, from the people around us, and from the world at large.

    But it doesn’t have to be this way. We can learn to use technology mindfully, for good, with greater awareness and with fewer negative consequences in our lives.

    If, like me, you’ve set this goal for yourself, I highly recommend you check out The Power of Off: The Mindful Way to Stay Sane in a Virtual World.

    Written by psychotherapist Nancy Collier, The Power of Off outlines a process for using technology without compromising our overall well-being, our relationships, or the other things that matter to us in life.

    The book explores:

    • How and why today’s devices push our buttons so effectively, and what you can do to take back control of your life
    • Tips for navigating the increasingly complex ways in which technology is affecting our relationships—with ourselves, others, and our devices themselves
    • Self-evaluation tools for bringing greater awareness to your use of technology
    • Mindfulness practices for helping you interact with your devices in more conscious ways
    • A thirty-day digital detox program to kick-start a new healthier relationship with technology

    I believe this book is a must-read for anyone who owns anything with a screen, or has access to one.

    I’m grateful that Nancy offered two copies of her book for Tiny Buddha readers, and that she’s shared a little about her experience and her book.

    The power of offTHE GIVEAWAY

    To enter to win a copy of The Power of Off:

    • Leave a comment below. You don’t have to write anything specific. “Count me in” is sufficient!
    • For an extra entry, share this interview on one of your social media pages and include the link in your comment. 

    You can enter until midnight PST on Sunday, December 11th.

    *Winners outside the US will receive a digital copy, not a print book.

    THE INTERVIEW

    1. You admit to being addicted to technology. That’s one of the reasons that you wrote this book. Can you give us a sense of your addiction and what it was like for you before you transformed it?

    I was an email addict, checking email far more often than what I was receiving warranted. I experienced a hit of pleasure every time I checked; even just thinking about checking delivered a shot of feel-good chemicals into the reward center of my brain, triggering what I call “lottery brain.”

    Just the possibility that something wonderful might appear in my inbox kept me coming back for more, even if it never delivered.

    I once walked by my own children at the end of a workday, with not much more than a quick hello, to get a fix from my addiction. It was at that moment that I realized that I was not okay with the way I was living, the choices I was making.

    I woke up in that moment to the reality that what I was paying attention to and where I was putting my time and energy was not in alignment with what actually mattered to me.

    It was then that I knew I needed to wake up and start making more mindful choices, to consciously create a handshake between what was most important to me and the way that I was living.

    2. You say that our society has an addiction to technology and that it’s no different than an addiction to food, sex, drugs and alcohol.

    An addiction is a behavior that we act out without awareness, either out of habit or impulse or both. We use technology without consciously deciding if we genuinely want to use, simply because the thought arises to use.

    This is the nature of addiction, and all addictions cause our lives to shrink and eventually deplete our lives as they become more and more about our substance of choice and less about those elements that truly nourish us.

    Technology is no different than any other addiction. It is, however, more like an eating disorder than an alcohol or drug addiction, because we have to find a way to incorporate our substance into our life. We cannot simply do without it, but rather, must find freedom in technology not from technology.

    The only difference between this addiction and other addiction is that we have all drunk the Kool-Aid; we’re all in. This is a condoned addiction.

    Other addictions put you outside the societal norm; they exclude you from being included. Tech addiction offers just the opposite, membership in the club. Tech addiction makes you part of the club, an insider, which makes it that much harder to break. The consequences of tech addiction may prove harder to acknowledge and take seriously.

    3. Can you explain how an addiction to one’s phone is just as serious as a drug or alcohol addiction?

    The negative consequences of a tech addiction are no different than the negative consequences of any other addiction.

    -The addiction keeps you from being present in your life as more and more of your attention goes into getting your fix.

    -The addiction occupies your time and energy, at the expense of other important parts of life (hobbies, activities, friendships, spiritual pursuits) that previously brought satisfaction, enjoyment and nourishment.

    -The addiction causes negative effects on your health, work, social or family life.

    -The addiction causes negative effects on your psychological wellbeing including mood swings, depression, anxiety, aggression, insecurity.

    4. What are signs that one is addicted to technology?

    Ask yourself:

    -Is your reliance on technology increasing?

    -Do you experience withdrawal symptoms when not able to use?

    Are you continuing to use technology despite knowing that its causing impairment in your work, health, social, and/or family life?

    -Is your life increasingly revolving around technology?

    -Have you given up activities you used to enjoy to be able to use technology instead?

    -Are you lying about the extent of your use?

    5. You use the term TWIRED. Tell us what it is and how it feels to be “Twired.”

    To be “twired” is to be simultaneously tired and wired. When we are twired, which most of us now are, we feel exhausted and overwhelmed, spent, and depleted, but also anxious and amped up, over-stimulated and buzzy. The experience of being “twired” is uncomfortable and ungrounded, which is what now is considered normal.

    6. You are not advocating not using technology, but how to have a healthy relationship. How does one go from full force addiction to living a balanced, healthy life along with technology?

    We must shift our relationship with technology so that when the thought or impulse to use arises, rather than just acting on it, we can use it as an opportunity to develop more self-awareness.

    If I am standing in line and the thought arises—Oh, I could check my email, or shoot out a text, or look something up on Wikipedia—instead of obeying the thought out of habit and doing what it tells me to do, I could simply notice the thought itself without acting on it. I could use the thought to point me to the present moment, as in: What is here right now that is making me want to distract myself? Or: What would I have to feel if I didn’t use right now?”

    The appearance of my addictive thought can then turn into a portal to awakening and mindfulness rather than a portal back into my addiction.

    7. Is it true that studies show people would rather give up their friends, wine, even sex for a Wi-Fi connection?

    Yes. One in three of all people would rather give up sex than their phone. Half of millennials would rather give up their sense of smell than their phone. Most millennials would rather give up their pinky finger than their phone. The majority of millennials would rather give up friends, alcohol, exercise, music, movies and TV, going out, and dessert, for a month than their Wi-Fi.

    8. You say that technology is the antithesis of mindfulness, and that our culture’s recent interest in yoga is a result of technology making us feel disconnected. Can you explain?

    We talk a lot about mindfulness these days in our culture, but the way we are living with technology is actually the antithesis of mindfulness. Mindfulness is the act of paying attention on purpose to the present moment, and doing so without judgment.

    Most of us are spending our time staring at a screen, which takes us away from what is happening right in front of us. We are living in the virtual world and missing out on the world that our body is actually inhabiting.

    If we are not staring at our personal screen, we are using our experience to build our personal brand, walking on a country road looking for places to take selfies so we can post on social media and show everyone how we are the kind of person that take country walks.

    If we are not using life to build our personal identity/brand, we are busy taking photos of and capturing our life so we can show everyone the life we are living. We end up then with 64 gigabytes of iPhoto file memories but no direct experience of life lived.

    The cost of this relationship with life, however, as something we can possess or use in service of our identity, is the direct experience of life itself. We end up, therefore, with the concept of mindfulness as something else we use to prove that we are a mindful person, but without the practice of mindfulness, which is living the moment as it is actually happening.

    The way we are using technology is also causing us to become disembodied; that is, entirely identified with our minds and thus controlled by our thoughts, as if we were just little heads floating around in cyber-space.

    Technology offers us a smorgasbord for the mind through data, entertainment, information, and just plain stuff to think about and do. The more technology we ingest, the more disembodied we feel.

    Our fascination with yoga these days is an attempt to get back into and reconnect with our bodies, to feel grounded in our direct, physically-lived experience—to be where we actually are.

    9. You talk about loosing a connection with our “self,” and how our obsession with our “personal brand” is very unhealthy. Can you please explain what you mean?

    We now view our self as a kind of vacuum. Many people experience a sense of dread or terror when left alone with just themselves. We fill our lives with more entertainment, more information, more data, more of everything to avoid ever meeting just ourselves.

    We no longer see ourselves as a destination, a place to inhabit. We fill ourselves up and derive our sense of meaning and worth from external sources, as in, the number of likes and followers we have.

    We no longer process our lives internally. If we stop on the street and open a door for someone struggling with a stroller, rather than spending a few moments thinking about that experience or taking it in, owning and absorbing it, we now immediately post what happened with a #gratitude or #kindness.

    We then wait to find out what the experience should mean and how we should think of it, how we should think of ourselves as a result of the feedback we receive. We ourselves are no longer a place we want to spend time or consider valuable.

    What we care about now is how we are seen by others and how popular we are, not what we think or feel about ourselves. Our own experience has been vacuumed out by the technology that tries to defend it.

    10. How can parents and teachers be of benefit to our children to help them learn to live “with technology” and not “for technology” as you might say?

    We need to set limits with our children and model discernment and moderation. But also, to recognize that young people have no experience with another way of living and that their social, academic, and every other part of life happens online, so separation from their technological life can feel like death or non-existence.

    What we need to do, besides setting clear rules that include periods of abstinence from technology, is to continue pointing our children to remain aware of how they feel in relationship with technology.

    That is, asking our child how she feels after a full day of Snapchatting, Instagramming, and Facebooking, how it is when she’s with a friend who is constantly texting while they’re together, how well she can focus on her homework when simultaneously receiving dozens of notifications on her other devices, how her personality changes when she is asked to give up her phone and how she feels after a a day (or week!) off all technology.

    We need to keep our children awake and tuned into how technology is affecting them so that they don’t lost touch with their own experience and forget that there is another way to feel besides the way that technology induces.

    You can learn more about The Power of Off: The Mindful Way to Stay Sane in a Virtual World, here.

    FTC Disclosure: I receive complimentary books for reviews and interviews on tinybuddha.com, but I am not compensated for writing or obligated to write anything specific. I am an Amazon affiliate, meaning I earn a percentage of all books purchased through the links I provide on this site. 

  • 4 Tips for Raising Happy, Emotionally Healthy Children

    4 Tips for Raising Happy, Emotionally Healthy Children

    Mother and daughter

    “Emotional intelligence begins to develop in the earliest years. All the small exchanges children have with their parents, teachers, and with each other carry emotional messages.” ~Daniel Goleman

    I consider myself an expert on the emotional needs of children. Mostly because I was one.

    No one goes into parenthood anticipating the ways they will psychologically damage their children. At least I don’t think they do. I hope not. It’s far more likely that most go into parenthood wanting the best for their children, hoping to do more for them than their own parents were able to do.

    So, why is it that so many come out of childhood scathed in some way? My parents fed me and sheltered me. I learned how to take care of myself physically and to manage the tasks of adulthood. I was responsible and productive. Yet, I was far from happy and fulfilled.

    I did not come out of childhood feeling good about myself. I had no idea how to identify how I was feeling, let alone express it in ways that were not destructive in some way. I did not learn what a healthy relationship looked like, with myself or others.

    Technologically and economically speaking, we have made tremendous strides in the last 100 years. It is actually pretty phenomenal if you take a minute to look at history.

    World Wars, the Korean and Vietnam Wars took up resources and energy in the early to mid part of the 20th century, and everyone had to step up and out of their comfort zones to keep things going, within the family and within our country. There was tremendous change on a national level.

    The earlier part of those 100 years were often about survival for families. Putting food on the table and a roof over their heads was a priority. Everyone doing their part in managing household responsibilities was paramount. Disposable income and disposable time were luxuries.

    For the most part, that has all changed.

    Huge technological and economical advancement only left psychological and emotional growth lagging sorely behind.

    Does anyone find it strange that we spend twelve years or more in an education system, which is supposed to prepare us for life, but no one teaches us how to navigate our own emotional world?

    We take classes for everything from learning to draw to playing an instrument to getting a medical degree or becoming an accountant to learning karate and gymnastics or learning to cook, yet we get little to no education on our psychological and emotional health.

    We are completely caught up in and focused on our physical health, unaware that our emotional health or lack thereof plays out in our bodies every minute of every day. Why does mental health have a stigma and physical health does not? They are completely intertwined.

    If we were healthier emotionally, we would be healthier physically.

    I think most of us would agree that the world often looks like it is going crazy. People are dumping their pain all over others, rarely being accountable for themselves or recognizing there is another alternative. I know. I’ve been there. I’ve been dumped on and I’ve been the dumper.

    All you have to do is turn on the television or look at a video game or watch the news—murder, mayhem and politics, addiction, domestic violence, divorce and child abuse, bullying by parents at their children’s sporting events, and adults having sexual relationships with children—to know that adults are still trying to figure out how to navigate their own feelings and emotions.

    How then are we to teach our children how to be emotionally healthy when we live in a world that is so emotionally unhealthy?

    Emotionally healthy people do not need to oppress others. Emotionally healthy people do not hate others for their differences. They are more likely to see their similarities. Emotionally healthy people never think they are better than anyone else, for any reason.

    Emotionally healthy people know how to express themselves in life-giving ways, and are rarely in abusive relationships or having affairs. They aren’t lying, cheating, or abusing drugs or people. They are generally happy people.

    Becoming an emotionally healthy person is an ongoing journey and needs at least as much, if not more, attention as we give to our physical health.

    Reproduction often gets less thought and planning than a vacation. Raising children to be healthy, happy, productive, and loving adults becomes on-the-job-training at its worst, since mistakes can be life altering.

    So how do we help our children become the happy, healthy, productive, and loving adults most parents want them to be?

    First, Stop Denying Your Feelings

    We are born open and perceptive. Kids pick up on all kinds of things that adults seem to miss. Most kids are naturally intuitive and inquisitive. Their environment will either nurture that experience or hinder it.

    What kids need is someone helping them to identify and articulate what they are experiencing. Feelings and emotions have a purpose. They communicate information to us that is necessary for the successful navigation of life. Unfortunately, there is often little tolerance of them, unless they are happy and joyful.

    If we aren’t being truthful about our own feelings and emotions, how can we teach our children to be truthful about theirs? The feelings we have are not the problem, what we do with them might be.

    Parents often erroneously think they have to protect their children from their own emotions and feelings. It goes something like this:

    You, the parent, are feeling sad. Your child says, “Are you sad, Mommy/Daddy?” Mommy/Daddy says, “No, honey, Mommy’s/Daddy’s not sad….”

    Your child is now confused. S/he knew what sad looked like and felt like, but they are now doubting themselves, because of course, they trust you know better. They also take in an unspoken message that says, “We don’t talk about our painful feelings and/or some feelings are not okay to express.”

    Acknowledging when your kids are right will nurture your child’s natural intuitiveness and emotional intelligence. That will go a long way in contributing to their mental health, like exercise for the body contributes to physical health.

    I am not suggesting we dump our feelings on our kids (like we more often do with anger). I am suggesting we be more honest about our feelings. Reassuring them that we can handle our own feelings will relieve them of responsibility for how we feel, as well as communicate that they, too, can have and learn to tolerate their more difficult feelings.

    They will learn from what we do.

    If we blame our children for how we feel (“You make me angry” versus “I feel angry when you…”), we will leave them with a lifetime of taking on responsibility for the feelings of others, while also learning to hold others responsible for how they feel. That has contributed to a large population of narcissistic people blaming everyone else for how they feel, unable to have any accountability.

    When that happens, we give the power we have to make ourselves happy away to those who can’t.

    It’s okay to express our feelings to our children in age appropriate ways. It is also okay to ask them how they handle things when they feel sad or angry or scared.

    It is important to normalize all feelings, without giving free reign for how they are expressed.

    Second, Stop Judging Feelings as Good or Bad

    Have you ever had anyone tell you, “You shouldn’t feel that way”? Or have you ever told yourself that? I don’t know about you, but I don’t usually choose my feelings. They seem to choose me.

    If we accept how we feel, no matter how horrible it might seem, we can begin to learn from and transform those feelings.

