“The secret of getting ahead is getting started.” ~Mark Twain
We all have big dreams, big goals, and big ideas on what we think our life should look like, or how we think life will end up.
Some of us meticulously plan out our lives, envisioning and letting ourselves daydream as we think about all the stuff we’d love to accomplish. I’d wager that our plans include some pretty big things in life that would make us feel pretty proud.
The problem is, a lot of us have trouble reaching the potential we’ve set for ourselves. Time kind of flies by, and we end up looking back and wondering what went wrong.
Well, one reason stands out like a sore thumb: We never really get started doing the things we truly want to do. We’re all guilty of it, and that includes me.
I’ve cooked up dozens (literally dozens) of ideas or things I wanted to try over the years. How many did I actually try? Far less than dozens; let’s just say the ratio isn’t exactly working in my favor.
Now, as time has gone by, I’ve been able to explore more of them. But as you know, some of them got shelved for good. I probably don’t even remember half of the things I wanted to try and never did.
Why did I not try? What was the reasoning behind it? Why did I lack the forward motion necessary to at least attempt something and see if it sticks? I, like you, are fully aware that not everything we do will end up being a calling in life. But you won’t know until you give it a shot.
To help you better understand this idea pertaining to a lack of motion, one must take a step back and realize that life, in a very big nutshell, is a series of decisions and actions. These two components are crucial for our self-growth and success in life and unfortunately are not mutually exclusive.
Without making a decision and following it up with action, we could spend our entire lives stuck in the exact same place.
If you make a decision but don’t take any action, not much will happen. On the other hand, if you take a bunch of actions without any decisions driving them, you’ll aimlessly float around.
Being stuck in the same place or floating around aimlessly sounds torturous, doesn’t it? It is, and a lot of people must be living real-life nightmares. I had to wake up from my own years ago.
Good or bad, where you are in life at this very moment is a reflection of all the past choices you’ve made. Some of us will read that and smile, maybe even give ourselves a little nod of appreciation if it’s good. On the other hand, a fair number of us will probably have a hard time digesting it.
If you aren’t quite where you thought you’d be, I’d like to start by just saying that it’s perfectly okay. Most of us aren’t really where we thought we’d be, and we’re still giving it our best shot.
There are generally two reasons you aren’t at your “ideal” place. A small chance is that life gave you an obstacle course with things completely out of your control; in other words, life got in the way temporarily. But there’s a bigger possibility you aren’t where you thought you’d be: you just flat out didn’t pursue something. And it was likely out of fear.
In other words, you didn’t really ever get started.
The Good And The Bad News
Let’s start with the bad news: You never got started, and now you’ve wasted some valuable time moving toward your goals. Your life isn’t really playing out like you thought it would, and you feel somewhat stuck with your current habits, lifestyle, relationships, career, and other things.
Pause for a moment and take a deep breath, as this might have hit closer to home than you’d prefer.
Good, you’re still with me.
Now let’s transition to the good news, because it’s actually really good:
You’re never stuck, and while the best time to start something was yesterday, the next best time is now.
You, yes you, have the ability to create the life you want, but it requires you to make moves. And while you may have fallen short previously, it doesn’t mean you will fall short going forward.
Here’s the bottom line: your past does not dictate your future. Your past habits and lifestyle do not have to determine your lot in life.
The Idea Behind Starting
You’ve probably heard the quote “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” Well, it sure is true. Because really, is anything built in a day?
Was your house fully built on top of a piece of land in a day? Was that skyscraper completely erected in a day? Did you apply for, interview, and start working at your job in the span of twenty-four hours?
Things take time to build. Let’s say you’ve been wanting to switch careers because your soul has been sucked completely dry. You planted the career switching seed a while ago, and you’ve been letting it marinate for far too long.
Yet you haven’t made any moves, and in the meantime, nothing has changed. Does this sound familiar? I found myself in this exact position years ago. I was miserable at a job I didn’t enjoy. I wanted to change, but I got scared of the unknown and didn’t make any changes.
Years passed by before I got a kick in the pants and decided to take a change. It took getting laid off, but it was the best thing that happened to me. I decided enough was enough. It was time to ultimately change my entire career, and also start exploring other smaller avenues on the side.
But unfortunately, I didn’t really know the one thing I needed to do professionally in order to be more fulfilled. I knew what I didn’t want to do (hello old career), but I also didn’t know what I wanted to do.
I began formulating. Writing goals. Crafting some business plans. Attending meetups and networking around areas I found interesting. It was through this meetup that I came across a three-month program being offered in a particular field that I had once tinkered with in high school, but walked away from.
And voila, I am now in my new career. You can put the pieces together, but I took a leap and joined the program. Fear and all. I was scared, but now I am in a field that is 180 degrees from my previous one. And all it took was attending a meetup. Funny how life works.
