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Worry Serves No Useful Purpose

DontWorry

“Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose.” ~Eckhart Tolle

Tomorrow is my thirtieth birthday. For two hours earlier this evening, I felt certain I’d start the day hooked up to an IV in intensive care.

It all started two weeks ago when I visited my family. Shortly after I arrived home I began feeling chest pains, something I experienced frequently in my youth.

Back in the day, I spent hours in the high school nurse’s office while my peers were in lunch, study hall, or gym class. Though it was intense and frightening, I wonder, in retrospect, if my mind magnified the pain after the doctor called my damaged esophagus “pre-cancerous.”So I was sitting there five hours ago, laboring away at my laptop. My mind was no more scattered than usual—somewhat focused on the task at hand while I simultaneously watched TV, admired my new apartment, fantasized about my boyfriend, and stared at something shiny.

Believe or not, I was far more attentive on the task at hand than usual and was just starting to fall into the zone.

Until my chest began tightening. And my throat closed up. And I was in the nurse’s office all over again.

I started Googling my symptoms alongside the term “esophageal cancer.” And “Barrett’s esophagus.” And “oral cancer.” I saw pictures of putrid gums and read personal accounts of chemotherapy and tracheostomy tubes. My fingers twitched, my breath became more labored, and my eyes welled up in tears.

I ran into the bathroom and inspected every angle of my mouth. I searched for lumps and discolorations, all the while struggling to breathe. I imagined my brother’s devastated face when he learned I’d spend Christmas in the hospital.

I heard my mother crying when I told her the low survival rate for esophageal cancer. I cursed myself for waiting so long to get married and have children.

And then I found the lumps on my tongue. First I saw the one on the right-side. It was about a quarter-inch in diameter, raised, and shiny. Then I noticed another on the other side. And then several smaller ones behind them.

My mouth felt dry and fuzzy. My skin looked dull and pallid. My chest burned and constricted. By the time I called my mother for advice, I was convinced the end was near.

This made it all the more embarrassing when the ER doctor introduced me to my taste buds—two lumps at the back of my tongue. He also reminded me that acid reflux causes chest pains and told me I couldn’t breathe because I was having a panic attack.

As I drove home empty-handed—I didn’t need a single prescription—I wondered why I’d let myself plummet into such depths of terror. How did it serve me to turn the unknown into a catastrophe before having proof of anything?

If you worry and nothing’s wrong, you’ve wasted precious time. If you worry and something is wrong, you’ve still wasted precious time. I’m grateful that I have my physical health but I now realize a calm, positive mental state, even in moments of struggle, is just as important to a life well-lived.

About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.

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Jim Schmidt

I always tell my wife the same thing, that worrying is just a waste of time and energy. Of course, it was different when I did it, because I'm a hypochondriac who actually has things wrong with him, so it can't be helped. However, at some point over the summer, somewhere between getting my CPAP machine so I could breathe at night, the family vacation, my 40th birthday, and the massage therapy to treat a chronic neck problem, I learned to stop worrying so much. The constant roar in my head about this thing or that that's going wrong or could go wrong quieted to little more than a gentle breeze in the back of my mind. Shortly after that, my stomach problems cleared up, the pains in my chest eased, I stopped yelling at the kids so much, and life in general improved. Listening to your own advice is a very good idea sometimes.

[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Chris Pugh. Chris Pugh said: RT @tweetmeme Worry Serves No Useful Purpose « tinybuddha.com http://bit.ly/1V8OZB […]

Lori

It's fascinating what affect the mind has on the body, huh? I have noticed that whenever I go through periods of immense stress I start seeing physical symptoms. And then I worry about the symptoms. It's a horrible vicious cycle! I'm learning slowly to find a sense of calm–whether things are going well or not. I can't always control outside circumstances, but I can control how I respond to them.

[…] recently wrote a guest post for the newly launched tinybuddha.com that chronicles my experience in the ER before my 30th […]

[…] Lori Deschene is a San Francisco-based freelance writer who believes three things: an ounce of brutal honesty is worth more than tons of praise; it’s never too late to be who you really want to be; everything you need to know about the world you can learn by watching House. She blogs about personal growth and positive thinking at seeinggood.com. Read her other tiny buddha contribution here. […]

[…] by watching House. She blogs about personal growth and positive thinking at seeinggood.com. Read her other tiny buddha contribution here. Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)Simple Plan – Welcome To My Life lyricsDress […]

Chris Tan

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[…] Worry Serves No Useful Purpose […]

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[…] Eckhart Tolle said, “Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose.” Perhaps keeping these ideas in mind will make it easier to […]

Chris Tan

iConcur

[…] that way, too. I presented it as a multi-author blog, with myself as a contributor. My first post, Worry Serves No Useful Purpose, outlined how I went to the ER in a panic over what turned out to by my taste […]

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