    Then, of course, we can stop judging our children’s feelings. This will allow them to bring their own feelings into the light, without shame. Only then can they learn from and transform their own feelings. Only then can those feelings move on.

    What is not expressed and articulated will be acted out.

    We see this in the schools every day. We see this on the news every day.

    We need to stop judging the way our kids feel. All feelings are a part of the human experience.

    Telling them “that isn’t nice” doesn’t resolve the issue. Asking them why they feel that way and allowing them to express their feelings does. They need our guidance and perspective to help them acknowledge and understand their feelings.

    I usually felt like the outsider as a kid. I did not know how to “fit in.” I took in a message that the way I was or who I was, was not acceptable. So I felt bad about myself.

    When I could finally acknowledge how I felt and express it in a safe and open environment, those feelings began to change. Not because the environment changed, but rather because my perspective on it did. My perspective on myself changed within the context of a helping relationship.

    Parents are the first helping relationship.

    We all have feelings and thoughts of which we are ashamed. This is normal. Judging feelings as bad, all the while pushing them down, will give them permission to control us.

    Facing them honestly gives us the control.

    And don’t we all want our children to be able to manage their feelings and express them appropriately? Wouldn’t we all be happier?

    Third, Avoid Telling Your Kids What You Think They Should Think

    If you want to know what is going on in your kids’ heads, you have to ask questions. Get curious—curious about how they view what is going on in their school or in the world or in your home.

    When you don’t push your own views onto your children, but rather listen to them with interest and unconditional acceptance, they will learn to accept themselves and see their own views as valuable.

    You will also be better able to head off crisis and give the guidance you think is needed if you actually know what or how they are thinking. Parents are always the involved guides and coaches that move between being an overseer to taking a more active role, depending on the age and needs of the child.

    Remember, they are not you, nor are they an extension of you. They are their own person, with their own thoughts, feelings, perspectives, and ideas. Be curious about who your kids are. Notice their strengths. Nurture them.

    Be aware of their weaknesses and work with them patiently. We all have them.

    I remember having a conversation with my parents as an adult. I was raised with fear, as the means of keeping us children in line. My parents had no idea I was drinking in high school, let alone how often I drove home in blackouts. I have felt very fortunate I did not kill myself or someone else.

    Kids will not tell you what they are thinking or feeling unless you create an environment in which they feel safe enough to do so. That means being able to tolerate the things that might make you uncomfortable.

    Dropping the gauntlet won’t necessarily stop the unwanted behavior. Understanding why the behavior exists and what is not being expressed just might.

    Fourth, and Most importantly, How Are You Dealing With Your Own Feelings?

    If we have not resolved our own emotional issues or have little understanding of their very existence, then we will be unable to assist our children manage theirs.

    None of us will have things completely resolved, since that is what life seems to be all about. It is the journey.

    But if we are afraid of our own feelings and emotions, then we will avoid those of our children. It’s never easy to watch children suffer. Yet we can’t get through life without it happening. The better prepared we are to deal with our own feelings, the better we will deal with theirs.

    The better we can navigate our own emotional world, the better we will help our child navigate theirs.

    It’s not about being perfect. It’s about showing up and being able to go there.

    It can be helpful to look back on your own childhood to gain understanding into how you learned or did not learn to deal with your feelings and emotions. It will have everything to do with how you raise your own kids.

    What was acceptable and what was not? How did your family of origin process feelings?

    There is no shame in it. It is never too late to go back and heal what we helped to break. Acknowledging our own inadequacies can be freeing. We live in a culture that demands perfection, where perfection does not exist.

    We do not know, what we do not know. There is always room to learn. Haven’t your children been the greatest teacher? Don’t they challenge you beyond what you think you can do?

    Don’t they deserve to grow into the healthy, happy, productive, loving adults you want them to be?

    Of course they do. The hard part is we have to be that first.

  • Recreate Your Life Story eCourse – 33% Off Until Monday

    Recreate Your Life Story eCourse – 33% Off Until Monday

    UPDATE: This promotion ran in 2016 and is now over.

    When I first envisioned Recreate Your Life Story—an eCourse that blends self-help and film—I knew I wanted to create a program that would be both creative and life changing.

    I’ve always had a passion for movies, so I was excited to design a course that uses protagonists from the silver screen as inspiration for change.

    But the course isn’t just about changing your circumstances. The full title is Recreate Your Life Story: Change the Script and Be the Hero. And that’s a big part of the program—it helps you change how you interpret your past, which affects how you see yourself in the present, enabling you to create a fulfilling future.

    When I reflected on my past, I realized the main thing that held me back was how I remembered and told my story. I felt like life had dealt me a bad hand, so I was angry, and also deeply ashamed of the choices I’d made when I was at my worst.

    This combination of bitterness, self-victimization, and self-loathing paralyzed me. I couldn’t possibly do anything positive or fulfilling when I was dwelling on the past and seeing and myself, and my life, through a lens of dissatisfaction and judgment.

    I needed to become the hero of my story instead of the victim. And that’s what this process helped me do.

    The four course modules outline the steps that enabled me to let go of my shame, anger, and bitterness so I could leverage my past for something that was both personally fulfilling and useful to others—this site.

    In addition to workbooks, movie case studies, stories from Tiny Buddha contributors, and expert interviews, the course also includes videos in which I share my personal experience—from my years struggling with depression and bulimia to the time when I launched Tiny Buddha.

    If you’re feeling:

    • Angry with people who’ve wronged you
    • Frustrated by opportunities you haven’t received
    • Limited by obstacles that prevent you from making changes
    • Discouraged by failures and setbacks
    • Ashamed of yourself for mistakes you’ve made
    • Disappointed in yourself for making the “wrong” choices
    • Anxious about everything that isn’t working in your life

    Then that means you’re human. But you don’t need to let these feelings control or limit you.

    Whether you’re looking to transform your professional life or your personal life, no matter how old you are or what you’ve experienced, the course can help you identify the mental blocks that are keeping you stuck—and release them.

    More than 2,500 people have completed the course over the last few years, and the feedback has been abundantly positive.

    From a Few of Our Course Members

    “It was inspiring listening to individuals from all walks of life going through the same issues. It made me feel normal and human instead of abnormal and excluded. The solutions they have found have filled me with hope of applying the positive principles to suit my own life, and I am genuinely optimistic about my present and future for the first time in many years.” ~Sally Cosgriff

    ***

    “It was very ‘human’ and very grounding. The workbooks in particular contained questions that immediately put you into ‘the zone’ for self-exploration, analyzing your own stories and patterns and how to change them… This course was ‘gentle’ and organically revealed to me things I am interested in and can make steps toward.” ~Scott D, Los Angeles

    ***

    “Very comprehensive. Covers all bases! Brings everything into perspective and having articles and workbooks always at your disposal…. It was really good to receive a reply/some feedback back from Lori in the forums. You know you are not alone, and someone cares.” ~Nicki L, Berkshire UK

    ***

    “It’s a lot of information that I will review probably many times. The amount of relief it gave me within the first few days was amazing. Having these new tools are so valuable for everyday life.” ~Erin Rodriguez, Hawaii

    The Limited Offer

    I’m not usually one for Black Friday sales, as I don’t love how consumerism has become the bedrock of the holidays. But I know people often turn to the web looking for deals at this time of year, so I wanted to offer a deal that may help you create profound inner and outer change.

    From now until midnight PST on Monday, November 28th I am offering 33% of the course—which brings the cost from $97 to $64.99.

    You can claim this discount by using this promo code: GGDX6O65X8 on this page.

    To read more about the course, and to find more testimonials, visit the full sales page here.

    I hope the course is helpful to you, and, for those of you that celebrated yesterday, I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

  • How to Rise Above Negative Comments About Your Body & What You Eat

    How to Rise Above Negative Comments About Your Body & What You Eat

    Close up Portrait Of Beautiful smiling Plus Size Young Woman in

    “It’s also helpful to realize that this very body that we have, that’s sitting right here right now … with its aches and its pleasures … is exactly what we need to be fully human, fully awake, fully alive.” ~Pema Chodron

    I took a photograph with my mom last night. She sighed when she saw the photo, saying she looked “so big.” My heart sank.

    A few weeks ago, I was picking up sushi from the local supermarket with her, and she looked down at the to-go pack I was picking up and asked, “You’re really going to eat that? It has so many carbs.” Again, my heart sank.

    These two little scenarios shed light light on why I had so many body image and food issues growing up as a kid. If your mom, your main symbol of how a female “should” be, is consumed with calorie counting and her weight, you’re going to have some degree of that too, at least in my experience.

    More importantly, these scenarios showed me how far I’ve come. Because these things didn’t trigger me. Instead, they empowered me. Words like this now slide right off of me because of the strong relationship I now have with my body and food.

    As much as I don’t want to admit this, talk like this used to infuriate me. I’d feel like part of my soul was burning up inside.

    Now, I accept that that is how my mom is. Calorie counting works for her. It’s not my job to change that or her. It’s my job to practice acceptance and to choose to recognize that comments about weight and body image are coming from a place of insecurity within her, not me.

    That being said, how do you deal with people who make comments about your food, your body, or your choices on what you eat? While there are no black and white, clear cut, yes and no rules, there are some things to remember and tools you can use to help you stay grounded, centered, and most importantly, calm.

    I’ve discovered the more you do this work, the easier it becomes. Like all good things that last, it takes practice and dedication.

    Here are eight ways to rise above negative comments about your body and food.

    1. Don’t take things personally.

    We constantly need to remind ourselves of this, because when people make comments about us (in even the slightest negative context), it’s hard to not take them personally. But know that their comments about you show more about them.

    People who are truly happy with themselves (or the area of life they’re commenting on) don’t try to bring others down. Instead, truly happy people do the exact opposite—they’ll try to lift you up.

    People who are happy with themselves aren’t jealous or worried that there will be less for them, and they don’t make hurtful comments. No. Truly happy people are present and there for you, rooting you on. If they’re not, it’s a sign that your action, statement, thought, feeling, belief, or appearance, triggered a wound within them that needs some healing.

    2. Use people as a mirror.

    In that same context, watch when you get triggered. Triggers are strong emotional reactions to people, words, and situations. When someone’s words trigger you, don’t beat yourself up for reacting. Instead, use the person as a mirror for yourself and allow yourself to look within and investigate why you were triggered.

    If you do this when people make negative comments about your body or food, you’ll take the anger and emphasis off of them and put the focus back onto the only person’s reaction you can control—your own.

    This is what will further your personal development and self-love journey more than anything else. Even if you come up with no answers here, simply digging deep and exploring these emotions will allow you to expand your perspective. And it will provide insights on why you feel how you feel and what changes you need to make in your life, propelling you forward.

    3. Express how you feel.

    In all honesty, we can’t get upset with someone until we voice our feelings and tell them that what they’re doing or saying is upsetting us. Once you do this, it’s important to set boundaries (more on this below).

    There are so many times when people think their comments about your body, your diet, or your food choices are “helpful,” “inspiring,” or they’re just “trying to tell you what worked for them.” Whether or not something is helping in your journey, is your decision, not theirs. Let them know.

    4. Set boundaries.

    We teach people how to treat us. So if you never tell your friends, family members, or partner that commenting about your body or food in a certain way isn’t acceptable, they might continue to do it. Stand up for yourself. Often, what we think people should know, or people should be able to tell, they can’t. Tell them and teach them how to talk to you.

    An example: “When you’re always making comments on my weight I feel like I’m not good enough and that you don’t actually want me in your life. Can you please no longer bring it up unless I do?”

    Notice that you’re stating the action that bothers you, stating how it makes you feel, and then asking for what you need.

    If you begin to speak your truth and notice things aren’t changing, set boundaries with your time and how and with whom you spend it. You should spend time with people who generally make you feel good and who push you to grow in a positive way. If not, it’s time to reevaluate. And know that that’s okay!

    Not everyone is meant to be in our lives forever. Usually, once the growth period is over in any relationship, it’s time to move on.

    5. Have a grounding practice.

    When you begin speaking up for yourself it’s easy to get overwhelmed. So it’s important to find an activity that works for you that makes you feel calm, connected with yourself, and peaceful.

    There are many ways to do this: hiking, journaling, walking, meditating, painting, reading, exercising, singing, writing, deep breathing. The trick is to find what works for you, and once you do, to use it to bring you back to center when the chatter from others becomes too much.

    6. Reflect on your progress.

    If you’re receiving negative comments about your body, food, or weight, it’s hard to recognize all the good you’re doing. As human beings, especially sensitive ones, it’s super easy for us to reflect on everything we’re not and to let the negative talk (others and our own) consume us.

    Rise above this by making the time to reflect on your progress, how far you’ve come, and the amazing work that you’re doing right now to move forward along your journey.

    Keep a notebook and every day, write down three things about yourself or your choices that you’re proud of. Try it. It’s a serious life-changer. It’ll help you refocus your energy on the good.

    7. Practice radical acceptance (and don’t wait on the apology).

    This one is hard, but possibly the most rewarding. When you begin to not take others’ comments personally and accept them as who they are, it will change your world.

    You’re not trying to change them. You’re not trying to get them to see things a different way (this can be exhausting, especially when someone isn’t ready). You’re not trying to get them to apologize. Instead, you see them as who they are—working (or not working) through their own stuff—and you accept that.

    This may translate into you seeing them less, setting more boundaries, or expressing how you feel in a loving way. But at the end of the day, you see them, you accept where they’re at, and you choose your actions accordingly.

    8. Don’t wait on your weight, regardless, of what anyone says.

    For years I thought I wasn’t lovable or good enough unless I looked a certain way. This couldn’t be more wrong. Don’t you wait on your weight to do the things you want to do too! That chatter inside your mind is only your fear holding you back. And part of that fear of not feeling good enough comes from others who don’t feel good enough themselves.

    I’ve found it’s never really our bodies that hold us back; it’s our fear. Move through the fear and do “the thing” anyway. When you do this, what you find may very well surprise you—you’ll begin to break through your own body jail you’ve put yourself in and start living your life.

    And at the end of the day, your body is here to help you live the life you really want. Use your body to do what it’s intended to do—to help you live. And along the way, take care and speak kindly to it. Your body deserves that.

  • A Daily Self-Care Ritual for Anyone Who Feels Lost in Life

    A Daily Self-Care Ritual for Anyone Who Feels Lost in Life

    “When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.” ~Jean Shinoda Bolen

    We all get lost sometimes.

    So lost that we lose track of who we are, where we’re going, what we want, and how to give ourselves what we need to feel nourished and healthy.

    I’ve been there many times, enough times to realize that it’s an inevitable part of life, to realize that it’s okay to get lost.

    The triggers? They’re never predictable.

    Some are subtle and prolonged; some are brief but so huge they knock me off my feet and leave me reeling from shock: the pain of not fitting in at school as a teenager, the sudden death of my father when I was away at university, my first serious breakup, the time I found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship but couldn’t work up the courage to leave, a betrayal by a friend that made me question if everything that we shared was even real.

    At times like these, when I find myself down on my knees, the first thing to go out the window is my motivation to take care of myself.

    I either eat too much or stop eating. I stay in bed all day. I don’t drink enough water. I drink too much alcohol. I become unkind to myself. I lose patience with myself and others.

    It just feels easier to not care.

    It was only in recent years, when I hit my mid-thirties, that I became aware of how repeating this cycle of behaviors wasn’t serving me in any way. In fact, they were keeping me stuck in a negative place and holding me back from healing and moving forward.

    It’s been during this time that I decided to break that cycle and give my intuition the voice and attention it deserved by making the following self-care steps a part of my life.

    I give myself permission to not feel motivated all the time.

    I always thought that motivation was this bright, powerful flame of desire that would drive me to do what was good for me, no matter what.