Self-doubt and fear are the two biggest barriers in our quest to make moves. A third, and less talked about one, is pure overwhelm: seeing where you are and looking where you want to go leaves you exasperated.
This is where movement comes into play. You take steps, however small, toward your visions and goals. You make sure you’re moving forward.
And here’s the cool thing: The force that you apply, in other words the actions you take, can be extremely small and still produce positive results. This is the idea of micro-movement.
What does this mean? If you’re scared to make a move because you’re overwhelmed by the end result of where you think you need to go, it’s really important to realize one big thing: your collection of small steps equals big results.
No one takes a leap of faith and accomplishes life’s biggest goals in the same breath. Life rewards those who take consistent, measurable action, while enjoying a dose of patience and commitment.
Putting All The Pieces Together
Most people have an idea of some higher-level goals they’d love to accomplish in their lives. Be it personal, health, finances, career, relationships, or all five, every single one of us has fallen victim to overwhelm and the paralyzing nature of fear.
But a few things are happening in your favor.
Namely, the universe is here to aid you in your dreams and desires if you let it.
It just requires a few things:
- A decision made internally to change
- A desire to take the steps required
- A realization that micro-movements forward are perfectly normal
- Actually making moves
- A dose of patience and commitment
Then, the laws of motion will help you take care of the rest because you’ll have built movement and momentum.
You aren’t stuck in life. You are capable of making a lot of power moves.
The key is just getting started.
About Adam Bergen
Adam Bergen is the founder of Monday Views, a movement dedicated to showing that with focus and self-discipline, your potential is limitless in today's world of instant gratification and distractions. Give your focus (and mindset) a kick-start by improving your morning routines through this free detailed guide. You can find Adam at mondayviews.com, and on Medium, Instagram, and Quora.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.
The power of decision! SO important to get folks unstuck; deciding to get unstuck by moving in the direction of your dreams. Even if doing so scares you, no way can you get unstuck if you surrender to your fears. Gotta dive out of your comfort zone to live your dreams and to create success momentum that makes getting stuck a thing of the past. Thanks for sharing 🙂
Ryan
I love how this post comes right after the one emphasizing how important it is to “wait” and just be when we’re unsure of what to do (i.e. stuck)…
This year my intention was to cozy up with rejection–to really put myself out there in amazing ways to fail fabulously. And that’s really about getting past fear, getting unstuck. So far, so good! I’ve gotten so many rejections that I’ve lost count. BUT they don’t sting nearly as bad not. And I’m not afraid.
I do find myself overwhelmed sometimes. I see other people who have built an audience and who are boldly telling their truths–really, really well–and I tell myself that its no use, other people do this better than I do & I should quit. And, really, that’s just me being overwhelmed by the amount of work necessary to build something you love.
So, yes to this… yes to overcoming fear, to getting started, and to taking one small step at a time. (And to not comparing myself to anyone else, because FOR REAL comparison is the death of joy).
Fear. And self-doubt. That’s my biggest barrier. I’ve been able to do certain things, like slowly pay off debt. Which is scary month to month. But lose weight? Nope. Can’t seem to get that off the ground successfully. Lose a little, gain it and then some back. I sabotage myself it seems.
WOW!!! TINY BUDDHA does it again. Just when I’m feeling at my lowest. Boom!!! The perfect article… Okay Adam, like you I got laid off. It’s been 3 months. I keep searching for a job in the same field when I know I should move on and try something new. Guess what? I’m scared. I don’t know which direction to head. I thought of meetup groups to meet new people. Then I get social anxiety just thinking about meeting these new people. What am I going to talk about. The thing is, I’m super out-going. I tell myself before I go to bed every night that tomorrow will be different. That I will start to be more proactive. The day comes and I do the same thing I do every day. Turn on the computer and look for a job on the million search sites. I go twiddle in the garden, do random house projects and end up in the same spot every night. On the couch. Thinking…. I just wasted another day. Disappointed in myself. I never grab the bull by the horns. I do the woah is me and feel sorry for myself for being laid off. (My retail store closed that I managed). I need a swift kick in the butt and get moving. The only thing I really LOVE to do is cook. I can lose myself for hours in the kitchen. Or do I try to get certified in something? But what? How would I make money while I’m doing that? I prepared for my 6 months of living expenses just in case something like this happened. I have 3 to go. So where was your ah-ha moment? How did you get yourself motivated to just go and do it. What Meetups did you attend?
Hi JoJo, I can see how they appear contradictory — let me explain why they are two separate ideas and approaches, with each having its place. Committing to change and making moves comes for people who have felt stuck for years on end (like I was). To break that cycle, one must be committed to change, and change requires movement toward the things you want to explore.
But a lot of people fall into the trap of going for something because they “think” it’s the right move, are told its the right move, and because society says it is even when it doesn’t feel right. In these situations, waiting can be the single best factor to help you become clear on your priorities.
