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Category “change & challenges”

How to Stop Beating Yourself Up Over the Little Things

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“You are perfect just as you are and you could use a little improvement.” ~Shunryu Suzuki-roshi

A few weeks ago, I had a day that I felt like an utter failure.

I had eaten junk food even though I was trying to get healthy. I’d skipped out on going to the gym for no good reason. I forgot to call my parents even though I promised them I would. I didn’t meet my daily writing goals and ended up watching two movies I’d already seen.

In other words, I slid into a lot of bad habits all at once.

I …

Courage Is Doing What You Really Want to Do, Even When You’re Scared

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“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” ~Ambrose Redmoon

It’s only 9:25am on a Saturday morning and I feel myself welling up already.

I know this is difficult. This might just be some of the hardest stuff he’s ever had to do.

I’m there. On the sidelines, watching him.

I know him so well by now and all of his little “giveaways.” His eyes looking for mine. Fidgeting.

We’ve agreed that he’ll give it a chance because he really wants to do this. REALLY, REALLY. There’s no doubt …

Why Resolutions Don’t Work & How to Create Real, Lasting Change

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“I can affect change by transforming the only thing that I ever had control over in the first place and that is myself.” ~Deepak Chopra

As the New Year quickly approaches, many of us spend time in review and reflection of the past year’s events and initiate strategic planning for the upcoming year.

We create and contemplate lists of resolutions, often featuring some of the same goals from the previous year. But we convince ourselves that this is going to be the year for change and transformation.

So, on January 1st, we arise, excited and committed to our new or …

How Using Your Hands Creatively Can Reduce Stress and Anxiety

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“Making something, even imperfectly is empowering because it’s an expression of the self.” ~Alton & Carrie Barron MD

Do you ever suffer from stress or anxiety?

If so, you’ve probably tried to find relief, but finding something that works for you can be quite hard. We all react differently to different remedies, and what works for one person may not be the best remedy for you.

I used to suffer from stress and anxiety a lot. After trying lots of different remedies, I finally found relief in an activity I never considered would help.

I was locked into a life …

Take Your Power Back: How to Release Fear and Trauma

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TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of physical and emotional abuse and may be triggering to some people.

“I say I am stronger than fear.” ~Malala Yousafzai

“Don’t be scared.” It’s so easy to say, yet sometimes, for many of us, so hard to accomplish.

When I was about three or four years old, my dad locked me in the chicken coop in our back yard. This was a punishment. I was naked and screaming, literally jumping up and down with terror.

Another punishment consisted of my mother rubbing human waste in my face.

There are other things …

A Simple Practice to Appreciate Our Bodies, Flaws and All

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“Who does not thank for little does not thank for much.” ~Estonian Proverb

I remember the moment so well: I had been seeing a new guy for a few months and I was staying the night for the first time. Up until that point he hadn’t seen me without heavy makeup, as I was careful to always look completely put together while with him.

That night I had to make a decision.

I could fall asleep with my makeup still on, or I could remove it first. Did I feel comfortable enough to let him see me without foundation, eyeliner, …

7 Ways to Make Pain Work for You

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“Grief can be the garden of compassion.” ~Rumi

Have you ever had lower back pain? I once wrenched my back and walked at snail’s pace for weeks, crippled by pain. Lower back pain troubled me for years, until I found an exercise that reliably switches off the pain.

Have you ever lost a loved one? The anguish can seem unbearable.

Abolishing pain might seem a good idea, but please pause to consider this story.

I was once the doctor and scientist on a health “mission” with a major international organization. Our team included a vivacious and intelligent young lady …

Why We Should Accept Our Foes and Adversaries

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“Happiness can exist only in acceptance.” ~George Orwell 

Reading the above title, you may be thinking, “Why should I accept people who are trying to harm or cause me trouble? They are the last people I would want to accept!” I know I used to feel that way.

It’s clearly unnerving to think about accepting those that we feel are toxic, and even more challenging to do so.

However, when I look back, I now realize that I suffered unnecessarily from my refusal to accept such people, both in terms of greater personal anguish and poorer results.

This became …

Grieving a Loss That Feels Like a Death

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“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” ~Vicki Harrison

Most grief books are written to help you mourn the death of a loved one and learn how to deal with their absence in this world.

Death is probably the most challenging thing a human can face. It breaks us down. It brings us to our knees. Some people are so significant in our lives that the mere thought of living without them feels incredibly overwhelming and incapacitating.…

Life Goes on After Loss: Tiny Steps To Work Through Grief

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“I realized, it is not the time that heals, but what we do within that time that creates positive change.” ~Diane Dettman

Two weeks ago I found out that a friend passed away. He died eight days after my birthday at the age of twenty-six, and that fact has been hard to swallow, as I didn’t know that my time of celebration would also be a time of grief.