    After all, if something was important enough, I should want to do it all the time, right?

    Not really.

    As time passed and I gained more experience in life, I came to realize that there will be highs and there will be lows where I’ll feel like jumping off the moving train because it feels like too much work to stay on it.

    It’s important that you recognize this and allow yourself to be in this place without feeling guilty about it. Give yourself the space you need to breathe and be still, then gradually start easing yourself into taking the steps you need to get to where you want to be.

    I set an intention for the day the minute I wake up.

    When life has knocked you off your feet and you aren’t sure where to go, the thoughts that go through your head in the first few minutes of your day can mean the difference between getting closer to the path of healing or drifting further away from it.

    Instead of allowing negative thoughts to take center stage in my mind the way they used to, I now guide my thoughts to these two steps the minute I wake up:

    • I think of three things that I’m grateful for, and then…
    • I set an intention for the day ahead. This can be something as simple as keeping my spirits up throughout the day, or something more challenging, such as coming up with ten actionable solutions for a difficult situation that I may be facing.

    Your intention doesn’t have to be difficult or complicated. It just has to be meaningful to you.

    I prioritize getting enough restful sleep.

    Over the past few years, I experienced several violent break-ins into my home, and at the same time was struggling to deal with an emotionally abusive relationship.

    As a result, anxiety became a constant companion, making it difficult for me to fall and stay asleep.

    Now as I heal, doing my best to make sure that I get enough sleep each night has become a priority for me, and this means having a pre-sleep ritual in place:

    • I make sure my computer is turned off by 8 p.m. and that I head to bed at the same time every night.
    • I don’t drink coffee, but I love tea, so I stick to caffeine-free teas after 4 p.m..
    • I spend an hour before I plan to go to bed doing something that helps me let go of the stresses, excitement, and chaos of the day, and this typically means spending time with my dog and family, reading, talking to a friend, or going through a soothing yoga sequence. Within this hour, I also spend five to ten minutes questioning any stressful thoughts that I might have, with the help of Byron Katie’s “The Work” so that they have less power over me and are less likely to keep me up during the night.

    If you’re finding it difficult to sleep restfully for at least seven hours a night, I encourage you to start putting together a pre-sleep routine that will help calm your mind and body down to make falling and staying asleep feel easier.

    I focus on building mindfulness.

    Having been an emotional eater since my teens, it can be easy for me to fall back into my old pattern of turning to food for comfort when stress and anxiety get the better of me.

    This is why nurturing mindfulness is an important part of my daily routine, especially when things get rough.

    Rather than numb myself with food, alcohol, compulsive shopping, or some other habit that helps me avoid facing the difficult emotions I’m experiencing, I acknowledge their presence, the discomfort that they’re stirring up in me, and what the old me used to do when they came up.

    I then consciously make the decision to not give in to those old habits—habits that I know will ultimately drag me down and hold me back from getting back on my feet.

    If you’re struggling to give up a habit that you know isn’t good for you, here’s my challenge to you: Every time you’re tempted to say yes to that box of donuts, bottle of wine, or pity party, ask yourself, “Is this going to make me stronger?” If your answer is no, move away from it.

    I make gentle movement a part of my day.

    I know I can’t be happy and capable if my body isn’t healthy and strong, so I make time three to five times a week to exercise.

    If I’m not in a good place and am running low on energy, I can’t make it through an intense workout that involves heavy equipment, so I shift gears and go slow with my own body weight instead.

    Fitness isn’t always about going hard and fast all the time or getting flat abs—it also means being able to listen to your body and spirit so that you can add purposeful movement into your day that helps you build the resilience you need to deal with the anxieties of everyday life.

    I learn something new that will strengthen me from the inside out every day.

    Whenever I feel stuck in a rut or painful place, I often have my gut telling me that it’s because I may not yet have the necessary skills, insights, or right mindset to heal and break free from it.

    This is why I set a goal to learn one new thing every single day by reading a book, blog post, listening to a podcast, or even connecting with someone who has more experience than I do so I can approach life or a particular situation that I’m in from a fresh perspective.

    The internal shifts that happen don’t have to be huge, but they do add up in a way that makes a significant difference to my life: I gradually become stronger, gain more clarity, and start feeling more confident about taking that first step in a new, healthier direction.

    No matter how low or lost you feel right now, I want you to know this: There’s always a way out and up, and it will always start from within you.

  • 3 Things That Cause Unhealthy Food Cravings and How to Stop Them

    3 Things That Cause Unhealthy Food Cravings and How to Stop Them

    desserts

    “Reminder: food is fuel, not therapy.” ~Unknown

    I learned about food cravings at a young age.

    My parents divorced when I was six years old. My older brother and I ended up living in another city with our grandmother. We used to spend long hours alone, and we learned soon enough how food could help us lift our mood and suppress our real feelings.

    That was when I started having unstoppable food cravings.

    Eating would make me feel good and bring me peace and calm. Trying to avoid my favorite foods would make me nervous and unsettled, and would bring my real feelings back.

    I was overweight until my teenage years, and I hated it every single day. Over the years, I became afraid that giving into cravings was making me lose control over my relationship with food, my weight, and my body.

    In high school, I learned all I could about calories and how eating better could help me lose weight. I put this knowledge into practice and finally dropped some pounds.

    And I promised myself that I would never, ever be overweight again.

    I decided to learn as much as possible about nutrition so I could find my own my way to manage my weight. That’s why I became a nutrition specialist.

    Learning to control my cravings naturally has helped me overcome my fears of gaining weight again. But paying attention only to the numbers on the scale is not enough, and only when you are in control of your weight you can say you made it.

    In this article, I’d like to share the knowledge I’ve gained over the years and show you how you can stop food cravings naturally.

    It’s Essential to Understand the “Whys”

    Have you ever felt an unstoppable food craving that was stronger than you?

    You knew you shouldn’t go for it, but you couldn’t resist.

    This lack of control is very annoying, isn’t it?

    As with many other things in life, weight management related issues are much better approached when you understand what’s going on in your body, why, and the actions you need to take.

    In this post, I will explain the causes of those uncontrollable food cravings and the biological processes behind them, and I will give you easy to apply recommendations on how you can stop food cravings naturally.

    Just imagine how it feels to be in control of your food cravings and what it would mean for your weight!

    But before we dive in, a disclaimer:

    This is not a scientific paper on food cravings that aims to cover every single aspect of the topic, but an effort to explain the main reasons for food cravings and how to practically deal with them, in understandable terms without going too deep into science.

    The goal of this post is to give you enough information to understand the “whys” behind the food cravings and enough practical means for you to be able to stop food cravings naturally.

    What Triggers Food Cravings?

    Although food cravings can be caused by hormone imbalance or nutritional deficiencies, I would like to declare those food cravings off topic here.

    The way to deal with such food cravings is pretty straightforward: Either accept them and let them pass (pregnancy or PMS cravings, for example), or see a doctor if you suspect a nutrition deficiency.

    Instead, I’d like to focus this post on the unhealthy food cravings that you deal with every day.

    If you’re craving celery sticks, go for it! But if it’s donuts, chocolate, cheeseburgers, and similar foods that you can’t keep your hands away from, it’s dangerous for your health in the long run and you have to stop them.

    So what triggers these unhealthy food cravings that make you feel so powerless?

    Three things:

    • Your emotions
    • High-processed food as a product of food engineering
    • Sugar imbalance in your body

    Many authors cover the emotional part of food cravings, not considering food engineering and biology, but I’m sure you’ve noticed that you can crave food even without emotions involved.

    In this post, I’d like to fill this gap and put the spotlight on food engineering and sugar imbalance as triggers of food cravings.

    Let’s look at each trigger in detail.

    Trigger 1: Your emotions

    You see an apple pie and instantly think about a pie your mom used to make. Your mom lives far away, but that pie is right there.

    You feel lonely, but there is no one around. There is, however, chocolate ice cream in the fridge.

    Your boss is being unrealistic, and there’s nothing you can do about it. So you jump into a bag of chips, as you do every time you feel stressed.

    Many feelings are hard to deal with, and food is an easy way to help you handle them… and there is a physiological explanation for it.

    There are areas in your brain responsible for memory and sensing pleasure, which also act as reward centers.

    Specific foods can send signals that reach those brain centers and “make you feel good,” which will of course help you deal with those emotional needs, like calming you down and reducing your desire and anxiety, at that particular moment.

    The way it works is that the brain recognizes those feelings and knows that certain food can help alleviate them, so the body produces appropriate hormones (for example, cortisol) and other biochemical substances, like the neurotransmitter serotonin to make you crave for the “right” food.

    You can read more about biochemistry of food and food cravings here.

    Trigger #2: High-processed food as a product of food engineering.

    Have you noticed how you go for groceries to pick up “just bread and milk,” but once you’re in the store, you suddenly start craving all this food from the colorful packages aligned so nicely on the shelves?

    This would be fine if all this high-processed food was healthy for you.

    Except it’s not. It is delicious, though, and this is exactly the problem.

    The food manufacturing industry makes a conscientious effort to get people hooked on foods that are inexpensive, but yet tasty.

    They hire food engineers and gather tons of data taking an engineering approach to processed food.

    Although food engineering has been there for many years, the power it has over the consumers has not really been acknowledged until the most recent research and work of Michael Moss, the author of the best article on this topic you’ll ever read: The Extraordinary Science of Addictive Junk Food.

    Food engineering is manipulating your taste buds.

    Food engineers work hard on the food’s taste, which is measured by how much craving this particular food will induce.

    With that idea in mind, manufacturers have been adding sugar to many products that didn’t really need it, like tomato sauce, bread, and crackers.

    They look for the exact amount of sugar that will make the product highly attractive and desirable without making you feel overwhelmed by the intense flavor (they call it “the bliss point”).

    Not only will you crave that product again, but you’ll expect it to taste sweet. As a consequence, your taste preferences will change to prefer food that contains more sugar, and you won’t be satisfied with something that has less sugar.

    Food engineering is also turning you into an addict.

    You may be thinking I’m exaggerating, but numerous studies (like this one and this one, for example) indicate that sugar has similar effect on our brain as the drugs of abuse.

    This is why it is so hard to get off sugar and carbs once you are hooked.

    Trigger #3: Sugar imbalance in your body

    You can experience food cravings even if you don’t get emotional or eat high-processed food.

    In this case, your food cravings will be triggered by sugar imbalance in your body that happened because you’ve been eating your sugar and carbs “the wrong way.” (I’ll explain what I mean by this in a minute.)

    Let’s first look at how your body processes sugar and carbs.

    How Your Body Processes Sugar and Carbs

    The first organ that your biology needs to take care of is your brain. If your brain doesn’t work properly, nothing else will.

    The only source of energy that your brain can use is glucose. When your brain can’t find glucose available immediately, it will find a way to get it.

    The fastest, easiest, and most effective way your body can get glucose is by releasing the right hormones to make you crave food that contains a lot of it: simple sugars and carbs that break easily into glucose.

    But high sugar levels in your bloodstream are toxic, so your body needs to lower those levels. For this, it makes the pancreas release insulin to remove glucose.

    This process is called sugar metabolism.

    The higher the glucose levels, the more insulin is released and the faster all the glucose will be processed, leaving no glucose in the system again, which will start the cycle from the beginning.

    What Causes Sugar Imbalance

    As you can see, your sugar metabolism needs equilibrium for you not to get trapped in the vicious cycle of food cravings.

    This equilibrium, however, gets disturbed if you, in simple terms, eat your sugar and carbs “the wrong way.”

    In this case, eating sugar and carbs “the right way” means making sure the quantity, frequency, combination, and quality of your meals are appropriate.

    Quantity: How much sugar and carbs are in your meals?

    When you consume large quantities of simple sugars (glucose) or carbs (more or less complex forms of sugars that are transformed into simple sugars) in the same meal, your sugar metabolism will be activated in the emergency mode, removing all glucose suddenly.

    As a result, no glucose will be left in your bloodstream, and your brain will activate the mechanism to release the hormones that will make you feel hungry and eat more so it gets glucose again.

    Say hi to another food craving!

    Frequency: How often are you consuming sugar and carbs?

    When you are constantly eating food rich on sugars or carbs, not letting enough time pass between meals to let your sugar metabolism rest, it will end up constantly working, creating a circle of constant eating and hunger.

    When you wait enough time between meals (three to four hours), assuming you had a balanced meal, the sugar metabolism gets to rest and does its work properly.

    Combination: What are you mixing your sugar or carbs with?

    When you eat sugars or carbs alone, with no fiber, protein, or fat, the absorption of glucose will be faster.

    You’ll feel hungry sooner, and as a consequence your brain will trigger a food craving.

    Quality: How “good” are the sugars and carbs you’re eating?

    Simple carbs (like white rice, pasta, and bread, for example) and sugars break down into glucose faster, causing it to be absorbed faster as well.

    When you eat complex carbs (like brown rice, whole grain pasta, and whole grain bread, for example), however, glucose is released gradually.

    It means that in case of simple carbs, your blood sugar level will rise faster than if you eat complex carbs.

    To understand how fast a specific food will break into glucose and how much carbs it contains, you should look at its glycemic index (GI) and glycemic load (GL) values.

    Eating high GI & GL carbs will generate a fast rise in sugar and therefore a faster metabolic response, which will give you another food craving.

    How to Stop Food Cravings Naturally

    In the beginning of this post I promised you that I’d show you how to stop food cravings naturally by fighting the cause and not the symptoms.

    Now, when you know what triggers food cravings and what keeps them reoccurring (i.e. you understand the cause), it becomes clear that to beat those food cravings, you need to fight the triggers—deal with your emotions and resist the temptation of food manufacturing industry on one side, and keep the equilibrium of your sugar metabolism on the other side.

    Let’s look at it step-by-step and identify the practical solutions for each trigger.

    Cravings Caused by Emotions: Recognize That Food Doesn’t Change Anything

    If you think about it, that pie, ice cream, chips, or anything else you’re craving won’t change the way you feel about things in the long run.

    The food that you crave is the specific one that will make you feel better immediately. But the moment you finish your food, those “feel better” compounds will disappear again and you’ll be exactly where you were before, and you’ll probably even having the same cravings again.

    You need to realize that satisfying those food cravings helps only for a short period of time, and that this vicious cycle needs to be broken.

    Recognizing that food, even the most delicious one, does not change anything is the first step.

    Think about what brings up those emotions in you. Learn about yourself so you can predict them. Do your job and fight against them instead of just reaching for a piece of cake.

    Don’t give up by thinking there is nothing you can do.

    There are many hormones that you can’t really control, like your hormones during pregnancy. But many others are released as a consequence of your emotions. Once you acknowledge that you can do something about it, you’ll be able to handle them much better.

    Here are some practical tips on how to stop food cravings that are triggered by emotions:

    • Find other ways to reduce stress. For example, get a relaxing massage instead of hating your boyfriend, boss, and waistline, instead of eating ice cream.
    • Look for ways to manage your emotions (talk to a friend, get a pet, go for a walk or to the movie theater).
    • Eat healthy. It will help you maintain your hormones under control.
    • Call your mom or visit her if you miss her instead of eating her pie.

    Cravings Caused by Food Engineering: Don’t Let Them Trick You

    The food industry has many tricks to manipulate you into eating food that you’ll end up crave more and more.

    Food manufacturing companies are powerful, they hire the best food experts in the field, and they are always one step ahead predicting new trends and developing new ways to hook you on their food.

    But you need to be smarter! Learn their game. Don’t let them decide what and how you eat.

    Be the one in charge of what food you like by changing your buds’ taste and start craving for healthy food instead.