As one can see, they are two very different situations and each has its place. I hope you can see the value in both!
Ryan, definitely! Well said. “Fear is the compass for the direction we need to go.”
Danice, thanks for sharing your story. I’ve been where you are, and every time life has shown me the proper way, usually well after the fact. By asking you to wait for him, he is being unfairly selfish, but it’s up to you on if you want to agree to that. Your friends, I believe, are correct. We all want what we can’t have, but I’m sure you found plenty of wrong in the relationship while you were together. Is getting him back suddenly going to be the answer for all your problems? I highly doubt it, and thus you have to work from the inside out, not the outside in. Your happiness should not be based on whether you’ve gotten into a relationship, and it shouldn’t be based on someone else at all. Your happiness is about YOU.
What are you afraid to get started with? Putting yourself out there with other people in terms of dating? A new job? Everything? Baby steps. First start by determining that your happiness is what you want, not somebody else. You then need to realize that life will always have some bit of uncertainty. To try and control every aspect and predict the outcomes of everything is both a futile attempt and will lead to unhealthy habits. To live life is to live with a sense of uncertainty. You have to be comfortable with that. Feelings of wanting someone back are natural, but you’ll find in due time, they will dissipate and you’ll find something better.
I wish you luck in your journey!
Excellent moment of truth here, thanks for sharing. You have already done much more than most people would dream of. To fail is to learn, but that doesn’t make it any easier for everyone. It’s extremely easy to get overwhelmed, no one is immune to it. And the self doubt inevitably creeps in as well. But it’s in those times that you have to give it extra effort. Run your own race, ride through the times of self doubt, and continue believing in yourself. Your life is waiting. Go get what’s yours!
You can’t expect to crush every goal every time. We are only human. Consider it a victory that you’re knocking out certain things like pay off debt. Once you have a handle on that, look for the next victory. Baby steps, not leaps. In regards to weight specifically, I use the same reason – we are only human. We will have our ups and downs with our bodies. We preferably want to have the ups and look our best 24/7, 365 days a year. But the reality is that real life gets in the way, and to look our best requires effort that sometimes we need to put on the back burner for awhile. So don’t get upset at yourself for losing and then gaining. And if you’re trying a diet, go for a lifestyle change instead. Diets are temporary. Lifestyles stick around. You only sabotage yourself if you’re convinced you do.
Danice, think about this: if you decided to move on (which you should), and he truly wanted you back at some point, he’d come get you. And that’s how it should be. Stop chasing him, let him chase you. You’re worthy of being wanted. If you begin to move on, let the cards fall where they may. If he’s the right one, he’ll come back around. If he’s not, he won’t, and you’ll have your answer. It’s quite simple, in a hard to swallow way. Put yourself first, and you’ll see how you begin attracting the right kind of people. It’s just universally how it is. The energy you put out is the energy you receive.
Hey Carol, thanks for the kind words. Fact is, we’re human and being human means we get stuck in patterns. It’s super hard, if not sometimes downright seemingly impossible, to switch habits and give ourselves that “kick in the butt”. But guess what, we’re all capable of it, and usually the biggest changes happen when we’re at our lowest. And it’s in those moments we decide that enough is enough.
Have you reached that point yet? Maybe it’ll take you getting yet another job in the field you don’t like, and spending months there, to realize you’ve had enough. Hopefully, you realize it sooner as your 3 months begins to dwindle down even more. Tony Robbins says we’re capable of changing our emotional state in an instant. He also says that only when we associate intense pain with an outcome do we enact change. Have you associated intense pain with what could happen if you continue on your path? Think about all the things you could potentially miss out on if you don’t pursue your true purpose. When are you guaranteed tomorrow anyway?
I know that some of this may be hard to read. But part of what I do is keep it authentic and keep it real. Life isn’t all unicorns and rainbows. There’s no need to kick someone when they’re down, but there’s also no need to sugarcoat things.
Your life is YOUR life. The beauty is, we’ve all got a purpose within us. The universe is begging and eager to show you the way, and it will – but you have to take steps to move in that direction. Only then will the universe show you. That’s the beauty of free will. If you believe we have a destiny, right on. But we also have free will as humans. Luckily for us, we’re equipped with a gut instinct that acts as our compass. If your purpose is north, you can technically walk south. But you’ll know when you’re walking in the wrong direction through your gut and uncomfortableness.
You have a lot going for you – especially being outgoing. Heck, you even prepared 6 months ahead of time. Barely anyone can manage that! There’s no need to play victim and feel sorry for yourself though. Most of us, if not all of us, have wasted plenty of time in our life, but we can change that in an instant.
I’m still navigating life and my true purpose. I don’t have it all figured out. But the difference is that I’m exploring. Motivation is fleeting – discipline is your ticket to success. If you need help, check out my blog: http://mondayviews.com/developing-self-discipline/
Get after it Carol. Good luck.