The details surrounding my friend’s death are unknown; all I know is that it happened suddenly, and it was a huge shock to me and other friends that knew him. …

4 Ways to Deal With Criticism So It Doesn’t Get You Down

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“The final proof of greatness lies in being able to endure criticism without resentment.” ~Elbert Hubbard

Are you afraid of receiving criticism?

Even if it’s minor or well-meaning, criticism can feel like a punch in the gut.

And if you let it, criticism can leave you feeling down and resentful for days or weeks after.

As the music director at my church, I occasionally receive negative feedback from members of the community.

After services one Sunday, a congregant came up to offer some critique of my music selections. At first it felt like a full-on attack. I didn’t even have …

You Are the Author of Your Life Story (So Write One You’ll Be Proud Of)

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“When writing the story of your life, don’t let anyone else hold the pen.” ~Unknown

I grew up without a TV in my household. While most of my friends were talking about their favorite shows, I’d pretend to understand, nod along, and try to laugh at all the appropriate times.

While I had missed out on most of the shows and movies available during my youth, I didn’t miss out on all of them.

Whenever my dad would need to work late, my mom, sister, and I would head to his office and get set up in a conference room …

10 Ways to Feel Confident Doing Things That Scare You

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“With confidence, you have won before you have started.” ~Marcus Garvey

It’s not a great feeling.

Whether it’s meeting new people, speaking in front of a crowd, or learning a new skill, that inner knowing that you just aren’t feeling strong enough to competently complete the task ahead festers inside you.

I’ve had this feeling on numerous occasions.

As a kid I developed a fear of speaking out which emerged from a deep discontent with my body image, which translated later into a fear of socializing and public speaking.

I would have thoughts running through my mind such …

How to Stop Envying Other People’s Seemingly Perfect Lives

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“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” ~Steve Furtick

It’s in our nature to compare ourselves with others. The ability to weigh one situation up against another helps us make decisions and live our lives productively.

The downside is that when you constantly compare your own life with those of other people, you will always come up short.

Over-comparing causes envy. Envy is the feeling or sensation we have when we want to get something that someone else has and we can’t be happy for them when they have it.…

If You’re Scared to Share Yourself and Your Gifts

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“True happiness involves the full use of one’s power and talents.” ~John W. Gardner 

If you’re afraid



to launch your project,

to share your voice,

to sing in front of someone,

to dance in public,

to write a book,

to show who you really are to the world,

to ask someone out,

to tell someone you love them,

to try something new,

of what other people will think of you


if you’re afraid of any of these things or more, I have three simple words for you:

Do it anyway.

Do it anyway! Isn’t that liberating? Come on, isn’t it …

5 Questions to Ask Yourself When You’re Feeling Stuck

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“Remember, you can’t reach what’s in front of you until you let go of what’s behind you.” ~Unknown

After recently relocating from the UK to Central America, I found it hard to focus my energy and attention again. The upheaval had been all consuming and I was now in a new environment with new routines, new challenges, and a new way of life to adjust to.

I had so much I wanted to do, and I didn’t know which area of life to focus on first. The stuckness I felt affected several different areas …

Shedding Layers of Pain and Learning to Love Our Bodies

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“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love & affection.” ~Buddha

I cried when I watched the YouTube clip of Amy Pence-Brown standing in a bikini in a crowded marketplace in Idaho.

In the clip Amy asks people to write on her body. Her arms are wide open, she has a blindfold on, she has curves and cellulite, and she is completely vulnerable.

Why did she do it? Because she wanted to say: Here’s my body, complete and real. You can choose to accept me or reject me, but here’s my body. I want to …

Crash Course: 3 Ways to Bounce Back When Things Go Wrong

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“Change the changeable. Accept the unchangeable. And remove yourself from the unacceptable.” ~Denis Waitley

A few months ago, I had a car accident. Not a fender bender in a strip mall parking lot or a spinout on a winter slickened road. I drove into the wall of an apartment building a few hundred feet from my home. At two o’clock in the afternoon.

It’s still impossible for me to explain what happened. I had just started to ease my car over a set of train tracks and was about to make a sharp left turn into my alley when the …

4 Life-Changing Lessons for People Who Struggle with Anxiety

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“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” ~Epictetus

Sweaty. Hot. Shallow breathing.

Thoughts barreled through my mind like a never-ending freight train. I couldn’t keep up. It was everything all at once, blurred into nothing in particular.

I felt like I was about to jump off a cliff, nervous anticipation building into panic. My head was spinning. My hands trembled.

Choking down a gulp, I forced the tears back that wanted to cascade down my cheeks in sobs. There would be time for that …

How to Stop Taking on Other People’s Fears and Live Freely

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“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~Pema Chodron

You wake up in the morning, it is sunny outside, and you are grateful for this brand new day. You are enthusiastic to get it started. You take a deep breath and go outside; then you see some gum in your street.

Will you pick it up and stick it to your T-shirt, or maybe even have a little taste of it? Of course not!

Please excuse the gross opening, but bear with me for a second.

So many of us have done something just like that, …