    Here’s how to stop food cravings caused by engineered food:

    • Most probably food engineering has got to your food buds already, so now you need to change your taste preferences back to healthy food. Do it slowly, one change at a time. Otherwise it will be harder to succeed.
    • Cook your own meals, which is the best way to know for sure what your meal consists of exactly. You’ll be able to avoid most of the added sugar and many other undesirable ingredients you will usually find in highly processed food.
    • Find out where the sugar, fat, and salt bombs you are more susceptible to are hiding so you can avoid them. Here are a couple of popular examples: potato chips, crackers, Japanese snacks, sesame sticks, etc.
    • Recognize that the attractive packages can make you desire unhealthy food.
    • Understand that the commercials are there just to trick you into thinking that eating certain foods will improve how you feel about yourself.
    • Visualize:
      • How food engineers are designing new food to hook you on it.
      • How food marketers play with you by making the food they want you to eat look irresistible.
      • How processed food is hurting your liver and adding fat to your abdomen.

    Cravings Caused by Sugar Imbalance: Eat Your Sugar and Carbs “the Right Way”

    Keeping your blood sugar levels under control and preventing sugar imbalance in your body is an essential way to stop food cravings naturally.

    To do so, you need to:

    • Eat only as much as your body really needs (quantity)
    • Let enough time pass between your meals (frequency)
    • Combine your meals properly (combination)
    • Stick to foods with low glycemic index and glycemic load (quality)

    This is how you can practically achieve it.

    Quantity: What are healthy portion sizes for carbs?

    You should learn and stick to healthy portion sizes of any food, not only carbs, of course. But it is especially important for foods that contain a lot of sugar (remember, carbs are a complex form of sugar).

    You shouldn’t eat more than a healthy portion size for carbs, which is one cup.

    Frequency: How often should you eat?

    Don’t eat too often so you are not making your sugar and carbs metabolism work all the time.

    You should eat four times a day: breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and a morning or an afternoon snack, depending on when you need it. Ideally, these meals should be three to four hours apart.

    For example, if you have an early breakfast and a late lunch, you need a morning snack. Otherwise you’ll be too hungry at lunch and definitely overeat.

    Combination: How to combine your meals properly?

    Fiber, protein, and fat make sugar absorption slower and less efficient, therefore reducing the risk of food cravings.

    In fact, the right combination of meals will make them healthy yet filling, which will help you with two previous aspects: quantity (you will be able to stick to healthy portion sizes) and frequency (you will stay satiated longer).

    Have every single meal with the healthy portion size of protein and fat, and avoid having meals that consist only of sweets or carbs.

    Quantity: How to choose what to eat?

    Stick to foods with low glycemic load and glycemic index.

    Such foods will release glucose slower and help you manage your sugar levels properly so you don’t have food cravings.

    To summarize, this is how you prevent food cravings triggered by sugar imbalance in your body:

    • Maintain your healthy portion sizes for carbs, which is one cup.
    • Have four meals a day making a break of three to four hours between them.
    • Compose your meals properly and always have fat and protein with your carbs.
    • Choose foods with low glycemic load and glycemic index values.

    Over to you!

    Do you believe me when I say you can stop food craving naturally? Do you think it’s doable? What are your personal challenges when it comes to controlling your food cravings? I would love to hear from you!

  • 30 Trillion Reasons to Be Grateful: An Ode to the Awesome Human Body

    30 Trillion Reasons to Be Grateful: An Ode to the Awesome Human Body

    neon-body

    “What spirit is so empty and blind, that it cannot recognize the fact that the foot is more noble than the shoe, and skin more beautiful than the garment with which it is clothed?” ~Michelangelo

    “Stop hunching! Stand up straight!” This is what I heard as a young child.

    A running commentary on my appearance continued throughout my childhood. It was well intended, but not entirely helpful.

    I grew self-conscious. If you’ve ever decided you’re too tall or too short or too fat or too thin, or that some parts of your body look unsatisfactory, you’ll understand.

    Then I went to medical school. For a couple of years we studied the normal structure and functions of the body.

    Over the next few years we studied tens of clinical subjects, peered down microscopes, learned about drugs and surgery, and examined thousands of patients. We were learning to diagnose and treat.

    Studying the human body was a revelation. The more detailed our study grew, the more awesome the body seemed.

    Most people take their bodies for granted. Only when a leg is broken or amputated, for example, do we start appreciating how amazing a normal leg is.

    We often use the word “awesome” for food or music or other delightful stuff. However, your body truly puts the awe into “awesome.”

    Think of a dazzling galaxy in space, or the most sophisticated machine you can imagine. Your body is even more awe-inspiring than either of those. And it constantly self-heals!

    I think the human body deserves a love letter. I’m grateful for all these parts of me, and more:

    1. Brain

    It allowed me, as a little baby, to take a tangled jumble of strange syllables and assemble them into a language. It keeps my body going whether I’m asleep or awake. It will allow me to recall a childhood friend’s face vividly, even when I’m old and beautifully wrinkled.

    Miraculously, it enables mere atoms and molecules to form opinions, have subjective experiences, make choices, fall in love, and forgive. I’ve fallen in love with many inanimate objects, from pianos to favorite chairs to gadgets to majestic mountains, but they’re unable to fall in love.

    My brain helps me to separate fact from fiction, to solve problems, to enthuse, to grieve, to empathize, to create fanciful things such as new musical compositions, and to keep learning throughout my life.

    Even when I’m asleep, it’s busy filing away memories, giving me vivid dreams, solving problems, and restoring me for the next day. It constantly heals and reforms itself, responding to my choices and habits.

    It allows me to keep defining myself in new ways, coping with setbacks, escaping from the prison of past mistakes, focusing on the present, finding meaning and purpose, and greeting the future with hope and optimism.

    I thank my brain by looking after my heart and blood vessels, which supply it with blood. I use a seatbelt when driving and a helmet when riding a bike to avoid damaging my brain. I also try to focus calmly on doing the next small step that is important and good in my life instead of anxiously trying to control whatever is unpredictable.

    2. Heart

    It started beating when I was less than six weeks in my mother’s womb. It will keep beating, lub-dup, lub-dup, lub-dup, for as long as it can. I fall asleep, wake up, feel happy, feel sad, succeed at some things, fail at other things, sometimes agree with people and sometimes disagree.

    Through everything, my heart keeps pumping life-giving blood to my toes, brain, fingertips, and every part of my body. It responds to every situation, from the extreme stress of battle or danger, to the calm glow of relaxed affection, or the complete rest of deep sleep.

    I can mistreat it easily, by eating or drinking sugary stuff or processed snacks, and neglecting my need for dietary fiber or physical activity. It still keeps working tirelessly. It will keep going until it’s forced to stop.

    Not even the most faithful dog can match my heart for devoted service. If I could see it, and it could hear me, I’d fall to my knees and thank my heart, probably with tears of gratitude streaming down my face.

    Meanwhile, I thank my heart by making time for nourishing meals, and by being physically active.

    3. Lungs and diaphragm

    They work non-stop to expel waste air and refuel my body with oxygen.

    Even if I mistreated them, by inhaling polluted air, or smoking stuff, or accumulating way too much body fat, they would keep doing their best. Only if I persistently sabotaged them with unhelpful habits would they start struggling.

    I thank them by consciously breathing deeply, several times a day, and by walking or cycling in nature, where the air is rich in negative ions.

    4. Cranial nerves

    These are the nerves that connect my eyes, ears, face, mouth, digestive system, voice, and internal organs to my brain. They allow me to hear, read, and sing Handel’s “Messiah,” to smell and taste delicious cuisine, to smile, to tell my loved ones how precious they are to me, to speak words of comfort and healing, to keep all my internal organs working day and night, and to use my breathing to calm myself when I’m upset.

    Without them, I would face significant challenges.

    I thank my cranial nerves by not subjecting them to overly loud sounds, by not looking directly at the sun, and by looking after my general health.

    5. Immune system

    This is my sophisticated defense system that recognizes and remembers every micro-enemy. It protects me against infections, cancers, foreign objects, toxins, and more.

    There was once no effective treatment for the human immune-deficiency virus (HIV). In those days, people infected by HIV would die.

    Without my immune system, microbes would invade me as easily as they invade a corpse, and cancers would flourish. I’m grateful for my immune system, despite the small risk of it getting confused and attacking me.

    I thank my immune system by staying calm, optimistic, and motivated despite the setbacks of life. When I focus fully on doing the next little step that is important and good in my life, I can more easily stay calm, optimistic and motivated.

    6. Liver

    This is the world’s most sophisticated “detox” machine and factory. It works quietly, removing harmful molecules or transforming them into harmless ones, and making molecules that are crucial for my survival.

    If I drink too much alcohol or take toxic drugs, my liver dies a bit. It keeps doing its best despite abuse, and even regenerates itself partly.

    I thank it by limiting my alcohol intake to no more than a small glass of red wine in a day, and avoiding drugs that my doctor considers unnecessary.

    7. Kidneys

    These are my body’s balancing stations. They extract unhelpful or excess molecules from my blood and expel them in my urine. However, they retain useful molecules in my blood.

    Without my kidneys, I would die. My blood pressure, blood acidity, salt levels, protein levels, and waste levels would be out of control. To survive, I would need a dialysis machine or a replacement kidney from a donor.

    I thank my kidneys by trying to prevent diabetes. I do this by eating nourishing meals instead of grazing on sugary and processed snacks, and by exercising regularly.

    I also make sure that any urinary infections are promptly treated, before the problem ascends to my kidneys.

    8. Muscles

    They enable me to breathe, move, keep a good posture, speak, sing, and achieve many things that I take for granted.

    If they grew too weak, I might start falling over and become confined to a wheelchair. Professor Stephen Hawking has a condition affecting the nerves that activate his muscles. He still makes spectacular contributions to the world. I hope to use my fully functional muscles to keep contributing to others.

    I show my gratitude to my muscles by doing exercises that strengthen them, by stretching them regularly, and by using a work chair that is kind to my lower back and neck. When my muscles get sore, I stretch them and allow them time to rest and recover.

    9. Circulatory system

    These blood vessels carry good stuff to every part of my body. They carry unwanted stuff, like carbon dioxide, to where it can be passed out of my body.

    If my blood vessels get blocked, parts of me will eventually die of starvation. Even my heart relies on these blood vessels to supply it with blood.

    I thank my blood vessels by avoiding smoking, by eating nourishing meals instead of sugary or processed snacks, by avoiding sitting continuously for long periods, and by exercising regularly.

    10. Endocrine glands

    These provide me with tiny, but indispensable, amounts of hormones. The hormones fine-tune the way I function and make me a sexual being.

    If my glands malfunctioned, my body would lapse into various illnesses.

    I thank my endocrine glands by eating nourishing meals, calming myself when distressed, and remaining physically active.

    11. Bones and joints

    These allow me to stand, move, and fulfil my chosen purposes. Without them, I’d be an immobile blob of jelly. My brain, heart, and lungs would have no protection. I’d soon bleed to death from internal or external wounds, because I’d lack the clot-forming platelets that my bones manufacture.

    My bones are also a factory for blood cells and some hormones. They help keep my mineral levels steady.

    I thank my bones and joints by walking and doing strengthening exercises for my muscles, and eating nourishing meals. I keep my weight within healthy limits to spare the cartilage in my knee joints. I always use a seatbelt in a car, and minimize the need to speed.

    12. Digestive system

    This is the astonishing system which takes what I eat and drink and turns part of it into me. Its associated glands produce enzymes that break the food and drink into smaller molecules. These small molecules pass through the wall of my digestive system into my blood.

    Whether I’m asleep or awake, my digestive system works to supply my body with nutrients, while moving waste along to where it can be expelled.

    There’s a huge variety of ingredients I can ingest. Some of them are harmless, some are healthy, and some are downright harmful. My digestive system copes with them all as best it can. It also hosts trillions of useful microbes.

    I thank my digestive system by avoiding polluted or toxic food and drink, by creating pleasant meal-times, and by eating healthy-sized portions of nourishing meals.

    13. Skin

    This is my amazing built-in, self-repairing raincoat and blanket, which responds to a lover’s touch as no other fabric can. It helps keep my body at just the right temperature, while keeping my insides in and the weather out.

    I thank my skin by protecting it from over-exposure to the sun’s ultra-violet rays. I keep it clean, but without using excessively hot water, which would wash away its natural oils. If it gets broken, I disinfect the wound quickly and seal it with a layer of petroleum jelly.

    14. Peripheral nerves

    These are the command system for my muscles, the nerve supply for my skin, and my protective warning system. Without them, I could accidentally hold my hand in a fire and not know it. I could be bitten by insects, or devoured by rats, and still feel nothing.

    Thanks to my peripheral nerves, my hand springs back automatically if I accidentally touch a candle flame or hot kettle. I have no choice in the matter. My nerves carry the pain to my spinal cord and then instantaneously carry the command back to my muscles: jump away from the source of pain!

    Once, a famous hand surgeon asked medical students to volunteer for a peripheral nerve to be anesthetized. Within hours, all the volunteers found wounds and blisters on their skin. They didn’t know how the wounds happened, since they were temporarily deprived of pain in the affected skin.

    I thank my peripheral nerves by eating nourishing meals instead of sugary or processed snacks, and by exercising regularly. I also avoid smoking and limit my alcohol intake to a small glass of red wine a day.

    15. Reproductive system

    This is the magical part of me that prompted and allowed me to seek a loving partner in life and make babies. I look at our grown children and marvel that half of each child originated in me.

    Imagine if you had a machine that would follow all the instructions of a super-delicious but complicated and fiddly recipe. You know, the kind of recipe that involves pre-cooking some ingredients, then adding others at the right time, then adding a dash of this followed by straining it all and keeping it at just the right temperature for a precise number of minutes. Well, your reproductive system does far more complex things for you.

    Your body self-regulates all the hormonal and other changes required for two half-cells to be formed, in a man and woman respectively. These can eventually come together and be nurtured until a baby is born—ready to be cherished, and apparently determined to keep its parents awake all night.

    I thank my reproductive system by avoiding infections, loving my partner, and making the time and space to be playful together.

    —

    That just skims the surface of a few things we know about the human body. Each of the points could be expanded into several large libraries. The thirty trillion inter-related cells of the human body will keep scientific researchers busy for centuries to come.

    You and I are awesome, in the best sense of the word.

    Whenever you begin to criticize your body, pause to remember that your body is even more awesome than a galaxy. If you find the Milky Way awe-inspiring, then remember that your body is even more awe-inspiring.

    The more grateful I become for my body, the greater grows my respect for others. I will bow to an Olympic athlete, but also to the most impoverished or disabled or aged person you can imagine. Because our bodies are awesome temples, regardless of our appearance.

    Respect your body and tend it with love.

    I’ve signed up for organ donation after I die. These organs that have served me so well can continue their amazing service, but to others who need them. On my deathbed, I’ll be willing a message to my beloved organs: “Thank you, my faithful friends. Thirty trillion times over, thank you.”

  • Simplify These Things and You’ll Enjoy Life a Lot More

    Simplify These Things and You’ll Enjoy Life a Lot More

    happy-woman-meditating

    “I have just three things to teach: simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures.” ~Lao-Tze

    So said Lao-Tze, perhaps one of the greatest teachers humankind has ever had.

    When I committed myself to the most important journey of my life (of course I’m talking about the spiritual one), I was focused on gaining patience. I worked hard to free my mind and soul from all clutter and emotional charge.

    There was one aspect I kept ignoring: getting rid of the clutter. When one of my closest friends was in my room, she didn’t wait too long before noticing, “You have too much stuff all around.”

    What stuff? I had no idea I was living in a mess. I even had a name for it: creative chaos.

    You know how everything seems to fall into place at certain periods of time? It was that very same day when I encountered Lao-Tze’s quote. It just popped up on my Facebook feed.

    At that moment, I realized I was focusing on gaining patience and compassion, but I was forgetting about a really important part of the journey: simplicity. And I knew my friend was right: you can’t declutter your mind if you don’t simplify your life.

    I didn’t limit that change to material possessions; I expanded it beyond that aspect of living. This was part of my journey, and I can’t find the right words to express the relief I felt as soon as I started making my life simpler. Hopefully, my experience will help you make that change, so I decided to share a few steps that will lead you to the bliss of living simply.

    Understand what possessions are. Get rid of them!

    Do you own too many things? That’s not a real problem if you need them. If, however, you’re collecting a pile of stuff you never use, then you have a real problem.

    This was the mindset I adopted: “I own these things. But they also own me!” You’ve probably heard the same advice many times before: don’t allow stuff to possess you.

    You need a car? I understand that. But would you go completely crazy over a scratch?

    Our material possessions drain our energy because we have to take care of them. As soon as you get rid of the attachment, you’ll discover some true values.

    Simplify your work.

    If you have too many tasks on your daily schedule and you try hard to achieve them all, you’ll end up in complete chaos by the end of the day. I know. I’ve been there.

    Start your day by making a list of five important tasks you have to do. Which one of them has priority? Do it first!

    Then, continue working through your list of priorities. If you have space for any minor tasks, you’ll cover them. With time, you’ll realize you’re becoming much more effective in your work, but you’ve also simplified the way you cover daily obligations.

    Oh, here’s another thing that complicates your life: multitasking. You can’t check what’s trending on Twitter when you’re in the middle of writing a report. Go through your list of tasks in a really simple way: step by step.

    Make your relations more positive and sincere.

    If you really want to change your life, you need to think about the people you’re surrounded by. Do they drain your energy?

    There’s a friend I really love, but I started getting headaches every time we met. She was going on and on talking about a boyfriend she broke up with years ago. She wasn’t sharing her burden because she needed advice; she was just living in her own past, and she felt the need to go through the same memories every time we talked.

    Let’s make it clear: We should never have a problem with people who want to express their emotional pain. When our closest friends need advice, we should listen and try to help them in any possible way.

    If, however, it turns into constant complaints about superficial things and unwillingness to accept any help, it won’t work. I realized that instead of transferring my positive energy to her, she was sucking my enthusiasm away, and we both ended up being miserable afterward.

    So, I decided to change the course of our relations. Instead of talking to her over the phone, I started inviting her to walks and lunches. I introduced her to a large circle of friends, and I did my best to make our friendship more positive. It worked.

    You should definitely offer your shoulder to people who need it. If you have a friend in trouble and you feel really bad about the stuff they are going through, listen to them. Then, try to make things a bit more optimistic. You know, get them out of bed, eat tons of ice cream, watch movies and meet new people.

    Declutter your mind.

    In other words, learn to meditate. That was the most important lesson I learned in my life. When I started, I had some doubts about the effects meditation can have. But I can’t even describe the difference my teacher made in my life. Within a couple of weeks, after I learned the basics and started to practice daily, I felt a profound sense of calmness and relief.

    Meditation can also help you release resentment, hate, jealousy, and other emotions that drain you and complicate your life and your relationships. Negativity is completely natural, but the key is to not let it control you. Meditation helps with this, since it enables you to create space between your thoughts and emotions and your reaction to them.

    When you notice negative thoughts emerging while meditating, observe them without attaching to them. Don’t try to suppress them, and don’t allow yourself to get carried away. It’s like watching your thoughts on a TV screen. You don’t influence them in any way, and they eventually pass.

    When you declutter the negative thoughts in your mind, you’ll leave space for greatness.

    You don’t need to complicate communication.

    I’m a writer, so I’m used to communicating in the simplest way possible: through words. However, people somehow find a way to make communication more complex than necessary. We write emails, we follow each other on social media, and we send snaps of our daily existence. Instead of having real conversations, we express ourselves through GIFs and memes.

    Here’s what I decided to do: I started calling my friends and meeting them in person more often. I almost forgot how that felt.

    The old-school methods are usually simpler but more effective, too. Try not to rely on your Messenger when you have a really important conversation to make, and you’ll see what I mean. Social networking is great, but your social life shouldn’t be limited to it.

    Simplify your RSS feeds.

    Have you seen the list of pages you currently follow on Facebook? You realize you’re not even interested in what most of them have to offer, right? Why don’t you try getting rid of most of them?

    You’ll come back to a cleaner, more interesting feed that doesn’t encourage you to scroll down without paying attention to the posts.

    Make sure to get rid of all “news” pages that don’t deliver reliable information. Stick to relevant, reputable sources of information you can trust.

    Don’t be a spendthrift.

    Before buying something new, ask yourself, “Do I need this? I want it, but do I need it?”

    Shopaholism leads to attachment to material possessions. The sole act of buying things we don’t need defies one of the main purposes of the journey to self-awareness: detachment.

    Eat simply.

    “What should I make for dinner? What dessert should I treat myself with? I like cheesecake, but I ate that yesterday.”

    Why do we allow food to bring so much thinking, problem-solving, and questions into our lives? Why can’t we just eat something for the sake of filling our tummies? Actually, we can.

    For me, simplifying my eating habits meant eating as much raw food as I could. I started spending less time in the kitchen, and I finally found the time to take swimming lessons. See? I decluttered, and then I filled that space with something meaningful.

    Declutter your surroundings.

    I always liked Japanese minimalism, but my room was the complete opposite: paper and manuscripts, pens and notebooks all over the place.

    After that important visit and advice from my friend, I did a spring cleaning. I bought a nice cabinet, and I organized the papers I needed there. I organized them by color so I can easily find whatever I need.

    I can’t even tell you how much stuff I threw away that week (yes, I needed a week to clean that space up). The feeling of accomplishment was priceless.

    Simplify your goals.

    Is everything on your to-do list achievable? If that’s not the case, you’ll have to get rid of some goals, no matter how hard that is for you.

    When you simplify your goals, you’ll find more joy in work because you’ll have greater confidence in yourself. You’ll know that you can complete every task you start.

    Limit the consumption of resources.

    Our materialistic nature makes us buy more things that consume valuable resources, such as gas, water, and electricity. All those laptops, tablets, smartphones, TVs, dryers, deodorants, diamonds, and cosmetics cost us our planet.

    Getting things you don’t need, which you certainly think you need, has a name: consumerism. Such an attitude gets you attached to the things you buy, and you’re constantly finding new gaps to fill and more things to gain. Free your mind from come-and-go desires, always take time before you make your final decision, and be mindful of the planet you are living on!

    A Simple Future for Everyone!

    We don’t need all the stuff we have. We don’t need to buy more. We don’t need the mess in our heads.

    Try making simplicity part of every aspect of your life, and you’ll reach new heights of self-accomplishment.

  • How to Feel Good In Your Skin: 7 Powerful Lessons on Beauty

    How to Feel Good In Your Skin: 7 Powerful Lessons on Beauty

    You are beautiful 1

    “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” ~Proverb

    I struggled with body image for years while I was living in Europe because I have a very fair complexion, oily skin, and thin hair.

    During my childhood, people would look at me and comment on how pale I looked and ask my mother if I was anemic. Later on, as I was growing up, people who met me would ask if I was ill, or they would say that I look exhausted, tired, and weak.

    It was most difficult during the summers, when there was always a social pressure to get a tan, as I heard a lot of negative comments then. I didn’t perceive myself as beautiful, nor did I think I would ever, until I came to India for the first time.

    In India, bright skin is synonymous with beauty (beautiful means fair!), and everyone complimented me there, telling me how beautiful I am, that I am “bright like the moon.”

    They also admired my silky, smooth hair and oily skin—in India, they call it “glowing skin” and appreciate it because skin can get very dry, with the hot weather.

    Indian women would ask me over and over to share the secret behind my glowing skin, and they wouldn’t believe that it was naturally so oily; they’d think that it must be some cosmetic product from Europe that I didn’t want to tell them about.

    Suddenly I realized why all my Indian friends, who lived in my hometown back in Europe, would not leave the house without the sunscreen, why they’d always tell me that I’d be considered very pretty in India, and why they’d joke that I’d get married quickly there!

    I was shocked when I realized how much money people, both men and women, spend in India for fairness beauty products. Some women even bleach their skin with hydrogen peroxide-based cosmetics. Yet, in Western countries, people spend a ton of money on tanning products and solariums to get darker skin.

    I realized in India how beauty is socially constructed and started feeling beautiful in my own (fair) skin for the first time in my entire life. Or, I should say, I discovered how beautiful I am, with all my Western “imperfections.”

    For last two and a half years, since I’ve been living in India, people who knew me for a long time comment on how I look much more beautiful now and ask me to share my secret.

    I don’t deny that Indian vegetarian food and the abundance of tropical fruits, together with natural beauty products with neem, heena, herbal oils and sandalwood, are part of the equation. But I believe the major reason is that I started feeling beautiful and good in my own skin.

    Here are seven things I learned that can help us all feel better in our skin, with all of our “imperfections.”

    1. Beauty is socially constructed.

    This was one of the biggest aha moments I had in India. While we may not be considered as good looking in our own country, in some other part of the world we may be perceived as a beautiful person.

    In some other part of the world, our height, complexion, hair color, facial features, and body shape—things we might see as “imperfections”—would be considered attractive traits.

    2. Our body is our home in this lifetime.

    We should be deeply grateful every single day that we have a body, which is our home and our vehicle in this lifetime. We can do so many things with our bodies—dance, swim, run, walk, talk, sit, move, hug our beloved, smile, eat, write, type, pick up objects, work, paint, cook, be intimate with our partner, and so much more!

    Instead of focusing on the color or shape of our eyes, which we may not like, we can focus on how fortunate we are that we can see. Instead of focusing on how skinny, thin, short, or fat our legs are, or how much cellulite we have, we can focus on how blessed we are that we can walk, and so on.

    3. True beauty comes from within.

    Although this saying may sound cliché, it’s actually true. No matter how many beautiful facial features a person may have, a sad or angry face is never pretty. No matter how beautiful a person’s appearance may be, if the same person behaves with disrespect to others, or acts rudely and arrogantly, people will not want to spend much time around him or her.

    A smile can bring radiance and beauty to every single face.

    An old wise saying suggests that our external beauty is often what gets people attracted to us, but it is our personality that makes them fall in love with us.

    4. Stop the negative self-talk.

    If we observe the thoughts running through our mind every single day and notice negative self-talk about our body image, we need to consciously stop ourselves and replace those thoughts with positive ones.

    Telling ourselves that we are “fat like a cow,” “ugly as a beast,” or that we look “pale and sick” will do us no good. It will only crush our self-esteem and makes us feel insecure and less worthy.

    We need to observe these kinds of thoughts and decide that we will not continue repeating the same old negative story over and over again; instead, we will embrace and love ourselves, with all of our imperfections.

    It can be hard in the beginning, but the first step to letting go of the negative self-talk is to observe and notice these thoughts coming up. Once we become aware, we can replace them with more positive ones, like, for example, we can focus on what we like about our appearance, or what we like about ourselves that has nothing to do with our appearance.

    5. Self-care is the road to self-love.

    Self-care can help us feel better in our skin and our body immensely. Nourishing our body with nutritious food, good quality cosmetic products, and massages, and practicing some form of physical activity that we enjoy, will not only help us to feel good in our skin, but also to love and respect ourselves more in the long run.

    6. Confidence is more attractive than good looks.

    Imagine that you have a choice to date one of two people: The first is someone who is good looking, but very insecure, who doesn’t feel worthy and needs a ton of validation and compliments, who doesn’t feel confident enough to express their feelings toward you.

    The second is someone who is average looking but communicative, funny, and courageous, who feels secure and good about him/herself and worthy of you, who makes you laugh all the time, and feels confident expressing their feelings toward you.

    Which one would you choose? Very likely the second type of person, right?

    7. There are lots of things we can do to feel better about our appearance, and feel better in our body.

    Although we cannot change our appearance to the extreme, there are so many things that are in our control, that we can do on a daily basis to feel and look better.

    We can wear clothes that resonate with our personality and make us feel more confident, we can do some form of exercise that improves our body tone, practice yoga or Pilates to improve our posture, get manicures, style our hair in a way that we like, nourish our skin, make sure we get enough sleep and drink plenty of water, decide to eat healthier, and so on.

    Though we should do these things for ourselves, if we feel good in our own skin and love ourselves, other people will instantly start perceiving us as more beautiful and loving as well.

  • The Mevii App: Support for Anxiety and Moderate Depression

    The Mevii App: Support for Anxiety and Moderate Depression

    Peaceful meditating man

    As someone who’s struggled with depression and anxiety, who runs a website that recommends tools and practices for peace and happiness, I was excited to learn about the Mevii app a couple months ago.

    I’m even more excited to offer 500 readers a chance to try the app for free. But first…

    What Is Mevii?

    Mevii can help you manage your emotions, build coping skills, reduce stress, and feel better day-to-day, using strategies rooted in cognitive behavioral therapy.

    At the heart of cognitive behavioral therapy is the idea that your thoughts and actions affect your feelings—whether it’s a fleeting emotion or a longer lasting mood.

    I first learned about this concept in therapy, at twelve years old. It seems so obvious now, but as a child I had no idea I could change my feelings by taking a closer look at the thoughts that preceded them.

    I also didn’t have anything more than a notebook and pen to do this inner work—and I often wished I had my therapist on speed dial so she could help me recognize and change my unhealthy patterns between my bi-weekly appointments.

    I think we could all benefit from this kind of ongoing support and guidance, especially when doing something as challenging as changing deeply ingrained habits.

    Although that’s not an affordable option for most of us, fortunately, there’s an app for that.

    If you’re feeling overwhelmed, dejected, anxious, and out of control, Mevii can help you identify and tackle the root causes to find a sense of peace, calm, and balance in your daily life.

    Mevii Screenshot 1

    How Does Mevii Work?

    The app includes six modules, designed to be completed in order, one per week, allowing you to:

    • Identify and manage your stress triggers
    • Record your thoughts, feelings, barriers, and accomplishments
    • Learn techniques to help you relax throughout your day
    • Improve your health habits
    • Identify and reframe negative thoughts
    • Improve the quality of your connections
    • Set goals to maintain your well-being

    Most important, it’s highly personalized, offering you a customized plan based on your answers to questions about your current feelings, thought processes, and behaviors.

    I’ve seen a lot of tools to combat stress, anxiety, and moderate depression, but none quite as comprehensive as Mevii. I highly recommend the app to anyone who’s looking to develop practical skills to manage their mood.

    Mevii Screenshot 2

    What’s Required to Use Mevii?

    Mevii is designed for smartphones, specifically iPhones and Android.

    Supported devices include: iPhone 6 Plus, iPhone 6, iPhone 5s, iPhone 5, iPhone 4S, iPhone 4, iPod Touch, and Android 2.1 and up.

    How Can You Try It for Free?

    Ordinarily, Mevii costs $3.99, but it’s available for free to the first 500 people (in the US only) who claim it here: https://www.mevii.com/partners/?c=ITBB16

    Please note that by claiming your free download, you’re agreeing to receive occasional emails from Mevii with questions to help them improve the app.

    —

    Have you already tried the Mevii app? If so, how has the experience been for you? Has it helped you reduce stress and manage your emotions?

    *None of the tools or practices recommended on Tiny Buddha should be considered alternatives to professional help. If you’re feeling hopeless because nothing seems to work, please consult a qualified professional. If you are currently taking medication, please consult your doctor before considering going off it. 

    FTC disclosure: I received free access to Mevii in order to try and review the app, and compensation for this post—though I only share products and services that I love and can enthusiastically recommend!

  • 6 Ways Gratitude Can Improve Your Life and Make You Happier

    6 Ways Gratitude Can Improve Your Life and Make You Happier

    Girl with heart

    “I don’t have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness—it’s right in front of me if I’m paying attention and practicing gratitude.” ~Brené Brown

    For the longest time I sought after happiness in the wrong place, and I wasn’t always leading with my heart to obtain joy.

    I used to picture myself living in a big house, with nice things to furnish and fill the fantasy home I dreamed of.

    I didn’t obtain this large dream home, and I’ve learned that it’s not important, nor is it what I want. I’ve been fortunate to live in a moderate home with exactly the things I need, and more—a happy, healthy, loving family.

    Prior to gaining the wisdom of wanting less, I spent a lot of money on material items, because, one, I thought I deserved it on a good day, because I was “celebrating,” or I worked too hard not to have it; two, I told myself I had to shop on a bad day, because I needed to cheer myself up; three, I shopped out of boredom; or four, I went shopping as a social activity.

    After collecting these possessions of “happiness,” I realized my life wasn’t totally fulfilling and satisfying.

    In fact, I eventually became short-tempered, overwhelmed, and stressed out. I was overwhelmed with the amount of maintenance these material things required, while caring for my family.

    My belongings took over my life, and, therefore, I lost myself underneath everything. I started to hate what I was becoming—someone who wasn’t consistently happy, and someone that lost track of what mattered most.

    My perspective on life changed when my daughter came into my world in 2014. A few months after her arrival, I made a change that has significantly changed me for the better and brought more happiness by

    Practicing Gratitude and Living Simply

    Being thankful for the essentials—appreciating what I already have—has allowed me to live more simply. It’s also revealed these benefits…

    1. You’re better able to be present.

    Being thankful reminds us of what we have to be grateful for in our current state, and that helps us be more present.

    I used to worry more about what I didn’t have and seemed to constantly strive for these things. That changed when I figured out how to be thankful for what I have and in the most important place—the present.

    There’s no better moment than the now. Practice gratitude to enable yourself to be entirely present.

    2. It boosts confidence.

    When you focus on appreciating what you have, you feel less concerned about what you lack, and that can help boost confidence.

    Now that I’m more accepting of myself and my life, I don’t compare myself to others and I take pride in paving my own path. It’s a great feeling to do things that are best for me and my family, without trying to please the rest of the world.

    3. Being thankful means less worry.

    Practicing gratitude helps lift away worry because you recognize and appreciate that you have enough.

    Knowing that I have the essentials brings me relaxation and eases my mind. I’m also more at peace because I don’t add things that aren’t valuable to my life in order to avoid the stress they carry.

    4. Gratitude improves your sleep.

    Recognizing our blessings and worrying less enables us to sleep better.

    It’s a rare event that I’m up tossing and turning because of stress or worry. If something is keeping you from falling asleep, think of a few thoughts that bring gratitude.

    5. It also improves relationships.

    Showing gratitude toward others goes a long way and creates better connections.

    I’m thankful for my family every day. They’re my favorite people and I love being with them. Prior to practicing daily gratitude, it was easiest to take frustrations out on them first. Why? Because I’m most comfortable expressing myself with them, and they put up with me and love me no matter what.

    Since I’m so thankful for my family, and because they love me without question, I’ve improved how I let anger out and make it a point to convey my love for them on a daily basis.

    I want to leave this world knowing that I tried to give people the best version of who I am, with the hope that they know how thankful I am for them. Being around inspirational and joyful souls is contagious, and I aspire to be this type of individual.

    6. Gratitude leads to generosity, which can be highly rewarding.

    Observing thankfulness helps us identify how fortunate we are, which naturally gives us the desire to give.

    I personally prefer not to give material things, as I don’t find it as rewarding as other forms of giving. Sure, it’s nice to give someone a gift they need, but I believe there is more value in giving time or helping a hand.

    Time is priceless, and these days it seems our schedules are packed to the max. People scurry from one place to another, and at the end of the day, they feel stressed and dissatisfied.

    I’ve discovered immense joy in donating my time or helping someone in need. It’s gratifying being able to help with something as small as holding a door open or as big as helping feed the hungry.

    Discover the benefits of giving by helping a friend, family, or the community.

    —

    Practicing gratitude has led me to greater happiness and a better me. The same can happen for you.

    Allow yourself to live simply and make life less complex, in as many ways possible; remove unneeded possessions, stop doing unimportant tasks, or say “no, thank you” to an activity that doesn’t fit in the schedule.

    Start each day with gratitude. There is always something to be thankful for—family, watching spring bloom, your favorite song, or feeling the warm sun on your face. And don’t forget to smile when thinking about these things; it’s a quick and easy way to fill your heart with gratitude and live in those extraordinary moments.

  • How Meditation Can Make You Healthier and Ease Your Pain

    How Meditation Can Make You Healthier and Ease Your Pain

    “If a person’s basic state of mind is serene and calm, then it is possible for this inner peace to overwhelm a painful physical experience.” ~The Dalai Lama

    When I finished graduate school I was a bright-eyed engineer with a fresh diploma in hand, ready to take on the world. I landed a great job at a multinational engineering firm and began my career working with people from all over the world.

    So it was a major downer when, not long into my new job, I began to suffer from chronic migraines. Every day I would wake up feeling fine, but within a few minutes I would feel so lightheaded I was convinced my head was going to float away.

    It wasn’t because of stress, though, just genetics. My mother, grandfather, and great-grandmother all had experienced similar issues with migraines.

    Lights. Noise. Crowds. Computer screens. They made me feel miserable.

    I was able to hide my symptoms pretty well from friends and coworkers, but I needed relief. My symptoms were not typical for migraines, so the doctors I saw couldn’t help much, and I didn’t have any luck with homeopathic remedies. My mother suggested I try meditation; it had helped her with her symptoms before.

    Meditation?

    Being an analytically inclined engineer, I was skeptical. To me, like many of us, meditation was something reserved for monks who wore funny robes and lived in the mountains, far away from the commutes and crowds and endless computer screens of the modern world that give the rest of us of headaches.

    But I didn’t have anything to lose.

    I started with one minute a day. And then two. And then five.

    The more I meditated, the better my symptoms became. There were setbacks, but in general my condition improved. After a couple of years, going to a bar or writing an email didn’t make my head feel like it was going to explode.

    I finally felt like my old self again.

    I wasn’t sure if the improvement was solely due to meditation, but my analytical mind wanted to know more about it, with the more facts and hard data the better. According to the studies I have come across, meditation can:

    1. Improve focus and memory

    A 2013 UC Santa Barbara study published in Psychological Science found that mindfulness training, including meditation, can improve our ability to focus on tasks at hand and recall details from memory.

    For those of us who have hectic jobs and find that our attention is constantly jumping from our mobile phone, to our desk phone, to our email inbox, to the person standing at our desk, or to the millions of other office distractions, a few minutes of quiet meditation in the morning can positively affect our critical thinking skills.

    2. Reduce stress and anxiety

    Research at Harvard Medical School found that meditation can physically change the brain’s amygdala, the portion of our brain related to stress and anxiety, and lower our levels of stress.

    This one might seem like a no-brainer (pun definitely intended); if we are quiet and still, we will be calmer. But for all of the skeptics out there, like myself, it’s reassuring to know that the anecdotal evidence of meditation reducing our stress levels now has physical changes to the brain as documented evidence to support it.

    3. Reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease

    A 2012 study published in Circulation: Cardiovascular Quality and Outcomes found that daily meditation can not only reduce stress, but can actually reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease as well.

    The patients in the study, all of whom had coronary heart disease, were divided into two groups: a control group, and a group that underwent a transcendental meditation program.

    Over the course of the multi-year study, the group that received the meditation training saw reductions in their blood pressures and stress levels, and had lower rates of heart attacks and strokes.

    Heart disease continues to be a global problem and could affect many of our lives as we age. But studies like these show that, in addition to the tools of modern medicine, we have one extra weapon in our arsenal to help improve our cardiovascular health.

    4. Boost our immune systems

    Another great benefit of meditation, at least according to a 2003 study published in Psychosomatic Medicine, is that it can improve our bodies’ ability to fight off disease and illness.

    During the study, a control group was compared with another group of participants who received meditation training. Afterward, the meditators were found to have a significantly higher number of antibodies in their blood compared to the control group, which help ward off disease.

    That means that regular meditation could help us get sick less often, giving us more time to have fun and be with our loved ones, instead of lying in bed and feeling miserable. Let’s remember that tip the next time flu season rolls around…

    5. Reduce physical pain

    According to a 2015 study by Wake Forest University published in the Journal of Neuroscience, meditation has the ability to reduce pain sensations in our bodies.

    During the study, patients who had undergone meditation and mindfulness training experienced less pain when exposed to hot surfaces than those who did not have similar meditation experience.

    This was also true for a group of “meditating” patients who had been given injections to chemically block their bodies’ natural production of opioids (i.e. our own internal painkillers), which kick in once we start to feel pain.

    The authors concluded that this has the potential to help mitigate chronic symptoms and reduce dependencies on prescription medicine, and that future work could help to determine the exact mechanism of how meditation alleviates pain.

    From my own experiences with daily migraines, I have full faith in the Wake Forest results. For anyone else suffering from pain, a few minutes a day could make all the difference.

    —

    Meditation is no longer a mystical practice hidden behind the walls of Tibetan monasteries. It is being studied by some of the most respected health organizations in the world, which are now able to use science to validate claims that have been around for thousands of years.

    The physical and neurological benefits that meditation can provide make it a valuable accompaniment to modern medicine for curing or alleviating health problems. If you have been suffering from stress, or pain, why not try meditation? It’s natural and free.

    A simple way to begin is to first find a comfortable seated position. Keep your eyes and body relaxed, and focus on your breath. Try not to fight all the thoughts and chitter chatter that run through your head. They’re normal.

    Just observe them and then focus on your breath again once they have passed. Like me, you can start with one minute and then have longer sessions as you begin to feel more comfortable meditating. The positive effects you start to experience from daily meditation might surprise you.

    What is there to lose?

  • Why We Put Ourselves Last and Why Self-Care Should Be a Priority

    Why We Put Ourselves Last and Why Self-Care Should Be a Priority

    “Be there for others, but never leave yourself behind.” ~Dodinsky

    Sometimes, when we’re feeling stressed and running around taking care of everybody else, the healthiest thing we can do is to stop and consider how we can take care of ourselves.

    While this seems obvious to some people, many of us struggle with the idea of putting ourselves first. We were raised to think we should always put others before ourselves and ignore our own needs—that it is somehow arrogant or self-centered, and not a nice thing to do.

    So why is self-care not held in high regard as the essential practice that it is for our well-being?

    Here, I take a look at some misconceptions that hold us back from looking after the most important person in our lives, explore why self-care is better for others around us, and share my own list of self-care commitments, as somebody who has struggled with this in the past.

    1. We think self-care means being selfish. 

    Taking care of ourselves is the opposite of being selfish, as it strengthens us and enables us to support our loved ones better. We are no use to anyone if our energy is depleted because we have given every last bit of it away. Self-care is an antidote to stress, as it builds resilience so we can better cope with challenges.

    Just think how they tell us to put on our oxygen mask first on an airplane before we help others. Yes, absolutely support others, but nurture yourself first.

    2. We confuse “rescuing” with caring.

    We often sacrifice self-care because we’re too busy trying to save everyone else. But people have to learn their own lessons in life, however painful that is. Who are you to decide that you know what is right for them? Now that is selfish, as it’s based on your own desires for them, which may not truly be in their best interests.

    The way we can really help is to focus on ourselves and stop trying to run others’ lives. While we think we’re caring by “rescuing” them from unpleasant experiences in their lives, we are denying them the opportunity to face their own challenges, and grow stronger or learn a lesson from doing so.

    This has been a hard truth for me to face, as I always thought I was being nice and caring. It’s even tougher to accept now that a close family member of mine is very ill, mostly caused by their own actions. I have an overwhelming desire to help, and have tried on numerous occasions, but I now realize that they have to want to change.

    By rescuing them every time, out of what we believe is love, the rest of the family are enabling this person to stay feeling helpless, and we are burning ourselves out with stress.

    I don’t mean we should never help people, but there is a difference between providing support for somebody who asks and taking it upon ourselves to save somebody and make their life turn out in a way that we think it should.

    3. We are accustomed to relationships based on neediness, not real love.

    We often fall in love with the idea of being in love because we watch Hollywood films that portray love as dramatic and needing to be with somebody 24/7.

    When we give from this place, we give too much because we believe we have to die for that person and other such dramatic statements. As Ernest Hemingway wrote in Men Without Women, “The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much and forgetting that you are special too.”

    Instead of spending our every waking hour thinking about that other person and forgetting ourselves, we (and our partners!) would be better served by focusing on ourselves. This way, we’ll be able to give from a place of wholeness, without expecting anything in return or feeling resentful.

    As Rollo May said, “Love is generally confused with dependence; but in point of fact, you can only love in proportion to your capacity for independence.” If we take care of ourselves, we are more independent, less needy of getting attention or affection, and more capable of truly connecting with another human being.

    4. We don’t realize we teach people how to treat us.

    We teach people how to treat us by our own actions and attitude toward ourselves. By putting signs out there that you are a rescuer and will sacrifice yourself to help others, you attract the sort of people who want to be rescued and for whom it has to be all about them—not a balanced relationship.

    Then, you have made it a self-fulfilling prophecy, by effectively bringing about what you always complain that you attract: people who take advantage of your good nature.

    Here, it is useful to question whether they have really taken everything we have or if we have voluntarily given it all to them. Yes, they have played a part, but we can’t change them. We only have control over our own actions, so what part did we play?

    Also, although this can be hard to hear, there is always a pay-off for us. Is it that you always get to be the “nice guy” or the “victim”? Take a long hard look now…

    5. We expect others to take care of us.

    While we might believe that our actions are purely altruistic and caring, are we actually expecting something in return?

    I have previously been guilty of giving everything and believing I was being nice, but then feeling resentful when they inevitably didn’t give back in equal measure.

    I complained to my friends that this or that person didn’t give me enough (and, in some cases, I wouldn’t have been wrong!) It’s easy to complain about what others aren’t doing. It’s hard to accept that we have chosen to give all our love to them and keep none for ourselves, expecting them to fill a gap they couldn’t fill, because it was our own self-esteem that was missing.

    Yes, somebody may take advantage of your caring nature, but if you lie down to be walked on, you can’t be surprised when people treat you like a doormat. Your self-care is your responsibility, nobody else’s.

    6. We don’t realize our worth.

    Ultimately, it boils down to the fact that we think others are worth more than us. If we are confident in our love for ourselves and treat ourselves as if we are worthy, then that is what we will attract back.

    Yes, I’m afraid it comes down to that whole self-love thing again! There is a reason why this is a cliché, though, because the key to meaningful relationships really is to love ourselves first.

    So, What Does Self-Care Look Like?

    Self-care is essential for us all, but looks different from person to person. We are all individuals with different preferences. Listen to your inner voice to find out what makes you content. Sometimes we can’t even hear our own inner voice because we are so busy anticipating the needs of those we care about, so you might have to listen carefully at first.

    Below is my own personal list of self-care practices. I hope it gives you some inspiration for ways to take care of yourself.

    I commit to:

    1. Being fully in and embracing the present moment—mindful living

    2. Preparing and eating three healthy meals a day, avoiding sugar fixes

    3. Getting outside every day

    4. Exercising every day

    5. Doing something I enjoy every day—being creative

    6. Spending time with positive people

    7. Setting healthy boundaries—saying no more often

    8. Identifying negative self-talk and changing it to positive

    9. Pausing before reacting—do I really want to do this?

    10. Getting one thing done every day, and celebrating this achievement

    11. Looking after my health, body, skin, hair, teeth—regular appointments

    12. Being grateful—starting each day with at least three things I am thankful for

    13. Regular yoga and meditation

    14. Laughing more and starting the day with a smile

    15. Singing or dancing whenever possible

    16. Having more fun and taking life less seriously

    17. Treating myself with love and compassion—being my own best friend

    18. Focusing on myself and prioritizing my needs—not focusing on the lives of others

    19. Spending time alone and being still every day

    20. Being my authentic self, not what others want me to be

    21. Listening to my inner voice/intuition and doing what feels right for me

    22. Avoiding over-analyzing a situation

    23. Limiting my time on Facebook

    24. Not worrying about what other people think about me

    25. Getting a good sleep every night

    26. Being patient with myself

    27. My self-development, no matter how challenging

    What’s your most important self-care practice?

  • How Dealing with Our Emotions Can Help us Heal Chronic Pain

    How Dealing with Our Emotions Can Help us Heal Chronic Pain

    “The part can never be well unless the whole is well.” ~Plato

    Our bodies are clever. They constantly send us messages that something isn’t right. It’s our job to tune in, listen, and act on these messages.

    That headache, tight shoulders, and backache are all trying to tell us something. But sometimes the physical symptoms we experience are actually tied up in a deeper emotional pain that needs to be dealt with first.

    How do I know this? It was a message I needed to learn, one that I now teach to others.

    Six years ago my life fell apart. Within an eighteen-month period my marriage broke up, I lost my house in a devastating earthquake, and I had to walk away from my physiotherapy practice that I had poured my soul into for four years.

    At the same time I was also experiencing chronic shoulder pain. I was suffering from regular headaches, sciatica, and insomnia. I sought help from a number of different health practitioners. At times I would get temporary relief, but it never lasted.

    As a physiotherapist I knew I was doing everything right to heal my physical pain, so I could not understand why I wasn’t healing.

    Not only was my physical health a mess during this time, but I was also an emotional wreck!

    I felt like a failure. I was ravaged with guilt. I was scared of what the future held. And my self-esteem was at an all time low. I had stopped eating and sleeping. My weight had plummeted and I looked terrible.

    It wasn’t until I stumbled across Louise Hay’s book, Heal Your Body: The Mental Causes for Physical Illness and the Metaphysical Way to Overcome Them, that I began to gain a better understanding of the relationship between our emotional and physical health.

    This one book was the catalyst for change and healing. I realized that if I wanted to heal myself from chronic pain, I was going to have to dig deep to get to the core of all the challenges in my life.

    It was the start of a journey that wasn’t easy and it wasn’t pretty. A lot of the time I wanted to bury my head in the sand. I have always been one to brush emotions to the side. “I’m fine” was my tagline.

    But as I did the work, three key themes became clear.

    First, I had no sense of self-worth. I didn’t see myself as important as other people. I would give everything I had to everyone else and nothing to myself. If I did, I would feel guilty.

    I also have a Type A personality, I’m a high achiever, and I’m a perfectionist. I would constantly push myself to the limit, and the pressure I put on myself was immense.

    Lastly, I realized that I constantly compared myself to those I perceived to be living the perfect life, and I always came up short.

    I recognized that the pain I was experiencing was my body’s way of telling me I needed to slow down, take pressure of myself, and start taking care of myself.

    I knew it wasn’t going to be easy to change my ingrained habits and beliefs, but I also knew that if I didn’t my body would start screaming louder until I ended up seriously ill.

    I started by making small changes. I began to gather knowledge from others. I took what worked for me and discarded the rest. I experimented and added in what made me feel well and healthy.

    Sleep was the first thing I made a priority. I had never realized how important sleep was. It’s the time when our bodies repair and rejuvenate. One good night’s sleep doesn’t help us heal; consistently sleeping well does.

    Self-care was the next thing I needed to address. I had previously thought self-care meant hour-long bubble baths, a day at the spa, or a week’s vacation in the sun sipping champagne. But I came to realize it didn’t mean any of those things.

    I realized that the small things I did throughout my day were just as important—like taking five minutes in the morning to meditate before starting my day, making sure I had prepared a nourishing lunch, spending ten minutes cuddling my dogs after work, and reading a chapter of my book before I went to sleep.

    Small things, consistently done over a long period of time, made for big change.

    I also realized that my body had been sending me the message that my life had been out of balance for years. But I had lost the ability to tune in, listen, and connect with what it was saying.

    I started practicing a simple technique that consisted of meditative breathing, scanning my body for discomfort, and then asking what it was trying to tell me.

    Whenever I would feel discomfort in my body, I would ask myself, “If this pain was an emotion, what would it be?” If I answered “sadness,” I would then ask myself, “What is going on in my life right now to make me feel sad?”

    I would then use practices, such as journaling, to help me work through, and release, whatever was causing me to feel sad, lonely, or fearful. With time, my emotional well-being improved, and so too did my physical symptoms.

    So what are the physical signs that your emotional health may need attention? Here are just three examples that you may be able to relate to:

    1. Tight, tired, and painful shoulders.

    When I meet people with this problem, they often have a similar story. They believe that they need to be, and do, everything for everyone. They are literally “carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders.”

    2. A stiff neck.

    People with stiff necks have trouble turning their head to one side. They’re often dealing with someone close to them making a choice that they don’t agree with. This decision has hurt them and they are finding it hard to “turn the other cheek.”

    3. Back pain.

    While disc ruptures are not uncommon, most people present with muscle spasms. Again, there is often a deep-rooted emotion playing out behind the scenes. In this scenario, it often pertains to money and finances. Their finances are restricting them from doing the things they want to do (as is their back spasm!)

    Our minds and body are so closely connected. But in today’s world, where we are so overstimulated, we have become completely disconnected with ourselves.

    Instead of tuning in to our body to find the answers, we tune into Google.

    Big life stuff (as I like to call it) happens. There’s no escaping it. Even everyday life can cause us to feel stressed and overwhelmed.

    If we don’t learn to deal with our emotions in a healthy way, they become boxed up within our body, until they are expressed in physical pain or illness.

    If you are someone who experiences regular physical pain, and you are aware that your emotional well-being may be one of the reasons for this, then I encourage you to start healing by journaling on the following questions:

    Does your life feel stressful at the moment, and what is causing you to feel this way?

    What is one thing you can let go of, even just for now?

    Do you feel overwhelmed, and what do you keep saying yes to that you could begin saying no to?

    Are you taking on the emotional loads of others in your life? So often we want to help or fix those close to us, but it’s important to remember that they are on their own journey.

    Are there any stories from your past that you are holding on to that need releasing?

    Are “you” last on your list of priorities? If so, how can you make a little more time for yourself?

    Learning to tune in and listen to your body’s messages is the first step toward preventing long-term physical damage. I encourage you to start doing this now, before it ‘s too late.

  • Get Out of Your Head: The Life-Changing Power of Embodying Your Body

    Get Out of Your Head: The Life-Changing Power of Embodying Your Body

    woman skipping

    “The modern individual is committed to being successful, not to being a person. He belongs rightly to the ‘action generation’ whose motto is ‘do more but feel less.’” ~Alexander Lowen

    I’ve always been a little bit scared of my body. And when you’re scared of something, you tend to avoid it at all costs. So that’s what I did for most of my childhood and teenage years.

    I avoided it in lots of different ways, and most dangerously, I avoided it unconsciously.

    I was bought up doing a lot of physical activity—gymnastics, dance, basketball, and horseback riding. Although this wasn’t bad, the perspective I developed was. I grew up seeing my body as a challenge to overcome—something to will into performing better.

    Moving into my awkward pre-teen and teen years, surrounded by an image-obsessed culture where our bodies are displayed in a hierarchy of perfect to undesirable, I started to rank myself.

    It was inevitable that I’d become even more isolated from my body. I stopped playing sports as much, feeling too insecure to lose myself in something I enjoyed, and started feeling embarrassed about my body altogether.

    I had an idea of what I should have looked like, but it seemed impossible to mirror that image without feeling miserable.

    It was as if my body didn’t belong to me anymore. Other people’s preferences determined the way it moved and how it looked.

    I neglected the conversation my body was trying to have with me.

    We are a head culture, and increasingly so. We spend a scarily large portion of our lives inside our minds. Whether it’s on Facebook, talking on the phone, listening to music through headphones, or staring at screens, our physical interaction with the world is limited.

    It’s rare for us to use our bodies physically in any activity. Even when we exercise, we often have the ultimate ego goal of looking good in our minds, not feeling good.

    I realized that my mind had become so loud, and with university coming up and more responsibility looming, it was just going to get louder.

    One day, by chance, I came across bioenergetics.

    Bioenergetics is a form of therapy that seeks to understand personality through the expression of our bodies. Its most fundamental principle is that what goes on in the body affects the mind, and vice versa.

    Essentially, the mind and the body are the same thing.

    This was groundbreaking to me, because I had always thought of myself as two separate entities—the mind in control and the body along for the ride.

    Exploring bioenergetics further, I started to practice calming my busy mind through paying attention to the physical sensations in my body.

    I would stretch every morning, not using any particular routine, just allowing myself to move, and in turn, relinquishing any sense of control over my body.

    I learned to let myself breathe in a way that made me feel good. Not with the shallow breaths I was used to taking from years of sucking in my stomach, but deep, indulgent belly breaths. The satisfaction and happiness I felt from simply breathing deeply was phenomenal.

    I learned that being exhausted doesn’t indicate a “good workout,” but that my body was telling me I had done too much.

    I would go on these intense runs and not even be aware of myself until I was home, sweating, and bright red in the face. Why do we force our bodies to run that extra mile if they’re screaming at us to stop?

    In a society that values power and progress, our bodies can sometimes take the role of subordinate, working beneath our minds.

    We want to achieve more, so we repress feelings of tiredness in the name of getting more done. We ignore tough emotions, like sadness, because we think we have to put on a happy face to the world around us.

    When you listen to your body, you get a greater sense of your emotions flowing within you. Allowing your emotions and feelings to surface and be expressed, as opposed to repressing them, is a recipe for happiness.

    It takes courage to give in to how you feel, but when I started doing this, I wasted less energy trying to hide my real feelings.

    Instead of runs, I tried going for walks, moving slowly and sensually, with purpose, being completely aware and engaged with myself and everything around me. It has proven to be a much more enjoyable experience.

    And why not enjoy our bodies?

    Our heads are a seductive place to live because inside them, we feel we have complete control. But through having complete control, are we really enjoying life more? The gaping void between a mind that can’t be quiet and a body that is a dozen steps behind causes us nothing but stress.

    Sometimes we need to let go of our heads and follow our hearts. To truly experience life is to allow the thinking in our head to mute and the feelings and sensations in our bodies to amplify.

    Next time you’re going somewhere, pay attention to everything you feel in your body as you walk. Try not to plan what you’re going to do when you arrive; just stay very present with your body in the moment you are.

    Think of children playing, and how much excitement and joy they get from just moving and being in their bodies. There is no reason we can’t be like this again. We just need to trust in our bodies—in ourselves.

    I turned against my body and the intricacies of its needs, all in the name of progress—in order to look better, run faster, perform more accurately. I now know that our bodies are our gateways to the world; and unless we are fully living in them, our presence will be limited and the world will pass us by.

  • 10 Ways to Cultivate a Positive Mindset and Change Your Life

    10 Ways to Cultivate a Positive Mindset and Change Your Life

    “Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most.” ~Buddha

    I remember how I used to think; it was always, “People suck” and “I hate (fill in the blank).” I was constantly focusing on the bad side of humanity, so that was all I could see. It cast a shadow, which took the joy out of life.

    It should have been obvious that I was creating my own misery, but I wasn’t able to see how my own thoughts affected my mood.

    I had to change my entire outlook by training my mind to see things in a new light. It would have been easy to stay on the same path. After all, I had chronic fatigue, no money, and nothing to look forward to because I didn’t have a compelling vision of the future. I felt the present situation was permanent.

    Eventually, I’d had enough and started thinking about what I could do to change my situation.

    Change was slow, but a new path that wasn’t clear to me before started to appear as I worked on my mindset. As things progressed, my goals and dreams became bigger and more ambitious. I started imagining being fit, healthy, running my own business, and traveling the world.

    These are some of the things I did to change my mindset and my life.

    1. Seek positive friends.

    A negative social circle will act as an echo chamber for bad ideas. A positive social circle will also act as an echo chamber, but one that supports your dreams, so choose your friends carefully.

    Find people who reflect the values you want to adopt. Join groups online and go to networking or social events focused on personal growth. As your own mind starts to change, it’ll become easier to connect with more positive people.

    I’m not suggesting that you ditch friends who are going through a hard time and need your support, but rather that you evaluate whether some of your relationships are persistently draining and unhealthy.

    I left my old social circle because it was an echo chamber for negativity. Instead of focusing on a great future, everyone was talking about the things they didn’t like about life.

    It was hard to make new friends at first. The problem was that I couldn’t offer any value to people with much more positive mindsets—the kind of people who I wanted to emulate.

    That changed, but it took time. Once you find your “tribe,” progress will come much more quickly because of your new influences.

    2. Challenge your thoughts.

    When old thinking comes up, as it will, it’s not enough to try and ignore it. We need to challenge our beliefs.

    Is everything too expensive, or is it just that I can’t afford it? Do “people suck,” or am I just looking for things to criticize?

    Weigh your thoughts against the evidence. If they crumble under scrutiny, then explore why you believe them in the first place. By challenging your thoughts, your mindset will begin to evolve.

    3. Consume positive media.

    Consuming positive media daily will alter your perspective through osmosis. “Positive media” is anything that emphasizes the good in life, or how to improve our living standards and the living standards of others.

    We all know that the best way to learn a new language is through immersion. If you hear this new language every day, it starts to stick and become easier to remember. Soon, you’ll not only understand that language but you’ll speak it too.

    New mindsets are exactly the same; if you immerse yourself in personal growth content every day, it will change the language of your mind. That language is your self-dialogue, the way you speak to yourself at every moment, and it’s habitual.

    Learn a positive self-dialogue and you’ll see the world in a different way.

    4. Volunteer.

    Volunteering to help other people can make a huge impact on how you feel about yourself and your view of the world.

    By focusing on how you can help someone else, you’ll draw your attention away from your own woes. It becomes easy to develop a positive mindset when you’re looking for new ways to make someone else’s situation better.

    You can’t focus on the bad while focusing on the good.

    5. Abstain from all “bad news.”

    Wars, murders, and politics all add baggage to our thoughts.

    It makes sense that most of the mainstream media focuses on bad news, though, because tragedy sells. It doesn’t make sense for us to sit around stewing over this bad news. It’s certainly not going to allow for an optimal mindset, one that’s focused on the best that life has to offer.

    By tuning into the news about a plane crash thousands of miles away, we’re putting our mental energy into something that won’t help. We can’t change the bad things happening at any given moment, but if we put our attention into things we can change, our lives will improve.

    6. Write out your action plan.

    This is about looking at the possibilities and then doing something to make it happen. Forward thinking will move your focus away from where you don’t want to be to where could be.

    But it’s not enough to simply write it out, because we only grow when we take action. It’s just a thought until we do something to make it happen.

    Don’t know what the right steps are? Don’t worry, just identify the first thing you could do to start on the path, then do it. Even if it’s a mistake, you’ll still make progress, and that will keep you focused on creating positive change. Never allow paralysis by analysis. You have the vision; go with it.

    7. Adopt a healthy lifestyle.

    A healthy body will support a healthy mind. During the most difficult time of my personal struggles, bad health was a major obstacle. Chronic fatigue could wipe me out for whole days.

    Nonetheless, getting into action, changing my diet, and working out set the foundation for all other changes to take place. Slowly, my energy levels started to rise till the point that my health no longer was an issue.

    Look at how you sleep, what you eat, and your activity levels to identify anything that could be sapping your energy. Sometimes laziness is just fatigue.

    8. Send thank you notes.

    The simple gesture of sending a thank you note can be empowering. Not only does it feel good, a thank you note creates goodwill in other people.

    Thank you notes will also strengthen your relationships and connections, because people like to feel appreciated.

    It doesn’t really matter what they did; any small gesture you appreciated, from good service to a favor, is a candidate. Send a quick email or a card in the mail to let them know you appreciated it.

    9. Create a morning mindset routine.

    A great way to start the day is by making a mental list of each thing we’re looking forward to; it creates a feeling of anticipation and excitement that creates momentum for the entire day.

    Every morning I play personal growth videos or audio books. By focusing on the positive messages coming from this content at the beginning of the day, it’s much easier to be happy and focused. My work gets done more quickly, and it doesn’t seem so hard either.

    10. Write a wins checklist.

    So you started on good note; now finish on a great note by making a mental list of the day’s wins. It doesn’t have to be monumental; the point of the exercise is just to keep your focus on the best your day’s experience.

    Keeping track of losses can help you improve, but dwelling on them will kill your motivation and momentum. Finish strong and it will be much easier to wake up feeling happy.

    —

    Improving your life starts with improving your mindset. Like me, you may find that these steps are a great start.

  • Yo-Yo Dieting: How to Free Yourself From the Struggle

    Yo-Yo Dieting: How to Free Yourself From the Struggle

    “Your body is a temple, but only if you treat it as one.” ~Astrid Alauda

    Have you ever guiltily reached for second helpings of a tempting dish or dessert while justifying it with something along the lines of, “It’s okay, I’m going on a diet/detox after this”?

    Or, do you ever find yourself eating really healthy one week, then the minute you cave in and eat something unhealthy, your eating habits suddenly take a turn for the worst?

    Are you really hard on yourself when you don’t feel comfortable in clothes you want to wear and suddenly regret all the unhealthy food choices you’ve made the past few months?

    I’ve experienced all of these scenarios. I used to yo-yo diet for years, and I would cycle through super healthy or restrictive eating plans one week, to eat-whatever-you-like the next week.

    I was always fighting to be a particular weight or to look a certain way. My eating habits were inconsistent, and so were my weight, my energy levels, and the way I felt about my body.

    After years of unhealthy eating habits (that may have appeared healthy on the outside), my body didn’t take it so well anymore. I got to a stage where I would feel sick after most meals and suffered stomach cramps due to a digestive disorder.

    It was frustrating and a daily inconvenience, however it was irritating enough for me to stop and do something about it.

    After years of not looking after my body, the messages became louder and clearer until I made the choice to pay attention and listen to my body.

    I started to re-educate myself about my health from a more holistic perspective. I moved away from using food as a way to control how my body looked and moved toward using food as a way to heal my body of illness.

    By embracing mindfulness with my eating I began to notice which foods my body rejected and which foods fueled my body.

    I also noticed how my eating habits affected my mindset and how I feel much more confident about my body now that I look after it and eat well.

    I redefined what healthy means for me and it no longer means choosing fat-free options or tiny portion sizes.

    On reflection, these are the steps I took to redefine my health and finally be free of yo-yo dieting and controlling eating behavior.

    1. Make it your diet, not a diet.

    The word diet simply refers to the food that a living being eats day-to-day. (Like, the diet of a koala consists of eucalyptus leaves.) However, in modern times, the word diet is more commonly associated with a temporary eating plan that has an end goal of losing weight.

    But, what happens after the weight is lost? Do you go back to eating take-out and chocolate and whatever you can get your hands on? Being healthy is not a temporary thing that is to be attained in the future; it is a way of life that is to experienced now.

    View your health as a permanent thing in your life and see it as something in the present rather than in the future.

    2. Tune into your highest level of motivation.

    For many people the initial incentive to diet is to be thinner; however, this motivation is not always enough when more important things take priority in life, such as passing exams, building a career, and raising children.

    When I developed digestive problems, my motivation shifted and accelerated because attention was now drawn to one of my highest values: my health. I realized that striving to be healthy just so I could be thin was not helping me in the long run if my body was suffering.

    To be truly committed to creating a healthy lifestyle, you need to be driven by something of high value to you, across all areas of your life, such as your health and vitality (what keeps you alive and thriving so you have the energy to play with your kids, excel in your career, travel the world, or do whatever it is that makes you happiest).

    Use this to remind yourself why you need to be healthy to live a fulfilling life now; don’t wait till you’re burnt out and sick to value your health.

    3. Change your beliefs about healthy eating.

    When I started changing my perspective on health, I also realized some of my old beliefs about health were not helping me—i.e.: being healthy means only eat foods with fat-free labels; eat just under daily calorie requirements; never eat avocados, nuts, or any foods naturally high in fat.

    I had to let go of beliefs that held me back and create new ones that brought me toward a lifestyle where I felt energy and vitality to do the things I loved. My new beliefs include: eat whole foods as much as possible, make healthy snacks using nuts and seeds for energy boosts throughout the day, and listen to my body to judge food intake rather than counting calories.

    If you find your current beliefs for optimal health are a little skewed or unattainable, it is time to re-educate and recreate your beliefs about health. Then, visualize yourself living as your healthiest self, and draw on this daily to remind yourself of what is most important to you.

    4. Discover what’s holding you back.

    When we continue with unhealthy habits, even ones we want to change, we become stuck in it, because staying there is fulfilling a need (albeit it in an unhealthy way). Usually, we don’t know what that need is until we look within and be completely honest with ourselves.

    For me, this need was self-acceptance. I was striving to create a perfect body idolized and accepted by society, but the person I really wanted acceptance from was myself. 

    Dieting fulfilled that need because when I lost weight I would like my body; however, when I gained weight I’d dislike myself. Once I started to accept my natural body type and embrace the body I have rather than change it to look like a photoshopped celebrity, I began feeling good about my body all the time, regardless of how much I weighed or what I ate that day.

    Once you dig deeper and understand your why, you can work toward meeting your need for something like self-acceptance in a healthier way too.

    To do this, start with the behavior you see on the surface (such as restricting calories), and ask yourself why you do this. Get your answer and then ask yourself why or what is the purpose of this? Keep asking why until you get to the core of the issue.

    5. Listen to your body.

    Once you have tuned in to what motivates you and what holds you back, you have also tuned into the values that are unique to you. These values have been shaped by who you are and what you need to function as your best self. Therefore, it doesn’t make sense for you to follow a healthy lifestyle carved out by someone else; however, it does help to gain advice and inspiration from other people’s experiences.

    You need to listen to your body and make your food choices intuitively. The easiest way to start this is to keep a food diary. Record what you eat and how you feel after each meal so that you can choose to eat more of the foods that make you feel good and less of the foods that don’t make you feel so good.

    6. Implement your new perspective of health.

    The last step is to take action. In my opinion, the best way to do this is by taking baby steps. Set achievable goals so that you can comfortably introduce healthier behavior into your lifestyle.

    If you decide you’re going to give up all processed food, refined sugars, and gluten, and you’re going to start tomorrow, there’s a good chance you will be overwhelmed and disappointed and quickly return to old ways.

    You need to be realistic and set goals you can start now, that are achievable in a specific time frame. Be honest with your self. Ask, “Is this something I can do in that space of time, and do I believe the outcome will create the healthier lifestyle I envision?” If not, then re-adjust so it does.

    Accept what works for you and move away from what doesn’t. When you work from within you will naturally take action that feels best for you.

    —

    Once you follow these steps and mindfully create a healthier lifestyle that is unique to you, being healthy will become a part of who you are, and not just something you strive for. This is what happened to me.

    I am now very passionate about my health and I love cooking and preparing healthy foods. I have learned how to listen to my body and honor and respect what I need to be at my optimal health. I now have a healthy relationship with food and diets are something of my past.

  • How to Transform Your Body by Coming from Love Instead of Fear

    How to Transform Your Body by Coming from Love Instead of Fear

    “Fear is the opposite of everything you are, and so has an effect of opposition to your mental and physical health.” ~Neale Donald Walsch

    My initial foray into health and fitness started from a deep place of fear.

    I feared my weight and my appearance, always wondering what new trend I’d encounter in a magazine or on social media that would point out the latest way I was inadequate.

    I feared the big health scares that we’re told could kill us at any moment if we aren’t careful. Diabetes. High blood pressure. Cancer.

    Many of us have all been on some part of this same path. But when we let fear sit in the driver’s seat, it actually pushes us in the opposite direction of true health and happiness. We’re driven to make exercise or diet choices that never seem to satisfy, and the body we see in the mirror never seems to be what we want.

    And so like many of us, I hopped from one exercise plan to another. I jumped from one eat-this-but-not-that diet to another. Meanwhile, I never arrived at a place of feeling healthy, whole, and happy.

    This feeling I was seeking—this thing I was trying to get out of my body and my physical pursuits—was a teaching moment for me.

    As each so-called “healthy” lifestyle change led to dead ends, and as I saw friends struggle with weight despite their strongest efforts, I slowly realized that our health is only as good as our mindset.

    See, fear is completely unsustainable as a motivation for our health journey. We don’t like to dwell on all the ways our mortal bodies are threatened. Information alone isn’t heart knowledge, which is why so many of us intellectually know we shouldn’t smoke or eat so much fried food, but maybe we eat French fries for lunch anyway.

    Fear of our own bodies doesn’t work either. Our unhappiness might make us go on a diet, but for every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction, so we inevitably get off of that diet. Then we feel the pang of guilt and more fear, and the fear-driven cycle repeats itself.

    To break this cycle, we have to talk about not just our gym habits or our eating habits or our favorite green juice, but also our mind habits.

    If we change our minds, we change our bodies. The body is the physical incarnation or manifestation of our internal beliefs and thoughts. While so-called “body problems,” like extra weight where we don’t want it, may bubble to the surface on the body level, the answer isn’t solely on the body level but also on the level of our mindset.

    My health path switched lanes dramatically when A Course in Miracles reminded me that nothing real could be threatened.

    The book teaches that our real, inner self is already whole, perfect, and securely loved. That’s real, but we’ve bought into the illusions that Hollywood, magazines, social media, and the world sells to us.

    When we accept that we’re already whole and that this truth cannot be threatened, we can finally release the fear we feel when we perceive a threat to our body. Body image threats—“I’m less if I don’t weigh less” or “I lack if I don’t have more muscles”—lose all of their power and dissolve the moment we hug this truth close to our hearts.

    To paraphrase it in non-religious psychological and philosophical terms, everything that we see around us is simply our minds’ projection—our world, our “reality,” reflecting back to us our own internal beliefs and mindsets.

    This is true when it comes to the types of careers we chase, or the types of friendships we create, or how we relate to money or sex or love. It’s especially true for how we perceive what we see in the mirror and how we care for our body.

    If fear is an unsustainable motivator for weight loss or staying healthy, and if fear actually makes us make unhealthy choices, then we must return to a core place of love.

    We must release the illusion and accept that our real self is whole. Similar to how darkness is just an absence of light, the fear we’re feeling is not an actual thing, but rather an absence of love for our true selves.

    Approach exercise, diet, and physical health with a love-focused mindset, and suddenly we change how we treat our bodies and we begin to see the physical results we’re looking for.

    Remember, when we get healthy on the mind level, the body manifests this new mindset through our subconscious choices.

    There are a few ways that we can each start to center our diet, weight loss, and fitness on a spirit of love instead of a spirit of fear:

    1. Remember who you really are.

    In A Course of Miracles, we’re told that we’re already whole, divine, and full of light, but we’ve just forgotten that and need to be reminded of it.

    Unfortunately, so much of the messaging that we’ve internalized tells us we need a certain waistline or a specific number of abs to be good, whole, and lovable.

    Begin to remember who you really are, and remember that your real you is not threatened. You are divine, and therefore you’re wholly love, wholly lovable, and wholly loving—no matter your physical appearance!

    2. Identify and let go of your triggers.

    So many of our dietary choices are driven by subconscious, fear-based emotions like anxiety and stress. For example, researchers have found that stress—which is really fear of a situation that we can’t control—causes us to crave unhealthy, sugary snacks.

    Fear also causes our body to release cortisol, a hormone that boosts appetite and makes us store extra abdominal fat.

    Every diet we’ve ever tried and failed at focused solely on the physical symptoms, like stopping late-night snacking. But remember, a problem like late-night munchies isn’t just on the body level but on the mind level.

    Take a step back and observe the situation for any underlying triggers—a problem in the office, or maybe a toxic friend—that may be provoking fear.

    Self-care is having the courage to heal by identifying and creating boundaries between you and any toxic situations present, carving out time to relax and de-stress, and saying no whenever appropriate.

    3. Build an abundance mentality.

    It’s time to exercise your mindset muscle just like you exercise your physical muscles. As a certified personal trainer, I have reviewed dozens of psychological studies that show how positive self-talk and a positive mindset motivate us to stick to our health goals. It’s one of the big differences between people who stick to their New Year resolutions and those of us who don’t.

    In our health journey, an abundance mentality means we choose to exercise and bless our physical bodies because we want to add more positivity to our already abundant lives, not because we’re trying to fill some sort of inner emptiness.

    For me, when I walk into the gym with a mindset of abundant success (“I love myself, so I want to sweat a little”) instead of a lack mentality (“I can’t believe I ate that, I need to burn it off now”), it changes everything about my workout endurance and the physical results I see.

    4. Drop the fear-based language.

    When I talk to people, they often refer to their diet struggle. Or they see health as a battle between their mind and their body. “No pain, no gain,” is something athletes yell at themselves as they complete one last mile or one last burpee.

    Struggles, battles, and pain are no way to refer to the physical temple within which our divine love lives. All it does is reinforce the false idea of separation between our spiritual and physical manifestations.

    Your body is not something you need to battle and beat into submission. As we drop fear-based language, we empower ourselves and the people around us to view each of our bodies with more love.

    5. Create love-based diet, exercise, and wellness goals.

    The health stool has three legs: Our internal mindset, scientific research on proven exercise and diet techniques, and actual action. Research may say, “Do XYZ to get stronger,” and we take action. But the mindset aspect is a game changer.

    An action done in fear has a different outcome than the same action done in love. As a personal trainer, I know that it’s our thoughts and beliefs systems that actually transform our bodies.

    For example, every summer, people tell me they want to look ripped or toned for the pool season and that they’re worried about abs or love handles. This is a fear-based wellness goal.

    A love-based wellness goal might look like this: “I want to be more flexible so I can play with my grandchildren.” Or, “I want stronger legs so I can go hiking more.” Goals built around love connect us to positive, abundant life experiences.

    Instead of eating or not eating something because we’re terrified or our body, we can replace this fear with love. If we love our body, because it houses our divine nature, how does that change what we do?

    Love looks like a little bit of sweat at the right time, enough sleep every night, and nourishing, yummy meals that make you feel good.

    The more we stay connected to love instead of fear, the more we’ll see this same love reflecting back to us when we look in the mirror and when we glance down at the bathroom scale.

    Ask yourself right now, “If I am whole, healed, and loved, what changes would I make to feel more of that love in my own body today?”